[Opening scene - early morning, Sarah is in bed and awakes to a dripping pipe in the roof.]
SARAH: Crap. [Suddenly the water start falling on her while in bed.] Oh! Yuck!
[New Scene - Adam's house, busy kitchen as everyone is getting breakfast. Crosby enters.]
CROSBY: Adam. I gotta talk to you.
ADAM: Not now. I'm late for work.
CROSBY: [To Haddie and Kristina] Well you two still are family. You wanna hear some news.
HADDIE: Yeah. Do you want some more Horchata.
CROSBY: Yes. I would love some. So much hospitality from your daughter. Where would she have learned that from?
ADAM: You know that you would be lecturing on social conventions is a laugh.
CROSBY: After killing myself, all summer, flying back and forth from New York. Jasmine and Jabbar are visiting me!
ADAM: That's great.
KRISTINA: You're kidding.
HADDIE: Wow cool.
KRISTINA: That's so great.
ADAM: When does that happen?
MAX: [Entering from the other room.] Crosby, Crosby.
MAX: Jabbar's coming.
CROSBY: He is.
MAX: That's so cool. Can I have a play date with him?
MAX: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
CROSBY: I'm excited too.
MAX: I know. I'm on fire.
CROSBY: Let's celebrate. How about a hug? [Looks at Adam] You want to... [Notices Gaby] You...Oddly beautiful stranger in the kitchen?
ADAM: This is Gaby.
CROSBY: Oh, famous Gaby.
GABY: Oh, I don't know about that.
KRISTINA: She not going to hug you either.
MAX: Oh, I'll, I'll hug you. It's social. I can get a sticker.
CROSBY: Oh, okay. I don't want to pass that up. [To Gaby] Um, it's kind of weird that we haven't met yet, don't you think?
MAX: Crosby, Crosby, Crosby
CROSBY: Yeah, yeah
MAX: Crosby, Crosby, sit down. Maybe--maybe Jabbar could even, you know, have a sleepover.
CROSBY: Are you good at sleepovers?
MAX: I've never, I've never had one before, but it's--it's probably worth a lot of stickers, be-because it's extremely social, right?
GABY: Yeah, it is extremely social.
MAX: Yes! Okay, okay.
CROSBY: All right, then.
[Gaby leaves the room following a hyper Max. We hear part of a conversation between Haddie and Kristina before Adam's cell phone rings.]
HADDIE: Seven letters.
ADAM: [Answering the phone.] Hey, ma.
CAMILLE: [At the Braverman house.] Adam, your father's in the barn.
ADAM: Listen, I got to get to work. I got a crisis.
CAMILLE: We've got a leak, and he's gonna fix it himself.
ADAM: Oh, God.
CAMILLE: Remember when he changed out the fuse box? Three-alarm fire and $5,000 later...
ADAM: Okay, all right, I'll stop over on my way in, okay?
CAMILLE: Oh, thanks, sweetie. You're the best. [Hangs up the phone.] Zeek, why don't you wait till Adam gets here?
ZEEK: Why would I wait for Adam to get here when I'm perfectly
CAMILLE: Because I asked you to.
ZEEK: Camille, look, I'm not gonna be stopped from fixing a leak in my own house because some... [Camille stares at him.] I hear you. And I see you. And I'm breathing.
[New Scene - Playground with Joel and Julia, Sydney comes running up.]
JULIA: You're out of luck.
JULIA: Yeah. Too bad. [To Sydney.] Hey!
SYDNEY: Did I come from a vagina?
JOEL: Where'd you hear that?
SYDNEY: Did I?
JULIA: [Caught off guard.] Um... Yeah, you did. Um...
SYDNEY: Wow. Did you come out of a vagina too?
JOEL: Do you want ice cream?
JULIA: Ice cream sounds like such a great idea.
JOEL: That sounds super good, doesn't it.
SYDNEY: Did you?
JULIA: Okay... Well
I did. I did as well.
SYDNEY: [To her dad.] How about you?
JOEL: Um, bug, I don't think we're gonna have this conver
yeah. Yeah, I came from a vagina.
SYDNEY: Wow, our whole family came from vaginas. [Running back to her friend.] Katelyn, our whole family came from vaginas!
JULIA: She's so smart.
[New Scene - Outside the Braverman house.]
SARAH: Oh, my God
SARAH: Adam, the roof is caving in
SARAH: It's like 2012 in there. What are you gonna do about it?
ADAM: Now listen I really don't have time to take a look at it, okay? Just tell mom I stopped by. And if it's a simple leak, he can fix it, okay?
ADAM: But if it's a serious plumbing issue, don't let him anywhere near it.
SARAH: I know that.
ZEEK: Hey, Adam.
ADAM: You need me to take a look?
ZEEK: No, you better get to work. You don't want to give Gordon any ammo.
ADAM: Ammo? What is that supposed to mean?
ZEEK: Hey... You said that he was coming down hard at you at work.
ADAM: I didn't say he was coming down on me at work.
ZEEK: Oh, please, Adam, come on. You know how the corporate world works. Gordon's the boss, and you're just a serf, son. You know what happens to serfs
they get beheaded.
ADAM: Where do you get this stuff?
SARAH: Oh no just don't even rise to the bait.
ZEEK: Go sell some shoes, son.
ADAM: Listen to me. Okay, you are better at making repairs than anybody I know, okay? So can you just deal with this for me?
SARAH: You almost even got through that without laughing.
ADAM: Tell mum I stopped by.
SARAH: I will, but I have a job interview today. And, and I'm excited about it...
ADAM: Okay, I get it. You need a job. Okay, and I have a bunch of people who are depending on me to keep their jobs, so I need to generate new product. I've got to go.
