2.03 - I'm Cooler Than You Think
Transcript by Craig Best

This is a Beta copy
please contact me for any corrections or additions

[Opening scene - Joel is backing Sydney's lunch for school.]

JOEL: Sydney, finish brushing your teeth, we gotta go!

SYDNEY: I'm trying to find my baby boo-boo.

JOEL: It's under the purse box. [To Julia.] Why do I know that?

JULIA: Because you are the greatest.

JOEL: Yeah?

[They start kissing]

JULIA: Mm-hmm.

JOEL: Mm, oh.

JULIA: Mm. Mm, oh.

JOEL: Okay. Mm, wanna know what else I know?

JULIA: What?

JOEL: Patsy the bunny's wearing biddy baby's pants.

JULIA: Oh.

JOEL: What do you think of that?

JULIA: I think that we should do this whole thing again.

JOEL: Yeah? [Shouting] Sydney!

SYDNEY: I'm coming.

JOEL: What whole thing again?

JULIA: We should have another baby. I'm ready.

JOEL: Yeah, let's talk about it.

JULIA: Okay, we'll talk about it.

JOEL: Yes.

JULIA: Okay.

SYDNEY: [Coming down the stairs.] Why were you kissing daddy?

JULIA: Because we're talking about something exciting.

SYDNEY: What stuff that's exciting?

JULIA: Um, I will tell you in the car, bug.

JOEL: Okay.

JULIA: Right? We'll talk about it later tonight?

JOEL: Yeah, yeah, we'll talk about it later. Let's just keep it between us for now.

SYDNEY: Keep what between us?

JULIA: The exciting stuff that we're talking about.

JOEL: Yes, okay.

JULIA: And, I will tell you. I'll explain.

JOEL: We'll explain later. Okay right.

JULIA: Yes.

JOEL: I love you.

SYDNEY: I love you. Oh, daddy, don't forget the field trip's today.

JOEL: Yeah, all right, I won't.

JULIA: Okay, let's go, baby!

JOEL: Bye.

[NEW SCENE - Adam and Kristina's kitchen.]

ADAM: Max, what you got going on, my man?

KRISTINA: He's coloring.

ADAM: Hey, you wanna know what I'm doing at work today?

MAX: No.

HADDIE: Mom?

KRISTINA: Yeah.

HADDIE: Can you take me to Target after school?

KRISTINA: Target? I just went to Target. What do you need?

HADDIE: I don't know, I just need some stuff 'cause I'm gonna be running for Student Council President.

KRISTINA: What'd you say?

ADAM: Ho!

HADDIE: It's not a big deal or anything, it's whatever.

KRISTINA: You are?

ADAM: This is a Braverman family tradition. I was Treasurer!

HADDIE: No, I know.

KRISTINA: No kidding, what about…

ADAM: Obviously, I don't have the experience your mother does in campaigning, but...

HADDIE: Right.

KRISTINA: This is a true campaign. When is the election?

HADDIE: It's next week.

KRISTINA: Okay... I don't have much time. We have to get poster board, markers…

HADDIE: Mm-hmm, I know. I was gonna get it.

KRISTINA: Crayons, stickers...

HADDIE: Well, I was gonna get the stuff.

KRISTINA: I will run your campaign for you.

ADAM: Congratulations. Okay, way to put yourself out there.

HADDIE: I didn't win yet.

KRISTINA: You're gonna win, because I'm gonna help you.

ADAM: Can you please tell them not to honk? The neighbors don't like that.

KRISTINA: Oh, my God! I'm so excited for her.

ADAM: Hey, you know what, Max? If we leave right now, I can take you to school today.

MAX: Nope.

KRISTINA: Yeah.

MAX: Mom takes me.

ADAM: All right, I gotta go.

KRISTINA: We're part of a pattern.

ADAM: Honey, I love you.

KRISTINA: I love you.

ADAM: Max...

MAX: Dad, you just messed up my drawing.

ADAM: All right, sorry. Have a good day.

KRISTINA: You have a good day too. I'll save your supper.

[NEW SCENE - Renee's house, night-time as Jabbar and Crosby watch TV.]

CROSBY: Okay, this guy who's up to bat, he's gonna…

RENEE: Jabbar.

CROSBY: He's a great hitter.

RENEE: For the third time, go brush your teeth.

JABBAR: I have to see who's gonna win. It's extra innings.

CROSBY: No, listen to your grandma. Just go grab your toothbrush and you can finish brushing while we watch the…

RENEE: Uh-uh, uh, it's late. Give your father a kiss good night.

JABBAR: Good night, daddy.

CROSBY: I'll tell you who won in the morning.

RENEE: I'll be back there in a minute.

CROSBY: I'm just gonnn, oh.

RENEE: It's late, Crosby.

CROSBY: Someone's gonna score and then the game will be over.

RENEE: Good night.

CROSBY: Okay, I'm probably gonna miss this if I get in the car right now and dri…

RENEE: Good night.

CROSBY: Okay.

[NEW SCENE - Braverman kitchen night-time, Sarah walks in.]

SARAH: Hi!

CAMILLE: Hi, sweetie.

AMBER: Hey.

SARAH: No.

AMBER: Okay.

SARAH: It couldn't be. Yes, it's you. Oh, I remember you.

AMBER: That's enough.

SARAH: I don't think you're any taller.

AMBER: Very dramatic, funny joke.

SARAH: Where have you been? You spend all your time at this Kelsey's house. I mean, I wanted you to make a friend, but come on.

AMBER: Okay, are you jealous?

SARAH: You should bring her over here, you know.

AMBER: Well, you know, not if you're gonna act like this.

SARAH: Okay, I'll be different. I'll be more normal.

AMBER: Great, can't wait to see that.

SARAH: Where are you going?

AMBER: I'm gonna go upstairs because you're stressing me out.

SARAH: I just got home.

AMBER: You're stressing me out. I need to mellow, it's too tense down here.

SARAH: You're not drinking coffee, right?

AMBER: Of course I am.

