1.12 - Team Braverman
Transcript by Craig Best

[Opening scene - Adam's work, the warehouse. Adam and Max are on the forklift going down the isles.

ADAM: Be careful. Steers from behind, see?

MAX: Yup. Hey, so these are sorted by style, then by size, right?

ADAM: That is correct.

MAX: Hey, why is that size 8 with those 9s and 9 1/2s? 13s and 12s and 8s, they were all mixed up.

ADAM: Well, that would fall into the category of human error.

MAX: Hmm. Hey, why do people go to stores to buy sneakers? Why don't people just come here?

ADAM: Well, people like to have a choice between different brands, you know?

MAX: Why?

ADAM: These are all good questions, Max, but I want to show you something really cool, okay? Now check this out, okay? What does that look like to you?

MAX: It's a sneaker.

ADAM: Well, this is not just any sneaker, Max. Do you see this in the back? See that light lighting up?

MAX: Yeah.

ADAM: This shoe counts your steps. And this little doohickey back here in the heel, just pull that out. That is an SD card. You can plug that into a computer, and it tells you how many steps you've taken, whether you're running, walking, whatever.

MAX: Jogging?

ADAM: Jogging too. We call it the accelerometer.

MAX: Cool. Hey, maybe we could use this for the Autism walk on Sunday. We could walk all week with these. Probably get a lot more miles that way, come in first, and win.

ADAM: Max, that is truly an inspired idea. That's using the old noodle.

MAX: What noodle?

ADAM: Noodle in your head.

MAX: There's not a noodle in my head. It's just my brain.

ADAM: You're correct.

[New Scene - Adam's house, living room.]

ADAM: Al right Check it out, everyone. Check it out.

CROSBY: Okay, what's the family emergency here?

ADAM: Could you just give me a second?

SARAH: Don't throw mine. Seriously. [Max throughs the shoe box.]

ADAM: ...Introducing a new line of running shoes.

CROSBY: Are these retro to the '90s?

SARAH: Are they all so pink?

KRISTINA: I picked the pink. You don't have to wear them.

SARAH: I didn't know it was a team thing, I love it.

ADAM: Now, the great thing about these shoes is that they actually count your mileage as you walk.

CROSBY: Wow, so they have the same technology as the Nikes did five years ago. That's amazing.

ADAM: Why do you have to do that? I'm making a presentation. Can I just present?

CROSBY: Sorry, sorry.

ZEEK: Hold force, son. I am listening.

MAX: I'm listening, dad.

ADAM: All right, the Autism speaks walk is this Sunday, and our very own Max had the brilliant idea of using these shoes to count our mileage. So we are giving our shoes away to all the teams, so they can rack up their mileage as they walk.

CROSBY: Al right…

MAX: And the winner gets a trophy!

CROSBY: [Excited] A trophy!

MAX: We're all gonna walk so we can get that trophy...

ADAM: I thought this would be a really nice, positive thing for the family to do together, you know? Team Braverman.

CROSBY: Team Braverman.

MAX: Okay, everybody, grab your sneakers, put 'em on. Let's walk for those kids with Autism.

ZEEK: Yes!

CROSBY: All right.

ADAM: Yeah.

SARAH: Hey.

CROSBY: He doesn't know?

JULIA: I guess not.

ADAM: All right.

MAX: Yeah!

ADAM: All right.

[New Scene - Amber on the running track at school. Haddie and her friends are nearby.]

GIRL: Oh, God. There she is.

HADDIE: Well, let's walk past her.

SECOND GIRL: Bitch.

AMBER: Excuse me?

SECOND GIRL: You heard me.

AMBER: Whoa, tough guys. Cool.

GIRL: I like your gym shorts. You look really athletic.

AMBER: Yeah, they're pants. So close, though. Shorts are usually shorter.

GIRL: How can you sleep with your cousin's boyfriend?

AMBER: I don't think that's any of your business, sweetheart.

HADDIE: It's my business.

AMBER: I know it's your business, and I told you I would talk to you about this privately, but I'm not gonna do it in front of these bitches. I don't even know who these people are.

HADDIE: Excuse me? These are my friends.

AMBER: Oh, your friends...

HADDIE: Yeah, these are my friends. They didn't sleep with my boyfriend!

AMBER: Okay, you want to know why? You want to just talk about this here in front of everything? Here's why. Because I had a connection with him that you didn't have. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm sorry, but that's the way that it is! It sucks, and I'm sorry.

GIRL: A connection? You slut. [She throughs water over Amber.]

AMBER: Don't throw things at me.

HADDIE: You guys, stop.

AMBER: Don't throw things at me!

HADDIE: Stop! Stop! Stop!

AMBER: Do not push me!

[Haddie and Amber start fighting, grabbing each other and yelling as they role on the ground.]

TEACHER: Girls! Hey! Break it up. Come here. With me now. Come here. Hey.

[The teacher breaks up the fight.]

AMBER: [Shouting at Haddie.] Leave me alone!

[New Scene - Principal Gomez office. Sarah, Adam and Kristina are there. Haddie and Amber wait out side the small room.]

PRINCIPAL GOMEZ: And Amber's doing really great.

SARAH: Thanks.

PRINCIPAL GOMEZ: Normally, we would suspend both students for fighting, so we just need to make sure that this never happens again.

SARAH: Never. Never.

KRISTINA: Definitely not…

ADAM: It won't happen again.

KRISTINA: Ever. Promise.

PRINCIPAL GOMEZ: All right, well, thank you.

KRISTINA: Thank you some much.

SARAH: Really sorry about that. [To Amber.] Okay, let's go. Come on.

KRISTINA: Haddie.

SARAH: Another great day for our family by the way...

AMBER: Please don't start.

KRISTINA: What is going on?

HADDIE: Let's go. I don't want to talk about it right now.

