3.10 - Mr. Honesty
Transcript by Craig Best

This is a Beta copy
please contact me for any corrections or additions

[Opening scene - Morning. Graham house, Julia, Joel and Zoe are seated at the formal dining table with a large breakfast laid out before them waiting for someone.]

JOEL: You know, maybe we should just dig in.

JULIA: Why don't we wait five more minutes?

ZOE: I can try him again. I'll just try him again. [Zoe gets up and dials her phone.] Hey. How close are you? I know, but they made breakfast for us. No, I know, but... That's not really an excuse, Troy. Look, but what I'm--okay, love you too. Okay, bye. [She closes the phone and turns to Julia and Joel.] He got called into work, so... So--but he said he's really sorry.

JULIA: We can reschedule.

JOEL: It's more for us.

JULIA: That's fine, let's, um... Let's get this party started.

ZOE: We both want you to have the baby. Okay? He's gonna sign the papers. I really don't want you to worry about that. Okay?

[Zoe sits back down.]

JULIA: Good.

JOEL: If you can just pass that.

JULIA: French toast.

JOEL: That's the one.
[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, Adam's office.]

CROSBY: She kissed you? You?

ADAM: Yeah.

CROSBY: She kissed you?

ADAM: Yes. Why is this so shocking to you?

CROSBY: Ohh. [Laughs] Well, one, because it's you. And, I mean, I kind of thought she had a crush on me.

ADAM: Oh, I see, I see. It's about you. You're jealous.

CROSBY: Holy can of fish.

ADAM: That's what this is about. It's gonna become about you.

CROSBY: No, no. Believe me, I'm not jealous. I'm elated right now. This is fantastic. 'Cause you had lectured me about flirting with her, and then you kissed her.

ADAM: She kissed me, Crosby. Listen to me. I didn't kiss her. Okay?

CROSBY: She kissed your neck or your lips?

ADAM: Crosby, can you just.

CROSBY: I'm sorry. This is very exciting. Christmas came early.

ADAM: Listen to me.


ADAM: Should I or should I not tell Kristina?

CROSBY: Well, yeah, of course tell Kristina. She's gonna love this story. You can walk her through why you were at her place and how soft her lips were and whether or not you got aroused downstairs. And she's probably feeling great about herself right now post-baby, so I think this will go over great.

ADAM: [Sighs]

CROSBY: But you'll be guilt-free and then she'll spiral into a dark, deep depression.

ADAM: So you're telling me I shouldn't tell her?

CROSBY: Of course that's what I'm telling you.

ADAM: Look, I tell Kristina everything.

CROSBY: You should not tell her this.

ADAM: I don't know if I can not tell her, though.

CROSBY: Was it awesome? What?

ADAM: God, this is not the point. Okay? I am trying to figure this out. I need ans... [Rachel enters the office with the lunch orders.] Hey, Rachel.


CROSBY: Oh, wow, look who it is.

ADAM: All right.

CROSBY: This looks delicious.

ADAM: Thanks, Rachel. Let's make some space here for you.

CROSBY: You can sit that by him.

ADAM: Okay, we got it.

CROSBY: That's his.

ADAM: We got it.

CROSBY: Why don't you pop the lid off for him?

ADAM: Not necessary.

CROSBY: Yeah, yeah.

ADAM: I'm good.

CROSBY: Great.

RACHEL: Oh, sorry.

ADAM: That's okay.

RACHEL: All right.

CROSBY: You want any--you want any of this?

RACHEL: Oh, no, no, I'm good.

ADAM: Thank you, Rachel.

RACHEL: You're welcome.

ADAM: Okay, you're welcome.

CROSBY: [Laughing.] This is fantastic.

[NEW SCENE - Montage of Amber at work. “Silly Little Things” by Landon Pigg plays. Amber opening the coffee place early morning putting chairs off the tables. Serving coffee, moping floors and not getting many tips. Later at home she is eating out of a tin and paying the rent. Not looking very happy.]

[NEW SCENE - Jasmine's apartment, Crosby dropping Jabbar off.]

JASMINE: Hello. [She hugs Jabbar.] Ooh. Does he have homework?

CROSBY: Yeah, math and science.

JASMINE: Hey, Jabbar, how was school?

JABBAR: Miss Lee told us she's getting married.

JASMINE: Oh, good for her.

CROSBY: Oh, hey, he loved the peanut butter and jelly on the wheatless bread.


CROSBY: Mm-hmm. It's a real bingo.

JASMINE: Yeah, that'll make lunches easier now.

JABBAR: When she gets married, she's changing her name to Mrs. Bishop.


JABBAR: When are you guys getting married?

[Crosby and Jasmine look at each other surprised.]

JASMINE: Sweetie, your dad and I don't live together anymore.

JABBAR: I know. But when are you getting married?

[They look at each other again.]

[Opening credits - featuring “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan]

[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, Adams office. Rachel walks those the open door.]

ADAM: Hey.

RACHEL: I have this week's bills for you to sign.

ADAM: Great. Thank you.

RACHEL: And the good news is the check from the Cee Lo session finally got here, so...


RACQUEL: Our first paycheck. Congratulations.