CAMILLE: It's decaf.

AMBER: It's not decaf. Thank you, ladies. I appreciate it. I'll see you later.

SARAH: I just think it's weird, you know? I mean, she lives at this girl's house.

CAMILLE: You know, sweetie, I kind of remember you spending the better part of your sophomore year at Polly what's-her-name's house.

SARAH: Polly Morgenthal.

CAMILLE: Yeah.

SARAH: It's normal, it's fine.

CAMILLE: Yeah, well, I'm just saying, you know. It's not without precedent.

SARAH: She should, you know, they should spend time over here. It's…

CAMILLE: They will. It'll happen.

SARAH: Yeah.

CAMILLE: That'll happen.

SARAH: Yeah, sure.

[Opening credits - featuring “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan]

[NEW SCENE - Crosby's houseboat, Jabbar and Crosby are on Skype with Jasmine.]

JABBAR: …and we're going to a baseball game this weekend. And dad said I could have as many hotdogs as I wanted.

CROSBY: No, no, no, I said we could eat Quinoa and spinach salad.

JABBAR: You said I could have as…

CROSBY: Says who? Where's your recording? I don't see any proof.

JASMINE: So how's grandma Renee? Are you being a good boy?

JABBAR: Grandma made daddy go home last night.

CROSBY: Well…

JASMINE: She did?

CROSBY: No, no, she…

JABBAR: Yeah.

CROSBY: She didn't make me. It just got late, and then I just bid her adieu.

JASMINE: Is everything okay?

CROSBY: Yeah.

JASMINE: You're all right?

CROSBY: No, it's great. She… she's terrific.

JASMINE: Really?

CROSBY: Everything's hunky-dory. Speaking of awesome people, Jabbar and I have worked out an interpretive dance routine we wanna show you.

JASMINE: [Starts clapping.] Ooh!

CROSBY: Knowing that you're a lover of fine dance routines.

JASMINE: Yay!

CROSBY: Are you ready?

JASMINE: I'm ready.

CROSBY: [Starts making drum beat sounds with his mounth.] Double time! Any move you want.

[NEW SCENE - T&S Shoes.]

ADAM: [On the phone as he walks.] Look, I don't wanna have an argument. I wanna receive the shipment that we ordered. Half of which we paid for. Jay, Jay, I wanna remind you that you, that's the same thing that you said to me last month.

SARAH: Aah! Aah!

ADAM: You know what, I'm gonna bounce back the email that you sent to me. I gotta go, I'll talk to you later.

SARAH: Sorry.

ADAM: Hey. What're you doing?

SARAH: I'm looking for shoes. What does it look like I'm doing?

ADAM: Let me see.

SARAH: I'm looking for stuff from the 2000...

ADAM: Ch3-3179. It's 2006. You're in the wrong place.

MIKE: Nice work, Adam.

ADAM: Well, I didn't do it. Okay, you got that?

MIKE: Yeah. Can I help you guys with something?

ADAM: Yeah, actually you can. Mike, this is Sarah. She's our new intern. Sarah, this is Mike. She's looking for some old models for the design team. Can you help her out?

MIKE: No problem.

ADAM: All right, see you later.

SARAH: Bye.

MIKE: That guy just radiates tension, doesn't he? His walk kills me. It's like he's got a stick up his butt or something.

SARAH: [Laughs] Oh, yeah. Well, can't argue with you.

MIKE: Hey, don't get me wrong, he's a really nice guy…

SARAH: He is a nice guy.

MIKE: …but he's a little tightly wound.

SARAH: Do you know his wave, though? This one.

MIKE: [Chuckles] Oh god.

SARAH: It's, like, really? Not even a double? No, just a single.

MIKE: Pretty spot-on. That's good, I like that.

SARAH: Hey!

MIKE: What'd you say your name was again?

SARAH: Sarah.

MIKE: Sarah.

SARAH: Yeah.

MIKE: Mike.

SARAH: Oh, hey, Mike.

[They shake hands.]

MIKE: Nice to meet you.

SARAH: Nice to meet you. What's your…

MIKE: Forklift Mike. That's me.

SARAH: So, okay... I'll clean this up.

MIKE: I'll do…

SARAH: You go forklift something.

MIKE: I'll do this.

SARAH: No, really? Okay.

MIKE: You go forklift.

SARAH: Okay, fine.

[NEW SCENE - Haddie and Kristina working on the posters.]

KRISTINA: Okay, how about... "Vote for Haddie Braverman, the one who doesn't waver, man." Or...

HARMONY: Oh. Clever.

KRISTINA: "Don't be catty, vote for Haddie."

HADDIE: Haddie...

KRISTINA: "Hats off to Haddie."

HADDIE: None of them…

KRISTINA: I don't know.

HADDIE: I don't…

KRISTINA: Who else is running?

HADDIE: There's George Emerson, and Toby Beers, and Michaela Padrick.

KRISTINA: Oh, Michaela's running? It's okay, she's fine.

HADDIE: I know, it doesn't matter.

KRISTINA: You're gonna win anyway, it doesn't matter. What's your platform? What's your platform like? Like, what are you gonna stand for, what are you gonna say?

HADDIE: Um...

KRISTINA: "I, Haddie Braverman..."

HADDIE: Mom, I don't have a platform.

KRISTINA: You don't have a platform? You know what, that green...Try the red. It's a little bit bolder, stronger. It means that you're direct, you're focused.

HADDIE: Okay.

KRISTINA: It's good. What about your mission statement? Let's work on that.

HADDIE: I don't have a mission state, that's what I mean, I don't have a mission statement or, like, a platform, because I'm just putting up posters. That's it, it's not a big deal. It's just, that's it.

KRISTINA: I would use the blue. Eh, glitter.

[NEW SCENE - Joel is putting the finishing touches to Sarah's new desk. To the song 'What 'cha Gonna Do About It' by Small Faces.]

[NEW SCENE -Braverman house, the family watching baseball on TV.]

ZEEK: Yeah! All right.

