[Opening scene - Kristina is driving with Nora crying in the baby capsule in the back.]
KRISTINA: I know, honey, I know. That's what traffic does to you. Sorry, baby. It's okay, Nora. Look, Nora! This is Sycamore Charter, where Sydney and Max and Jabbar--they all go to school, yeah! And someday you can go to school here when you get real big. I know, honey, I know. You're poopy and you're
honey, look, there's Maxy. There's big brother. With all of his math warrior buddies. Hi, Max!
LOUIS: If it takes six cubes to build a staircase with 3 steps, how many cubes do you need to build a staircase with 11 steps?
MAX: Okay, let's see. Um... [Max start his usually jitters as he thinks.]
BOY: [Laughs and mimics him as Kristina watches from the car.]
MAX: [Muttering] Uh...12... Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh... Uh, 66.
LOUIS: Wow! Th-that was good! Wow, that was
BOY: Yeah, high five! [Chuckles]
LOUIS: All right, so uh, tell me about the, uh--th-the triangle thing.
KRISTINA: Hey, Max?
MAX: The sum of the measures of the interior angles of a triangle always
KRISTINA: Max. Come on, bud!
MAX: And x--I-I gotta go.
LOUIS: [Chuckles] Bye, Max.
BOY: See ya! [Laughter]
LOUIS: [Mimicking] The interior angles are all the same.
[Kristina opens the sliding back door on the minivan.]
[NEW SCENE - Braverman kitchen, Sarah enters.]
SARAH: Hey! Mail!
CAMILLE: I'm going to the market in a little bit. Wanna make me a list?
SARAH: Yeah. [Gasps]
SARAH: Drew got a "D."
CAMILLE: [Chuckles] That's a typo. [Sarah hands her the report card.] In math?
SARAH: Mom, he's never gotten a "D." It's his junior year! This is bad.
CAMILLE: And he's great in math.
SARAH: Oh, my God.
SARAH: Oh, no.
CAMILLE: It's one grade.
[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, Crosby and Rachel sit at the piano listening to some music with his earphones.]
CROSBY: This was originally an acoustic track, but we added the drums.
CROSBY: Yeah. You hear that? It changes it so much, huh?
RACHEL: Wow, the drums are amazing.
[Adam approaches, seeing them sitting close together.]
CROSBY: Oh, yeah. This guy is so good.
RACHEL: How long did--did it take you to do this?
CROSBY: Like, three-hour session. It was really quick.
ADAM: Okay, I'm out of here.
ADAM: I'm taking off. I just
you're coming too, right?
CROSBY: Mm, yeah.
ADAM: Just 'cause, you know, dad's gonna blow his lid if you're late for Charades, so you gotta
RACHEL: Aw, family Charades? That's really cute.
CROSBY: Um, not how the Bravermans play it.
ADAM: Yeah, it's usually a real bloodbath probably.
CROSBY: There are trips to the emergency room.
ADAM: It's just our dad
he's just crazy if you're late. So he finds it really inappropriate, so for you to
CROSBY: And he passed that gene on to you.
ADAM: [Chuckles] Yeah, he did. He certainly did.
CROSBY: Like now, look how nervous you are.
ADAM: Also I just booked the studio for the rest of the week. This musician who does kids' albums. he's got some sort of environmentally themed album he wanted to record here.
CROSBY: Oh! Well, great. I got a guy coming in, recreating whale sounds. I hope it doesn't conflict.
ADAM: All right. But we can't be snobs, all right? He's paying the rate, and he's apparently a big deal. You know? I'm out of here.
RACHEL: What's his name?
ADAM: Arty Party.
CROSBY: Oh! Arty Party! Well, you should have just said "Arty Party." I've been wanting to work with him since I got into this racket.
ADAM: Yeah, okay, come on. I'll see you at charades.
CROSBY: You sure will.
CROSBY: Arty party!
RACHEL: [Laughs] Arty Party.
CROSBY: Arty Party till you die.
[NEW SCENE - Braverman house, charades night in the living room. They are broken into 2 teams, red and blue and it's now Joel's turn.]
JOEL: I'm sorry.
GROUP: Movie, movie, movie. One word. One word.
GROUP: Three syllables.
CROSBY: Great, got it. Faster.
GROUP: First syllable.
ADAM: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
SARAH: Hit. Bat!
ZEEK: Okay, man. We've got 15 seconds.
AMBER: Come on, baby.
MAX: Hawaii Five-0.
AMBER: Tick! Tick! Bat tick.
ZEEK: Bat tick?
JOEL: It Gattaca!
[There is cheering and overlapping chatter as the celebrate.]
ZEEK: Blue is holding at seven, and red is at nine. [Drew and Amy start to sneak out.] Hey, where are you guys going?
SARAH: You guys are coming back, right?
ZEEK: Sydney, you're up!
AMBER: Yay, Sydney!
JULIA: Okay, baby.
SYDNEY: Grandpa, what's my clue?
ZEEK: [Whispers to Sydney the clue.]
KRISTINA: Come on, team!
JULIA: Young love.
SARAH: What are you gonna do?
ZEEK: Got it?
KRISTINA: I think they went upstairs.
ZEEK: Good luck.
CROSBY: All right, Syd.
ADAM: Come on, Syd!
JULIA: Okay, babe.
HADDIE: Don't yell anything out.
JULIA: Okay. How many words, sweetheart? How many words?
SYDNEY: Um, three.
JULIA: Three words.
ADAM: You gotta show with your fingers.
JULIA: Three words.
ADAM: Like this.
JULIA: No talking. Is it a movie? Is it a movie or a book? Or a TV show?
ADAM: No, you can't talk.
JULIA: Remember this? Do this for a movie. Act it out. Wh--okay.
SYDNEY: It's a...
ADAM: Tiger! Tiger!
ADAM: Alligator. Alligator.
SYDNEY: It's a...
SYDNEY: It's an animal.
JULIA: Just nod--no, sweetheart, you can't talk.
ZEEK: No talking.
HADDIE: It's an animal. It's an animal?
JULIA: It's a shark.
ZEEK: No, no pointing, honey.
ADAM: Now it's a book.