SARAH: [To Drew exiting the house.] Hey, I thought you were helping your grandfather. I asked you to do that a half hour ago.
DREW: I know, I can't find my shoes.
SARAH: You can't find your shoes?
AMBER: [To Sarah.] Excuse me. Do you have anything for cramps? I am, like, having a heavy
SARAH: All right, that's enough. Where are your shoes? Why is nobody wearing shoes? Oh, my God. You know what you should invent? Like, a shoe lo-jack, like, a beeper thing, you know, that you have a clicker, and the shoe beeps, and that way you can find it. Mothers all over America would love it so much.
AMBER: I would love it.
AMBER: That's annoying.
ADAM: All right, I got to go. I'll see you later.
SARAH: Okay, but wait. What did you think of my idea? Lo-jack shoe.
ADAM: I am gonna put that in my idea file.
ZEEK: A crash can be heard from inside the guest house.] Ho! Ho, ho! Whoo-hoo!
ADAM: Oh, boy, I got to go. Okay, got to go!
ZEEK: The baby's gushing! It's just a leak, though. I can take care of it.
ADAM: You know, you might want to call Joel for help on this one. He's a professional.
[New Scene - Crosby's boathouse, on Skype with Jabbar.]
JABBAR: Will you take me for some pizza?
CROSBY: No, they outlawed pizza since you left.
CROSBY: Yeah. It was making people's hair fall out.
CROSBY: I'm just kidding you. Of course I'll take you to pizza.
JABBAR: I love going to pizza, because
JASMINE: Jabbar. Sorry, sweetie. Say good-bye to your dad. We got to go.
CROSBY: Okay, wait. Hey, how would you feel about having a little sleepover at your cousin Max's house?
JABBAR: Yeah, yeah.
CROSBY: Yeah? Yeah. All right. And then maybe your mother and I can have a little much-needed alone time.
JASMINE: Whoo-hoo! Hey, honey, we got to go.
CROSBY: Sweetie, you got to bend down more. I can't see you.
JASMINE: Hey. We got to go.
CROSBY: Okay. Well, it's the arranged time, though, so...
JASMINE: I know, but I've got a thousand things to do before the weekend, so...
CROSBY: Well, I miss you guys. I can't wait to see you.
JASMINE: Miss you too.
CROSBY: Aah! There's a monster on my computer screen!
[Jabbar makes a face as Jasmine pulled Jabbar away for the screen.]
[New Scene - Adam entering his office.]
ADAM: Hey, Gordon, listen, I'm really sorry. I just got caught up in a family situation.
GORDON: Come on in. Let's talk about that.
ADAM: Great. You know, I had to Dash over to my parents' house 'cause they have this gigantic leak in their guesthouse, where my sister's staying, so... I'm just. The point is, I know I've missed a lot of work lately, you know my situation with Max. But summers are always a little crazy, and, you know, school's back next week.
GORDON: Adam, we're very different.
ADAM: Yeah. Agreed.
GORDON: I mean, I've got a condo in Nob Hill. You've got a real home in Berkeley. I have a sailboat in Sausalito. You drive a minivan. I've had a slew of tantalizing relations, and you
you've got Katherine.
ADAM: Uh, Kristina, but, yeah.
GORDON: Listen, Adam, I just need to know that your personal issues are not going to, you know
interfere with work.
ADAM: Gordon, come on, this company has my complete and undivided attention. Listen, I have a family. I have other things going on. But even when I'm away from here, I'm always thinking about the company, you know? I am always thinking.
GORDON: For example?
ADAM: Well, you know, this morning when I was driving to work, I had this idea, okay? Now, it might be a terrible idea, but I was thinking about
you know how kids are always losing their shoes? [Gordon looks lost.] Well, they are. It's a, it's a universal thing. Uh, I was thinking about... A kids shoe with a clicker. Kid loses his shoe. You push the clicker. It beeps. You find it
whether it's, you know, under the bed, it's in the closet, in the garage. Click, bzzz, bam... Shoe.
GORDON: You thought of this?
ADAM: [Pauses for a moment.] Yes.
GORDON: Are you kidding me? That's great. I love it. It's brill. We got to move.
ADAM: All right, so you want me to get on this?
GORDON: Yes. Right away. Are you kidding?
ADAM: All right, I'm on it.
GORDON: I love it.
GORDON: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. By the way, this whole thing with the leak at your parents' house...
GORDON: Next time, call a plumber.
[Opening credits - featuring Forever Young by Bob Dylan]
[New Scene - Joel and Julia's house, Sarah is trying on jackets. Julia is helping but is growing impatient with her sister.]
SARAH: Ooh, Italian--that's good for an interview, right?
JULIA: Well, yeah, yeah. You don't need a blazer with this outfit at all.
SARAH: No, no, I want to look really corporate. I want to look really serious.
JULIA: It actually looks better than this one. It does.
SARAH: Oh, let me see that one again, though.
JULIA: Um, no, no.
SARAH: Okay, I'm gonna wear this one.
SARAH: I like it. Please? It makes me feel corporate and serious.
JULIA: Good. Wonderful.
SARAH: Joel, thank you so much for dealing with dad.
JOEL: Oh, yeah.
SARAH: And good luck. You know, you can't actually let him do anything.
JULIA: You can't let him make any decision. You have to make every decision.
SARAH: But you have to make him think that all the decisions you're making are his.
JULIA: That's so important.
SARAH: [looking at the blazer.] Ooh, I like this. Do you like this?
JOEL: How exactly am I supposed to do all the work and make him think he's doing it?
JULIA: Only you can figure that one out.
