1.05 - The Situation
Transcript by Craig Best

[Opening scene - Sarah at Ambers school for parent-student day.]

SARAH: Excuse me, Hi. Do you know where room 112 is?

MAN: Sarah Braverman? [Pointing to her name tag]

SARAH: Ah yeah, that's me.

ARNOLD: I am. Arnold Lee. My daughter Sylvia's in AP chem with Haddie. She raves about you daughter all the time. Says, that she a genius.

SARAH: Ah you know what Haddie me niece actually. Um, my daughter Amber Holt.

[Arnold's expression changes from on of admiration.]

ARNOLD: Oh… oh. Well nice to meet you.

[Sarah noticed his change and gives Arnold a look as he leaves, moving the name tag to cover it up.]

[New Scene - Adam, Kristina are shopping with Max.]

ADAM: Look these aren't in the blue bag, but these right here have the best salt to pepper ration around.

MAX: I do not want those.

ADAM: There crinkle cut…

MAX: I want the ones in the blue bag.


ADAM: Any chance you save the old bag? We just buy these and dump them in there.

KRISTINA: Honey, he can taste the difference, I've tried.

ADAM: [Adam see Max's old Baseball team coming up the isle.] Honey, honey, honey…


ADAM: …I do not want to talk to them, do not want to talk…

KRISTINA: Walk this way. [But it's too late.]

HANK: Adam!

ADAM: Hank! Hey, how are you?

HANK: Good. I do what I can, with these kids.

ADAM: Yeah.

HANK: You left some big cleats to fill.

ADAM: Oh I don't know about that.

[Tension fills the air in a moment of silence.]

HANK: Look, Adam. I heard about your... you know situation with max, you know.


HANK: We were talking about maybe you know...

MAX: Found them!

KRISTINA: Oh good honey.

ADAM: Oh great, great.

KRISTINA: That's assume.

HANK: Max-o! Hey! We really miss you, big guy. We'd like to have you come back on the team, huh. What do you say?

ADAM: Well, I don't know...

KRISTINA: He's not gonna…

MAX: Sure. I'll go back on team.

HANK: All right. Can you bring it up top? [Max high-fives Hank] Boom!

ADAM: Boom.

HANK: See you.

ADAM: Boom yah, see you.


[New Scene - Sarah exits the school classroom looking tired, she searched in her over size bag as pulls out a package.]

MARK: Is there chance is that nicotine gum?

SARAH: Ah [she chuckles] Good eye.

MARK: Can I? Do you mind?
SARAH: Of course, yes. It's your lucky day sure.

MARK: Thanks. I ah, quit smoking seven years ago, but the gum I can't give up.

SARAH: Ten years.

MARK: [Chuckles.] There's nothing like college prep day to me jonesing nicotine.

SARAH: I know but standing here under the breezeway chewing gums... you know, doesn't have that like rebel feel.

MARK: Well, you haven't seen be blow a bubble yet.


MARK: Yes it's pretty cool.

SARAH: So you have kids here? Huh? Did you have them when you were 12 year?

MARK: [Chuckles at the joke.] No, I um... I work here. Mark Cyr, eleventh grade English.

SARAH: Oh I think I gave nicotine gum to my daughter teacher, Amber.

MARK: Amber Holt?

SARAH: Sorry. We are working on the eye rolling and attitude.

MARK: No eye rolling she's… Amber actually one of my most engaged students.

SARAH: Really?

MARK: Yes.

SARAH: What are the rest of them like?

MARK: A bunch of drugged addled losers, glazed eyes. [Sarah laughs at the joke.] No, no they're a good group of kids. You have to see the paper that she rote on "The Sound and the Fury." You will be blown away.

SARAH: Are you kidding?

ADAM: No. 'really, really good.

SARAH: Ah. [Surprised at the teachers glowing comments.]

[They both share a moment as the school bell rings.]



MARK: Yeah. I should probably go though, before the principle busts me.

SARAH: All right.

MARK: Thank you so much for the.

SARAH: Thank you.

MARK: Nice to meet you. [He bumps the do as he enters the room.] Please be careful of the door.

[Sarah laughs again enjoying the talk with Ambers English teacher.]

[New Scene - Julia entering her house.]

JOEL: All hail, conquering hero.

JULIA: [Laughs]

SYDNEY: Hello, Mom.

JULIA: [To Sydney] Hi sweet pea. [To Joel] Wow that smells delicious babe.