SYDNEY: It's The Lion King.
ZEEK: Oh, jeez.
KRISTINA: That's was a really good try.
HADDIE: Well, next time.
JULIA: So sit down, and we'll have another turn.
SYDNEY: Wh-what? Wh--I didn't even talk!
ZEEK: Yeah, you did talk.
SYDNEY: What? That is so not fair.
ADAM: That's okay, Syd, you just talked. But next time. Come on.
ZEEK: There are rules to the game.
ADAM: Who's up?
CAMILLE: Sweetie, it's okay. It's just a game.
SYDNEY: No, I don't wanna play stupid Charades. And I never wanna play another Braverman family game again!
JULIA: Okay, sweetie, come sit down.
SYDNEY: Ever! [She storms out knocking over the popcorn as she goes.]
GROUP: Whoa. Whoa!
[Opening credits - featuring Forever Young by Bob Dylan]
[NEW SCENE - Morning, Julia is coming down the stairs at home.]
JOEL: Syd, get your shoes, and let's go!
JULIA: She's brushing her teeth. Who is at the door? God.
JOEL: She's brushing just her own, or is she trying to brush yours?
[Joel opens the door front door.]
JOEL: Woo hoo hoo!
ZEEK: [Grunts] Hey.
ZEEK: Hi, Joelski. Hi Julia.
JULIA: Hi! What are you doing here?
ZEEK: I ran here.
JULIA: You ran all the way here?
ZEEK: You betcha I ran all the way here.
JOEL: Wow, that's a long way.
JULIA: Oh, my God.
ZEEK: Hey, listen. I-I don't have time to chat. I just--let's just cut to the chase. You know, you two are coddling my granddaughter.
[Getting a glass of water.]
ZEEK: Did you know that?
ZEEK: Yeah, 100%.
JULIA: Dad, this is why you ran all the way over here?
ZEEK: Yeah, I ran all the way over here to tell you that Sydney is a sore loser.
JULIA: Because of the Charades incident, okay.
ZEEK: Sydney does not know how to lose. If she doesn't learn how to lose, then she's not gonna learn about real life. She's just coddled.
JOEL: I think she's got plenty of time to learn about real life.
JOEL: And right now she's a kid, so maybe it's
ZEEK: But she thinks that it's her birthright to win. You coddle, coddle, coddle...
JOEL: That's an exaggeration.
ZEEK: Coddle, coddle, and what do you get? That little girl's gotta learn how to lose.
JULIA: We've let her lose, and we've let her win, and when she wins, it's to boost her confidence and to help her learn the game.
ZEEK: She doesn't need confidence, honey, she needs humility.
JULIA: Okay. Food for thought, thank you. And we will consider it. [Turning to Joel.] Right?
JOEL: Oh, yeah.
JULIA: Thank you for that.
ZEEK: You're welcome.
JULIA: [To Joel.] You have a good day.
JOEL: You too. [Quick kiss.] Love you.
JULIA: Love you. I'm off to work, Dad. Bye.
ZEEK: All right. Okay, bye-bye. Thanks, Joel. Thanks for your understanding.
JOEL: All right. Yep.
ZEEK: Julia, Julia! Can I get a ride home, please?
[NEW SCENE - Kristina serves breakfast to Max, Nora is nearby.]
KRISTINA: There you go, big guy.
MAX: Oh, no, these look like your cheesy eggs.
KRISTINA: Scrambled--they're not cheesy eggs, they're just regular eggs.
MAX: Then why do I see cheese?
KRISTINA: There's no cheese.
MAX: Did you cook them in the orange frying pan?
KRISTINA: I did. So buddy, how's math warriors going? You still having fun?
MAX: Yeah, you know why it's fun?
MAX: 'Cause I'm the best one there.
MAX: Even better than the kids who are a year older than me. I'm so fast, and I get every problem right every single time.
MAX: I mean, go ahead, test me. Ask me a question. Test me. Go.
KRISTINA: Uh, I don't really have a math problem to solve off the top of my head, but I mean, you're liking it, then?
KRISTINA: You really like it? Who's your best friend in the group?
MAX: I told you. Louis.
KRISTINA: Louis, right. The kid that you were talking to yesterday? That kid?
KRISTINA: The big kid? He's kind of-- a little bigger than you?
KRISTINA: What about him?
MAX: Well, he always asks me to do problems, and then he sees me get the answers right. I'm so much faster than him.
KRISTINA: You're so much faster. And you guys laugh a lot?
KRISTINA: Were the other kids laughing too?
MAX: Sometimes they laugh.
KRISTINA: Okay. Do you tell jokes? I mean, are the other kids laughing? Is everybody
MAX: No, I just think they're just amazed at how amazing I am at solving these problems. I'm gonna go get my solar calculator.
KRISTINA: You are amazing.
[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, Arty Party is playing piano in the studio. Crosby and Rachel are in the booth.]
ARTY PARTY: [Singing] Don't take your car, just ride your bike
CROSBY: I didn't realize kids like lounge acts these days. That's new. That's a development.
RACHEL: I can't imagine that kids like listening to this.
RACHEL: I feel like I need a Martini or something.
CROSBY: Oh, my goodness. I can't have you becoming an alcoholic. [Puts his hands over her ears.] We must protect you from listening to this...
RACHEL: I can still hear it, actually.
CROSBY: Terrible, terrible music that's going to--[Chuckles]
[Adma enters after witnessing this.]
ADAM: Rachel, uh, what are you doing in here? We need you out front.
CROSBY: Oh, that's my fault. I got bored, and it's good for her to learn the business.
ADAM: Yeah, yeah. Agreed. Just right now, it's good for business if you're up front.
RACHEL: Yeah, I'm sorry.
ADAM: It's all right. It's all right. Not your fault. Not her fault.
CROSBY: You expecting a lot of foot traffic coming in the door today?
ADAM: What's the deal here with having Rachel up in the booth?
CROSBY: What do you mean, "what's the deal"?
ADAM: What are you doing? Are you hitting on our employee?
CROSBY: Are you in third grade?
ADAM: I see you flirting with her, okay?
CROSBY: Okay, I'm not flirting.