CROSBY: [To The TV.] You better talk this over, guys. Yeah, get this bum outta there.
[Adam walks over to Max sitting by himself on the stairs while he plays a computer game.]

ADAM: Hey, Max. They gotta bring in a new pitcher. You wanna come and sit with the family? You can sit right by me and grandpa. What do you say?

CROSBY: [Heard in the background.] How many have you had?

ADAM: All right.

CROSBY: You're not keeping track.

CAMILLE: Where's Amber?

SARAH: Where is Amber?

CAMILLE: Yeah.

SARAH: You know, is the met having an opening tonight? Is there a helicopter tour? She's with the fantastic people.

CROSBY: Why are they so…

KRISTINA: Hey, everybody. I'd like to make an announcement.

ZEEK: Oh, good, it's a commercial.

KRISTINA: That wasn't nice. Everybody raise your glass.

SARAH: Raise your glass.

KRISTINA: My daughter Haddie Braverman is running for Junior Class President.

SARAH: Oh! Whoo!

ADAM: That's right. Following in her father's footsteps right here.

JULIA: Excuse me, your footsteps?

ADAM: Yeah.

JULIA: I was class president.

KRISTINA: I wrote speeches.

CROSBY: The student council nerds are gonna have a nerd-off.

JULIA: Haddie, you know what? I have the buttons that say "Braverman for President" left over.

HADDIE: Oh, okay.

JULIA: And you're welcome to them.

HADDIE: Thanks.

SARAH: What's your speech, Haddie?

ZEEK: Can we just watch the game?

CROSBY: You know what, we gotta split.

ZEEK: You leaving?

CROSBY: Yeah, yeah, come on.

CAMILLE: Already?

CROSBY: Time to go back to grandma's.

ZEEK: It's only the sixth inning; We haven't had the seventh inning stretch yet.

CROSBY: [To Jabbar.] Go and give Camille a hug. Yeah, well, I gotta get him back to Renee's.

CAMILLE: Bye, sweetie, bye.

ZEEK: Wait a minute.

CROSBY: Or I'm in trouble.

ZEEK: We're his grandparents too. I mean, we have a say in this.

CROSBY: Well, I'm his dad, and I don't have a say in it, so...

ZEEK: I see.

CROSBY: Yeah.

ZEEK: Well, your balls will still be here when you get back.

JABBAR: What balls?

CROSBY: What's that? That's not what he said.

JULIA: What balls, what balls are those?

CROSBY: A lot of explaining to do. Thank you, grandpa.

ADAM: Good night, gentlemen.

ZEEK: Jabbar.

JABBAR: Bye, Max.

JOEL: See you guys.

ADAM: Anyone need another beer? Anybody? Anything in the kitchen, anybody?

ZEEK: Shh! I just wanna watch the game.

KRISTINA: "I will coordinate a concerted effort and organize the student body…"

SARAH: Oh, my God, is she still doing the speech?

KRISTINA: No.

[Adam watches as Joel and Sydney talk.]
JOEL: So we make it out of wood.

SYDNEY: What kind of wood do you use?

JOEL: Uh, pine.

SYDNEY: Do you cut down a pine tree?

JOEL: No, no, the tree's already been cut down. But I take the lumber, which is made out of wood, and then I put it together. I build it, I sand it, and I stain it.

SYDNEY: Well, can I help you build?

JOEL: Sure.

SYDNEY: Can I have my own hammer?

JOEL: Mm...Yes.

SYDNEY: Yay.

[Adam looks over to Max.]

SARAH: Oh, oh, oh!

CAMILLE: What was that? What happened?

ZEEK: Double play.

KRISTINA: "I, Haddie Braverman..."

[NEW SCENE - T&S Shoes, Julia is waiting in Adam's office.

ADAM: Hey. I signed off on all of these. Can you get them over to marketing, please? Thank you. Just give me one second…

JULIA: Okay, you ready?

ADAM: One second, one second.

JULIA: If you didn't have time for lunch, you could've told me. It's okay.

ADAM: Hey, you just wait. I've always got time for my baby sister. What's going on?

JULIA: Okay. How do you feel about six years' age difference?

ADAM: I thought you and Joel were the same age.

JULIA: We're not, but I'm talking about Haddie and Max. Did you plan that with Kristina?

ADAM: It wasn't planned. It sort of happened that way. What are, are you pregnant?

JULIA: We're trying.

ADAM: Yeah?

JULIA: Yeah.

ADAM: That's great.

JULIA: Thanks.

ADAM: Good for you, Julia.

JULIA: Yeah, and if we succeed very quickly, as we did the first time, then it'll be six years between Syd and the little one.

ADAM: Uh-huh, yep, never a dull moment with two kids.

JULIA: I'm sure.

ADAM: Yeah.

JULIA: Is it... All right, I feel like this is a silly question, but how much more work is it?

ADAM: Well, I mean, the sleep deprivation is more challenging.

JULIA: Yeah.

ADAM: I'll tell you that. And...You know, it's hard when you've got a job. But, you know, Kristina was great, and Joel's awesome.

JULIA: He is. He's incredible.

ADAM: Strong recommendation.

JULIA: Taken.

ADAM: Let's go have lunch. Let's celebrate.

JULIA: I don't have time anymore.

ADAM: We're gonna celebrate trying to have a baby. Come on.

[NEW SCENE - T&S Shoes break room, Sarah is at a table, Mike comes over.]

MIKE: You're very focused there.

SARAH: Oh.

MIKE: What are you looking for?

SARAH: Um, I'm looking for a band, a cool band to take my daughter and her friend to.

MIKE: Hmm. Sounds like a really stupid question, but don't most teenagers pick out their own bands?

SARAH: Well, uh, yeah, good point. But... My daughter has this new friend who is very wealthy, and very...Cultured. And I've just sort of lost her to this cool family. And the parents have taken them to places, it's…I can't compete. But, um... I just miss her and I thought I'd try to do something fun, like take them to some cool band they've never heard of. It's so pathetic, ugh.