ADAM: Thank you. That is good news. Okay. Thank you, Rachel.

RACHEL: Um... Adam, about the other night...

ADAM: Rachel, I'm sorry, I don't want to talk about it.

[NEW SCENE - Julia enters her office, Joel is already seated at the computer.]

JULIA: Okay, isn't this a bit stalkerish?

JOEL: No, this is research.

JULIA: Stalkery?

JOEL: I got him. Troy Quinn, The Mission, San Francisco.

JULIA: Mm-hmm.

JOEL: Boyfriend to Zoe DeHaven. There we go.

JULIA: Oh, look, he's cute.

JOEL: Yeah.

JULIA: Well, good. Oh, my God, he's really cute. What is he doing working at a convenience store?

JOEL: Yeah.

JULIA: He could model. Or strip. Ooh.

JOEL: What?

JULIA: I'm sorry.

JOEL: Wow. My wife picturing our birth father stripping. That's a little weird for me, honey.

JULIA: I just--I see what she sees in him.

JOEL: Okay, focus here.

JULIA: On the surface.

JOEL: Focus.

JULIA: Right, let's find out about the rest of him.

JOEL: We've got a task at hand.

JULIA: Jury's still out.

JOEL: Yeah.

JULIA: Fan of world cup soccer.

JOEL: That's good.

JULIA: Yeah?

JOEL: Okay, beach, movies. Death metal.

JULIA: Yikes.

JOEL: Boy.

JULIA: No favorite books.

JOEL: Oh, well, we'll have an illiterate headbanger. That's okay.

JULIA: But a pretty one.

JOEL: Yeah. Okay. Hello. [Looks at his watch.] You know what? [Gets up and makes is way to the door.]

JULIA: What?

JOEL: We got to meet this kid.

JULIA: Yeah.

JOEL: It's one thing to have Zoe on board, but, until Troy Quinn is ready to sign the papers, we're just wasting our time.

JULIA: That's true.

JOEL: Yeah, so...

JULIA: What are you gonna do?

JOEL: Well, I want to go--I want to go meet this kid, you know, talk to him.

JULIA: What, are you gonna take the papers over there?

JOEL: No, I'm not gonna take the--I'm just gonna meet him at his work.

JULIA: That is stalking. I mean…

JOEL: It's a little awkward, but aren't you gonna feel better once we have the green light?

JULIA: Yes, in light of the fact that I asked someone I work with for her baby.

JOEL: This is half that crazy, what you did. So give me this.

JULIA: Bye. [They kiss over the desk.] Wait, one more. [They kiss a little slower.] Yeah.

JOEL: Yeah, all right. I gotta go. Come on.

JULIA: Oh, get out of here.

JOEL: I've got things to do.

JULIA: Oh, yeah.

JOEL: I can't be here making out with you all day.

JULIA: I got work to do. Get outta here.

[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, Crosby is working in one of the studios.]
CROSBY: [To himself.] Okay.

[There is a knock at the door.]

CROSBY: Come in.



JASMINE: Hey. Got a minute? Or two or three?


JASMINE: This place is looking groovier every week. I like it.

CROSBY: Why, thank you? What's happening with the young man? Did he bring up the marriage thing again?

JASMINE: No, he didn't, thank God. When he said that, it just killed me.

CROSBY: Yeah, that was rough.

JASMINE: I thought, when we told him you were gonna move out, that he would just...

CROSBY: Connect the dots?


CROSBY: [Joking] I don't know if he's as bright as we originally thought.

JASMINE: No, he's not. [Laughing]

CROSBY: I'm worried.

JASMINE: I thought he'd just figure it out like Santa Claus.

CROSBY: Wait a minute, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus? Christmas is ruined?

JASMINE: No, no, no. No, I mean, you know how kids just one day figure it out on their own?

CROSBY: Oh, yeah, yeah.

JASMINE: You know, and I figured he'd eventually get that, you know, we weren't getting married.

CROSBY: So do you think he's going to figure that out on his own?

JASMINE: No. He's really confused. And I don't think it's good for him to keep hoping for something that's not gonna happen. So I think that you and I should sit him down and tell him the truth.

CROSBY: Mm-hmm. Well, um... I think you're right, and I think it's going to suck.


CROSBY: Yeah. So maybe we have your mom do it.

JASMINE: [Laughs]

CROSBY: She loves giving bad news. It's her specialty.

[NEW SCENE - Amber playing some gentle music on her guitar, when there is a knock at door.]

AMBER: Uh, yeah.

LANDLORD: It's the landlord. Open up.

AMBER: Uh, I'm in--I'm--I--can you come back later? I'm kind of busy.

LANDLORD: Come on.

AMBER: Coming.


AMBER: I'm coming. I'm coming.

[Amber puts out her cigarette before opening the door.]

AMBER: Hi. How are you? Hi.

LANDLORD: I'm fine. How are you?

AMBER: I'm really good.


AMBER: How's the kids?

LANDLORD: You're $140 short.

AMBER: Oh, no, no, no.

LANDLORD: Last month you were two weeks late. That was the exception. Get the $140 to me tomorrow, or you are out.