ADAM: And I like this girl, okay? She's motivated, she does a good job. Paying her practically nothing.
ADAM: Okay? And I don't wanna see this go away.
ARTY PARTY: [Singing] Mm mm, this planet's the only one
ADAM: If you sleep with her like you did with Gaby, you sleep with somebody that's on my payroll
CROSBY: Oh, my God, are you gonna carve that on my headstone?
[Arty throws something at the window to the booth.]
ADAM: Hey, sorry.
ARTY PARTY: Really, really sorry to interrupt your chat.
CROSBY: Oh, sorry.
ADAM: Very sorry.
CROSBY: What's the problem, Party?
ARTY PARTY: Um, do you want me to sing and play and just engineer all this on my own?
ADAM: Sorry about that.
CROSBY: I'm hearing it all. And it's--it's fantastic.
ARTY PARTY: I know that. Can we focus? And can I get a bit more level in my headphones, please?
ADAM: All right, so give him some more level.
ARTY PARTY: And also guys, do you have any bottles of water or anything?
CROSBY: Oh, uh, are you sure you don't wanna go with faucet? It's, uh, better for the environment.
ARTY PARTY: Just something liquid would be lovely.
CROSBY: Something liquid is right behind you there on that table.
ARTY PARTY: Mountainhead? Come on, have you not got Fiji or something?
ADAM: Can you just push the--can you push the button? We're gonna get you your Fiji. I'm gonna send Rachel out. We'll get you some Fiji. Not a problem.
CROSBY: Oh, we're gonna get you some Fiji.
ARTY PARTY: Right.
ARTY PARTY: I'm going from the top.
CROSBY: Hey, thanks for this book.
ADAM: Yep. Here all week long.
[NEW SCENE - Drew's bedroom, he is on his bed with Amy as they cuddle.]
DREW: Have you not heard the new album at all?
AMY: Of influx? No.
DREW: Yeah. Oh.
[Sarah knocks then opens the door without waiting.]
SARAH: Hey, Drew?
SARAH: Oh, hi!
SARAH: I thought you went home for dinner. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here.
DREW: Well, yeah. She is, so...
SARAH: I have something that I wanted to talk to you about. I was waiting until...
AMY: I can leave.
DREW: Um, we can talk--we live in the same house.
AMY: No, it's okay.
DREW: Seriously, stay. Wh
AMBER: It's okay.
AMY: I'll talk to you later.
SARAH: Bye, Amy. We'll see you soon.
DREW: Wow, I guess I'll text you. Why did you kick her out? What--
SARAH: I didn't kick her out. [Hands Drew his report card.] I didn't think you would want her to see--you know?
DREW: Mm, great. Yeah, great.
SARAH: "Great, yeah"?
DREW: I mean, I--
SARAH: that's your reaction to a "D"?
[Looking at his phone.]
SARAH: Drew, what is going on? How did this happen?
DREW: Wh--it's my quarterly report card. It's not even a final grade, so
SARAH: [Snapping] Well, it's not a final grade, but a quarterly is a...
[Drew is trying to text at the same time.]
DREW: Yeah, I can bring it up.
SARAH: Significant part of the year. Can you put the phone down, please?
DREW: I'm trying to apologize because you just
SARAH: Can you put the phone down because I'm talking you about something? [He closes the phone.] I've never seen this from you. It's your junior year.
DREW: Look, I don't know. It's a hard class, I mean
[His cell phone chimes.]
SARAH: You didn't ask for help. Please put the phone down. That's driving me crazy.
DREW: I'm trying to make sure she's safe.
SARAH: It's driving me crazy. I'm speaking to you. You know, I think that you have been spending too much time with Amy. She's a very nice girl, but--
DREW: Are you kidding me?
SARAH: I think you shouldn't see her during the week. I'm not kidding you. It's the one change that has happened that is the only explanation for this. I like her very much. She's a great girl.
DREW: I can't even--great. I'll just study.
SARAH: You can see her on the weekends. Do you hear me? You're not to see her during the week, okay?
DREW: Look, I'm trying to study.
[Sarah shuts the door as she leaves Drew to study.]
DREW: [Sighs as he wants to text Amy.]
[NEW SCENE - Julia and Joel in their bedroom as they dress for work.]
JOEL: Have we ever let Sydney lose?
JULIA: Are you taking my dad seriously now?
JOEL: No, think about it.
JULIA: Babe, it's ridiculous.
JOEL: Okay, I'm thinking about it, and you know what? I'm pretty sure we've never let her lose. Not at Tic-Tac-Toe, not at Checkers, not a single game in her entire life. It's been nothing but win, honey.
JULIA: [Chuckles] She is seven years old!
JULIA: So what? We let her lose at Tic-Tac-Toe? What is that gonna prove?
JOEL: That it happens. It's part of life.
JULIA: [Sighs] It's my dad's thing. He's obsessed with a pure game. And he's made all of his children obsessed with it. And I refuse to let Sydney be raised that way.
JOEL: What is the
JULIA: [Holding his wallet.] Here. I'm not gonna do it. Would you put this on me?
JULIA: Thank you. What do you want, to challenge her in a footrace?
JOEL: I was thinking arm wrestling. Too much?
JULIA: She's fine.
JULIA: Yeah. [Quick kiss] Okay?
JOEL: You're cute when you're in denial.
JULIA: I have beat her at something!
JOEL: No, you haven't!
JULIA: I have.
JOEL: Name it. Ah, your silence proves my point. Little spoiled brat. [Sighs]
[NEW SCENE - Coffee place, Drew talking to Amber.]
DREW: I just don't see how she can justify grounding me from a person--from a human.
AMBER: Dude, I mean, this is the story of my life with her.
DREW: No, but it's--I swear, it's like, it's worse now. You know, you can't just go a week without talking to someone.
AMBER: Someone special maybe?
DREW: I mean, you can.
DREW: Too much. Too soon.
AMBER: Okay, sorry. Listen, I understand, but, I mean, there are always options.
DREW: Mm...Like what?
AMBER: Come on. She works at night. You know, and lives in, like, a separate house. I mean, hello! It's like
DREW: Yeah, but...