MIKE: How about, um, Ben Harper?

SARAH: Oh, yeah. I didn't see that in here.

MIKE: No, you're not gonna. He has this new band that's called Fistful of Mercy. Nothing. They're awesome. Okay. They come here right before they go on tour and they play sort of this secret little set of all their new music; It's really cool. Yeah.

SARAH: That sounds amazing. How do I get tickets?

MIKE: You can't. You just gotta show up at 9:00 at the Echo, Thursday night.

SARAH: How do you know?

MIKE: I just know.

SARAH: You're that guy, aren't you?

MIKE: I am that guy.

SARAH: Who knows stuff.

MIKE: You're welcome.

SARAH: You're on lists, and you're getting emails...

[NEW SCENE - Gaby is helping Max at his home.]

GABY: Read number one, Max. Good.

ADAM: Hey. Hi, Gaby.

GABY: Hi.

ADAM: Max. I brought something home I wanna show you. Thought you might wanna see all the new shoes we're doing this year.

MAX: I'm doing this. 9To Gaby] I'm done.

ADAM: Look, hey. I got the new catalog right here.

MAX: [To Gaby] I left my math homework upstairs. Can you go get it for me?

GABY: Max, you can go up and get it yourself.

MAX: Can I earn an extra sticker?

GABY: Can you look at me when you ask that?

MAX: [Struggling] Can I earn an extra sticker?

GABY: Yes, you can.

[Max leaves the room.]
ADAM: Gaby.

GABY: Yeah?

ADAM: I need to ask you a question.

GABY: Okay.

ADAM: Max shows absolutely no interest in anything I have to say. None.

GABY: What's the question?

ADAM: Well, shouldn't we be trying to work on that?

GABY: He's making really good progress, every day.

ADAM: Yeah.

GABY: So...

ADAM: Well, I'd like to see him progressing towards talking, towards having a conversation… I came home last night, and he was up in bed, and I sat down with him. I asked him questions about his day, I asked him... You know, it's just hard. And I would like to have a conversation with my son.

GABY: He'll get there.

ADAM: Listen, Gaby, it just seems like listening and talking is a pretty basic skill he needs to practice.

GABY: And social connection is the main thing that we're working on.

ADAM: Mm-hmm.

GABY: And it might take a while for him to be able to apply what he's learning in his everyday life.

ADAM: I know that.

GABY: Okay.

ADAM: It's just... Taken a lot longer than I imagine it would.

GABY: He's doing really well. He is.

ADAM: Okay. Thanks.

GABY: You're welcome.

[NEW SCENE - Braverman kitchen, Amber has her friend Kelsey over.]

AMBER: I just never figured it would ever become a big problem, but, you know, it started to, so...

KELSEY: Man, no, I see.

AMBER: Just stopped, you know?

KELSEY: Yeah, it blows. Oh, my God. Is that, like, a cobbler?

AMBER: Sure looks like it. You should definitely eat it. It's gonna be good.

KELSEY: Yeah, I'm planning on it.

SARAH: [Entering the back door.] Hey.

AMBER: Hey.

SARAH: Hi.

AMBER: How are you?

SARAH: Good. Hey.

KELSEY: Hi.

AMBER: You know Kelsey.

SARAH: Of course, hi. Nice to see you. Oh, did you want a plate or…?

KELSEY: Oh, no, thanks. I'm good.

AMBER: No, we're good.

SARAH: I mean, it's fine to eat it like that. We do, but...

AMBER: We're totally good.

SARAH: Oh, okay.

AMBER: Thanks for your help.

KELSEY: I like your shirt, it's really cute.

AMBER: Kelsey it's mine, we're gonna go back to Kelsey's after this, so...

SARAH: Amber, really?

AMBER: Mother, yes.

SARAH: Well, you guys, you're here already. Kelsey, you're welcome over here anytime.

AMBER: She knows.

SARAH: All right.

AMBER: Okay.

SARAH: Listen, I wanted to invite you guys to something. Um, it's this…

AMBER: No…

SARAH: Concert, hold on.

AMBER: Thank you, we're good.

SARAH: Hold on.

AMBER: Doesn't matter.

SARAH: It's Ben Harper at an Underground Club that people don't even know, you know, that he's performing. You can't get tickets, you…

AMBER: [To Kelsey] Sorry.

SARAH: Just have to know and show up. And he's playing with the two other guys in a new band…

KELSEY: Wait, yeah, Fistful of Mercy. I heard about this.

SARAH: Fistful of Mercy!

AMBER: We don't have to go.

SARAH: She has heard about this.

KELSEY: Oh, my God. Yeah, that sounds amazing. We have to go.

SARAH: [Excited] We totally have to go. It's okay on a school night? 'Cause it's a school night.

KELSEY: Oh, no, that's totally fine.

SARAH: I mean, of course it is, 'cause it's okay with me.

KELSEY: That's really cool, how did you hear about an underground Ben Harper concert?

AMBER: Yes, please enlighten us.

SARAH: You know, I just, um... You hear things, you know. You meet people.

AMBER: Really cool.

SARAH: So... I guess I'm cooler than you think, huh?

AMBER: We will see.

SARAH: Oh, yeah, we will.

AMBER: Jury's still out.

SARAH: Oh, is it?

AMBER: It is.

SARAH: Okay. Well, I think we're gonna have a pretty good time.

AMBER: Okay.

SARAH: So all right. I'll see you later.

AMBER: See ya.

KELSEY: She's wacky.

AMBER: Let's go.

[NEW SCENE - Renee's House, Crosby knocks on the front door.]

JABBAR: Daddy!

CROSBY: Come on, let's go! Wow, a suit! I love a guy that's got reverence for the game.

RENEE: Jabbar, I don't like you to open that door. Crosby...

CROSBY: Hi.

RENEE: I wasn't expecting you.

CROSBY: Oh um, I got some really great tickets for the baseball game today. I thought I would take Jabbar down to one of the best parks in the country.

RENEE: There's a baseball game today?