KRISTINA: I would actually like to know what happened.

HADDIE: Well, I don't want to talk about it right now, okay?

SARAH: [To Amber.] I want to know the story, while we're all standing here.

ADAM: [To Haddie.] Tell me right now what happened.

HADDIE: Just ask Amber. Why don't you take responsibility for your actions?

ADAM: Hey! Hey! Hey!

AMBER:

ADAM: Hey.

ADAM: Haddie, I want you to tell me what happened right now.

HADDIE: Um, ah…

AMBER: Haddie, don't. Please.

HADDIE: [To Amber.] Stop! [To her parents.] Amber told me to break up with Steve. And then... She had sex with him.

KRISTINA: What?

SARAH: Is that true?

AMBER: Don't. It's more complicated than that.

SARAH: Is that true?

AMBER: It didn't happen that way!

HADDIE: Yeah, it did.

SARAH: Oh, my God.

AMBER: Please, let's go.

KRISTINA: This is gross.

SARAH: Kristina, I'm gonna talk to Amber.

KRISTINA: That'd be super. Thanks.

SARAH: I'm really sorry. Uh...

ADAM: Listen, uh, we're the adults, so let's, uh, set a good example and not make this any worse, all right?

SARAH: How could it get any worse?

KRISTINA: Adam?

ADAM: I'm coming!

AMBER: Mom!

SARAH: I'm coming!

ADAM: I am coming.

SARAH: Amber I don't like that tone.

AMBER: Really?

ADAM: I'm coming.

KRISTINA: Wow.

[Opening credits - featuring “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan]

[New Scene - Jasmine's bedroom.]

JASMINE: He's out.

CROSBY: Oh, good.

JASMINE: Finally.

CROSBY: It's my turn. Get in here. I was about to die from loneliness. Get in here.

JASMINE: Here I am.

CROSBY: Hurry.

[They cuddle and kiss.]

CROSBY: Hey.

JASMINE: What?

CROSBY: Um, I saw something today.

JASMINE: What?

CROSBY: On the learning channel.

JASMINE: Really?

CROSBY: Very extreme.

JASMINE: Really?

CROSBY: I would like to try it. And I think since you're a professional dancer and...

JASMINE: And what are you?

CROSBY: A professional choreographer.

JASMINE: Really? I didn't know you were a choreographer.

[Crosby gets under the covers, Jasmine is laughing a clearly happy for a few moments.]

JASMINE: Ow, ow, ow…

CROSBY: What? What? What? What is it? What is it?

JASMINE: Ow.

CROSBY: What'd I hurt?

JASMINE: My back. My back.

JABBAR: What happened?

JASMINE: Ow.

CROSBY: Um, hey, do you knock?

JASMINE: Ow.

CROSBY: Okay, are you all right?

JASMINE: [In pain.] I have an audition on Friday.

CROSBY: Okay. I'm gonna get ice.

JASMINE: Okay.

CROSBY: And heat.

JASMINE: Okay.

CROSBY: Everything.

JASMINE: Okay.

CROSBY: Okay?

JASMINE: Okay.

CROSBY: I'll be your servant. Okay.

JASMINE: Ow.

CROSBY: Let's go get mommy some ice, okay?

JABBAR: Is she gonna be all right?

JASMINE: Oh, I'm okay, honey.

JABBAR: How'd she hurt her back?

CROSBY: I think she was jumping on the bed or something.

JABBAR: But…

JASMINE: Ow.

[New Scene - Braverman kitchen.]

CAMILLE: It's not that hard.

JULIA: Oh, mom. Come on, now. Your soup is incredible. I need all the secrets.

CAMILLE: Oh, secrets. Why this sudden interest in my chicken soup?

JULIA: Oh, I'm on the angel committee at the school.

CAMILLE: What's the angel committee?

JULIA: It's, um, if a parent at the school has, you know, an injury or an illness or an operation, some kind of hardship, then the angel committee is called upon to help, you know, bring meals or whatever.

CAMILLE: That's a lovely thing.

JULIA: Isn't it?

CAMILLE: What made you sign up for that?

JULIA: What, it's a, it's a surprise? It's really so hard to believe? It's a surprise that I'm an angel?

CAMILLE: No.

JULIA: Fine. Joel signed me up.

CAMILLE: I thought so.

JULIA: You...

CAMILLE: Oh, you'll be great.

JULIA: Um. So I, uh, dad, have you spoken to him? [Camille ignores the question and goes to the cupboard getting out a large pot.] Well, if there's anything else that I can do, or any of the other kids...

CAMILLE: Sweetie, this is not up to you to fix, or your brothers and sisters. This is up to your father and I to fix…

JULIA: I know.

CAMILLE: …if it can be fixed.

JULIA: I know. I'm just asking.

CAMILLE: I know, but it puts pressure on me. To make it work. And that doesn't help. Pressure's never helpful.

JULIA: Right. We don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry.

CAMILLE: Thank you.

JULIA: Okay. Okay. Thank you. So you think Dad'll move back in soon?

CAMILLE: No. No, sweetie, I don't.

[New Scene - Street, Zeek and Adam are walking gin the new sneakers.]

ZEEK: So some schmuck with half a car delivered an easel to your mother last night. Do you know anything about that?

ADAM: Uh-uh. What do you think about these shoes?

ZEEK: You didn't answer my question.

ADAM: What?

ZEEK: His name is Matthew.

ADAM: It's mom's art teacher.

ZEEK: Yeah.

ADAM: You didn't answer my question. What about these shoes? Do you think they're comfortable?

ZEEK: Yeah, they're comfortable, kind of, I mean...

ADAM: We got a new composite sole. It's a little stiffer, but they last longer.

ZEEK: Now, they got this chip in there, right? If I walk backwards, do I reduce the miles?

ADAM: No, you don't. Come on.