AMBER: W-w-w-w-whoa. I can't get it to you, you know, tomorrow.

LANDLORD: Tomorrow.

AMBER: No, no…

LANDLORD: No ifs, buts, or ands.

AMBER: No, none? None of them?

LANDLORD: Hasta la vista.

AMBER: Ha-ha, baby.

[Amber looks mad as she closes the door.]

[NEW SCENE - Adam in his bathroom getting ready for bed, Kristina on their bed.]

KRISTINA: Hey, hon, thinking about doing a cleanse. I got this book today, and I'm really thinking about just getting all the toxins out of my system and, like, trying to lose the rest of the baby weight. I think I can do it while I'm breast-feeding, but I have to check with my doc.

ADAM: Rachel kissed me. After I went into The Luncheonette the other night when Crosby said it was urgent, and it was after the math warriors tournament. It was just out of the blue. She just kissed me. It was weird. It was that night that I went into The Luncheonette. I debated whether to tell you because it didn't mean anything, so I didn't want to upset you, but ultimately I want to be honest. So...

KRISTINA: Rachel, the girl that you worked with, kissed you? On the lips?

ADAM: Yes. Yes.

KRISTINA: Did you kiss her back?

ADAM: No, no, of course not. No, I pushed her off, you know. She kissed me, and I pushed her off and I let her know that that is inappropriate.

KRISTINA: [Exhales]

ADAM: You okay?

KRISTINA: I assume she's leaving, right?

ADAM: Yeah.


[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, Landon Pigg singing as she plays the guitar, Crosby listening from in the studio.]

LANDON: [Singing] Love, I'll be your moonlit night so you'll have a life in the sun. So?

CROSBY: I like that, but I think I like the ukulele more. I think we should record one with the ukulele and then you can listen and see what you think. Sound good?

LANDON: Mm-hmm.

CROSBY: Let's do it.

[Crosby moves to the control booth where Adam is sitting.]


ADAM: Hey.

[Landon strumming the ukulele as he gets ready.]

CROSBY: [Over the mic.] Hey, Landon, you're good anytime you want.

[Landon starts playing the ukulele and singing.]

CROSBY: [To Adam.] What's up? What is it?

ADAM: We have to fire Rachel.


LANDON: [Singing in the back ground] Child, my heart skips a beat.

ADAM: I told Kristina.

CROSBY: Uh-huh.

ADAM: And she...

CROSBY: I told you not to tell her.

ADAM: I know you told me not to tell her, but I told her. What could I do?

CROSBY: What did I say? I knew this would be the outcome.

ADAM: Kristina overreacted, and now I got to deal with it.

CROSBY: By firing Rachel?

ADAM: I don't have a choice. I don't see any other way out of it…

CROSBY: Someone who's competent and hardworking and affordable?

ADAM: I know this. I know this.

CROSBY: So she gets hurt. I mean, you had to have played some role in this.

ADAM: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

CROSBY: I'm saying you must have flirted with her.

ADAM: I didn't do anything. I was not flirting with her. Don't say that I was, okay, 'cause Kristina will go off the deep end.

CROSBY: Well, I find it very hard to believe that a hot young girl just attacked an old dude, I'm sorry.

ADAM: Old dude?

CROSBY: I find that very difficult…

ADAM: You know what, here's what happened.

CROSBY: You're an old dude compared to her.

ADAM: We had a heart-to-heart, I expressed to her that I felt she didn't need to trade on her looks so much, that she's a smart girl, she doesn't need to dress like that all the time.

CROSBY: Well Adam.

ADAM: That's all I said.

CROSBY: You told her she was beautiful on the inside. Are you kidding me?

ADAM: Well how was I…

CROSBY: What young girl's not gonna respond to that?

ADAM: So it's my fault?

CROSBY: I'm just saying you started it, so you can't now fire her for something…

ADAM: I don't want to fire her. I have to fire her. I'm just trying to keep the peace at home.

LANDON: [Continuing to Sing, oblivious to Adam and Crosby.] Like I want to, little darlin' 'cause you know…

CROSBY: Well, it doesn't seem right that to clean up your side of the street you've got to dump all over hers. I just don't feel like that's right.

ADAM: Can you just help me out? Can you get behind this? Can you support me in this?

LANDON: [Singing.] I do lo-oo-ve you…

CROSBY: Yes, as long as you admit that you were wrong.

ADAM: Why is this so important... [Fading out as we listen to Landon continuing his song.]

LANDON: I am dyin' just for you…

CROSBY: I want you to acknowledge that you did something wrong for once. And now this girl has to be fired about it.

ADAM: Maybe my wife overreacted, but I didn't do anything wrong.


[The guys stop talking once the realise Landon has finished his song. Crosby presses the intercom button.]

CROSBY: That was really good, Landon.

ADAM: That was really cool.

LANDON: Thank you.

[He is still oblivious that the guys had been arguing in the booth during his song.]

[NEW SCENE - Market, Joel enters and approaches one of the employee, who is pushing a trolley loaded with goods.]

JOEL: Hey, are you Troy?

TROY: I'm Troy. Can I help you?

JOEL: Uh, yeah, I'm Joel Graham. I'm Julia's husband. Julia Graham.