CROSBY: Yeah, but I'll have him back before bedtime. It'll be fine. Where are you guys going?

RENEE: Buckle up. We're on our way to church services. It's Sunday, we go to church.

JABBAR: Can you come?

CROSBY: Um... Yeah. Yeah, I'll come.

RENEE: You go to church?

CROSBY: Oh, yeah. The Braverman's have a very rich spiritual lineage. We're 4/10 Jewish, and vaguely Catholic, and I'm told 1/16 Cherokee even. And then we had a communist, atheist grandpa. But you know what, how about I'll run home? I'll put on some nicer clothes, and I'll meet you guys down there can you save me a seat, Buddy?

JABBAR: Yes!

CROSBY: Yes.

RENEE: Okay.

CROSBY: How's that sound?

RENEE: Okay, we will see you there.

CROSBY: Didn't see that one coming, did you?

RENEE: We will see you there.

CROSBY: See you there.

RENEE: Buckled up? Okay.

JABBAR: Yeah.

CROSBY: Church services, Sunday.

JABBAR: See ya.

[NEW SCENE - Joel answers his front door.]

JOEL: Hey.

ADAM: What's up?

JOEL: Let me guess, you're here for some vintage campaign materials.

ADAM: You're correct.

JOEL: Oh, you like that? They're here in the kitchen.

ADAM: Hey, Julia told me the great news.

JOEL: What great news?

ADAM: About you guys trying for a second.

JOEL: Second what?

ADAM: Second kid.

JOEL: Yeah, yeah. That, that second, yeah. That's great, right?

ADAM: That's awesome.

JOEL: Yeah.

ADAM: Listen, I'm gonna tell you what I told her, a six year gap is perfect. You guys are gonna have a ball.

JOEL: Good to know.

ADAM: Plus I mean, come on, you're the coolest mom in the neighborhood, you got a tool belt.

JOEL: You know what, give me these.

ADAM: See you later. Take care.

JOEL: Get outta here.

ADAM: Thanks, Joel.

JOEL: Yeah.

[NEW SCENE - Braverman house, driveway.]

ZEEK: No way. Boy, oh, boy, this looks like the original paint job.

JENNIFER: Yeah, my husband had it restored.

ZEEK: Really?

JENNIFER: Mm-hmm.

ZEEK: Well, it's beautiful. I mean, kudos. Just gorgeous.

SARAH: [Getting out of her car.] Hi.

ZEEK: Hey, sweetheart, come here. Come here a second. You gotta see, look at this car.

SARAH: What?

ZEEK: It's gorgeous.

SARAH: Okay. Hi, I'm Sarah.

JENNIFER: I'm Jennifer. I am so overdue to meet you. I hope you forgive me.

SARAH: Oh, I do. And I hope you forgive me for my dad.

JENNIFER: Oh, no, he's adorable.

SARAH: So, um... I don't know if the girls mentioned I wanted to take them to this club to see a singer this week. It's on a school night…

JENNIFER: Oh, fabulous.

SARAH: Really?

JENNIFER: Oh, it sounds fun.

SARAH: It does, okay.

JENNIFER: Great. Yes, good for you.

SARAH: Well, I'll be with them the whole time.

JENNIFER: Oh, great, great. Thank you.

JENNIFER: We're all just crazy about Amber, by the way.

SARAH: Thank you. Well, you know, she's just such a delight.

AMBER: Mom.

SARAH: All the time. But, Kelsey, hi.

KELSEY: Hi.

SARAH: Sorry, hi.

KELSEY: Hi, how are you?

SARAH: Good.

JENNIFER: See you.

SARAH: Bye!


ZEEK: That's German engineering right there.

JENNIFER: Bye.

ZEEK: Bye-bye. [To Amber.] That's picking your friends, kiddo.

SARAH: Ugh.

AMBER: Thanks.

[NEW SCENE - Adam returns home with the campaign materials.]

ADAM: Hey.

KRISTINA: Hey. Honey, look what I found.

ADAM: What?

KRISTINA: This is the book that's going to win Haddie the presidency.

ADAM: Listen, honey, I'm just happy that she's running. Honey, whether or not she wins doesn't even matter.

KRISTINA: 100%. I'm not pushing it.

ADAM: God, I want her to win.

KRISTINA: I do too, so badly. She's gonna win.

ADAM: Okay, I just want say this.

KRISTINA: What?

ADAM: I think that Gaby should be focusing more on Max's social skills.

KRISTINA: Okay, honey. That's all she does.

ADAM: She's doing his homework with him.

KRISTINA: Right, and while she's doing his homework with him, she's helping him maintain eye contact, you know, and using the right language, and asking him questions. Where is this coming from?

ADAM: Yeah, I know, but there doesn't seem to be much progress and it's been months, and a lot of money.

KRISTINA: There's a ton, I don't know what. I see it every single day.

ADAM: I don't see that there is.

KRISTINA: You're not here all the time to see… are you upset? Because he blew you off the other day? Is that what this is…

ADAM: That's not what this is about.

KRISTINA: Okay, that's not what it's about, okay. It's not? I know your feelings were hurt.

ADAM: All right, that's what this is about.

KRISTINA: It's exactly what it's about. Okay?

ADAM: I'm his father. I would like him to be interested in me. And if not, I would like him to be trained to be. That didn't come out right.

KRISTINA: Honey, "trained to be," he's not a monkey.

ADAM: I don't feel like she's doing the work…

KRISTINA: Okay, I understand that, but you're making this about you. When it should be about him…

ADAM: Well, what's wrong with making it about me a little bit? I'm his father. I would like him to take an interest in me.

KRISTINA: I get it. I wanna connect with him too. Okay? But it's not easy. Don't you think it kills me when I ask him a question and he doesn't respond? Or he flicks my hand away? It's hurtful, I understand that okay.

ADAM: You know what, from now on, once a week, Max and I are gonna have dinner together, just the two of us.

KRISTINA: Oh, great.