JOEL: Thank you. [She greats him with a kiss.]

JULIA: Hey I thought you had play date with Harmony today.

SYDNEY: Yes she's in my room. We're playing the princess and the maid.

JULIA: How do you play?

SYDNEY: Well Harmony is the princess and I the maid.

JULIA: Oh… oh wow. How do you get to choose who the Princess and who the maid?

SYDNEY: Well, Harmony is always the princess.

JULIA: And you're always the maid?

SYDNEY: No. Sometimes the cook, or gardener, oh and sometimes the royal dresser.

JULIA: [Looks over to Joel and then back to Sydney.] Oh, wow. Sweetie…

[There are interrupted by the sound of a bell.]

SYDNEY: Princess Harmony needs something. I have to go. [She runs off.]

JOEL: Do not look at me. I'm always cook.


[New Scene - Crosby and Katie in a doctor's office.]

DOCTOR: The good news is you're in very good health. Blood work looks fine, low blood pressure.

CROSBY: She works out all the time.

DOCTOR: Well the only thing I'm concerned about are the slightly elevated FSH's levels.


DOCTOR: Follicle-stimulating hormone. The higher the level the more
difficulty we have in ovulation.

CROSBY: I am infertile?

DOCTOR: No, no nothing like that.

KATIE: Ok, but I can still get pregnant within three years?

CROSBY: In, in three years?

DOCTOR: Well given your FSH levels and real decreased fertility that occurs between 34 and 37 years, I suggest you think about moving you time table up.

CROSBY: By how much?

DOCTOR: Now. I think now would be a good time for us to start.

CROSBY: You think now would be good time...

[Opening Credits - featuring “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan]

[New Scene - Baseball game, Max is playing.]

CAMILLE: Hey, Adam, Max shirt is hanging out.

ADAM: Yeah. It ok, Mom.

CAMILLE: Why doesn't somebody tuck it back in?

ADAM: Mom, it's fine.

KRISTINA: He's fine.

SCOTT: [Man sitting behind them] Better than my kid. I have to tell him ten times a day to tie his laces.


SCOTT: Listen, by the way, Adam, if you guys need anything... Help with meals, rides to school, anything.

ADAM: Thanks, Scott. We still feed and clothe our selves.

DREW: [To Adam.] What a jackass.

HADDIE: [Her phone beeps.] Can I go over to Steve house tonight because Marjorie and Dale are making personal pizzas.

KRISTINA: No. No, we're grandma's and grandpa's for dinner, you know that.

CAMILLE: Well he can 'join us.

KRISTINA: Who? I do not think…

HADDIE: That's okay you do not have…

CAMILLE: It's a done deal.

[On the field a ball is hit high.]

ADAM: Call it, Max! Call it!

KRISTINA: Okay, okay!

BOY I've got it! I've got it!

MAX: Hey!

ADAM: Call it, Max!

MAX: Hey! Hey!

[The other boy runs in and catches the ball.]

BOY: Okay so Max you just have to stand there, that's what coach said.

KRISTINA: Okay so '. Nice try!

[Braverman house - Kitchen, Julia is cutting vegetables.]

CROSBY: Oh, no one told you. I like mine julienne…


CROSBY: …with the fancy edges.

JULIA: Hey, did you test?

CROSBY: The test?

JULIA: The paternity test, that one.

CROSBY: Oh, right, right.

JULIA: Ok, did you at least you tell Katie about Jabbar?

CROSBY: No, it's a bad time for here. Her follicles are over stimulated.

JULIA: Adam, you knew about this whole Jabbar thing and you didn't tell him to get a paternity test?

ADAM: It's his life. I figured he'd get around to it when ready.

JULIA: But it 'a child, so...

CROSBY: She makes a really good point Adam. You might have dropped the ball on this one.

JULIA: Crosby, I'm serious. I am... I'm really... you have to get the test. Yes, there are serious financial and legal ramifications.

CROSBY: You know, sometimes you sound so much like a lawyer.

[New Scene - Living room Drew is playing a video game with Max watching.]

MAX: The high water, so now you go under the arch. Ok, so turn right and go under this arc and the waters coming so…

ADAM: Hey, Max

MAX: Watch, watch out he's going to blast you…

ADAM: Yo, Max!

MAX: You can win. [Not listening to his dad.]

ADAM: Hey Max, what do you say we get a little practice in before dinner? Make sure you're ready next time a pop-up comes your way.