TROY: I'm sorry.

JOEL: My wife works at the law firm with Zoe. We're adopting your...

TROY: I know exactly who you are.

JOEL: Oh, good.

TROY: I wanted to apologize for standing you up the other day as well. I'm sorry. Troy. [He puts out his hand and they shake.]

JOEL: Nice to meet you.

TROY: No, she talks about you all the time.

JOEL: Yeah, we think the world of her. So anyway, I know it's kind of an awkward thing, but I just wanted to kind of get things out in the open if you had any questions or whatnot. You know, we just wanted to, uh, make sure that you guys are as comfortable as possible with us. You know.

TROY: You really want this baby bad, huh?

JOEL: Uh...

TROY: You know, I have six brothers and sisters. Six of 'em. You can have any one you want.

JOEL: Okay. Wow, that is generous. Uh... Hey, would you, um, would you have dinner with us? You and Zoe?

TROY: Who's cooking?

JOEL: I am.

TROY: Oh, she's got you wanting a baby and cooking? Don't give Zoe any ideas.

JOEL: How's Saturday?

TROY: I like steak.

JOEL: Steak it is. Okay, hey, nice to meet you.

TROY: Nice to meet you too.

JOEL: We'll see you Saturday.

TROY: See ya.

[NEW SCENE - Amber is in her car waiting at traffic lights, they turn green. Amber drives off slowly, making unusual noises.]

AMBER: Oh, no, no, no, no.

[The engine stalls]

AMBER: No. Oh, my God.

[Other drivers behind Amber start honking their horns.]

MAN: Come on, move it, lady!

AMBER: That's great. Yeah, okay. Maybe you could just go around me, ass head. [She waves them by]. This is ridiculous.

MAN 2: Nice car.

AMBER: Yes. How are you? Excuse me. I'm sorry. I don't know… ooh.

[Steam or smoke starts coming from under the hood.]

AMBER: Oh, God, what is this? I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry. Funny. Very funny. Yeah. Glad you're having fun.

[She coughs from the fumes.]

AMBER: Do I push it? I'm trying to fix it! Sorry. I don't...

[The cars horns continue blaring as a frustrated Amber is left stranded in the middle of the intersection.]

[NEW SCENE - Jasmine's apartment. Jabbar, Jasmine and Crosby are having dinner.]

CROSBY: Listen, you know families come in all kinds of combinations. Jabbar, you know, some kids have parents who are the same color like Sydney and Max.


JABBAR: And some parents have different colors, like you guys.

CROSBY: Yeah, you know, more flavor.

JASMINE: Right. [Chuckles] And you know some kids who have one mommy and one daddy and some who have two mommies or two daddies.

JABBAR: Like Jensen?

JASMINE: Right. Just like Jensen.

CROSBY: Jensen has?



JASMINE: Yeah. But what we're talking about now is that some families have moms and dads that are married and live under the same roof...

CROSBY: And some kids have parents who aren't married and live under different roofs.


CROSBY: But, you know, that doesn't mean they can't be as happy as the other families. Well, you know mom and I have decided to not live together and be friends, right?

JASMINE: So that also means that there won't be a wedding like we planned.

JABBAR: But you said you were gonna get married and I was gonna wear a suit and be in the wedding and I would get to hold the ring.

CROSBY: Yeah, well, you're right. We did tell you that.

JASMINE: And we're really sorry. We're really sorry. We shouldn't have told you those things until we were 150% sure.

JABBAR: So you're never, ever gonna get married?



JABBAR: Are you sure?

BOTH: [Jasmine and Crosby] Yeah.

JABBAR: I wish we were under-the-same-roof family.

[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, Rachel is at the piano playing Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. Adam enters the room and approaches.]

ADAM: Rachel.

[Rachel suddenly stops playing]

RACHEL: Hi. Sorry. Um...I couldn't resist.

ADAM: Rachel, what happened the other night was totally inappropriate, and I can't let that happen again. I like you, you do a great job here, but I'm gonna have to... Let you know that I will not hesitate… to let you go if anything like that happens again.

RACHEL: Okay. [Adam walk out of the room.] Thank you.

[NEW SCENE - Adam is having dinner with his family.]

MAX: So I think that the Galápagos giant tortoise in some ways is like dad. That's why.

HADDIE: Interesting. Oh, so…

MAX: I am going to go get dessert.

ADAM: Hey, don't make fun of your brother. Hey, if you're gonna get a popsicle, please use a napkin, Max.

MAX: I will use a napkin.

ADAM: Look in on Nora for us, please, Haddie.

HADDIE: You got it.

ADAM: [Sighs] Honey, that was delicious. Thank you. I'm gonna clear these plates.

KRISTINA: How was work today?

ADAM: Uh... It was good, you know. Crosby found this great sandwich shop around the corner, make their own bread. It's real good.

KRISTINA: Anyone kiss anyone?

ADAM: Yeah. Yeah, we all kissed each other.

KRISTINA: So how'd she take it?

ALYou know... Way those things go.

KRISTINA: Was she upset?

ADAM: Yeah. She was upset.

[NEW SCENE - Braverman house, Camille is in the living room reading. Amber enters through the front door.]