ADAM: This is a good idea, Kristina. This is time for us.

KRISTINA: Mm-hmm.

ADAM: Kristina, what is it?

KRISTINA: I just…

ADAM: Why are you, I would like you to support me in this.

KRISTINA: I'm supporting you, I just don't want you to expect too much too soon from him. Okay?

ADAM: Okay.

KRISTINA: Don't want you to get your hopes up and be let down.

ADAM: I get it, okay. So...We're gonna start this week.

KRISTINA: You can.

ADAM: Dinners with Max.

KRISTINA: Mm-hmm.

[NEW SCENE - Joel on the computer as Julia returns home.]

JULIA: Hi, baby. That took so much longer than Bill thought it would. I'm so sorry.

JOEL: That's fine.

JULIA: Ugh! How was bedtime? She asleep all right? Oh, you know what? I'm going into work late tomorrow, I can actually take her to school…

JOEL: Did you tell your brother that we're trying to have another baby?

JULIA: Uh, I don't… you know... That might've slipped out.

JOEL: Yeah, a slip like "Joel and I are trying for number two."

JULIA: Yeah he's my older brother and I was excited, and he's excited and…

JOEL: I specifically asked you not to talk to anybody about this without discussing it first.

JULIA: Do you not wanna have another baby?

JOEL: No... That's not the point, Julia. Your brother congratulated me on something that was between us. Can you understand? It really put me in a corner.

JULIA: Wait, it's gonna put you in a corn, this is putting you in a corner to have a baby with me?

JOEL: No, it's not. I knew you, don't turn this around.

JULIA: I'm not turning it around. That's what you said.

JOEL: I specifically told you to keep this between us.

JULIA: Yeah, and you also said that it sounded great. So I thought that we had it worked out, and I…

JOEL: No, you know what, you worked it out for you. If we have another baby, Julia, it's, it's my day-to-day life that's most affected here. You got nine months, you got maternity leave, and then what? You go back to work, in a job, in a world you love full of adults. And I'm the one locked in the diapers, and daycare, and all of the laundry, and freaking preschool politics.

JULIA: Okay, you said, you said "if"?

JOEL: Yes, if.

JULIA: If?

JOEL: If.

JULIA: What does that mean? Do you wanna postpone…

JOEL: Are you listening to anything I'm saying? This is not about that, Julia…

JULIA: And you said "if," so does that mean that you wanna postpone, or you don't wanna have…

JOEL: I don't know anymore. I don't know!

[NEW SCENE - Haddie fresh from a shower enters her room and picks up a book from the bed.]

KRISTINA: Hi.

HADDIE: Hi.

KRISTINA: Did you get the book?

HADDIE: Yeah, yeah.

KRISTINA: It is the best book I've ever read. It's fantastic. All about the speech.

HADDIE: Mm-hmm, that's the title.

KRISTINA: It's gonna help you out a lot.

HADDIE: Thanks, thank you.

KRISTINA: It's like the bible. Clean underwear, top drawer.

HADDIE: Thanks.

KRISTINA: Everything's highlighted, so…

HADDIE: Okay.

KRISTINA: I'll be out here, babe.

[Haddie tosses the book to the floor, which Kristina hears.]
KRISTINA: [Voice from out side the room.] You okay?

[NEW SCENE - Braverman house, Ambers bedroom.]

SARAH: What do you think? Should I tuck it?

AMBER: Mm.

SARAH: Be nice. [Amber makes a face.] Really?

AMBER: It's...Fine. It's totally okay.

SARAH: Oh, good! 'Cause I wanted to be fine.

AMBER: I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you.

SARAH: What is, what could make it better?

AMBER: I just think it's, you look like, um...

SARAH: Well, like what? Help me.

AMBER: I mean, there's no, there's nothing to, go in there, get off the door, right there, with the beads.

SARAH: Ooh! Hey!

AMBER: Hey, that's what I'm talking about.

SARAH: Like that?

AMBER: Yeah, that's better.

SARAH: Oh, cool. Will you do my eyeliner like you?

AMBER: No.

SARAH: Why?

AMBER: Because we're not gonna be matching.

SARAH: Okay let's have fun tonight…

AMBER: Excuse me…

SARAH: Please.

AMBER: Are there, like, passes, or tickets? Is there a list? Are we even...?

SARAH: Nobody knows about this. You can't get tickets. You just go and you show up. It's gonna be fun. Don't worry about it. I got it. I got it. Okay, thanks. [Leaves the room.]

AMBER: [TO herself.] Just doesn't make me feel any better.

[NEW SCENE - Renee's house, front yard. Jabbar and Crosby are playing catch as Renee comes out.]

CROSBY: Okay. Two strikes, three balls. Ooh, nice heat. Bringing the thunder. All right, give it to me, right on it. Nice. Little high, little high. This is fixing up to be a no-hitter. Whoa! Whoa! Good one!

RENEE: Good one. Okay, time for dinner.

CROSBY: You heard the Lady. Wash your hands. No dinner for boys with dirty hands.

JABBAR: I know!

CROSBY: Do you know? [Jabbar goes inside.] Um, Renee, can I say something? I feel like when I come over here, I'm auditioning for you. But the thing is, I already got the gig. I'm actually his dad. And I think you can see how much I love him, and how much I'm here and involved, you know, especially with Jasmine gone. So I don't know why you're giving me the cold shoulder.

RENEE: Crosby, I can see that you are a lot of fun. Fun, charming, happy-go-lucky. My husband was too. He loved a good time. But he didn't stick around past Jasmine's fourth birthday. So you'll forgive me if I don't applaud when you wanna take Jabbar to a baseball game.

CROSBY: Well, wait, hold on. You know, you love your church, and your church rocks. I'm glad I got to go, but... In my family, we went to the baseball game every Sunday. And we went as a whole group, and we sat in the bleachers, and we cheered together, and my dad narrated the whole thing. And it was, you know, special. It was our ritual.

RENEE: So baseball is your church, is that what you're trying to tell me?

CROSBY: Yeah.