MAX: He's right behind you!

DREW: Ah do you have an extra glove?

ADAM: Yeah, you can borrow mine.

DREW: Hey, Max, want to go play baseball?

MAX: Okay.

[New Scene - Outside]

ADAM: Okay remember two hands, Max [He tosses the ball but Max drops it.] You can do it. All right. Throw it over to Drew. [He throws it wide.] Ok, you want to stand in front of the ball, Drew.

DREW: Okay got it got it. [Throw it to Adam.]

ADAM: You have a good launch.

DREW: Thanks.

ADAM: All right remember two hands, Max [Max drops it again.] Two hands Max, two hands.

MAX: I know.

ADAM: All right.

DREW: Hey, hey, Max. Come here throw me the ball. Watch here. [He tosses the ball.] See when it goes into the glove, put your hand over it. So it stays in the glove, all right?

MAX: Okay.

DREW: All right here we go.

[Draw throws to Max, who catches it, this time.]

MAX: Like that.

ADAM: Just like that Max, just like that.

DREW: Perfect.

[A car pulls up in the driveway.]

KRISTINA: Hi honey, hi Drew.


STEVE: Whassup Adam.

ADAM: Hey.

DREW: You know, I thought he was a loser before he started dating Haddie.

[New Scene - Later inside at the dining table.]

JULIA: Oh, Amber! I heard you're turning into quite the English scholar.

AMBER: How did you hear? Was it the skywriter my mom hired or was it the full-page ad she took out?

JULIA: It was the billboard on San Pablo, of course. Listen don't worry about that, there's nothing that travels more faster than word of a Braverman's accomplishments.

HADDIE: And seriously an A from Mr. Cyr. Nice going.

STEVE: Yeah, he's supposed be really hard.

AMBER: Thanks Steven.

STEVE: Ah Camille this crisp is amazing, do I sense some nutmeg?

SARAH: [Looks at her mother.] Yeah Camille, what is it?

CAMILLE: Very good.

KRISTINA: Camille?

ADAM: Camille?

KRISTINA: It took me two years to call her that.

JOEL: I still can't.

MAX: I can call her Camille?


CAMILLE: He's a keeper huh?

CROSBY: Hey Cammie!

[The adults chuckle.]

CROSBY: Cam-Cam, can we have a little vanilla ice cream and go a la mode on this crisp?

[New Scene - Later in the Kitchen]

JULIA: Think he's is sweet. He seam like a nice guy.

KRISTINA: Well he does.

SARAH: Yeah…

KRISTINA: He's cute, definitely cute.

JULIA: He's cute.

SARAH: He's really cute.

KRISTINA: Isn't he?

ADAM: No. no, no, no, no. It's sick. Okay she looks at him like some sort of doe eyed Disney character.

CROSBY: Well dude that what teenage girls look like when they're in love.

KRISTINA: She's not love.

ADAM: Yeah, yeah well you're a morn.


JULIA: Do you remember when Sarah with Seth when she first met him?

CROSBY: Oh, Oh my God. [Pretending to be Sarah] Oh I just loved your cover of "In Your Eyes." Your solo kicked ass.

JULIA: The hair flip.

SARAH: So it's a flip...

ADAM: Camille, this crisp is so delicious. Is there nutmeg in it? He's just a little...

KRISTINA: A little what?

CROSBY: You know, seriously, if just one girl had actually had a crush on you, you wouldn't be freaking out.


ADAM: Well, Crosby, you seem to forget about Lisa Rainford, who stalked me my entire junior year.

KRISTINA: Who that?

CROSBY: I remember her sister Judy, who snuck in to the merry-go-round with in Tilden Park. Oh man what a party.

JULIA: You hooked up in, in the merry-go-round?

CROSBY: Yeah I hooked up on the merry-go-round.

JULIA: How could you focus, weren't you afraid of getting arrested?

SARAH: Wait, you didn't hook up on the merry-go-round? What [Sputters trying to form the words.] Everybody hook up on the merry-go-round, even Adam.


ADAM: [To Kristina] No.

JULIA: Okay, well me fear of jail out weighted my desire to hook up in a spinning cup. What are you saying I squandered my youth? I was just a rule follower? I was just studying for stupid tests?

CROSBY: We didn't say that, but I agree with that.

SARAH: I was just saying it was a good place to hook up.

JOEL: Amber's a really good writer.

SARAH: Really?