AMBER: Just get on out of there.
DREW: If I tried to sneak out, and she caught me
AMBER: I'm just saying, dude. Like, if you did it the right way, if you were smart about it and planned it out while she was at work, you'd be fine. I'm just telling you, I think it's, uh
I think it's worth it.
DREW: All right.
DREW: Thanks very much.
[NEW SCENE - Kristina at home doing house work, on the phone to Adam who is in his office at the Luncheonette.
KRISTINA: Okay, so I made an appointment with Dr. Pelikan today at 3:00, but I know that you can't make it, so what should I do? Should I go by myself, or should I just reschedule it or try to go for a different day?
ADAM: Tell you what. [Rachel knocks then enters wearing another skimpy outfit.] Why don't you go see Dr. Pelikan yourself, and uh, you know, just see what he has to say. If that's gonna make you feel better, you know, he might have an opinion about how to handle this. So go for it.
KRISTINA: Okay, I will. I will. How's work going for you?
ADAM: I'm just wrapping up.
KRISTINA: How's the new assistant? The hottie? Hottie pa-totty?
ADAM: Um, you know, I don't have that doctor's number. I'm gonna have to--I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
KRISTINA: Is she there right now, listening to our whole conversation about Asperger's?
ADAM: Okay, I'll get that to you. Okay, honey. I love you. Bye-bye.
KRISTINA: Love you.
ADAM: That's okay.
RACHEL: Um, I was just about to go home
RACHEL: So I wanted to see if you needed anything before I left.
ADAM: Uh, no, I'm good. Thank you.
RACHEL: Is everything okay?
ADAM: Yeah. Yeah. Just--it's a complicated thing with my son. He has Asperger's, and my wife thinks that this other kid is teasing him, bullying him at school. And I'm not convinced that Max is even aware of it. So it's just something we're trying to figure out.
RACHEL: My cousin's autistic, actually. He just turned 14, and my aunt is like--I don't know, I've never seen anyone more patient, so
ADAM: Yeah, it's challenging. That's for sure. But, uh... What are you doing here so late?
RACHEL: Oh, I just wanted to make sure that the billing software was working correctly. I just want everything to be ready and organized, 'cause we're getting so busy
ADAM: You were making sure the billing software was working correctly?
RACHEL: Yes. Mm-hmm.
ADAM: Wow. You continue to impress me, Rachel. Have a seat.
RACHEL: Thank you. Oh, sure.
ADAM: We are really, really lucky to have you. My brother and I are really happy you're here...
RACHEL: Thank you.
ADAM: We wanna make sure that everything is going really well. So you're good?
RACHEL: Oh, my God, it's amazing.
RACHEL: I mean, watching you manage everything and--and watching Crosby work with the musicians--it's literally a dream come true.
ADAM: Well, good.
RACHEL: Sorry, that sounds so dumb to say.
ADAM: Rachel, that doesn't sound...
RACHEL: But it's true.
ADAM: Dumb at all, especially not if you want to work in this business. It's great.
RACHEL: I do. I'd love to produce music, and I-I kind of love everything about this place, actually.
ADAM: Well, I'm sure that you're gonna be great at it.
RACHEL: Thank you.
ADAM: Yeah. Hey, uh, listen, Rachel. There's something I've been meaning to say to you since you started working here.
ADAM: And I hope you don't take it the wrong way but, you know, just 'cause it's the music business, you know, it doesn't mean that, you know, we expect you-- or that you have to dress a-a certain way.
RACHEL: [Scoffs] N-n-no, I actually think this is one of the reasons to work in the music business...
ADAM: Oh, okay, sure.
RACHEL: And have your own sense of style. I'm not really the, you know, corporate office type of person, I think.
ADAM: Right, I get that. Sure.
RACHEL: But I can, if you'd like me to, um, dress in--for--
ADAM: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not asking you to dress differently. I'm just saying you don't have to. That's all I was saying.
RACHEL: I mean, it's--it's very sweet of you to be protective of me. Thank you.
ADAM: Well, I have a daughter, so-- she's a lot younger than you, but--
ADAM: Okay, maybe we should, uh, call it a night.
RACHEL: I will go get my stuff.
ADAM: Okay. See-ya. Yeah. Thanks, Rachel. [Sighs]
[NEW SCENE - Night-time outside the Braverman house, Drew and Amy are alone making out.]
DREW: I think I heard something.
AMY: [Whispering] Don't get caught.
DREW: I'm not gonna get caught.
AMY: Yes. Your mom's gonna hate me.
DREW: I just wanna make sure--[chuckles] My mom loves you. She's not gonna hate you.
DREW: She does. Everybody loves you. Come on.
AMY: Yeah, that's not true.
DREW: It's true. And...I love you. If that means anything. [Laughs]
AMY: I love you too.
DREW: All right, well--
AMY: I should go.
DREW: Be safe, all right?
AMY: Good night.
AMY: Don't get caught.
DREW: I'm fine.
[NEW SCENE - Drew climbs the stairs to his room, only to find Sarah sitting on his bed.]
DREW: Hey, I'm sorry.
SARAH: No phone, no Internet, no Amy.
[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, a man enters the building.]
MAN: Hi. How are you?
MAN: Gavin Reed.
RACHEL: I'm Rachel. It's a pleasure to meet you.
GAVIN: Rachel? Nice to meet you.
RACHEL: I'm a really big fan actually.
RACHEL: I love Dystopia. They're amazing.
GAVIN: You gotta come by and meet the guys sometime. They are great.
RACHEL: That would be incredible.
RACHEL: Um, I think the guys are gonna be down in a second. Would you like anything to drink? Water? Anything?
GAVIN: Yeah, water would be great.
[Crosby and Adam enter the room.]
GAVIN: Hey, Crosby. What's going on, man? Long time.
CROSBY: Yeah, good to see you.
ADAM: How are you?
CROSBY: This is my brother, Adam.
ADAM: Adam, nice to meet you.
GAVIN: Nice to meet you.
ADAM: Big fan. You manage a lot of great bands.
GAVIN: Thanks. Uh, you guys really have this place looking fantastic. [Looking at Rachel.]
CROSBY: Thank you.