ZEEK: Hey, I want you to find out about this guy, Adam, this art teacher guy.

[New Scene - Doctor Pelikan's office.]

KRISTINA: We're actually learning about it. I didn't know there was a walk for Autism. And so Max had this idea. So when we got involved with it, he didn't... Adam and I really haven't told him…

DR. PELIKAN: Okay.

KRISTINA: That he... He doesn't really know that he has anything wrong, and so it kills me, because I sort of... I feel like I'm lying to him... by not telling him anything, and, um... He's just so happy to be a part of this whole thing, and now I'm going, "Why didn't I tell him? Why haven't I told him?"

DR. PELIKAN: Well, there's no perfect answer to the question of when do you tell a child.

KRISTINA: Um, hm.

DR. PELIKAN: It's different for every kid.

KRISTINA: So I'm not doing anything wrong.

DR. PELIKAN: No, not at all. And I think it's important to not burden Max with information that he's not going to be able to process just yet.

KRISTINA: So how do kids start to notice that they're different? What, what are some of the signs that I should be looking for?

DR. PELIKAN: Well, as they get older, it really becomes more of a challenge socially.

KRISTINA: Like...

DR. PELIKAN: The complexities of a sleepover. Social interactions in a situation like summer camp.

KRISTINA: So he'll never be able to go to camp…

DR. PELIKAN: Not at all.

KRISTINA: Have a sleepover, or…

DR. PELIKAN: No, the challenges are just going to be greater.

KRISTINA: That's great. This just gets more fun, doesn't it?

DR. PELIKAN: If you can, just try not to worry about it right now. When it's time to talk to him about it, you're gonna know. Max is going to tell you.

[New Scene - School lockers, WHORE is written on Ambers locker in red letters. Amber looks at it in shock as Drew comes up.]

DREW: Wh… you want me to get some paint?

AMBER: Nah. Screw 'em. We'll just leave it up. Screw 'em all. Look, don't tell mom, okay?

DREW: Yeah.

AMBER: Seriously, she's gonna freak out. Promise?

DREW: Yeah. Yeah, I promise.

AMBER: Thanks.

[New Scene - Adam and Kristina's kitchen.]

SARAH: Drew took this picture. [Showing the cell phone picture.] Can you believe that?

ADAM: Ah, jeez.

KRISTINA: No, I can't.

ADAM: That is unacceptable.

SARAH: I'm sorry, you guys.

KRISTINA: You think that Haddie did this?

SARAH: Uh, well, yeah, I mean... Oh, I'm sorry.

ADAM: Look, Sarah, I can't believe that Haddie had anything to do with that. I can't.

KRISTINA: Yeah. I mean, she feels betrayed, but she would never do something like that no matter what happened, no matter how bad this is.

SARAH: Uh, well, I don't know who else would have done it. The girls are really upset, you know? And boyfriends will come and go, but this is Amber's reputation at a new school, and it's just kind of a big deal.

ADAM: I know that Haddie didn't have anything to do with this, but we will talk to her. Okay?

KRISTINA: I can't, I can't believe we're having this conversation.

SARAH: Why?

KRISTINA: I mean, Amber slept with Steve. You guys are forgetting something really important right now. No, Amber slept with Steve, and we're standing around trying to help Amber through it?

SARAH: We're not trying to help Amber through anything. Amber made a mistake, and she apologized and...

KRISTINA: So she apologized? Okay, that's fine. Wow, she apologized. So you just apologize, you do whatever you want, you say, "ooh, I'm sorry. I made a big mistake..."

SARAH: Is it so impossible to imagine that Haddie isn't perfect? Or is it just so easy to blame everything on Amber every time?

ADAM: Hey, hey, hey, we're not gonna help anything by arguing, you guys. Listen. Sarah, listen to me.

SARAH: Please imagine if somebody wrote "Whore" on Haddie's locker!

KRISTINA: It wouldn't happen, because she's not.

SARAH: Oh, and Amber is a whore?

ADAM: Why don't we try to behave like adults? We will speak to Haddie about the locker, okay? I'm sure she didn't have anything to do with this, but we will talk to her.

SARAH: Okay. I'm sorry, Kristina. I'm really sorry.

KRISTINA: I'm really sorry too.

SARAH: Honestly.

KRISTINA: Yeah, I know.

[New Scene - Diner, Adam and Crosby having lunch.]

CROSBY: Now, if Kristina and Sarah did mix it up, who do you think wins that fight? Because Kristina's got reach…

ADAM: Uh, ha.

CROSBY: …but Sarah is very scrappy…

ADAM: I know.

CROSBY: …she's a Fresno bartender…

ADAM: Uh, ha.

CROSBY: …and they got to be ready to throw down at the drop of a hat. Now, I got to tell you, I would like a ring-side seat to that cat fight.

ADAM: You're an idiot. Well, anyway, Kristina is outraged about the whole betrayal, so I have to deal with that.

CROSBY: And, uh, how does papa bear feel about all this?

ADAM: Major headline for me, Haddie didn't have sex.

CROSBY: Good headline.

ADAM: Headline number two is she didn't have sex with Steve. You know, I don't want her first time to be…

CROSBY: Oh, there'll be one too.

ADAM: Thanks a lot for that. Well, anyway, I don't want it to be a bad experience with some guy who'd go break her heart, you know? So I just want the whole thing to blow over, have things return to normal, so we can focus on important things like sneaker mileage. Team Braverman. Come on.

[Adam puts his fist up and they knock them together.]

CROSBY: Team Braverman.

[New Scene - Julia in her car, she is pouring takeaway soup into the large pot.]

JULIA: Okay. Okay. [Getting out of the car]

[New Scene - Shortly after in side the house.]

LUCY: So you're Sydney's mom?

JULIA: Right. And you're, um, Jonah's mom, right?