JOEL: Yeah, you didn't read this?

SARAH: No, I just took the A at face value. [Chuckles]

JOEL: [Reading the Paper.] "The pivotal character, Caddy, is seen only through the gaze of her brothers. And only in silhouette, running, vanishing, forever elusive, forever out of reach a reflection of their desires.

CROSBY: That's nice.

JOEL: You like that?

CROSBY: Yeah Whitman-esque.

JOEL: Yeah.

[Sarah takes the paper from Joel and starts reading it.]

SARAH: Ah, wait a minute. This is not Amber's paper. This is my paper from high school. Amber copied my paper! [Sounding Angry]


CROSBY: [Laughing]

ADAM: That's impossible, she got an 'A'!

CROSBY: I copied the same paper three years later.

SARAH: Bitch.

[New Scene - Ambers bedroom]

SARAH: [Still upset she bursts into her room.] Hello, wake up. [Sits on the bed.] Wake up. Look what I found in the attic! Oh it's my old paper on "The Sound and the Fury." Are you kidding me with this?

AMBER: I'm Sorry, I'm sorry, it's just that the book was so confusing…

SARAH: Oh, no.

AMBER: And I just found that, it was just lying there and Mr. Cyr is really, really hard.

SARAH: Well, I can only imagine than, what his reaction is gonna be when I tell him you did not write this paper.

AMBER: Wait ... what? No, no, no. You can't tell him. Can't you just, can't you just punish me, please?

SARAH: No, I can punish you, because I ran out of good punishments for you in Fresno. We'll have to see what he comes up with. Goodnight.

AMBER: Wait. but… [Sarah shuts the door as she leaves the room. Amber signs.]

[New Scene - Mr Cyr's empty classroom.]

SARAH: High there.

MARK: Hey!

SARAH: Thanks so much, I just needed um, talk to you today about Amber's paper.

MARK: Oh, cool. I'm glade you read it.

SARAH: Yeah, oh yeah I read it.

MARK: It's one of the most original and insightful papers I have ever read.

SARAH: Really?

MARK: Yeah I mean what she wrote about um, Caddy's evolution from a girl who loved climb trees to promiscuous teen was really moving.

SARAH: You didn't find it, ah over the top misguided, like another teacher might?

MARK: - No, no, I, I love it when my students think outside the box. It's what marks the whole thing worth it.


MARK: That and the free cafeteria food.

SARAH: God, is that good!

MARK: It's so good.

SARAH: With the ladle.

MARK: I eat all my food out of ladles.

SARAH: [Laughs]

MARK: You know, there are many parents who that this kind of interest, so... no wonder who Amber is so special. She obviously gets it from you. [There is a moment of silence.] Um, well, look college applications are right around the corner and if ah... For what it's worth, I'd love to write her a recommendation.

SARAH: I mean, really?

MARK: Yeah.

SARAH: You think she could go to college?

MARK: Yeah, no question.


MARK: Is there anything else you want to talk to me about?


MARK: Well nice to see you.

SARAH: Nice to see you, Oh gosh. I am late for work.

MARK: Okay.

SARAH: So… I Will be going there. I, I'm a bartender at Whiskey Mike's. [He nods] And why, why am I telling you that? I guess, you know what I'm trying to impress you.

MARK: I, It worked.

SARAH: [Laughs] Okay.

MARK: See you around, Sarah.

SARAH: I hope so. I mean okay bye.

[New Scene - Sydney and Julie at home.]

SYDNEY: [Seeing her mom putting on makeup.] Oh, can I try some?

JULIA: Sure sweetie.

JULIA: Hey you know what was I thinking? Next time you and Harmony have a play date. You should do the princess.

SYDNEY: But I don't even want to be the princess.

JULIA: Well you've never tried it. You're gonna love it. And you know, I bet you Harmony would love to have a little break too.

SYDNEY: [Sighs] Ok, but you know I might kind of forget.

JULIA: Why don't we come up with a code word? All right, to help you remember.


JULIA: Yeah. How about um... Tiara.

SYDNEY: Ok. Tiara.

JULIA: Good.

[New Scene - Adam at home walks into the living room.]

ADAM: Hey kiddo. What you reading about?

MAX: Stink bugs.

ADAM: Great. Well what do you say we head outside and toss the ball around, for a little bit?

MAX: No thanks.

[The phone rings, Adam goes to answer it.]

ADAM: Hello?

DREW: Oh hey Adam it's me Drew.