AMBER: Hey, grandma.

CAMILLE: Hey, you know, your mom's not here. She's working tonight.

AMBER: Yes, I know. I'm actually here to see you.

CAMILLE: Uh-oh. I'm not sure that sounds so good. What's up?

AMBER: Hey. What? A girl can't come visit her grandma for a fun...

CAMILLE: What's up?

AMBER: I need help.


AMBER: This is terribly embarrassing. I feel ashamed to have to ask, and just know that I would only ask if I really, really needed it. Um, I'm having a bit of money trouble. I just can't make it all add up. And…

CAMILLE: How much?

AMBER: Well, the sort of emergency number is about 140. But I could…

CAMILLE: how much do you really need?

AMBER: It's a big number. It's about $400. I know. It's a lot. I don't even know where it's going. You know, gas money, and nobody tips anymore. And food and rent, and I'm just trying to make it. And I'm doing everything that I can, but it's not quite... balanced yet. And I promise you I will pay you back. I promise. I'm stuck, though.

CAMILLE: Well, you know, I've been in this situation myself more than a couple of times, so... Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna lend you the $400, okay, but it's a one-time thing.

AMBER: Yes. Of course.

CAMILLE: I know that you're working very hard, but it's not cutting it. So obviously you're going to have to figure something else out.

AMBER: Yeah.

CAMILLE: And you're a smart girl. You will.

AMBER: Thank you so much.

[NEW SCENE - Crosby is helping Zeek in his shed.]

ZEEK: No, hey, no, no, no.


ZEEK: What are you doing? Here. Give me those. Give me those.

CROSBY: What? What?

ZEEK: Going in the wrong place. I invite you here for screw sorting, and you screw it all up. I mean, come on.

CROSBY: I'm trying to do it right.

ZEEK: Just leave it alone, leave it alone.

CROSBY: I didn't know they were…

ZEEK: It's not rocket science here, Crosby. What's wrong? What's going on here? Where are you at?

CROSBY: I think--I was just thinking about something else.

ZEEK: What are you thinking about?

CROSBY: Um, something at home.

ZEEK: Like what?

CROSBY: Well, Jabbar asked Jasmine and I when we were getting married the other day, and he was really confused. So we sat him down and explained to him that we weren't getting married, and he was just really disappointed and... I don't know. I think I... It was kind of the first time it hit me that, you know, when I cheated on Jasmine, it wasn't that just I lost her, you know, I ruined his chance at having a real family. The fact that he can't have that because of me, it's... I just feel like a crummy dad, and that's what I was thinking about.

ZEEK: No, you don't say that, son. Don't say that. I mean, you're... You are a great father. I mean, my gosh, look what you've… look what you've done with that little guy. I mean, Jabbar, Crosby, he looks up to you. I mean, he worships the ground you walk on. I watch him. Jiminy Christmas, you're his hero. You know? He loves you. You're the man in his life. That's a gift to Jabbar. And he loves you. So don't say you're a bad father. You're doing just fine, son.

[NEW SCENE - Kristina at home with Nora.]

KRISTINA: Gigglegigglegigglegiggle! Pbbbbbbbbtttt! [Giggles] Daddy said you were laughing, but I didn't believe him. And you giggle, giggle, giggle, giggle. You're cracking up. Let's call daddy at work, okay? You want to? Mm-hmm. Let's call dada. Let's call dada. [Picks up the phone and dials it.] Dada's so busy, busy, busy, busy. You want to giggle for dada? You want to giggle for dada?

RACHEL: [On the phone.] Hello, The Luncheonette, this is Rachel. [Cut to Rachel at the Luncheonette.] Hello? Hello. [The phone clicks as she hangs up.]

[Kristina looks confused and upset.]

[NEW SCENE - Jabbar and Jasmine are at home on the phone to Crosby who is at the Luncheonette.]

JABBAR: She read Underpants and...

JASMINE: Captain Underpants.

JABBAR: Captain Underpants and sang one song.

CROSBY: Oh, really? She read you Captain Underpants?


CROSBY: Wow, you got a pretty good mom there.

JABBAR: Thanks.

CROSBY: Well, how about this? How about we sing a song together and then you go to bed?

JABBAR: What are you gonna sing?

CROSBY: Well, I want you to pick.

JABBAR: Row, Row, Row Your Boat?

CROSBY: Uh, yeah, that sounds good to me.

JABBAR: I like when we all used to sing that in the car.

CROSBY: Hold on one second. Are you guys snuggling?

JASMINE: Uh, yeah.

CROSBY: I'm pretty jealous.

JASMINE: [Laughs.]

CROSBY: Okay, you ready?



JASMINE: [To Jabbar.] Good, you go first and then your dad and then me.


CROSBY: One, two, three.

JABBAR: [Singing.] Row, row, row your…

[Crosby starts singing as a round.]

CROSBY: [Singing.] Row, row, row your…

[Jasmine does the same as they over lap.]

JASMINE: [Singing.] Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream. [To Jabbar] Did he say doily?

CROSBY: [Singing.] up and down the streams merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily let's eat krispy kremes. I love you, nerd.