LUCY: Yeah.

JULIA: [Putting the pot on the counter.] Courtesy of the Angel committee.

LUCY: I am such an emotional wreck, so I'm... And you brought soup, and this is great, because… [Moving the pot.] oh, shouldn't lift.

JULIA: Oh.

LUCY: I'm having such a hard time swallowing, so this is good.

JULIA: Oh, my gosh. I'm sorry. Um, what kind of surgery did you have?

LUCY: Oh, no one told you? [Opening her cardigan.] I got new boobs… Boobs!

JULIA: Wow, yeah. You got breast augmentation.

LUCY: Aren't they unbelievable? Look at that. I mean, they're just.

JULIA: Yeah.

LUCY: Do you want to check 'em out?

JULIA: Oh, I don't. No.

LUCY: Will you? You have to.

JULIA: No, I...

LUCY: Don't be shy. Right there. [Placing Julia's hand on her left breast.] Oh. Is that the perkiest thing you've ever felt in your life, or what?

JULIA: Yep.

LUCY: They're my boobs!

JULIA: Uh, yeah. Well, congratulations.

[New Scene - Street, Adam and Max walking in the new sneakers.]

MAX: We got to hurry because…

ADAM: Uh, ha.

MAX: …even if aunt Julia, if she's walking around her office...

ADAM: Uh, ha.

PHIL: Adam Braverman! Hiya, Max.

ADAM: Hey.

MAX: Hi, Phil.

SUZE: Are you guys walking for Autism too?

[Phil, Suze and Max keep walking on the spot.]

ADAM: Oh, yes, we are.

MAX: My dad's company made the shoes.

PHIL: Oh, I smell a conflict of interest.

ADAM: The mileage is all counted by a neutral party.

SUZE: He's kidding.

PHIL: Yeah, I'm just joking. But we are gonna win, because I have my whole recumbent bicycling club in your sneakers.

MAX: No, well, that's gonna do much, 'cause they cycle. They don't walk.

PHIL: Yeah, but you still rack up the miles.

SUZE: Yeah, they're relentless too.

PHIL: We are a driven people!

SUZE: You know, Noel really wants the trophy.

ADAM: Oh, yeah, so does Max.

MAX: Oh, yeah, we're gonna get it.

PHIL: Max, that may or may not happen. What time do you go to bed, Max?

MAX: Eight.

PHIL: What time's your dad go to sleep?

MAX: Dad?

ADAM: Around midnight.

SUZE: Max, Phil goes to sleep at 4:00 in the morning.

MAX: What?

SUZE: It's true. He exists on three hours' sleep. He's like a machine.

PHIL: And I walk until the moment I hit the bed. Sometimes I even sleepwalk.

SUZE: He does. Frankenstein.

MAX: Dad, we got to get going. From the time you go to bed, that's 15 miles.

ADAM: Okay we gotta get going, good luck, okay? We'll see you Sunday.

PHIL: High five.

ADAM: Good luck out there.

MAX: Dad! [Running ahead.]

SUZE: Bye.

MAX: Let's go, let's go.

SUZE: No, don't out-pace me.

[New Scene - Jasmine's apartment.]

CROSBY: Grotty! Honey, I don't know about this Chinatown cure.

JASMINE: Dr. Ting is a genius.

CROSBY: Think that's probably a loose interpretation of the word "doctor."

JASMINE: Please just make sure you mix it correctly, all right? It has to be exact.

CROSBY: Oh, my God.

JASMINE: What?

CROSBY: There are seahorses in here.

JASMINE: There's not seahorses in there.

CROSBY: These aren't seahorses?

JASMINE: Okay, they're seahorses, but it's fine.

CROSBY: It's fine?

JASMINE: He knows what he's doing...

CROSBY: He's cleaning out his aquarium, is what he's doing.

JASMINE: He cured me of the flu in 12 hours. He knows what he's doing.

CROSBY: Well, I'm not making you tea with seahorses. These could be on the endangered species list...

JASMINE: I thought you were supposed to be my servant.

CROSBY: Yeah.

JASMINE: All right, then serve, and pour the tea please.

CROSBY: All right, I'll be your servant. I'll make you seahorse tea.

JASMINE: Thank you. God.

CROSBY: Listen, if you start speaking in tongues after you drink this, am I gonna be able to get ahold of Dr. Ting? Does he use a phone? [Bringing her the tea.] Dig in. Do you want a fork for that seahorse?

[New Scene - Sarah and Amber outside the Braverman guesthouse.]

SARAH: You want to tell me what happened?

AMBER: You know what happened.

SARAH: Not from you, I don't.

AMBER: What's the difference?

SARAH: There's a difference. My love. What happened?

AMBER: I don't know. I don't know. [Starting to cry.] I feel like there must be something really wrong with me. 'Cause it seems so terrible. It seems like the worst thing I could have done. There's something wrong. But also, like, I really like him, mom. I really like him so much. And it sucks 'cause of the situation, but I didn't just do it, you know, like it wasn't, like, not a big deal. It was a big deal. It just sucks.

SARAH: And there's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you.

ADAM: Sorry I messed everything up.

SARAH: It's okay. It's okay.

[New Scene - Julia arriving home at night.]

JULIA: Hello.

JOEL: What did you do to Lucy Eestman?

JULIA: What? What did I do?

JOEL: She told Amy Popchec that you gave her attitude.

JULIA: What?

JOEL: And Amy Popchec proceeded to tell every parent at school.

JULIA: I spent three hours that I took off work taking care of a woman with a boob job?

JOEL: Is it true that you gave her fake soup?

JULIA: Fake? No.

JOEL: No?

JULIA: No.

JOEL: Apparently, she requested only home-cooked food, and, um, she found a receipt floating in the soup. That's weird, right? [Julia can help but laugh.] I mean... That's not an ingredient.