SARAH: Yeah, figure it out. Thank you so much.
JOEL: You are the greatest, babe.
SARAH: You are the greatest, babe. Okay, can I borrow your purse too? 'Cause it's blue, and it kind of matches. Do you mind? You have a million of them.
[Sarah empty the contents of the large purse onto the couch.]
JULIA: No, no. Would you
SARAH: Awesome. I love you. You're the best.
JULIA: I love you.
SARAH: Do I look like the assistant to the assistant manager of Christy's Clothes, "Clothes for real people"?
JOEL: Spot on.
SARAH: I have a really good feeling about this. Thank you, guys.
JOEL: See ya.
JULIA: Bye. Good luck.
[New Scene - Empty parking lot, Haddie and Kristina are in the minivan.]
KRISTINA: Last question. Leading cause of teenage death in America?
HADDIE: Uh, what is automobile accidents?
KRISTINA: Bingo. You got it right. Okay, let me tally these up real quick. 49 out of 50
HADDIE: I missed one.
KRISTINA: You missed one.
HADDIE: I missed one. Can I drive now?
KRISTINA: Of course, honey, you can drive.
HADDIE: Oh, great.
KRISTINA: That's why we're here. Hold on a second, though.
KRISTINA: Just, patience, okay?
HADDIE: I'm just putting the car in gear.
KRISTINA: Um, fine, put the car into gear and keep your foot firmly depressed on the
HADDIE: Now I can go. Haddie let go of my leg. Let go, let go of my leg!
HADDIE: Stop it!
[The minivan comes to a screeching holt.]
HADDIE: I didn't know if I was going or stopping.
KRISTINA: You have got to listen to me.
HADDIE: This is our fourth lesson. Are we gonna get on the road ever?
KRISTINA: I don't know.
[New Scene - Guest house roof, Zeek is unscrewing a panel as Joel joins him.]
ZEEK: Look son I really appreciate you taking the time to do this, Joel. I mean, I know you're not doing anything now that Sydney's back at school.
JOEL: Yeah, just popping those bonbons.
ZEEK: You know what I don't believe in?
JOEL: What's that?
ZEEK: Roofers. You invite 'em into your house to do all this crap work, and then you end up paying. You don't even know what they're doing.
JOEL: That's a good point. [They pull away the panel] Whoa. Whoa. That beam is totally rotted.
ZEEK: You got that right.
JOEL: There's no, there's no tar paper between the roof and the Wood. [Scoffing] Who, who did this?
ZEEK: That'd be me. That's quality work, huh? I mean, I couldn't afford tar paper at the time.
JOEL: Yeah. Yeah, well...
ZEEK: I did what I could.
ZEEK: Yeah. Look, Joel, I know that you've dabbled in some home repair.
JOEL: I'm a licensed contractor.
ZEEK: So here's the deal, Joel.
ZEEK: I built this with my own two hands. I converted it from a garage into a guesthouse. So I'll be calling the shots. That gonna be okay with you?
JOEL: Wouldn't have it any other way, Zeek.
ZEEK: And I want you to know there's a six-pack in it for you when you're done.
[New Scene - Adam's office, Haddie enters.]
ADAM: It's nice to see you. What's going on?
HADDIE: Um, well, I'm riding my bike. So mom doesn't want me to ever drive is what I'm getting from her.
ADAM: Yeah. Still not out of the parking lot, huh?
HADDIE: No, we're not even close. And I just would love for you to reconsider teaching me how to drive.
ADAM: I'm really busy at work, and we can't change. This is something your mother, she's gonna feel like, you know, she's gonna take it personally.
HADDIE: Dad, it's, it's ridiculous. It's like, I'll show you. If you are me and you're driving, and so we're both in the car. Put your hands on the wheel.
ADAM: All right.
HADDIE: Put your hands on the wheel. Make sure, no, ten and two. Ten and two!
ADAM: Okay, ten and two.
HADDIE: Yeah. No. Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me like that.
ADAM: Yeah, you're being your mother, I see, okay. I'm driving.
HADDIE: So you're driving. Now slowly put your foot on the, uh, gas pedal. Whaa!
ADAM: What are you doing?
HADDIE: That's mom.
ADAM: Huh. What?
HADDIE: Show me that you recognize this, I know you know it.
ADAM: I don't know what you're talking about.
HADDIE: Dad, do you guys have, like, some stupid agreement about not acknowledging each other's flaws?
ADAM: Yeah. It's called marriage.
GORDON: Braverman, I ran the beeper-shoe concept by
ADAM: Yeah. Hey, Gordon, you remember my daughter.
GORDON: Oh, of course. How are you? Emily, right?
HADDIE: Ah. Hey.
ADAM: It's Haddie. Haddie.
GORDON: Oh. [Nocks his iPad on his forehead.] Haddie. I'm sorry.
HADDIE: That's okay.
ADAM: Hey, do you need me to come in the office? 'Cause she was just gonna leave in a minute.
HADDIE: We're just having a family crisis, but we have ten a day, so...
ADAM: Haddie, she's being hyperbolic. That's not true.
GORDON: Well, I don't mean to break up another family crisis. Um, I'll be in my office, okay?
ADAM: I'll be over as soon as I can.
GORDON: It's good to see you again, Edie.
HADDIE: Did he just say "Edie"?
ADAM: Yeah, he did. Listen, I will talk to your mother, we'll fix it. We'll get you out of the parking lot, okay?
HADDIE: Okay. Thank you.
ADAM: All right. Bye. Nice to see you. Stop by anytime.
HADDIE: Be afraid for my life.
GORDON: [Calling from his office.] Braverman.