JABBAR: I love you too.

CROSBY: Okay, good night.

JABBAR: Night, Daddy.

[NEW SCENE - Ambers work, she sits at a table with Sarah and her laptop.]

AMBER: I can't believe we're doing this.

SARAH: What do you mean you can't believe it? The Expense Tracker. It's exactly what you need.

AMBER: Well, I can't believe grandma told you about this. This is, like, exactly what I was trying to avoid. I don't want to do some weird online schemes that you do.

SARAH: Schemes? This is Suz-e Orman.

AMBER: I think it's Suze, right?

SARAH: No, no, it's Suz-e. She doesn't need the I. That's how she saves money.

AMBER: Okay. That's enough.

SARAH: Okay, look-- Just get down to business. Here's a list of expenses--lunch fees, school uniforms…

AMBER: Sport team uniforms...

SARAH: You don't have that. All right, here we go. Take-home pay. What is it?

AMBER: I don't know, it's…

SARAH: Okay. Unemployment, Social Security, dividends, pensions, retirement plan...

AMBER: Oh, no.

SARAH: Rental. What is your rent?

AMBER: Oh, God, I don't know.

SARAH: Interest bonus…

AMBER: I don't know. I don't know. Mom, mom, mom, stop. I don't want to do this. This is not working. I don't know any of this. This is for people that, like, have a plan and they know what is going on with their lives and they do other things. I just come here and work every day as hard as I can, and I'm like--still don't have enough money to do anything. And, you know, I don't have, like, a goal or a plan or anything that I'm, like, working towards. So I don't know how this is gonna get better.

SARAH: Well, let's find you a goal. And make a plan. We'll think of something.

AMBER: [Sighs]

SARAH: Look at you. You're doing so good. Look at this. The Piping Cup? Are you kidding me? People would kill for this job.

AMBER: Yeah, thank you.

SARAH: You're like the queen of coffee.

AMBER: Mm-hmm. Right. Appreciate it.

SARAH: We'll figure something out.

[NEW SCENE - Julia and Joel have Zoe and Troy over for dinner. The men are coming inside after cooking at the BBQ.]

JULIA: We have, like, every Brazilian known to man in there. And they're, like, running through the hall…

ZOE: Hey, babe, remember when Brazil scored that goal and there were, like, all the crazy Brazilians running through the hallways and they're--lalalaaaah!

TROY: Do you remember that? How could you forget? That was a good game.

JOEL: That was a good game.

JULIA: That was a good game.

JOEL: Yeah, we DVR'd it.

JULIA: We did. We did. We maybe should have watched it live.

JOEL: I think I was on at, like, 3:00 a.m. here.

ZOE: Julia coaches her daughter's soccer team.

TROY: Nice.

JULIA: I mean, they're seven, so... It's kind of--it's controlled chaos. I try to instill in them the love of the game.

ZOE: [Laughs]

JOEL: You know, Troy's an Oakland native.

JULIA: Oh, yeah?

JOEL: Mm-hmm.

TROY: Not this particular neighborhood, but not far.

JOEL: Yeah, we're kind of up in the boonies here.

TROY: Yeah, I wouldn't call this the boonies.

JULIA: It's a little off the beaten path, I guess. This steak is really good.

ZOE: It's really good.

JOEL: Thanks.

TROY: Zoe is psyched you guys want the baby. She speaks very highly of the both of you, and I can see why she signed those papers so quickly.

JULIA: Oh, thank you.

JOEL: Thanks, man.

TROY: I guess we just felt maybe it was a bit too quick.

JULIA: Mm-hmm.

TROY: We'd like to change some of the terms.

ZOE: No. We don't want to change any of the terms. We just--well, Troy looked into it.

JULIA: Mm-hmm.

ZOE: And we just have a few questions. Like the…

TROY: You've been covering her medical expenses. And that's been amazing, it's been really helpful.

JULIA: Great. Good.

ZEEK: Yeah.

TROY: But Zoe's gonna be carrying around this baby for nine months.

JULIA: Mm-hmm.

TROY: I mean, that's almost a year out of her--out of our lives.

JOEL: Okay.

TROY: She's gonna go through the trauma of delivering it.

ZOE: Right.

JULIA: I don't know if we've really fully expressed how grateful we are for this. You know, it's the most incredible gift that anyone could ever give us, and we really consider that we're so lucky. And we're so happy.

ZOE: We're so super psyched…

TROY: What I'm getting at is people pay a lot of money for a baby these days. A girl Zoe's age can get up to 30k just for an egg.

JULIA: Um, Troy, if you're asking for what I think you're asking, I have to tell you that, in the state of California, it's illegal to pay a biological parent for their child.

TROY: Aren't you a lawyer?


TROY: Right, so they pay you to work around the laws, no?

ZOE: [Smiling] I always thought Troy should…


JOEL: Troy, my wife's job is actually to uphold the law. Do you understand? It's to make sure that people aren't treated unfairly. So, when you come into our house and you try to coerce us…

ZOE: We're not trying to coerce--let me just say, this is such a misunderstanding. That's not what we're doing. We would never do that. It just…

TROY: It feels to me like it's a little one-sided. You guys have laid out your terms, you're getting everything you want, you're doing pretty well for yourselves. I think it's only fair Zoe and I get to say what we feel works for us. [There is an awkward pause.] Okay, fine. [He stands up.]