JULIA: Oh! Fine. I got a lot on my plate. I'm really supposed to help Lucy Eestman regenerate from her breast augmentation?

JOEL: Sweetheart, I had to go pick up Syd at school today, and I got a lot of cold stares. Icy. Frigid. Okay? So just do me a favor. As absurd as this is, just... Would you please...?

JULIA: I mean, I'm still in the middle of this thing with my folks. They're...

JOEL: Yes.

JULIA: Soup?

JOEL: Soup.

JULIA: For you. Not for her.

JOEL: You. [They kiss then sit back on the couch.]

JULIA: Good gracious.

[New Scene - Morning at Jasmine's house.]

CROSBY: Ta-DA. Breakfast is served.

JASMINE: I'm liking this.

CROSBY: And look what I found. Little article about Alvin Ailey.

JASMINE: Hmm.

CROSBY: Says here they're looking for a very specific dancer, one by the name of Jasmine Trussell. You know, you, um, you didn't tell me they were in New York.

JASMINE: Everybody knows they're in New York.

CROSBY: I didn't. Don't you think that's, you know, something we should... talk about?

JASMINE: There's nothing really to talk about. I'm not gonna get it.

CROSBY: Okay, well, what if you do get it?

JASMINE: Well, I'm not.

CROSBY: Okay, but in some crazy world where you get it, then what happens?

JASMINE: I'm not gonna get it. It's a long shot. Really. The only reason why I'm doing this is to see if I still have what it takes… Can I get one of your, uh, wonderful foot massages?

CROSBY: Well, they don't have these foot massages in New York.

JASMINE: Please. [Lifting her foot.] Massage. It's part of my back therapy.

CROSBY: Okay, well, I'm gonna have a lawyer look at my contract. Think you might be exploiting your servant.

[New Scene - Lucy's house.]

LUCY: This tastes real.

JULIA: I heard you complained to the school about my soup, so there you go.

LUCY: [Scoffing] Come on. I mean, that was hardly homemade. I have to be careful with processed foods. Especially since my surgery.

JULIA: Okay, you had elective surgery. That's completely fine with me that you wanted bigger breasts, but I don't see how that justifies asking parents at the school for help. I'm sorry. I think that's ludicrous.

LUCY: Okay, see, you know what...

JULIA: I'm sorry.

LUCY: I knew you had an attitude. You have an attitude. You are prejudiced against small-breasted women. I knew it.

JULIA: I'm gonna go now.

LUCY: I'm sorry. We're not all endowed, you know, naturally, like you are.

JULIA: Okay, I have a real crisis at home to deal with. My parents are splitting up, so...

LUCY: No. Oh, my God.

JULIA: Um...

LUCY: I'm so... I'm so sorry.

JULIA: No, that, um... That just slipped out. That's not... They're fine.

LUCY: Did your dad have an affair?

JULIA: No.

LUCY: My husband left me for a younger woman.

JULIA: Sorry. I had no idea. Is that, um, why you...

LUCY: Oh, supersized?

JULIA: Yeah.

LUCY: Sort of. It's just so hard for a woman my age to put herself out there. You know? Imagine what it's got to be like for your mom.

[New Scene - Max running up and down the stairs at home.]

MAX: Come on, let's go.

ADAM: Yep, yep, yep Max…

MAX: We only have one more day.

ADAM: I'm coming, I'll be right there.

MAX: Why isn't everyone walking?

ADAM: Be right there.

KRISTINA: All right. Coming. Man, he really wants that trophy. He's obsessed.

ADAM: Yeah, I know, and we're competing against Phil Lessing, and the man has no life and needs no sleep.

KRISTINA: No kidding. Honey, I, um... I met with Dr. Pelikan about Max, about when to talk to him about everything.

ADAM: Yeah?

KRISTINA: Yeah, and he said that we'll know when the time is right.

ADAM: He said that we'd know?

KRISTINA: Yeah. Like Max will start asking questions. I mean, I, I don't understand. I don't get it. It was not comforting at all.

ADAM: That's not very helpful.

KRISTINA: No, it wasn't very helpful at all. I mean, he's the doctor, and I'm…

MAX: What's wrong with you people? This is the last day.

KRISTINA: I'm coming.

MARK: We have to beat the Lessings.

KRISTINA: Okay.

MAX: Because Phil Lessing doesn't sleep. He said that to me to my face. To my face!

KRISTINA: I heard.

ADAM: Hey Max, Max I got to meet grandpa, I got to meet grandpa. We got to go. [To Kristina.] Okay, listen, honey, we'll figure this out. Okay? I love you.

MAX: Guys, come on!

ADAM: All right, we're coming.

KRISTINA: Let's go, let's go, let's go.

ADAM: Hey!

[New Scene - Amber's school, lunch time. She walks past Haddie and her friends.]

GIRL: Oh, look, it's the ho.

GIRL 2: Ew.

GIRL: Hey, ho.

HADDIE: What are you doing?

[New Scene - Right after Amber walks past Steven with his friends.]

STEVE: Amber. Amber. Dude, I gotta take care of this.

STEVE'S FRIEND: All right. See, I, I don't even know why he still goes after her.

[New Scene - Back at Haddie's table.]

HADDIE: You have to stop doing that.

GIRL: We didn't do anything.

HADDIE: Yeah, you did. You just, you're so mean. This isn't about your guys' little joke, and, like, making people feel bad. This is about my family.

GIRL: Sorry.

GIRL 2: Calm down.

HADDIE: No, I have to deal with all of this stuff at home, okay? So stop.

[New Scene - Amber sitting alone on a bench.]

STEVE: Hi.

AMBER: Hi.

STEVE: Can I sit next to you?

AMBER: Sure.

STEVE: You all right?