ADAM: Oh Drew, Hi.

ADAM: Hey um, I just wanted to let you know you left your baseball gear here yesterday, so.

ADAM: Oh, okay. I'll get it next time I come over.

DREW: Yeah ah, well, also I mean if you want to practice again, today I'm free.

ADAM: Oh okay. [To Max] Hey Max, it's Drew, he wants to know if you want to play some ball?

MAX: Sure!

ADAM: All right, Drew. It sounds like we got a plan.

DREW: Oh yeah, yeah bye.

[New Scene - Baseball field, Adam has the bat.]

ADAM: [To Max.] Ready? [He tosses a ball into the air and hits it. It goes along the ground to Max]

MAX: Ow! [It hits him in the leg.]

ADAM: All right ready. [To Max again.] All right keep that glove down now, all right?

MAX: Yes.

ADAM: Remember to keep those knees bend now, and that glove down. [He hits the ball] Get it! Get it! [It goes between his legs.] Come on Max! [Adam is disappointed.] All right.

MAX: Can I go get a drink of water?

ADAM: Yeah, hustle back okay? All right Drew, you ready?

DREW: Are you ready?

ADAM: What?

DREW: Yeah.

ADAM: Ok, let's see what you got. [Adam hits the ball but it goes strait to the ground.] All right, pretend that didn't happen, Drew.

DREW: What was that?

ADAM: Look away. Pretend that didn't happen buddy.

DREW: All right.

ADAM: [swings the bat and Drew catches the ball.] All right! That's what I'm talking about, good stuff.

DREW: Did you see that?

ADAM: [Clearly having a good time.] Let's see, are you ready? Let's see what you got. [Hit it again.] Get under it. Yeah! Nice… [Hitting several more balls.] Come on.

[New Scene - Katie enters Crosby's houseboat.]

KATIE: Hey you.


KATIE: Just wondering why you didn't come into work today?

CROSBY: Oh ah, they cancelled the session.

KATIE: Yeah but there stuff to do and you usually stop by and, I just sort of noticing that maybe you laying a low since our visit with Dr. Gerard.


KATIE: [She nods.] But he kind of freaked me out too.

CROSBY: Was it he wants all three of us to have a kid together?

KATIE: Oh I know. But you know I've been thinking and it's not like three years is that far away and you know we're in a good place right.

CROSBY: Yeah we are.

KATIE: And I know not our deal, which I will honour, but there really nothing holding us back from starting right now, so if you're willing. So am I.

[Crosby is speechless.]

[New Scene - Exterior, Sarah arrives home.]

AMBER: [Rushing to the car.] Well… so what did he say? Was he mad, was he upset, was he sad? Well, what happened?

SARAH: I didn't tell him.

AMBER: 'cause he's so cool, right?

SARAH: No, not because he's so cool. Because he believes in you and some stupid reason so do I.

SARAH: You better not let us down.

ADAM: I totally won't.

SARAH: You owe me a paper on "The Sound and the Fury."

ADAM: [Confused] Wait.

SARAH: And it better be original and insightful and moving.

[A car pulls up the driveway interrupting them. Amber walks back to the house.]

ADAM: Hey, I hope you do not mind I borrowed Drew for a little while.

SARAH: Hey, that's okay.

ADAM: Hey Drew I'll see you tomorrow at the ballpark for a little batting practice, here. [Tossing him his baseball glove.]

DREW: But it 's yours.

ADAM: Well, just take good care of it. Keep it oiled. I'll see you tomorrow.

MAX: Bye Drew.

ADAM: Thanks. Bye.

[New Scene - Crosby talks to himself quietly as he approaches Jasmine's apartment.]

CROSBY: Okay, okay, okay.

[He knocks.]



JASMINE: Um, Jabbar is actually out at a sleep over, right now.

CROSBY: Well, actually I came to talk to you so.

JASMINE: Oh, okay.

CROSBY: Um, I want to get a paternity test, you know for Jabbar.


CROSBY: Well I'm just trying to make some big life decisions now and my little sister, who acts like she's older than me but isn't. But anyway she's a lawyer and she says that I should know for sure.

JASMINE: So you think I'm lying?

CROSBY: No, no, no. I just need to know exactly what my, uh… What did she say? Exactly what my responsibilities are financially and legally speaking.

JASMINE: [Angry] I didn't introduce you to him to try and hit you up for money, or to pull some scam or what every it is you and your sister think I'm up to. I just wanted my son to knew his father. That's all.