ZOE: Oh, Troy, come on. Sit down. They made dinner.

JULIA: Can we--can we sit and talk about this?

TROY: Thank you for the steak. It was great.

ZOE: Troy, just sit down. Come on.

JULIA: We should talk about it.

TROY: We're going. [Zoe stands.] Thank you for having us, and you know where to find us.

ZOE: [Quietly] I'm sorry.

[NEW SCENE - Adam arrives home from work.]

ADAM: Hey. All the kids asleep?


ADAM: All right.

KRISTINA: How was your day?

ADAM: It was okay. How are you doing?

KRISTINA: I'm good.

[Adam leans down and the kiss.]

KRISTINA: Just a little tired. You have a good day?

ADAM: You all right?


ADAM: Hey, I want to talk…

KRISTINA: I actually called the studio today. You weren't there, so um, Rachel answered.

ADAM: Right.

KRISTINA: I'm really hoping, Adam, that you have a great explanation.

ADAM: It's a complicated situation.

KRISTINA: 'Cause I'm trying so desperately to give you the benefit of the doubt on this, I really am. I've been thinking about it all day.

ADAM: Can you just let me explain?

KRISTINA: Try to explain. I just--I would really love to hear what you have to say right now.

ADAM: Alright, I talked to Crosby about it.


ADAM: And after thinking about...

KRISTINA: Crosby? Why does Crosby have to know any of this?

ADAM: Can you just stay here…

KRISTINA: Just don't touch me for a second, please. Just don't.

ADAM: All right.

KRISTINA: I want to hear what you have to say. But I'm so sick to my stomach right now because you lied. You lied to me.

ADAM: I went out of my way to tell you about this.

KRISTINA: [Louder] Adam, why did you tell me about it? Wait a second, why did you tell me about it?

ADAM: Listen to me, I went to the studio because Crosby said that something was urgent, I got there. He just wanted to celebrate finishing Arty Party and booking the studio for a month. That's all it was.

KRISTINA: Oh, good. You guys were celebrating.

CROSBY: He broke out some Tequila...

KRISTINA: You were drinking together?

ADAM: I had one drink. Crosby and Rachel had too much to drink.

KRISTINA: I wasn't drunk.

ADAM: I wasn't drunk. I didn't kiss her. She kissed me.

KRISTINA: Did you stop the kiss?

ADAM: Yes.

KRISTINA: How? How did you do that? What did you do? You drove her home... Go ahead, I want to hear this.

ADAM: It was raining.


ADAM: [Sighs] You know, Kristina, this is a difficult thing for me to explain, okay?


ADAM: Yeah, it is. It's very difficult. It was raining...

KRISTINA: [Stating to tear up.] It's a really difficult thing for me.

ADAM: I had had a conversation with her about the way she dressed, that she didn't have to dress so provocatively.

KRISTINA: Do you like the way that she dresses, Adam? Is that what this is about?

ADAM: Please don't put words in my mouth.

KRISTINA: No, I'm not. Why are you keeping her there? It doesn't make any sense to me. I'm just--I don't understand it.

ADAM: I tried to fire her, okay? I couldn't... Just let me finish, all right?

KRISTINA: I'm listening.

ADAM: They were drinking, okay? I didn't want another Gaby situation on my hands. It was raining outside. I wanted to take--I thought the right thing to do was to take the young girl home. She was drunk.

KRISTINA: Did you get out of the car?

ADAM: Yes, I did. I got out of the car, I walked her to her door--

KRISTINA: You walked her to her door? She's 26 years old.

ADAM: It was raining.

KRISTINA: It doesn't matter if it's raining. What, is she gonna slip…

ADAM: She lives in a dodgy neighborhood. I was trying to do the right thing.

KRISTINA: This is ridiculous.

ADAM: Kristina, I didn't do anything.

KRISTINA: You kissed another woman.

ADAM: I didn't kiss another woman. She kissed me, Kristina. Listen to me. Okay? She kissed me, okay? I stopped the kiss. I came home. Kristina…

KRISTINA: Are you attracted to her?

ADAM: No, I am not attracted to her.

KRISTINA: Adam, tell me the truth. Are you attracted to her?

ADAM: What do you want me to say, Kristina? She's an attractive girl.

KRISTINA: I, I didn't want…

ADAM: Yes, I find her attractive. I don't want a relationship with her. I didn't pursue her. I didn't kiss her. I didn't do anything.

KRISTINA: Are you attracted to me?

ADAM: Yes, Kristina, of course I'm attracted to you.

KRISTINA: No, just don't touch me. Please don't touch me. I can't. This is how we become one of the 80%.

ADAM: No, how we become one of the 80% is by not…

KRISTINA: I don't you to touch me right now! [He steps back] Okay?

ADAM: You're making this really difficult.

KRISTINA: I'm not, Adam. Any other woman would say the same thing right now.