AMBER: No, I'm not all right. I'm not okay. I'm not...Fine. I'm not good. I'm not anything. I can't...Do anything here. I can't even exist without getting made fun of or called a name or pushed around, and I'm just...

STEVE: I'm so sorry. Like, I, I don't want to put you through this. I feel so responsible for all of this.

AMBER: No, I know, but it's fine. It's not your fault. It's, I mean, like, I deserve it. I get it.

STEVE: No you don't.

AMBER: I get that I deserve it.

STEVE: Not at all. Look, Amber, I'm so sorry. And, I mean, I'll do anything to fix the situation.

[Meanwhile Haddie appears in the back ground looking for Amber.]

STEVE: I've been thinking about you every second.

AMBER: Really?

STEVE: Yeah. Really have.

[They kiss and Haddie sees them, incensed she walks off upset again.]

[New Scene - Adam driving in his car, talking on his phone, hands free.]

ADAM: Hey, Sarah, it's Adam. Look, I'm just double-checking to make sure that what I told dad, that the art guy's not involved with mom, that that's the truth, right?

SARAH: All I can tell you is what she told me, you know? She's not, uh, seeing him.

ADAM: Okay. Great. Thanks.

SARAH: Adam.

ADAM: Yep?

SARAH: All right, telling you everything I know, they slept together once. Adam?

ADAM: Yeah. Uh, I'm here. [Seeing Zeek.] Oh, waving at me.

SARAH: Oh, okay. All right, then go.

ADAM: Talk to you later.

SARAH: Okay, bye.

ZEEK: Morning! Well, it's a good thing you got here. I was starting to cramp up.

ADAM: Hi.

ZEEK: Hello.

[New Scene - Adam and Zeek jogging along a street.]

ZEEK: Come on, kid.

ADAM: Dad, you want to take it easy? It's a long hill.

ZEEK: Come on, babe. Dial it up.

ADAM: All right.

ZEEK: Okay. Come on. [Stopping] Oh, God.

ADAM: You all right? [Zeek's out of breath, he lies back on a lawn.] You okay? Dad?

ZEEK: Adam, your mother's slipping away from me. I don't know, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

ADAM: Ah… well, why don't you start by just trying to talk to her?

ZEEK: She's giving sneakers to that guy.

ADAM: You know what's going on? You know the truth?

ZEEK: Come on. I need to know. I can't operate without.

ADAM: Look, all I know is that she apparently slept with the guy once. But it's over, it's over.

ZEEK: oh well… All right, all right, all right. All right, there you go. See, now I don't have to think like I'm a crazy man.

ADAM: Yeah.

ZEEK: Well, thank you for being honest with me.

ADAM: You know, a wise man once told me that we always have to forgive each other and not get hung up on the past.

ZEEK: Team Braverman.

ADAM: Yep.

ZEEK: You want to know something, man? You are a hero.

ADAM: Huh?

ZEEK: Hero. I don't know how you do what you do.

ADAM: What are you talking about? The fundraiser?

ZEEK: No, fixing everybody.

ADAM: Not like I try to fix everybody.

ZEEK: Yeah, you do.

ADAM: No, I don't.

ZEEK: Yeah, it's in your nature. You fix people. You're the fixer upper.

ADAM: Make me sound like I'm a meddler.

ZEEK: Well, it's bordering on meddling. When you were a kid, you were always fixing stuff. Stuff didn't need fixing, you were fixing. Give me a hand up.

ADAM: All right, all right. Great. Here.

ZEEK: No, I can do it. What are you doing?

ADAM: You just asked me to help you up.

ZEEK: I can get up.

ADAM: All right.

ZEEK: If I need your help, I'll ask for it.

ADAM: Are you ready?

ZEEK: Yeah. Okay. Come on!

[New Scene - Dance auditions. The room is full of dancer, a group is dancing to the music.]

JABBAR: You're gonna get it, mommy.

JASMINE: I'm so nervous.

CROSBY: Are you kidding? Look at these hacks. You got this.

MAN: Thank you. All right, ready for the next group.

JASMINE: That's me. That's me. That's me.

CROSBY: That's you? All right. Kill it. [To Jabbar.] I think you're right, buddy. I think she's gonna get it.

MAN: Five, six, seven, eight.

[New Scene - Kristina upstairs at home.]

KRISTINA: Can't take it. I can't take it. I can't take it. I can't take it. Haddie? Honey.

HADDIE: [Drowned out by the music.] What?

KRISTINA: Please turn down the music.

MAX: It's on 'cause she's crying.

KRISTINA: What?

MAX: I listened outside of her door. Hey, can I walk outside...

KRISTINA: It's the music. Haddie? [To Max.] Go downstairs. We'll be right down.

ADAM: [To Max] Don't go outside. Haddie.

KRISTINA: Haddie.

ADAM: Haddie, we're trying very hard to respect your privacy here. Can you please open the door?

KRISTINA: Can we come in?

[Max pushes past opening the door.]

MAX: Haddie! Haddie!

HADDIE: Max, get out.

MAX: We've only got one more day. We got to walk, walk, walk. Come on. We got to walk. Mom! We got to walk! We got to get her to walk! [Max is pulled out of the room.] Do I get a sticker out of it?

ADAM: Yeah.

KRISTINA: This is so loud. I love Neil Diamond or whoever this is, but it's just loud. [She manages to turn the music off.]

HADDIE: I was gonna turn it down in a second.

KRISTINA: It's okay. It's all right. It's soothing.

ADAM: Listen, Haddie, I can't, I can't have you wallowing in here all day.

HADDIE: I'm not wallowing in here all day.

ADAM: ...Torture us with the loud music.

HADDIE: I'm not torturing you.

KRISTINA: You kind of are, honey.

ADAM: I'll tell you what, let's put on your shoes, and let's go log in some miles for Autism.