GAVIN: I mean, you guys really made some excellent changes.
[Adam notices Gavin looking at Rachel.]
CROSBY: Yeah, yeah. We've put a lot of work into it.
CROSBY: You should check out the studio.
ADAM: Yeah, we'd love to have you record here, and I think you'd be really happy with it.
RACHEL: Water, room temperature.
ADAM: Oh, check it out.
GAVIN: Thanks so much for the water.
RACHEL: You're welcome.
GAVIN: I drink quick, so don't forget about checking up on me.
ADAM: Thank you, Rachel.
RACHEL: You're welcome.
GAVIN: Wow, yeah.
CROSBY: Isn't this cool?
GAVIN: Great piano, man.
[NEW SCENE - Sydney and Joel playing a board game at home.]
SYDNEY: Dad, you're too far ahead.
JOEL: I'm not that far ahead. Come on, let's keep playing.
SYDNEY: Well, you should move your piece back, so it's fair.
JOEL: Hon, that's not fair at all. Yeah, back there? Okay. Just--it's your turn anyway. Come on.
SYDNEY: [Sighs] Great.
JOEL: You know... Syd, we're just playing a game here, you know? That's--playing games is just all about having fun. It's not about who wins, who loses. But if you do lose, you're supposed to just turn to whoever you played, and you say, "good job." Okay?
SYDNEY: [Sighs] It's your turn.
JOEL: Oh... Look at that! Hey, I won!
SYDNEY: [Angry] You cheated!
JOEL: No, I didn't cheat. I won fair and square. Now, what do you say to someone when they win?
SYDNEY: You cheated, Daddy. That's not fair. That is so not fair!
JOEL: I didn't cheat. I played the game exactly like it's played. Now what are you supposed to
[Sydney picks up the cards throwing them at Joel.] Don't you ever do that to me! [He takes her hand.] You're gonna pick all this stuff up, Sydney, right now.
JOEL: Right now. Come on.
SYDNEY: You're a cheater, Daddy!
SYDNEY: Stop it!
[Joel pick her up.]
JOEL: Listen, you need to just
[She slaps Joel's face.]
SYDNEY: [grunts] Go! Go!
JOEL: [Angry] You don't hit anybody!
SYDNEY: Let me go!
JOEL: You don't hit anybody, and you don't hit your dad.
SYDNEY: Stop it!
JOEL: You know what, you're going right up to your room.
SYDNEY: Let me go!
JOEL: You're a spoilsport.
SYDNEY: Stop it! Let me go!
[NEW SCENE - Sycamore Charter, Math contest, Max is on stage with a group of other students sitting at two long desks.]
MATH TEACHER: Next question. "Allison plays baseball. In the last 25 times at bat, she made a hit four times. Based on the last 25 times at bat, what is the experimental probability that Allison will make a hit on her next time at bat?"
[Max begins knocking on table as he works out the answer.]
MAX: Um, let's see. Four, zero... 25, 25, 0-- [mumbling] 41...1... [ He presses his buzzer.] 0.16.
MATH TEACHER: That is correct!
MAX: Yeah, it's because 25 goes into 4 zero times. It goes into 40 one time, and then from 40, you get 15, and you bring down a zero. And it goes into 150 six times.
MATH TEACHER: Yes, right. [Chuckles]
[Audience applauses. Louis and some of the other kids don't look pleased.]
MATH TEACHER: Next question.
[NEW SCENE - Julia climbs the stairs at home.]
JULIA: Joel? Syd? Oh. Is Sydney in there?
JULIA: Did you beat her at Candyland?
SYDNEY: Daddy, daddy!
JULIA: Okay, she did not take losing well.
SYDNEY: Let me out of here right this instant! Daddy!
JULIA: I really hate it when my dad is right.
JOEL: Me too.
SYDNEY: Let me out of here right now! I hate you! You're the worst daddy ever! [A thud as she kicks the door.]
JOEL: Um, I'm gonna go. Somewhere else.
SYDNEY: Let me out!
JOEL: Um, maybe work out. Maybe a long movie. Maybe both, so, um, good luck.
SYDNEY: I hate you, daddy! I hate you!
JOEL: No TV, technology, just
JOEL: Okay. See ya.
[NEW SCENE - Back at the Math contest, which has now ended.]
MATH TEACHER: [In the background.] And I've heard all the arguments
LOUIS: Hey, Max. What's up? Can I ask you a question?
KRISTINA: [Watching nearby.] Honey, that's Louis.
ADAM: Which one?
KRISTINA: The one that looks like Ted Koppel.
LOUIS: Four red pens and five green pens in box. And a guy comes to pick one of those pens out of that box without looking. What's the probability it will be blue?
MAX: [Doing his usual routine] Blue pen, blue pen, blue pen, blue pen.
LOUIS: Check it out. Freaky, huh?
[Max muttering, stamping lightly]
BOY 2: It's not that funny anymore. It's kind of
LOUIS: All right, you can stop now.
MAX: Oh, no, wait. You're not gonna have the right time. It's .25. Check your watch.
LOUIS: [Dismissive] Nobody cares, Max. You guys wanna go to Swensen's for ice cream? All right, let's go.
MAX: I'll see you at practice!
[The boys laugh as they walk away.]
[NEW SCENE - Julia now has her laptop and sneaks back to the spot infront of the door with a bottle of wine.]
SYDNEY: Are you still there, mommy?
JULIA: Yep, I'm right here, sweetie.
SYDNEY: This is unfair! Unfair! Mommy, this is not fair! You put daddy on time-out, not me!
JULIA: Sweetheart, if you speak in an inside voice, you'll calm your body down then
SYDNEY: I will not calm my body down! You can't make me!
JULIA: That's true, I cannot make you. Only you can.
SYDNEY: Well, this is not okay to keep me in time-out! [Stammers] What is this? [Indistinct] [She kicks the door again.]
JULIA: Sweetheart, it is not okay to kick the door!
SYDNEY: No, this is not fair!
SYDNEY: This is not fair! [She continues kicking the door.] I hate you, I hate you, I hate you! Let me out of here! I hate you!