ADAM: Kristina, she kissed me. I told you about it. You asked me to fire her, I tried to fire her, I couldn't go through with it, I felt like her feelings were hurt--

KRISTINA: "Her feelings were hurt"? Oh, God, I'm so happy that you care so much about her feelings.

ADAM: Kristina, can you stay in the room?

KRISTINA: I've done everything for you…

ADAM: Can you stay in the room, I'm gonna sit down.

KRISTINA: …every single time you need support, emotionally, anything.

ADAM: Can you stay in the room so we can talk about it.

KRISTINA: I'm home every single day making the kids' calendars...

ADAM: I know.

KRISTINA: Doing the cleaning, the cooking, everything. I'm Mrs. Braverman. I have my husband's back always. Not anymore.

ADAM: Kristina.

KRISTINA: I'm done.

[NEW SCENE - Julia's office, she's working late. Zoe's comes to the open door and knocks.]

ZOE: Hey.


ZOE: Um, just saying good night. I'm leaving, so...

JULIA: Oh. Well, good night.

ZOE: Okay, so you hate me now, right? You hate me.

JULIA: No. I don't hate you.

ZOE: Do you hate Troy?

JULIA: No, I just didn't get the chance to know him very well.

ZOE: Yeah. You know, he's such a good guy. He's a really good guy. And he's just looking out for me. Look, I don't know what to do.

JULIA: Well, I can't give you money for the baby, Zoe. Good night.

ZOE: Yeah, good night.

[NEW SCENE - Night time. Jasmine's apartment, Crosby is there.]

CROSBY: He left Cinnamon at my house. I know sometimes he has a hard time sleeping without him, so...

JASMINE: Thank you. You didn't have to do that.

CROSBY: Can I give it to him?

JASMINE: Oh, he's at my mom's house tonight 'cause I had a late class, so...

CROSBY: Oh. Well, the truth is, I think he sleeps fine without Cinnamon. I just wanted to see him. So you can give it to him.

JASMINE: [Chuckles] Oh. Did we mess up? I'm worried that we, like, ruined him.

CROSBY: Yeah, I think we messed up. But I think we're gonna mess up, like a thousand more times before he's 18. I don't think you should get too spun out about this one.


CROSBY: And my dad happened to tell me that he thinks we're incredible parents.



JASMINE: Really?

CROSBY: And you know what a tough judge he is. Yeah.



JASMINE: I feel a little better now. You know, I opened up that bottle of Cab that you like. You want to join me for a drink?

CROSBY: Yeah, I want to join you for a drink.


CROSBY: It's free, right?

JASMINE: No, it's actually $5 a glass.

CROSBY: Totally worth it. I'll pay.

JASMINE: I'll waive it.

CROSBY: I'll pay $10.

[NEW SCENE - Adam enters his bedroom, Kristina is on the bed talking to Nora.]

KRISTINA: You seem so excited. You're so excited. [To Adam] Hey.

ADAM: Hey, can we talk?

KRISTINA: I've decided to go back to work.

ADAM: Kristina…

KRISTINA: I've been thinking about our conversation the other day, and I'm always willing to do what's best for you and what's best for the family, and I've decided to do what's best for me. And I don't want to have a conversation about it. Not right now. [To Nora.] Who's the biggest girl? Who's mommy's big girl?

[NEW SCENE - Jasmine's apartment. They are seated on the couch, each has a glass of wine.]

CROSBY: Mm, that's lovely.

JASMINE: What are you doing?

CROSBY: Makes me want to hear a little Kenneth G. A little Ken G.


CROSBY: A little Ken G.

JASMINE: [Laughs]

CROSBY: I propose a toast to subpar parenting skills.

JASMINE: Okay. Cheers.

CROSBY: Mm. To Dr. Joe.

JASMINE: To Dr. Joe. [Laughter] Why Dr. Joe?

CROSBY: This make me feel like Dr. Joe. Like this is something he would do...

JASMINE: [Laughs]

CROSBY: Listen to adult contemporary music.

JASMINE: He doesn't do that.

CROSBY: Does he listen to adult contemporary?

JASMINE: Not all the time. [Laughs] No, he doesn't do that.

CROSBY: All right. All right.

JASMINE: He doesn't do that.


JASMINE: Mm. To Tuff.


JASMINE: Oh, Tuff.

CROSBY: Here we go, Tuff. Mm. Tuff. [Puts down his glass.] I think the last time I saw her was when you saw her.

JASMINE: Oh, that's tough.

CROSBY: Hee hee.


CROSBY: Oh, that's right. You're funny. I forgot.

JULIA: Yeah, I can be.

CROSBY: I remember now.

JASMINE: Sometimes. [They look at each other for a moment.] I think you should go.

[NEW SCENE - Jasmine and Crosby in bed together.]

Episode End
3.10 - Mr. Honesty
Original Airdate (NBC) November 22, 2011
Written by Monica Henderson Beletsky
Directed by Lawrence Trilling

Transcribed by Craig Best
Original subtitles from www.addic7ed.com

Please Don't Use Without Permission!

This is a transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, some settings have been added where needed along with actions and/or camera movements where I felt they were necessary. "PARENTHOOD" and other related entities are owned, their respective companies and no copyright infringement is intended..
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