HADDIE: I don't want, and, by the way, I'm not going to the walk tomorrow if Amber's going.

KRISTINA: Well Haddie…

ADAM: Haddie, these two things are completely unrelated, okay? You're going on the walk tomorrow.

KRISTINA: Your dad's worked really hard on this, and so has Max. You can't disappoint them, honey.

HADDIE: Oh, you guys.

ADAM: What?

HADDIE: Amber's a liar, okay? I saw her kissing Steve at school.

ADAM: What?

KRISTINA: What? Excuse me? She was, they were kissing?

HADDIE: Yeah.

KRISTINA: What a little... Liar. Okay, you don't have to go.

ADAM: Haddie, that's horrible.

KRISTINA: Yeah, it's horrible.

ADAM: And I'm sorry. Kristina, can you let me talk to her, please?

KRISTINA: Yes. Go talk to her. I'm sorry.

ADAM: Might not seem fair for me to ask you to rise above this and show up tomorrow, but I want you to.

HADDIE: I'm not going if Amber's going.

KRISTINA: Okay, we understand that.

ADAM: No…

KRISTINA: We understand that.

ADAM: No, I don't, no, I don't understand, Kristina.

KRISTINA: I understand it for her…

ADAM: Listen to me for a second. And one day we're all gonna get old, and one of us is gonna be gone, and we're gonna regret every single day that we didn't spend loving each other.

KRISTINA: Okay, you know what, honey? Can you step outside for a second, please? Just for one moment. I just want to talk to you about one thing.

ADAM: Sure.

KRISTINA: Just one thing, okay?

[Kristina closes the bedroom door.]

KRISTINA: Do you want to call your sister, or should I do it? Because Amber is not going. She's not going.

ADAM: What, are you delivering me an ultimatum?

KRISTINA: Yep. Sure am. Deal with it.

ADAM: Well, I am not gonna do that to my family. I'm not gonna UN-invite my family.

KRISTINA: Adam, we are your family.

ADAM: Listen…

KRISTINA: We are your family.

ADAM: Okay, listen. I want to make a unilateral decision here. I want this to be my call. I want Haddie to go and I want Amber to go.

KRISTINA: Okay, fine.

ADAM: I want them to get past this.

KRISTINA: Then you know what? You tell her that, Adam. You tell your daughter that.

ADAM: Okay, I will.

KRISTINA: Okay.

ADAM: I will.

KRISTINA: One big happy freakin' family.

ADAM: All right. Thank you.

KRISTINA: Super.

ADAM: [Entering the bedroom again.] Haddie, can you sit up for me, please? I know this is hard, and I know how hurt you must feel.

HADDIE: Then why aren't you on my side?

ADAM: I am on your side. Okay? Your mother and I spoke, and she agreed that this is my call, because tomorrow is my shindig. And I know you're gonna roll your eyes, but asking you to do this is being on your side. In a bigger way. Haddie, you can't go through life allowing your pain to dictate how you behave. It's easy to sit here in your bedroom and wallow in your hurt feelings. It's hard to rise above it. This isn't about you. It's not about Amber. This is about Max. I'm not gonna force you to go, but I'm asking you to do this for me. What do you say?

HADDIE: Yeah.

ADAM: All right. Thank you.

[New Scene - Braverman house, next morning.]

SARAH: [Yelling] Come on! I'm not kidding! We're late! Let's go!

AMBER: All right. Stop yelling. I'm not going.

SARAH: Why isn't your shirt on?

AMBER: Because I'm not going.

SARAH: Put your team shirt on.

AMBER: No, I'm not going. You can't make me go.

SARAH: I thought you just said, "I'm not going."…

AMBER: Yeah that's what I said…

SARAH: …So what I'm going to do is pretend that didn't happen.

ADAM: …Not physically, not emotionally, not mentally. Not in any way.

SARAH: [To Drew.] Hi! Let's go!

DREW: Wait, you're not, you're not going?

AMBER: Listen, nobody wants me there.

DREW: No, I'm not going either now.

SARAH: Put on your… what? What?

DREW: I'm, like, her wingman.

SARAH: No, no. [Stamping her foot.] No, you're Uncle Adam's wingman…

AMBER: Listen stop that, it's not attractive…

SARAH: You guys, please don't do this…

AMBER: I'm not going…

SARAH: We have to go, okay?...

DREW: I'm with Amber…

SARAH: [Shouting louder again.] You can't do this to me now!...

DREW: I'm like her wingman.

SARAH: [Still shouting.] We all have to go as a family and have a good time! Get your cute red shirt on and get in the car!

AMBER: Not attractive…

DREW: We look so embarrassing.

CAMILLE: Hey. Hello, everybody. Guess what? We're not going. You fought the good fight, but we're staying home.

SARAH: Mom…

CAMILLE: Sweetie, sometimes being the perfect parent just isn't worth the blood on the floor, you know? And I don't feel like dealing with your father right now, anyways. So I'll call Adam. He'll understand. And I'm gonna make waffles. You guys in?

AMBER: Yeah, definitely.

DREW: Yeah.

SARAH: [Defeated] Can you make pancakes too?

[New Scene - 'Walk Now For Autism Speaks' gathering in a park. There is a stage and all the groups have tables.]

KRISTINA: Want your sausage?

MAX: No.

KRISTINA: You're done? Okay. Should have brought sunscreen. I'm sorry. Are you getting burned?

HADDIE: Probably.

ADAM: Well, now Julia's not coming because she's taking care of Lucy Essman.

KRISTINA: But why is your mom not here?

ADAM: Well, she's supposed to be showing up with Sarah and the kids, but apparently they can't be bothered.

KRISTINA: Honey, I'm sorry. We're here.

ADAM: I know. Thank you. [To Haddie.] Thank you.

MAX: I hope we win. I hope we win.