CROSBY: Yeah I don't, listen um… This was a mistake. Can we…

JASMINE: Yeah it was.

CROSBY: Can we just rewind and forget about this conversation?

JASMINE: No actually you just need to go, okay? [Closing the door.] you just need to go…

CROSBY: All right. But hey wait, Jabbar.


CROSBY: Are Jabbar and I are still on, for the zoo tomorrow?

JASMINE: I don't think so. [Shutting the door.]

CROSBY: [Talking to himself as he walks away.] I don't think so. All right. That was great... Ah.

[New Scene - Kristina in her bathrobe hears something from Haddie's room.]

HADDIE: I do not know, it's so random.

KRISTINA: [Opening her door.] Hey, Haddie…


KRISTINA: …what's up?


STEVE: [On the laptops video.] Whoa! Kristina, lookin' good.

KRISTINA: Hey, Steve. Um, you know what Haddie has to log-off the computer.

STEVE: Oh no problemo. [To Haddie] Uh, TTYL

[Haddie closes the computer.]

KRISTINA: You know the rule, no computer after 10.

HADDIE: No, actually you guys said the phone. I don't think the Braverman Taliban has outlawed the computer.

KRISTINA: Okay whatever, you broke the spirit of the rule, of the phone, with the computer.

HADDIE: Whatever. [Exits her room.]

KRISTINA: Haddie, do not walk away from me when I'm talking to you.

ADAM: What's going on?

HADDIE: You know what, maybe you could learn a few parenting tips from Steve's parents. Rule number one being, 'give your kids just a little bit of privacy'.

KRISTINA: Hey you know what, Haddie…

[Haddie goes into the bathroom closing the door.]

ADAM: You all right?

KRISTINA: I'm not right. I hate the parents of Steve. I hate them.

ADAM: Yeah me too.

[New Scene - Crosby on the phone.]

JULIA: Hey did you take to Jasmine paternity test.

CROSBY: Hey, yeah I did and man it went great.

JULIA: Good, you want me to set up an appointment with my guy for you and Jabbar?

CROSBY: Oh no, no you don't have to go to all that trouble. Because thanks to you telling me how to live my life Jasmine now thinks I'm a giant jack-ass and doesn't want me anywhere near Jabbar. Oh and Katie's going off the pill tomorrow, so that's great news.

JULIA: Well, I don't know how all that is exactly my fault but don't you think that suspicious that Jasmine has freaked out when you brought up the test?

CROSBY: Yeah or maybe it's because I basically called her a liar.

JULIA: You just want to know the truth.

CROSBY: And she said that I was the father.

JULIA: And then refused let you corroborate that.

CROSBY: 'Corroborate'. Did you just really use that word in normal conversation?

JULIA: Cros, just find something that has Jabbar's DNA on it.

CROSBY: Oh come on.

JULIA: Just, just find a comb with a few strands of hair, a tissue, a cup he drank out of, all right. A sample of saliva or hair my guy will run the test.

CROSBY: [Picks up Jabbar's toothbrush] Uh-hmm, and then we'll know for sure?

JULIA: And then you'll know for sure. And the longer you wait the harder it's going to be to find out. No mater which way it goes.

[New Scene - Adam and Sarah at a Diner]

ADAM: Pot Roast.

SARAH: Just so you know.

ADAM: Yeah.

SARAH: Today, on me.

ADAM: Break a decade old tradition, why start now?

SARAH: I'm trying to be nice, 'cause you're being so nice about Drew.

ADAM: Are you kidding me, I should be thanking you. He's a great kid.

SARAH: Seriously. Thank you.

ADAM: You're welcome. Tell you what if you really want to thank me you can help me figure out what to do about Yo-yo and Haddie. He's constantly touching her.

SARAH: Uch. I don't know. Do not ask me. Amber just makes out in a car like a normal teenager.

ADAM: I swear this kids got like 8 hands.

SARAH: Well maybe it's a compliment, you know. He's showing you how comfortable he feels around you.

ADAM: Well that's exactly the opposite of how I want him to feel. He's like gropey groperson.

SARAH: Hey maybe the more they do it in public, the less they do it in private. It 's just a theory.

ADAM: It's not helping.

SARAH: Hey where is Crosby? I keep call him but, he doesn't call me back.

ADAM: I do not know, just busy doing Crosby stuff, I guess.