ADAM: I'm coming in, Gordon.
[New Scene - Back on the Roof of the guesthouse, Zeek has a power saw. Joel stands by, not believing what he is seeing.]
JOEL: All right. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
JOEL: Yeah, you know, let me, let me cut the water off before you
ZEEK: No, we don't need that. Hey, come on, I know what I'm doing here.
[He goes back to sawing. Then hits the water pipe.]
ZEEK: Shut it off. Shut it off, Joel! Come on, man!
JOEL: That's a great idea.
ZEEK: Damn it! Come on! Hey, we got good pressure!
JOEL: Where is it?
ZEEK: I don't know. It's down there somewhere.
JOEL: You built this!
ZEEK: Oh, God.
[New Scene - Later inside the guesthouse Adam and Sarah look up at the whole in the roof.]
SARAH: Our father's going completely insane.
ADAM: Well, he's always been this way.
SARAH: Should we do something?
ADAM: Trust Joel.
SARAH: I guess.
ADAM: Hey, how'd that, uh, job interview go?
SARAH: [Sarcastically.] Great. Fantastic.
SARAH: No. They didn't seem to be impressed by my 12 years of waitressing at Nick's pub.
ADAM: Listen, Sarah, you know, you're gonna find something eventually, and you're just gonna forget about this... Period.
SARAH: This period which has lasted for 38 years? I hope so.
ADAM: Hey, you know, that idea you had about the shoe-clicker thing?
SARAH: You sold it? We made a million dollars?
ADAM: No, not, not exactly. But I did bring the idea up to my boss.
SARAH: And he fired you?
ADAM: [Taking a drink of water.] Mm-mm. No, he liked it, actually.
ADAM: Yeah. And I think that, uh, you know, we're gonna maybe develop the idea.
SARAH: No, not really.
ADAM: Yeah. Look, we develop a lot of ideas, and a lot of them end up going nowhere, but
SARAH: No, no, I know, but that's amazing. Oh, my God!
ADAM: So... Uh, you know, thank you.
ADAM: Yeah. All right, listen, I got to go. I got to get back to the wife and kids. So I'll, I'll see you later.
SARAH: Well, hey, I mean, so, you know, good luck with it.
SARAH: [To herself.] Thanks.
[New Scene -
KRISTINA: I need cucumbers...
ADAM: Hey, Haddie stopped by the office today.
KRISTINA: She did?
ADAM: She said that you guys still haven't made it out of the parking lot?
KRISTINA: What's that? Honey, you're cutting that wrong. The skin has to be completely off of that
ADAM: I'm doing it fancy, like this.
KRISTINA: You have to take all of the "stripeys" off.
KRISTINA: Max won't eat it.
ADAM: He'll eat it.
KRISTINA: No, he won't.
ADAM: Listen, honey, all I'm saying is that when I learned how to drive, my dad took me out on the road the very first day.
KRISTINA: Right, Zeek just threw you to the wolves. That's a big shocker.
ADAM: Absolutely. First day, wasn't a problem. I haven't had a single moving violation in my life.
KRISTINA: Really? Are you criticizing my driving record? Because I'm pretty good.
ADAM: I'm just saying that we should try to get Haddie out on the road.
KRISTINA: Absolutely. I will take her out on the road when she's ready.
ADAM: Listen, honey, I know that this is hard. Our 16-year old daughter is learning how to drive
ADAM: It's not the easiest thing in the world to accept.
KRISTINA: This is not about me right now, it's about her.
ADAM: Are you sure?
KRISTINA: I will take her out when she's ready.
KRISTINA: She's not ready. Trust me.
KRISTINA: You need to, look...
Kristina takes over cutting the vegetables.]
ADAM: He's gonna eat 'em like that.
KRISTINA: No, he's not.
[New Scene - Julia and Joel at home in the kitchen with Sydney.]
JULIA: So it starts out as an egg. And once the egg gets fertilized, it develops into a baby. It's one of life's greatest miracles.
JOEL: That make, uh, make sense?
SYDNEY: Wait, so how does the egg get fertilized?
JOEL: It happens.
SYDNEY: It just magically happens?
JULIA: Sydney, the dad, the dad fertilizes it.
SYDNEY: The dad?
JULIA: Yeah, it's the dad's job.
SYDNEY: Daddy, you brought the fertilizer?
SYDNEY: Well, how'd you get the fertilizer into the egg?
JOEL: I think we should have ice cream today.
SYDNEY: I want to know how you did it!
JULIA: Well... The dad has what's called...
JULIA: The dad has what's called a penis. And... He uses the penis to fertilize the egg. And the fertilizer is called sperm.
JOEL: [Under his breath.] Ah, geez.
JULIA: And, uh...
SYDNEY: Where does it happen? Does the egg come out, or does the sperm go in?
JULIA: [After a short pause to look at Joel he chuckles.]
JOEL: I'm gonna have a mint chocolate chip. Dad's gonna have a sundae.
JULIA: That sounds great.
[New Scene - Braverman house, in the kitchen with Sarah, Zeek and Camille watching on.]
ZEEK: It's a million-dollar idea.
SARAH: No, it isn't. It's not even an id--whole idea. It just was off the top of my head.
ZEEK: That's a game changer, Sarah. That's what that is.
SARAH: Dad, really? No. Dad, you know what? They're not even gonna use it or do anything with it.
ZEEK: Don't think like that! Sweetheart, you have a gift.
SARAH: [Snorts.] I don't have a gift. I have a kid who can't find his shoes. Excuse me.
ZEEK: Oh, honey, listen... Sweetheart, I love you, but you got to quit doing that.
SARAH: Doing what?