RENEE: That's ridiculous.

CROSBY: Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on. That's not ridiculous, okay? And I want my son, Jabbar, to have that same experience with all the other people, and the camaraderie. So I disagree. And another thing, it's not fair of you to hold some grudge against me for some crap your husband did years ago. I'm, I'm here for my son. Okay, and I'm not going anywhere. You're gonna have to deal with that.

[NEW SCENE - Night-time, outside the concert Sarah and the girls wait in a long line of other people hopeful to get in to see Ben Harper.]

AMBER: Well, this is really fun, I'm standing in a puddle. Suede shoes in water puddles. But you know, what are you gonna do? I mean, I thought this was a secret show. Someone told me that this was a secret show.

SARAH: Well, just imagine how many people would be here if it was not a secret show.

AMBER: I really can't imagine it would be more than this. This looks like everyone in Berkeley.

SARAH: Well, let's not, let's not get all worried, you know. They haven't started letting people in, or whatever.

MAN: Just two?

SARAH: Oh, we're three. But we're, is that, oh, no, no, we're on that. We can be two. No, we're two.

AMBER: Really?

SARAH: I don't understand.

AMBER: Was that a joke?

SARAH: I don't understand.

AMBER: That's disgusting. Hi, have a great time, ladies.

KELSEY: Wow this really is unbelievable.

AMBER: I think we should go.

SARAH: No, no, no!

KELSEY: It's Ben Harper, come on.

AMBER: I know that but dude, we're never gonna get in, this is like a joke.

SARAH: I'm gonna talk to the guy. Okay, give me... Watch this. You're gonna love it.

AMBER: Okay, don't do anything disgusting.

SARAH: Don't you worry. Okay. [Sarah walks up to the front of the line.] Oh, hi, I just wanted to check. Our names are on the list, 'cause I'm with some really important people.

MAN: What's your name?

SARAH: Braverman, I'm with some big music industry…

MAN: I don't have a Braverman.

SARAH: What?

MAN: Don't have a Braverman.

SARAH: Are you sure?

MAN: Positive.

SARAH: I don't understand. We're supposed to be on the list. Is there any way we could…

MAN: Ma'am.

SARAH: Get in. Oh, God.

MAN: Ma'am, I need you to get back in line.

SARAH: Did you not get the handbook? 'Cause that just cuts like a knife, I'm just saying.

MAN: Miss.

SARAH: Okay, thank you.

MAN: Please get back in the line.

SARAH: I know music, I'm telling you.

MAN: I'll see what I can do.

SARAH: Thank you so much. Okay, I would, anything, okay. We're right back there, with the...

AMBER: Here she comes. How'd that go?

SARAH: That went really well. He said just a few more minutes.

AMBER: Really?

SARAH: Yeah.

KELSEY: Awesome.

SARAH: Yeah.

KELSEY: Told you.

SARAH: Yeah, he found our names on the list.

AMBER: Really?

SARAH: Mm-hmm.

AMBER: I don't believe you.

[NEW SCENE - Adam, Kristina and Max doing a jigsaw puzzle.]

ADAM: Look at this. How about that right there?

MAX: No. No, no, no, no. That piece has an edge, it could never go there. It would never, just give me all the pieces with edges.

ADAM: All right.

MAX: All the pieces with edges.

KRISTINA: Hey, honey, did you read the book yet?

HADDIE: No, not yet.

KRISTINA: Okay, that's fine. When you're ready to read it, let me know 'cause I've highlighted some things for you.

HADDIE: Okay.

KRISTINA: I know all the book by heart.

HADDIE: Oh, I bet you do.

ADAM: Hey, let's watch the tone.

KRISTINA: I do.

HADDIE: Okay.

ADAM: Haddie, you know what?

MAX: Thank you for the edges.

ADAM: Your mother is a great resource for you, okay?

KRISTINA: Yeah.

HADDIE: Yeah, I've heard it.

ADAM: Hey, she's trying to help.

HADDIE: Well, you know, it hasn't been super helpful. It's been a little...Controlling.

ADAM: Well, let's just ...

KRISTINA: I can actually hear you.

ADAM: Try not to be rude, okay?

KRISTINA: I just heard what you said.

HADDIE: I'm not trying to be…

KRISTINA: And I didn't like it. It was hurtful.

HADDIE: You don't like anything that I say. This is exactly…

KRISTINA: Actually, that's not true.

HADDIE: Well, this is what I mean. Okay, why don't you listen to me for a second?

KRISTINA: Okay, I'm listening.

HADDIE: Because this is why I didn't wanna tell you about the campaign, 'cause I knew you were gonna go overboard and act crazy.

ADAM: Haddie.

KRISTINA: I'm not crazy.

HADDIE: I didn't say you're…

KRISTINA: I'm actually just trying to help you.

HADDIE: I don't mean that you're actually crazy.

KRISTINA: Honey. Adam, I'm just giving her…

HADDIE: You're not trying to help me. You don't listen to anything that I say.

ADAM: Haddie, cool your jets, okay?

KRISTINA: I'm listening.

HADDIE: You're trying to make the campaign your campaign.

KRISTINA: I'm trying to give you some campaign strategies that I worked on…

HADDIE: Yeah! And I'm saying I don't care about your campaign strategies!

KRISTINA: Obviously not.

HADDIE: I wanna do it on my own. Okay?

KRISTINA: Fine, do it on your own. See how far you get.

HADDIE: Don't. Stop crying.

KRISTINA: I'm not crying.

ADAM: [Softly] Kristina.

KRISTINA: I have something in my throat.

MAX: You know, is she gonna get a consequence? Because she was, she was really, really yelling and I really think that deserves a consequence. Well, does it?

[NEW SCENE - Back in line at the concert.]

KELSEY: I can't believe we're not getting in.

AMBER: Okay, it's officially been an hour. I just don't see this happening.

SARAH: Yeah, I think you're right.

AMBER: Okay. Let's go.

SARAH: I'm sorry, girls.

AMBER: Whatever.