SARAH: Like what?

ADAM: There is nothing going on.

SARAH: You're the worse liar.

ADAM: All right look. This is big news, okay? Crosby has a son.

SARAH: Shut up, I thought you were actually telling me something.

ADAM: I'm serious. Listen to me. He has a five-year-old boy, named Jabbar.

SARAH: There is no way you could make up that name.

ADAM: I'm serious. Has a little boy, okay?

SARAH: Since when?

ADAM: Since five years ago.

SARAH: No, since when have you known?

ADAM: A couple of weeks.

SARAH: A couple of weeks?

ADAM: Do not make it about the fact you didn't know.

SARAH: How could you keep that from me? You are the worst liar in the family!

ADAM: He asked me not to tell anyone.

SARAH: And you actually did that?

ADAM: It's a big deal.

SARAH: I can't believe you know this.

ADAM: Will you get over it, you know now.

SARAH: I can't believe you didn't tell me. [Hitting his arm playfully]

ADAM: Do not hit me.

[New Scene - Julia and Racquel in the playground with their kids.]

RACQUEL: I only got the organic Kiwis. Harmony won't eat the conventionally grown ones.

JULIA: [Preoccupied with her phone.] Oh.

RACQUEL: Pomegranate Juice?

JULIA: Oh, no thanks I'm fine. Sydney. Tiara.

[Sydney takes a moment to remember their code word.]

SYDNEY: Um, Harmony? Can I try to be the Princess this time?

HARMONY: [Snatching the plastic Tiara from Sydney and putting it on her head.] But I have always the princess.

SYDNEY: [Looks to her mother and back to Harmony.] But maybe I can try being the princess this time.

HARMONY: Okay. [Hands her the Tiara.] What do you do?

SYDNEY: I do not know.

JULIA: Maybe you tell your subjects there's a ball.

SYDNEY: Um, there's gonna be a ball.

HARMONY: I do not want to go to a ball. Balls are boring.

SYDNEY: Yeah I thought so too.

HARMONY: Hey, you know what? I think the maids really our queen who's been working undercover. [Pushing Sydney off her seat.] And now she's staging a coup.

JULIA: How do you know what a coup is?

HARMONY: My mom that's what and that happened in Thailand when everyone got tired of the king.

RACQUEL: She's fascinated by Southeast Asia.

SYDNEY: [Runs to Julia.] She 'couped' me mommy, and didn't even want to be the princess!

JULIA: It okay sweetie, I know, I know.

RACQUEL: We can make our children in to people they are not.

JULIA: Thanks that's very, Buddhist.

[New Scene - Adam walks into his living room and see's Steven on the sofa with his arm around Haddie.]

ADAM: Hey, has anyone seen the... The bat.

STEVE: What's up Adam?

HADDIE: We're just watching a movie.

ADAM: Oh, well don't you guys have any… homework to do?

HADDIE: No, all done.

ADAM: [Sighs.] Hey have either of you seen a baseball, here in the sofa?



ADAM: [Starts looking] You sure? I swear...

HADDIE: Dad what are you doing?

ADAM: Excuse me. [Forcing Steven away from Haddie and off the sofa.]

HADDIE: Um, no, no, no…

ADAM: I just…

HADDIE: We would know if we were…

ADAM: You can't play baseball with out the ball. So just can't find it. I must have left it in the car. Hmm. So... [Pleased he separated them for a moment.] All right Max, get in the car it's time to go play some ball.

MAX: But today is Saturday.

ADAM: Uh-ha.

MAX: You promised me last week that we could go to Yogurtland on Saturday.

ADAM: Well, today we working on our batting, with Drew.

MAX: But its Saturday.

ADAM: Yeah I know.

MAX: We're supposed must go today. You said we were going to Yogurtland on Saturday!

ADAM: Listen Max we can go after…

MAX: They're gonna be closed Dad!

ADAM: Look Max okay if you can just hold off until...

MAX: You said we were going today!

ADAM: Listen, okay, listen Max…

MAX: You said we were going to Yogurtland on Saturday!

STEVE: Hey Adam if you want I could totally take him.

ADAM: [Taking a moment.] I'll take him… All right Max, come on, lets a, lets go to Yogurtland, come on. [Calling out.] Kristina?

[New Scene - Drew waiting at the baseball field.]

DREW: [Answering his cell phone.] Hey.

ADAM: Hey Drew, it's Uncle Adam. Listen we're not going to be able to make practice today, I'm sorry.