[NEW SCENE - Max and his parents arrive home, he goes to his room. Adam and Kristina to theirs.
MAX: Math-letes are undefeated this whole season. Did you guys know that I'm the star player?
ADAM: Good job, bud.
MAX: That's awesome.
KRISTINA: Get ready for bed, and I'll come tuck you in in a second. [Mac closes his door.] Adam, we need to talk about this. We need to deal with this right now.
ADAM: I know, I know.
KRISTINA: This kid, Louis, right out in the open, he excludes Max. He was making fun of him, making faces behind his back.
ADAM: Honey, I saw it. I didn't like it.
KRISTINA: You saw--of course not.
ADAM: It's a tricky situation, okay?
KRISTINA: But something has to be done about it. You know what? I think that we should call his parents.
ADAM: Oh, God, no. Honey, we can't call the
[His cell phone rings] Give me one second.
KRISTINA: Nothing is getting done. Nothing's getting resolved.
ADAM: [Sighs] Unbelievable.
KRISTINA: Who is that?
ADAM: It's Crosby.
KRISTINA: What does he want?
ADAM: Oh, God. He's says I've gotta come into the studio--it's urgent.
KRISTINA: Everything with Crosby is urgent, Adam. We have to talk about this right now, okay?
ADAM: We're not gonna solve this tonight, okay?
KRISTINA: Adam, we need to deal with this, please.
ADAM: Listen, honey, I know how you feel, okay? But I think you're overreacting, okay?
KRISTINA: You can't go right now.
ADAM: Listen. I just don't think that it's time for us to jump in and, you know, call the parents. That's a nuclear option that could just blow up in our faces, okay? [The phone beeps again.]
KRISTINA: Honey, please. Just--you don't need to go down there.
ADAM: I can't. I have to go. He's not gonna stop.
KRISTINA: What's the big emergency?
ADAM: I gotta go. I don't know what it is. He says it's urgent. I love you, okay?
KRISTINA: I'm not overreacting, Adam.
ADAM: All right?
ADAM: I gotta go.
KRISTINA: Are you kidding?
ADAM: Honey, I don't know what it is--it's urgent.
KRISTINA: This is a much bigger issue.
ADAM: I agree.
[NEW SCENE - Sarah and Mark in a bar.]
SARAH: The grade was just one thing.
SARAH: And I thought the punishment was really fair. And then he's gonna sneak out? And--it was almost like he's asking for it.
MARK: Course he's gonna sneak out.
SARAH: What do you mean?
MARK: Well, he's 16, and you told him that he can't see his first girlfriend. He's gonna find a way.
SARAH: It's a small amount of time.
MARK: I th--I think that there are ways of getting Drew to focus on his grades that--that don't involve taking away something that's so important to him, that's making him so happy.
SARAH: No, if you had kids, you would know. Sometimes you just have to really give them a boundary.
MARK: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're right. I'm not a parent, but at the same time... I deal with a hundred kids a year. They come into my class, and I have to discipline them. And anytime I say to a kid, "get out of my classroom," they go, "Oh, free period!" And it drives a wedge between us, and they don't learn anything. They just are angry at me. I'm just sad for Drew that he doesn't get to see her. I see him with her in the halls, and he's smiling and talking. And he's doing very un-Drew-like things. He's slowly coming out of his shell and... To keep a 16-year-old boy away from his first girlfriend is a...a tough job.
SARAH: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say 'cause you don't have kids.
MARK: No, no, that's fair.
SARAH: Of course you have kids.
MARK: That's all right. But thank you for saying that.
SARAH: Are we having our first fight? I feel--this feels strange.
MARK: I guess that qualifies as a fight. And now we can get straight to the making up.
MARK: I mean, not right here.
[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, Crosby is playing guitar and Rachel is at the piano.]
RACHEL: I think that's a good pace.
CROSBY: You like that pace?
[The door squeaks as Adam enters.]
ADAM: Is this the emergency?
CROSBY: We're just about to sing.
ADAM: What's so urgent?
CROSBY: Oh, nothing. It's not really a big deal, actually.
ADAM: Why did you call me down here?
CROSBY: Oh, you-probably won't even interest you. It's just that Gavin called, and he wants to book our studio for an entire month.
ADAM: For the whole month?
ADAM: This is great!
CROSBY: He wants to have all of his artists here and make us the single best recording studio in the Bay Area.
ADAM: This is awesome!
CROSBY: Yeah, right?
CROSBY: We're gonna be working around the clock.
ADAM: We're in profit.
CROSBY: On top of that, Arty Party's done. So no more crazy water demands.
ADAM: W-w-wait a minute. This is great news, but why couldn't you just email me?
CROSBY: Well, no. There's a third thing. Rachel, please. Show him.
ADAM: I can't.
RACHEL: This is the best of the best.
CROSBY: From the Hills of Oaxaca.
ADAM: I can have one drink, then I gotta go home.
CROSBY: We have to toast Rachel...
RACHEL: No, no, no.
CROSBY: Because she was a huge part
RACHEL: I did nothing at all.
CROSBY: Gavin went on and on and on about what an unbelievable beauty she was.
CROSBY: I'm gonna go get some shot glasses.
ADAM: I see.
RACHEL: Good thing I left my turtleneck at home, right?
ADAM: Ha ha. Very funny.
RACHEL: [Clears throat]
ADAM: Listen, Rachel. You're just--you're such a smart, beautiful girl. All I was trying to say the other day was that you don't have to trade on your looks, you know? You don't have to flirt with every guy who comes in here, asking
RACHEL: Oh, no, no, no. I didn't flirt with him at all. I promise.
ADAM: Okay. I just, you know, it just makes me think that you believe all you have going for you is your looks
and that's just--it's not true.
ADAM: There's so much more to you than that. Anyway, enough said. Sorry. Okay.
CROSBY: Hey! Bib for you.
CROSBY: Shot glasses were retrieved. They seemed to be hidden in your top desk drawer for some reason.
ADAM: I don't believe that's true.
CROSBY: You've been drinking
ADAM: I can have one drink, and then I gotta get out of here.
RACHEL: Thanks, that's really big.
CROSBY: Okay. Here we go. To The Luncheonette.