SARAH: Can I buy you a pizza?

AMBER: Mom, no. [To Kelsey.] Just go to your house, yeah?

SARAH: You wanna come to our house? Okay. I'm really sorry. I don't know what happened. Well, we gotta wait for the valet.

MIKE: Sarah?

SARAH: Huh, oh.

MIKE: Wow, you look great.

SARAH: Hi. This is Mike, from...

MIKE: Mike.

SARAH: This is my daughter, Amber, and her friend, Kelsey. Hey, so we were just gonna go.

MIKE: No, no, no. Why, what's going on?

SARAH: There was, like, a, a trouble with, you know, they had too many people in there.

MIKE: Too many people, are you kidding me?

SARAH: Yeah, we had a good time hanging out.

MIKE: No, hold on one second, I'll be right back.

SARAH: Oh, no, no, no, I tried. I talked to...

MIKE: Don't leave. [He walks to the same man as Sarah talked to.] Hey, William.

WILLIAM: Oh, what's up, man?

[They share a 'mates' friendly greeting.]
MIKE: How are you, man?

KELSEY: Is that your boyfriend?

SARAH: No… No. He's just a guy from work. He knows the guy...

MIKE: Yeah, yeah, come on. Hey, man, I got these three friends of mine over here, would you mind letting them in with me?

KELSEY: Seems kind of flirty.

SARAH: Okay, look at this. Huh? Really? Look at the waving in, yeah! Told you. Right? Okay. [To William.] Have a good night. [Too Mike.] Amazing. Thank you.

MIKE: Not a problem. Now let's go... Have some fun. [Reaches down to take her hand.] Yeah? You're gonna love these guys, they rock.

[NEW SCENE - Joel finishing off the desk for Sarah as Julia watches.]

JULIA: It's beautiful.

JOEL: Thanks.

[NEW SCENE - Morning Braverman kitchen.]

DREW: Oh, wow, hand-squeezed.

SARAH: Are you gonna eat something?

DREW: Um, No.

SARAH: Great, that's good news.

DREW: [Seeing Amber.] Oh, my God. You look...

AMBER: Bite me.

DREW: Really great.

AMBER: Rude kid.

SARAH: Good morning.

AMBER: Hey.

[Sarah hands Amber coffee.]
SARAH: All right?

AMBER: I'm just tired.

SARAH: Aww.

AMBER: It was worth it, though.

SARAH: Oh, yeah?

AMBER: That was fun. Thank you.

SARAH: [Holding her coffee up.] Go on.

AMBER: Oh, boy.

SARAH: You can do it.

[They toast to moment.]
AMBER: Gross.

[NEW SCENE - Joel watches Julia sleep.]

JULIA: Mm! Creepy.

JOEL: I know.

JULIA: You still mad at me?

JOEL: No… If we're gonna have another baby, Julia... There has to be room for me. You can't be the one making all the plans, and I just... I can't be the yes man. I just...

JULIA: I know. I do.

JOEL: So...

JULIA: So?

JOEL: Do you wanna have another baby?

JULIA: Yes.

JOEL: Me too.

[Julia sits up to hug and kiss Joel.]
JULIA: I love you.

JULIA: I love you.

[NEW SCENE - Renee's house, Crosby, Jabbar and Renee watching TV together.]

CROSBY: Come on, come on, come on, come on. Oh, that's deep right field.

JABBAR: Whoo!

CROSBY: Oh, that's a double. Oh, wait, he's getting waved in. He's going all the way home. Oh, oh! And the ball came out.

JABBAR: Whoo!

CROSBY: That's a run.

[They high-five each other.]

RENEE: That's a run.

CROSBY: Yeah.

RENEE: Okay.

CROSBY: We're up by two.

RENEE: We're up by two.

CROSBY: Up by two.

[NEW SCENE - Adam driving with Max in the car.]

MAX: I don't like this song, turn it off.

ADAM: Max, this is a famous piece of classical music. This is awesome.

MAX: No. [He turns it off.]

ADAM: Hey, could you explain to me what the strategy is for that game?

MAX: Can't tell you and play. Shh. Dad! Stop, stop, stop it! Why are you singing?

ADAM: I am singing, Max, because we're in the car together and you won't talk to me. I would love to talk to you. About anything. But I ask you questions, and you won't answer me. And you know what, it hurts my feelings, so... It's just, I would like to know things about you, and I would like you to know things about me, anything. [A brief pause as he calms down.] It's all right, Max. Just never mind.

MAX: I heard you say to Haddie that you were Treasurer. Did you get treasure for being Treasurer?

ADAM: Well, there is a little treasure. There is money involved.

MAX: Right, something about.

ADAM: Yeah, well, you see, when you're in High School, there's a President, a Vice President... And the Treasurer is the person who's in charge of taking care of the money.

MAX: Well, how much money? How much money did you take care of?

ADAM: Well... When our coffers were full, it was upwards of a couple thousand dollars.

MAX: That's awesome.

ADAM: Yeah. Yeah, I thought so.

MAX: Well, did you ever fend off any bloodthirsty pirates looking for treasure at the Treasurer's house?

ADAM: There weren't pirates, Max.

MAX: Did you and grandpa ever have to fend off pirates with a basketball, with only a basketball?

ADAM: What is it about pirates that you like so much?

MAX: I like it when they're slashing and the shooting, and firing cannons, sinking ships. Oh, I wonder if there's, like, a sunken pirate ship…

Episode End
--------------------------------------
Parenthood
2.03 - I'm Cooler Than You Think
Original Airdate (NBC) September 28, 2010
Written by Jason Katims
Directed by Michael Waxman

Transcribed by Craig Best
Original subtitles from www.addic7ed.com

Please Don't Use Without Permission!

DISCLAIMER:
This is a transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, some settings have been added where needed along with actions and/or camera movements where I felt they were necessary. "PARENTHOOD" and other related entities are owned, their respective companies and no copyright infringement is intended..
All Rights Reserved. This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for commercial gain.