ADAM: Yeah, I hope you win too, bud. I just wish the rest of the family could be here with us.

MAX: Their mileage is counted. That's what matters.

ADAM: Yup.

KRISTINA: That's all that matters, their counted.

ADAM: That's all that matters.

KRISTINA: That's it.

MAX: Let's go.

ANNOUNCER: Well, good morning. How is everyone today? [The crowd cheers and claps.] Well, welcome to the eighth annual Bay Area 'Walk Now For Autism Speaks' walkathon, to help change the future for those who struggle with Autism spectrum disorders. [The crowd cheers again.]

MAX: Yes! Yes!

ANNOUNCER: And I'm proud to announce that this year's winner is... Team "Bra-verman."

ADAM: Yes! Braverman!

KRISTINA: Braverman!

MAX: Yeah!

KRISTINA: Braverman!

ANNOUNCER: It's Bra--Braverman.

[Adam and Max go to the stage.]

ADAM: [Shaking Phil Lessing's.] Good effort. Good effort.

MAX: Awesome!

KRISTINA: Whoo!

PHIL: All right!

MAX: Yes! Yeah! [Take to trophy.]

KRISTINA: All right.

MAX: We've got the trophy!

KRISTINA: Max!

ANNOUNCER: Adam Braverman, we honor you and teens footwear for your unique contribution to this year's walk. The funds you raised will help so many achieve their goals. So let's hear it for team Braverman.

MAX: All right!

ADAM: I just want to thank everybody who got out there on the road and participated. Thank you very much. And, uh... This is for my son, Max.

[New Scene - Braverman house, night. Sarah opens the front door.]

SARAH: Hi.

ADAM: Hi.

SARAH: I was just about to call you.

ADAM: Where were you?

SARAH: You know, like, Amber.

ADAM: Right. Well, we won, by the way.

SARAH: Oh, my God.

ADAM: Yeah. Isn't that great? And Autism speaks wanted everybody to have a certificate. They were really appreciative. Here. You know, Sarah, I had to work so unbelievably hard to get my family there today. I forced Haddie to go, knowing that Amber was gonna be there. She hates me. You guys couldn't even show up.

SARAH: I worked so unbelievably hard to try to get my family to be there, and I failed and you succeeded. It's no big surprise.

ADAM: Oh, God.

SARAH: Look, we had a ridiculous fight, and mom just said, "Don't go," and I agreed.

ADAM: Oh, so it's mom's fault that you couldn't make it there? [Brief pause.] Amber lied. She's still seeing Steve. Haddie walked in on them kissing at school.

SARAH: [Here eyes tearing up.] I'm sorry. Oh, Adam, I'm so tired of being the problem.

ADAM: Well, do something about it.

SARAH: Well, I'm just beginning to feel like maybe we should just move back, you know? Maybe this whole thing was just a big mistake.

ADAM: No, I didn't say that… Good night.

[New Scene - Braverman kitchen, Camille and Julia.]

CAMILLE: Oh, sweetie, it's wonderful.

JULIA: It is?

CAMILLE: It's really, really good. It's not…

JULIA: [Laughing] Not yours.

CAMILLE: Not mine. No, but it's every bit as good.

JULIA: Good.

CAMILLE: But you did something. Is that cumin?

JULIA: It's cumin.

CAMILLE: You little devil.

JULIA: You like it?

CAMILLE: It's, it's very interesting. And, no, it works. It works. This really is good.

JULIA: Thank you.

CAMILLE: I never would have thought of it, but... Oh. Okay, I guess that's enough, huh?

JULIA: Mom, I don't know. I guess I'm being kind of selfish. It scares me, the idea of you guys not being together.

CAMILLE: I know.

JULIA: But I want to... Want to be there for you. I want to help you. You know, it can't be easy.

CAMILLE: Thank you, sweetie. Means the world to me. See? You are an angel. My angel. Let's have some more soup. Are there noodles in the bottom?

JULIA: Yeah, dig for the noodles. There they are.

CAMILLE: Oh, the twisty ones.

JULIA: Ooh.

[New Scene - Max's room.]

ADAM: How about right up there where that ant is? 'Cause that doesn't really go with all those airplanes.

MAX: No, no, 'cause then it blocks out the sailboat painting.

[Kristina watches from outside the room.]

ADAM: Okay. How about right up here on your dresser?

MAX: Uh, no, because then it'll block the hand painting.

ADAM: Okay. How about right up here? That won't block anything if I take those down, right? Right here?

MAX: Yeah put them right there.

ADAM: Okay. Oh, you gonna try and put it up there? Need some help? Here we go. I got it.

MAX: Flip it. Flip it.

ADAM: All right?

MAX: So I can see the plaque.

ADAM: Right on.

MAX: Yeah. "Eighth annual Bay Area Walk now for Autism Speaks Walkathon."

ADAM: First place. How about that?

MAX: Hey, why did we give the money to Autism? Plenty of other charities.

ADAM: Well, they had the best trophy.

MAX: That is a cool trophy. I don't think any of the other charities have better trophies.

ADAM: You wouldn't have that trophy unless you thought of that idea about the shoes.

MAX: Well, I wouldn't have thought about the idea of the shoes if your company hadn't made them.

ADAM: This is true. We're a good team.


Episode End
--------------------------------------
Parenthood
1.12 - Team Braverman
Original Airdate (NBC) May 18, 2010
Written by Jan Oxenberg
Directed by Lawrence Trilling

Transcribed by Craig Best
Original subtitles from www.addic7ed.com

Please Don't Use Without Permission!

DISCLAIMER:
This is a transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, some settings have been added where needed along with actions and/or camera movements where I felt they were necessary. "PARENTHOOD" and other related entities are owned, their respective companies and no copyright infringement is intended..
All Rights Reserved. This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for commercial gain.