ADAM: To The Luncheonette.
[They each drink.]
ADAM: That is good!
CROSBY: Oh, wow.
[NEW SCENE - Braverman kitchen, Camille is nearby at the dining table working.]
SARAH: Hi. I came in for supplies.
CAMILLE: How was your date?
SARAH: It was really nice. How was your night?
SARAH: How's Drew?
CAMILLE: He's in his room. Um, no escape attempts.
SARAH: That's good. I was talking about him tonight, you know? Just deliberately defying me... It's so strange.
CAMILLE: Yeah, I know about that, I'm aware of that. But you know, I don't work here. Okay, I'm not a watchdog. I can't sit out on the porch and keep track of everybody who's coming and going. You know, I have a life. At the moment, I got my hands full.
SARAH: I know you don't work here, Mom. When I did figure you'd be home, and I just thought I would ask.
CAMILLE: Thought you'd ask. Yeah, it's supposed to sound like an ask. But you know, it sounds more to me like a demand. Most of the time, it's always a dance with you. Sarah, you know, and the one hand, what you expect me to do for you, help you with automatically, and on the other hand, I'm not supposed to express my opinion about anything. Keep it to myself, you know? I'm getting kind of tired of it, so... Drew is old enough to stay in the house by himself. Needless to say. So if you think otherwise, I'm gonna have to talk to Drew about it.
[NEW SCENE - Joel returns home to find Julia passed out in front of Sydney's door.]
JOEL: [Whispers] Hey. Hey.
JULIA: [Sighs] You're back.
JOEL: That was a rough one, huh?
JULIA: I think it's too late.
JOEL: For what, honey?
JULIA: For Syd. Babe, we--we just--we told her she was great all the time, we let her win all the time.
JULIA: And we just gave her too much stuff all the time. And we ruined her.
JOEL: You know what? We're gonna get another baby, then we'll start over. This one's a bust.
JULIA: Babe, that's not funny!
JOEL: It's pretty funny. Come on.
JOEL: Okay, let's get up. When I was seven, I was a hellion.
JOEL: I turned out okay. She's gonna be fine.
JULIA: You're great.
[Joel opens the door, Sydney is asleep next to her bed on the floor.]
JOEL: You killed her.
[They both laugh]
JOEL: Wow, look at our little spoiled brat.
JULIA: Oh, my God, I love her. She's so cute.
JOEL: Should we just chuck her?
JOEL: One, two, three.
[They put her on her bed.]
JULIA: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
[They laugh as they rush out the room, turning off the light and closing the door.]
[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette. The informal celebration with Rachel and the guys now includes pizza.]
CROSBY: Oh, here we go.
[Crosby puts on Bitch by The Rolling Stones]
This is a great song.
[Both laughing as they dance, alcohol is clearly involved.]
RACHEL: Like he came up with this.
ADAM: [Laughs] Oh, my God.
RACHEL: Oh, my God.
ADAM: Lord. I'm gonna have nightmares.
[Thunder can be heard as lightning lights the room.]
RACHEL: Oh, my God. Did you guys see that? You all right?
CROSBY: Yeah. Did you see it? I tore something.
ADAM: [Starts to dance.] Oh, oh, oh, oh.
RACHEL: It's really late. I think I have to go home. I have to go to sleep.
ADAM: All right, it is pretty late. Listen
CROSBY: I'm gonna sleep here.
ADAM: That is a good idea. [To Rachel.] How are you getting home?
RACHEL: I'm gonna go--I'm gonna take the bus.
ADAM: Uh, no, I will drive you. You're not gonna wait out in the rain at the bus stop.
RACHEL: No, no, no, I'm totally fine. I love the rain.
ADAM: I don't think you are fine, actually.
RACHEL: I am.
ADAM: I will take you--You're not gonna go stand out at the bus stop in this, okay?
RACHEL: No, I can.
ADAM: [To Crosby, they hug] I love you. Congratulations.
ADAM: All right.
CROSBY: You're fine to drive?
ADAM: I'm good--I just had one.
CROSBY: You had one?
CROSBY: How did I miss that?
ADAM: You ready?
RACHEL: Are you sure?
ADAM: Let's go. Yeah. It's pouring out. I'm gonna pull the car up front, okay?
RACHEL: Okay, thank you.
ADAM: All right. See ya, Cros.
CROSBY: Bye! Congrats! I'm just gonna be here partying by myself. It's gonna be great!
[NEW SCENE - Heavy rain falls as Adam pulls into a parking lot.]
RACHEL: It's right here.
ADAM: Rachel, this neighborhood's a little sketchy. Only a couple blocks away, a few months ago, there was a shooting. You know that, right?
RACHEL: No, it's totally fine.
ADAM: Do your parents know that?
RACHEL: It's really fine. It's very safe.
RACHEL: I'm right there.
ADAM: Uh, listen, can I just walk you up to your door? It would make me feel a lot better.
RACHEL: No, no, no, no. It's fine.
ADAM: Humor me, all right?
RACHEL: It's very safe.
ADAM: Let me get you safely to your apartment, okay?
RACHEL: All right, if you really want to.
ADAM: All right, you ready?
RACHEL: Yeah, let's make a run for it.
ADAM: All right. Hold on. One, two, three, go!
[They ran to the building.]
ADAM: Here. [Taking off his jacket.]
RACHEL: Oh, thanks.
ADAM: Better than nothing. Ah! [Laughs]
[Finally at the door.]
ADAM: Oh, my God!
ADAM: See, that was a great idea. Oh...
[Rachel unlocks her door.]
RACHEL: I'm sorry that I dress provocatively sometimes.
ADAM: Oh, Rachel, I'm--I'm sorry if I made you feel self-conscious.
RACHEL: No, you didn't. I just--
ADAM: I didn't mean for that to happen. I probably shouldn't have said anything.
RACHEL: I appreciate what you said about me being smart.
ADAM: Well, you are, and you're welcome.
RACHEL: I mean, I am, yeah. But that's not what anyone ever notices about me. Probably 'cause I make sure that they notice my rack first. You're a really good boss, and I don't mean to be such a basket case. I--sorry.
ADAM: You gonna be okay?