ZEEK: Well, belittling yourself, sweetheart. It's, it's a defence mechanism.
CAMILLE: Zeek, come on. She hasn't even had her coffee yet.
ZEEK: All I'm trying to do is just tell her she should value her ideas, Camille.
CAMILLE: Yes, I can hear that. And I'm trying to say that you should let Sarah and Adam manage their own lives.
ZEEK: But all I'm trying to do is just instil a little bit of confidence
[Zeek stops talking as Camille stares at him.] I hear you. And I see you, sweetheart.
CAMILLE: I'll be in my studio.
SARAH: Are you my dad?
SARAH: Is that marriage counselling?
ZEEK: 150 bucks an hour. I don't understand a damn word the guy is saying. All right?
SARAH: Is that why you cut the hair?
ZEEK: That's why I cut my hair.
SARAH: Very impressive, dad. Good job.
ZEEK: I wanted to look softer. Do I look softer, a little?
SARAH: [Hesitating a little.] Yes?
ZEEK: Okay, honey, if you give yourself credit, then other people will start giving you credit too. All right?
ZEEK: And the point is I think you could be a part of the process of this whole shoe thing.
SARAH: There is no process. It's Adam's job. And if he wanted my help, he could ask me
ZEEK: How the hell is he gonna know if you don't tell him?
SARAH: I don't know.
ZEEK: You got to tell him you want to be involved.
SARAH: Well I be, I don't know, dad. I don't think he would love it, anyway. And thank you for your advice, but I don't really need it. I'm a grown-up, and I will take care of it. And just, I'm sorry I even brought it up.
ZEEK: Aw, hey, sweetheart, now, I hear you, I see you.
SARAH: That gives me the creeps.
[New Scene - Minivan, Haddie driving.]
HADDIE: I'm going to stop at the stop sign.
KRISTINA: Just relax.
HADDIE: I'm stopping right here.
KRISTINA: You're not listening to me at all.
HADDIE: I'm listening to you. I'm stopped.
KRISTINA: I'm the one with the driver's license. You're not. Now do your counting.
HADDIE: One cranberry, two cranberry...
KRISTINA: If somebody toots like that, don't get frazzled. Okay, now, proceed. Make a right.
HADDIE: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm making a right. I'm making a right.
[New Scene - Haddie and Kristina arrive home.]
MAX: Hey, dad...
HADDIE: Do not blame me, okay? Don't blame this all on me, okay? You have to take a little bit of responsibility.
KRISTINA: You were the one behind the wheel.
HADDIE: If it was just me behind the wheel, I would have been calm
KRISTINA: [Takes a deep breath.] We had an accident.
ADAM: What do you mean you had an accident? Did anybody get hurt?
HADDIE: We didn't have an accident.
KRISTINA: Well, I'm a little hurt. We're lucky to be standing here right now, actually.
HADDIE: Do not make this into a thing.
KRISTINA: It is a thing.
HADDIE: You're exaggerating.
KRISTINA: I'm not exaggerating. You don't listen to me.
ADAM: Okay, hey, hey, what happened to my car?
KRISTINA: Tell him.
KRISTINA: Tell him what happened. Go ahead.
HADDIE: Dad you're gonna laugh. You're gonna laugh.
KRISTINA: You're gonna laugh hard.
HADDIE: I, I swiped the mirror. That's it.
ADAM: That's it? Just the side mirror?
HADDIE: That's it. That's absolutely it.
KRISTINA: What do you mean, "That's it"?
HADDIE: I mean, that's it. That is reality.
KRISTINA: The whole thing is
ADAM: Honey, it's just the mirror.
HADDIE: Dad you should be the one to teach me. Maybe I was right.
KRISTINA: You know what? Thanks for bringing it up. I hate the fact that you go behind my back and ask your dad to teach you. I'm your driver's license coach.
HADDIE: Well, you're so crazy that you think you're a coach.
KRISTINA: Don't ever call me crazy.
HADDIE: Let dad be my coach.
KRISTINA: I will never let you convince me to take her on the road ever again. She's not ready.
MAX: Are you guys having an argument?
ADAM: No, no.
MAX: Well, it sounds like you are. I think you're definitely having an argument.
ADAM: We're not having an argument. [Too Haddie.] Just let me, let me talk to her.
MAX: It sounds like you're having an argument.
MAX: Tell mom to count backwards from 30 and to take deep breaths.
MAX: They're good coping mechanisms. [To his Tortoise.] Hey, Miles. I think Haddie's still mad at mom.
HADDIE: I'm gonna kill you.
MAX: And she wants to kill me.
[New Scene - Adam and Kristina upstairs.]
ADAM: Hey, Kristina.
ADAM: I love you, and I appreciate everything you do for our children.
KRISTINA: Okay, spit it out. What do you want to say?
ADAM: Is it possible that you're being a little irrational with Haddie?
KRISTINA: I'm being irrational? I'm being irrational?
ADAM: I didn't say
KRISTINA: Honey, she just crashed the car.
ADAM: You know, I just think, this is a big step.
KRISTINA: Huge step.
ADAM: Okay? Our daughter is learning how to drive.
ADAM: It's symbolic. And maybe it's not easy for you...
KRISTINA: I am not being irrational, Adam, okay? You weren't there. I was. Our daughter sucks at driving. That's the problem. So butt out. [She enters the bedroom and slams the door shut.]
[New Scene - Inside the guesthouse, Sarah arrives home.]
JOEL: Oh, hey. Whoo. I thought you were Zeek.
SARAH: What you doing?
JOEL: Well, I just thought I'd, uh, sneak in and fix this leak without your father knowing, because he doesn't know what he's doing, and I thought I'd come in here before we "fix it" tomorrow.