ADAM: You sure? Okay, come here. [They hug] You're okay, all right? You're okay. [They pull apart only for Rachel to begin kissing Adam on the lips.]
ADAM: [He pulls back.] Whoa. Um...I can't.
[Embarrassed Rachel goes inside and closes the door. Adam is left thinking what just happened?]
[NEW SCENE - Next day, Adam and Kristina driving Max to school.]
KRISTINA: So what happened with Crosby last night? What was the big emergency?
ADAM: It was just, uh, Crosby was having a tough time making out some, um, invoices. He just lost some invoices, and that's all it was. Stupid.
ADAM: All right, Max-ematician. Ready for school?
MAX: Don't--don't use that pun. I hate that pun, and I hate all puns.
ADAM: All right, well, here's looking at Euclid.
MAX: That's another dumb pun. I don't like that.
KRISTINA: All right, buddy.
ADAM: Have a good day, bud.
KRISTINA: Love you.
ADAM: See ya.
LOUIS: Maxy boy, what's up?
BOY 2: The multiplying Max. Hey, where you going? Okay, ignore me. That's fine.
LOUIS: Maximilian! Where you going?
KRISTINA: Hey, honey, I'll be right back. Two minutes.
ADAM: Where you going? Kristina, hey.
KRISTINA: Just two minutes. I'll be right back. Be right back. Hey, Louis! Hey, honey, how are you?
LOUIS: I'm--I'm good.
KRISTINA: How you doing? I'm Mrs. Braverman. I'm Max's mom.
KRISTINA: And I just want you to know that he doesn't realize that you've been making fun of him behind his back, but I've seen it, and it needs to stop, okay? All of it. Do you understand me? You and your friends, your cohorts--you think you can get by with your Justin Bieber hairdo and your Invisalign braces, but guess what. Puberty's gonna set in. It's gonna set in ugly.
ADAM: [To him self from the car] Abort! Abort!
KRISTINA: Be a friend. Be a friend, not a bully.
LOUIS: [Mutters to himself.]
KRISTINA: What--have a good day!
ADAM: Kristina, what did you say to him?
KRISTINA: I didn't say anything.
ADAM: What did you say?
KRISTINA: Just straightened some things out.
ADAM: Well, good job.
[They hi-5 each other.]
KRISTINA: Just drive.
ADAM: I mean, all right, okay. I'm driving, I'm going.
[NEW SCENE - Braverman house, the doorbell rings, then knocking and muffled voices.]
JABBAR: [Opening the door.] Hi, guys!
JULIA & JOEL: Hey!
ZEEK: Come on in here. Hey, granddaughter. How are you? [He picks her up.]
JULIA: [To Jabbar.] How's it going.
SYDNEY: Look at my loose tooth.
ZEEK: Oh, my gosh, that's really loose.
JULIA: Yeah, it's coming.
JOEL: Pretty impressive, huh?
SYDNEY: I know how to play Chess.
ZEEK: Oh, really?
JOEL: You know what.
JULIA: Um, maybe you should use a different game.
JOEL: You're probably better off playing, uh, dress up with your grandmother or something.
ZEEK: I think it would be okay, right? You wanna give it a shot? Okay. [Puts he back down.] There you go. Yeah?
JULIA: Yeah, a play date.
JOEL: That's weird, I don't remember the chess board being out.
JULIA: That's funny.
ZEEK: Okay. Well, guess we're gonna play some Chess, aren't we? Okay, granddaughter, this is gonna be the real deal here. That means there's gonna be a winner and a loser. No holds barred. I'm gonna be going all out, so you're gonna be ready to handle it?
SYDNEY: I can handle it.
ZEEK: You can handle it.
SYDNEY: Game on.
ZEEK: Game on. [Chuckles]
JABBAR: I think grandpa Zeek is gonna win.
ZEEK: Do you?
[NEW SCENE - Drew's room, Sarah comes to the door with some ice cream.]
DREW: Okay. I am studying, so... Doing good.
SARAH: I see that. Did you--do you need a study break?
DREW: Look, I'm not Amber, okay? You don't have to worry about me in school. I can get the grade up. It's not a big deal.
SARAH: I know that. I'm trying to figure out a way to start this sentence that doesn't start with, "Someday, when you're a parent."
[They both chuckle.]
SARAH: You know you're supposed to protect your kids and take care of them. You're supposed to make sure they eat something, wear clothes. But they don't tell you that there comes a time when you're supposed to let them go and trust them and know that they can make good decisions. I overreacted, and I'm sorry, and I trust you.
DREW: Well, thanks. [Laughs]
SARAH: And you can see Amy.
DREW: I mean, you're not allowed to just bribe me with ice cream.
SARAH: Look at this. Look at that chunk! That is mine, my friend.
DREW: You've got all the good chunks.
SARAH: Look at that! You're jealous?
DREW: Uh-huh. Yeah, I want it.
[NEW SCENE - Back at the chess game.]
SYDNEY: Can I move here?
SYDNEY: [Putting out her hand.] Good game.
ZEEK: Aw, that was a good game, granddaughter. You did great! That was fantastic!
JOEL: That was awesome.
ZEEK: I'm exhausted. Whoa, jeez.
SYDNEY: Let's play again.
JOEL: I think we're good with this. We're not gonna top that game.
[Over lapping talk.]
[NEW SCENE - Luncheonette, Rachel walks into the break room where Adam is getting a drink.]
RACHEL: I'm just, uh, I'm gonna get these packages to FedEx before 5:00, so...
ADAM: Yeah. [She starts to leave.] Rachel?
ADAM: [Sighs] I love my wife.
RACHEL: I know. I know that. Sorry.
3.09 - Sore Loser
Original Airdate (NBC) November 15, 2011
Written by Bridget Carpenter
Directed by Lawrence Trilling
Transcribed by Craig Best
Original subtitles from www.addic7ed.com
Please Don't Use Without Permission!
This is a transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, some settings have been added where needed along with actions and/or camera movements where I felt they were necessary. "PARENTHOOD" and other related entities are owned, their respective companies and no copyright infringement is intended..
All Rights Reserved. This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for commercial gain.