SARAH: Then what are you gonna tell him?
JOEL: I'll just be like, "Wow, that seemed a lot worse yesterday, but now here we are." Don't worry. I got a whole plan. It's gonna be pretty awesome.
SARAH: That's amazing that you just know how to fix that.
JOEL: Oh, yeah, well, you know, it's what I did before I did, uh, play dates and juice boxes and all that.
JOEL: Come on. Come on.
SARAH: I wonder if I could ask you to build me something.
SARAH: I wonder if you would build me a desk.
ADAM: I'd love to.
JOEL: What kind, what kind of desk are we talking? What are you gonna use it for?
SARAH: You know, I had this idea the other day. Um... It was for a shoe for Adam's company. If a kid lost their shoe, you click something, and the shoe would beep, and then they could find it.
JOEL: I love that idea.
JOEL: Yeah. I'd buy a dozen of those for Sydney.
SARAH: I just started thinking, you know, if I had a space to have more ideas, maybe I'd have more ideas.
JOEL: Yeah. I get ya. Makes sense to me. Yeah.
[New Scene - Haddie's bedroom, she's listening to music on her laptop.]
HADDIE: Hello. Yeah, please... Come in and look over my shoulder, Max. Don't knock.
MAX: Okay. Are you still mad at mom?
[Max gets a soccer ball off the floor and lays on her bed, tossing the ball around.]
HADDIE: I was being sarcastic. Yeah, I am.
MAX: Can you help me get my sleepover set up?
[Haddie keeps watching the ball as he bounces it off the wall.]
MAX: You know, because Gaby made me a "how to have a successful sleepover" list. And one of the things is to make your guest feel at home. So I'm gonna put up a bunch of pictures of New York around the top bunk where Jabbar's gonna sleep. Did you know that, with over 6,400 cars, New York has the largest fleet of subway cars in the world?
HADDIE: Max, will you leave, and I'll talk to you about this later?
MAX: Okay. [But he doesn't leave.]
HADDIE: Can you just go? Give me a minute, all right.
HADDIE: Great. Thank you.
MAX: [bouncing the ball on the floor.] One, two...
HADDIE: What are you doing? Stop.
MAX: You said a minute, 60 seconds.
HADDIE: I don't care. I'll just be there later.
HADDIE: Get out of my room.
MAX: Six, seven...
HADDIE: Max, leave my room. [Frustrated.] Are you an idiot? Leave the room! [Takes the ball.]
MAX: [Slowly leaving the room.] Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen
[New Scene - Crosby's boathouse, on Skype again.]
JASMINE: Can you see him?
CROSBY: Hi, Buddy.
JASMINE: He's awake.
CROSBY: Thank you.
JASMINE: You're welcome.
CROSBY: I got my fix.
JASMINE: That's our boy.
CROSBY: Hey, so I was thinking, um, Friday night, Jabbar will be at Max's for the sleepover.
CROSBY: And we'll be back here making the boat rock, don't come knocking.
[Jasmine laughs.] And then Saturday, you know, my mom's gonna want to stuff him full of Lasagna, so I was thinking Saturday night at my parents' house, and then Sunday we kind of have to go to Julia's, because she's got this new, weird thing where she thinks no one wants to go to her house, which is kind of true.
JASMINE: Crosby, sweetie, slow down. What about my family?
CROSBY: You're not an orphan. That's right.
CROSBY: Sorr--yeah. Sorry, I forgot. You probably want to see them.
JASMINE: I really can't even think about all this right now.
CROSBY: What do you mean, you can't think about it right now?
JASMINE: Well, I'm a little busy. I've got Jabbar. I've got rehearsals.
JASMINE: You're pissed? You're pissed.
CROSBY: No, I'm not--no.
JASMINE: It's okay if you are. Say what's on your mind.
CROSBY: I love Jabbar, and--and I love you, and I miss you guys. And I feel like I'm the only one that's putting any effort into this relationship. I've been flying back and forth every other week. And now that you're finally coming, you can't even talk about it?
JASMINE: Well, I want to be with you too. I miss you.
CROSBY: Yeah? You sure?
JASMINE: I do.
CROSBY: All right.
JASMINE: Hold on one second.
CROSBY: Take your time getting there. It's a good shot.
JASMINE: Shh. Not so loud.
JASMINE: I just wanted to make sure that he was sleeping. They must have made this Skype thing for something other than just talking.
CROSBY: Oh, my God. Are we about to have Skype sex?
JASMINE: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
CROSBY: 'Cause I heard this can be very dangerous. Oh, my goodness.
CROSBY: Wait--wait for me. Okay, go slower, though. Oh, my goodness.
JASMINE: Why don't you go lay down on the couch or the bed or whatever?
CROSBY: Okay, yeah, I'm going to the bedroom. Dance a little slower, though, okay?
JASMINE: You ready?
CROSBY: This is fantastic. [The picture freezes.] Wait. Did you just stop moving, or is it
JASMINE: oh, yeah.
CROSBY: No, you're breaking, hold on. I think I'm in a dead zone. I got to go back to the
CROSBY: Okay. Jasmine?
CROSBY: Hold on. Don't, don't, don't stop. Stronger signal, but don't stop. Come on. Come on! Jasmine!
[New Scene - Adam's office.]
SARAH: Sorry, I should have called. It's a bad time?
ADAM: Nope. Nope. Come on in. What's up?
SARAH: Hi. Nothing.
ADAM: Good. How are things at the house? What's going on with the roof?
SARAH: Joel's working on it, and...
SARAH: The shoe thing was an idea
ADAM: Yeah, listen, hold on one second, okay? [Goes to shut the door.] Sarah, hold on one second. Let's talk about this in one second. [To Gordon in the hall.] Hey, it's just my sister. I'll just be a minute. Hey. Listen, we got to wrap this up. I got to have a little meeting across the hall.
SARAH: Right. Okay. It was my idea. And I feel like you just kind of took it.
ADAM: Sarah, look, you know, you said that to me in an offhand way that morning.
ADAM: It's not like we sat down and had an official pitch meeting.
SARAH: Oh, I didn't know, I didn't know we had to have an official meeting. Maybe we should take it to the people's court or, you know, call Judge Judy.
ADAM: You know, Sarah, let's not have a fight about this.
SARAH: Seriously, I didn't know we had to have a meeting. Okay, Adam, I had an idea, and I feel like if I don't start to value my ideas, I'm gonna disappear. Let me be part of it.
ADAM: God, Sarah, I've done, like, a million things for you over the years, and I've never asked for more than a thank-you.
SARAH: Well, I'm asking for more.
[New Scene - Guesthouse roof.]
JOEL: No. No, wait, maybe hex.
ZEEK: I'm using flatheads.
JOEL: Yeah, I know you're using flatheads, but it's the wrong screw. They're gonna pop right through the shingle.
ZEEK: It's not the wrong screw. Flatheads are fine.
JOEL: You know, I can't, I can't do this anymore. Everything you're doing is wrong. Do you understand that? And if there's one thing I can't stand, it's doing a job badly, and you are doing this... so badly. It's like, it's even worse that you're treating me like I don't know what I'm doing, when I'm a certified contractor who got paid, believe it or not, a lot of money to do what you have, you have no idea how to do.
ZEEK: What, is that it?
JOEL: Not remotely.
ZEEK: Well, let me hear the rest of it.
JOEL: I hate that you treat me like I'm my daughter's age. I'm a grown-ass man. And if I didn't have a recession where I couldn't afford to pay my team, I'd be up here...
ZEEK: All right, all right.
JOEL: Doing this job with several other more qualified people than yourself.
ZEEK: Got some anger in there, huh?
ZEEK: A little spirit, I like that. I don't think I've ever heard you say more than five words since I knew you.
ZEEK: No, really. I hear you. And I see you. That's coming from my counselling sessions. It's working, huh?
JOEL: That's pretty good.
ZEEK: You could benefit from it. You got some anger issues. I got to tell you, I like it. It's spunky.
[Zeek smiles and Joel smiles back.]
[New Scene - Crosby's houseboat, morning, the phone rings.]
JASMINE: Hey, it's me.
JASMINE: You're gonna hate me.
CROSBY: I'm not gonna hate you. I like you. I'm counting down the hours.
JASMINE: Uh, I can't come out.
CROSBY: I hate you.
JASMINE: It's down to me and one other person for that understudy part, for the European tour. And I can't pass this up.
[New Scene - Gordon's office. He's using his iPad to check his hair.]
ADAM: [Knocks on the open door.] Gordon, you got a minute?
GORDON: Come on in.
ADAM: It wasn't my idea, the shoe clicker. My sister came up with it. I don't know why I lied about it, but I did.
GORDON: How can I put this? Um, I don't give a rat's ass.
ADAM: All right, all right, I'll, I'll take care of it. All right? Sorry.
GORDON: Listen, you know, you say that your family's not a distraction, but every time I turn around, we've got another crisis on our hands.
ADAM: Yeah, yeah, I know.
GORDON: If you're just gonna phone it in
ADAM: Hey, Gordon, nobody's phoning it in.
GORDON: You know what I'm talking about. I need you here, Adam, focused. You are an essential part of this company, okay? And we're in trouble.
ADAM: All right.
[New Scene - Max's room, Gaby is helping with the decorations for the sleepover.]
MARK: No, no, no.
GABY: What? What?
MAX: No, no. This goes here
CROSBY: Hey. Hi.
GABY: Hi. Hi. We're getting ready.
CROSBY: I see that. Look at all this.
MAX: It's gonna be so awesome. Check it out
Jabbar's favourite, orange soda and...
CROSBY: He loves that.
MAX: And sun chips. My mom said that it's okay for me to have food in my room just this one time.
CROSBY: Good job.
MAX: So eat it now because this is gonna be probably your last chance to ever eat food in my room.
CROSBY: Okay. Maybe later, though.
MAX: Okay. Um, is everyone...?
GABY: Everyone's out.
CROSBY: Everyone's out?
CROSBY: Um, Max...
CROSBY: You did a really good job planning for this sleepover.
MAX: Thank you. Thank you. I love it. I love it.
CROSBY: Hey, Buddy? I have some bad news. There's been a change in plan, and, uh, Jabbar can't come.
MAX: [Pacing the room.] Yes, he can. He's flying tomorrow, flight 932, arriving Oakland international Airport, 5:45 P.M.
CROSBY: Okay, but he changed plans.
MAX: No, he has a ticket.
CROSBY: Yeah, but there was a change of plan.
GABY: Max, I'm sure he can come back again soon, right?
CROSBY: Yeah, hopefully, but, you know, who knows at this point?
MAX: What? No! This is unacceptable! No, this sucks!
CROSBY: Max, Max, Buddy, Buddy.
CROSBY: I'm in the same boat as you are. Whoa! Hey, hey.
MAX: [knocking his toys over.] No! No!
GABY: Max, Max, Max, Max. Calm down. Max. Max, take a deep breath. Remember? We take a deep breath. Remember? Okay. Listen, I know you're upset. You have every right to be, okay? It's not fair.
[Crosby and Haddie look on.]
GABY: Max, I know you're upset. I'm upset too, okay? I am. And it's not fair. I know, all right? Max, look at me. But it's not gonna help to kick and scream and yell. Max, look at me. All right? So we're gonna have to try and calm down and come up with another plan, all right? Calm down and come up with a plan "B," okay? Max, deep breath.
HADDIE: I'm gonna go watch some TV. Do you want some extra screen time?
GABY: No TV, actually. Maybe just a glass of water. And I'll be right there.
HADDIE: Yeah. Yeah.
GABY: [To Crosby.] You okay?
CROSBY: Wow. Um, yeah, I've never seen that side of him.
GABY: Yeah, he's gonna learn not to do that. It just, it just takes a while.
CROSBY: Hmm. Good, good job, though.
[New Scene - Inside the guesthouse, Sarah and Zeek look at the repaired roof and pipes.]
SARAH: Wow. I'm back in the game. That's amazing, dad. Thank you.
ZEEK: Yeah. Well, you know, Joel contributed.
[New Scene - Sydney plays in the back yard as Julia watches from inside. Joel comes home.]
JOEL: Your father loves me.
JULIA: How does that feel?
JOEL: Not sure yet.
JULIA: I'm going back out there. I read ten books on sex ed.
JULIA: I think I have a little bit of a better handle on how to explain a penis to a six-year-old girl.
JOEL: I don't know if you can explain something, can we just give her five or six years to shake off the damage we've done and then start fresh?
JULIA: No, babe. I'm the mom. She's a girl. You have to let me make this decision on this one.
JOEL: Yeah. Yeah, and if we had a boy, you'd let me handle it? What?
JULIA: It's--when you said, "If we had a boy," I pictured us having a boy.
JULIA: I want her to have a brother or a sister.
JULIA: We can't wait forever on this, you know?
JULIA: We always said you could build a bedroom above the garage, so that's, that is perfect.
JOEL: Let's just hold on a second. When are you
JULIA: When, yes, that is key. That is absolutely key. I can't believe we're having this conversation.
JOEL: [Looking concerned.] Neither can I.
[New Scene - Haddie fixing the mirror on the minivan with duct tape.]
KRISTINA: What you doing?
HADDIE: I'm sorry. I'll, I will pay for it.
HADDIE: So I'm gonna pay for it, then?
KRISTINA: I guess so. You just offered.
HADDIE: I don't know. I feel stupid about it. Just, I don't have money. I don't have money to pay for it.
KRISTINA: Haddie, it's fine.
HADDIE: I am sorry for this and for being rude to you and treating you really badly. And, I don't know, I just, but I do have to say to you, and I don't mean this as an insult, but I feel like you were being a little bit irrational.
KRISTINA: I was?
HADDIE: Yeah. A little bit... You know, a little out of the ordinary.
KRISTINA: It's about Catastrophization."
HADDIE: That's not a word.
KRISTINA: It's not a real word. But it's one that your dad made up for me, 'cause I sometimes "Catastrophize" things. You know, I look into the future, and... I see the worst, you driving this car, and you getting in a horrible, awful car accident. And me having to go down to the scene and seeing your body and smell the carnage...
HADDIE: What? Mom
KRISTINA: And I can see the people just swarming around...
KRISTINA: And I just
HADDIE: Stop. Stop.
KRISTINA: My brain. I just, I know. I'm sorry.
HADDIE: That's not gonna happen.
KRISTINA: I know. I just love you way too much. And I don't know what I would do.
KRISTINA: And then I think about Max and who's gonna take care of him when we're not around.
HADDIE: Mom, I will.
KRISTINA: Honey, I would never do that to you. I would never put that burden on you to take care of your brother. I just, I wouldn't.
HADDIE: It's not a burden. I love Max. He's my brother. You know that.
[New Scene - Max's room, Haddie is on the top bunk.]
MAX: I can't believe I'm eating snacks and drinking soda in my bed. Hey, I wonder if the top bunk caved in on me if I'd die.
HADDIE: I don't think it would cave in.
MAX: But if it did, I'd probably die, right?
HADDIE: Uh, maybe.
MAX: Sleepovers rock.
HADDIE: They do.
MAX: Are you having fun?
HADDIE: Yeah. I'm having a lot of fun, Max.
MAX: We should do this every night.
HADDIE: Um... It would be... Pretty amazing.
MAX: Good night, Haddie.
HADDIE: Good night, Max.
[New Scene - Night time outside the Braverman guesthouse.]
SARAH: Hey. I didn't hear you pull up.
ADAM: I just was inside, said hi to mom and dad. How's it going?
SARAH: Oh, good. Fine.
ADAM: Listen, I'm really sorry for co-opting your idea. And I'd like to offer you a job. What? You said you wanted more.
ADAM: Yeah. You know, it'd be an internship. It'd be in the design department. But that would be good for you. There'd be some money, not a lot, but it would be a start.
SARAH: That would be great.
ADAM: All right. Great. All right, so we'll, uh... Work out some details tomorrow, okay?
ADAM: I just got to get home.
SARAH: Thank you.
ADAM: Thank you.
2.01 - I Hear You, I See You
Original Airdate (NBC) September 14, 2010
Written by Jason Katims
Directed by Lawrence Trilling
Transcribed by Craig Best
Original subtitles from www.addic7ed.com
Please Don't Use Without Permission!
This is a transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, some settings have been added where needed along with actions and/or camera movements where I felt they were necessary. "PARENTHOOD" and other related entities are owned, their respective companies and no copyright infringement is intended..
All Rights Reserved. This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for commercial gain.