DREW: Right, yeah, okay.

ADAM: It's just I promised Max we were going to have yogurt today...

MAX: Dad, Dad!

ADAM: It's a long story.

DREW: Yeah, it's fine we can just…

MAX: You're passing it, Dad.

ADAM: [To Max] I know, I have to park.

DREW: You just missed a spot Dad, right there, right there!

ADAM: Drew, I gotta go. Sorry I'm gonna have to call you later.

[Drew is clearly disappointed.]

[New Scene - Sarah is at the diner, Crosby comes in.]

CROSBY: Hello.

SARAH: Hello.

CROSBY: How are you?

SARAH: Great. Glad you could make it.

CROSBY: Oh, and pass up the opportunity for free pancakes? Are you crazy?

SARAH: Well I don't know about that.

CROSBY: Wait, you reneging already on the pancakes?

SARAH: We'll just see.

CROSBY: Well let me see I'll tell you…

SARAH: What's new with you?

CROSBY: Nothing.

SARAH: Nothing?

CROSBY: Oh my God. Julia told you that I have a son.

SARAH: Julia knows?

CROSBY: Adam told you?

SARAH: Julia knows?

CROSBY: Well, you know...

SARAH: I'm the last to know? I mean...

CROSBY: I'm sorry, okay? I, I've just... It's kind of a major situation…

SARAH: I know…

CROSBY: …and I'm in a bit of a conundrum…

SARAH: You're right…

CROSBY: …and normally I, I would tell you. I'm sorry.

SARAH: I'm sorry. Congratulations. I mean are you, is it a congratulations?

CROSBY: Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean at first no, but yeah, yeah I like him.

SARAH: You do like him.

CROSBY: You will too.

SARAH: That's lucky.

CROSBY: I know, it could have been dud.

SARAH: That's amazing.


SARAH: What's he like?

CROSBY: Um, he's really sweet and he's kind of quiet, and he's got a really cute smile, and has got really cute curly hair, I know, it's the worst. Yeah.

SARAH: Did you tell Katie?




SARAH: What about the can of sperm and Katie? You gotta tell her.
CROSBY: Well there's…

SARAH: You're all grown up now.

CROSBY: yeah there's no canister of sperm any more, she wants my kid, like now.

SARAH: Then you really gonna have to tell her.

CROSBY: I do not know.

SARAH: Crosby, you guys are talking about having a child and you have one already. You have to tell her.

CROSBY: Look what if I tell her and she doesn't want anything to do with me?

SARAH: Gotta leave that up to her. You know you have to do the right thing.

CROSBY: I don't really want these anymore. [Slides the plate away.]

[New Scene - Kitchen with Adam, Max and Kristina.]

ADAM: [To Max.] One chocolate with only yellow M & Ms, [To Kristina.] and one non-fat, sugar-free Heath Bar with extra Oreo.

KRISTINA: Yes I am fully aware of the irony of my order honey, don't make fun.

HADDIE: [In the other room.] Steve, you're really telling me you don't like the movie?

STEVE: It shouldn't be called 'Love Actually'. It should be called 'Lame Actually'! It's just a bunch of people gazing at each other longingly.

[Adam and Kristina can easily hear them.]

HADDIE: It, it was totally romantic.

STEVE: No, it was totally superficial. I can't believe you couldn't see that.

HADDIE: I can't believe you're just being such a jerk right now.

KRISTINA: Hey. [Adam moves to hear them better.]

STEVE: Oh really I'm a jerk? How am I being a jerk by having my own opinion? My bad.

HADDIE: Ok, you know what your bad. You can leave.

STEVE: Fine.


KRISTINA: Haddie, you all right?

HADDIE: Yeah, we're just ah, um. He's, he is just not who I thought he was. [Starts to cry and runs off.]

KRISTINA: Oh, Haddie… Oh, crap.

ADAM: This might be the best moment of my life.

KRISTINA: You're rotten.

[New Scene - Julia outside her house emptying sand from her shoes.]

JOEL: So how did operation 'De-throne Harmony' go?

JULIA: It was a disaster.

JOEL: Yeah, Harmony wouldn't abdicate?

JULIA: No, Sydney hated being the princess.

JOEL: Well, there is nothing wrong with staying a member of the proletariat.

JULIA: It's my fault too. I made her do it. I'm such a control freak, aren't I? [Joel sits down beside her.] All right this is where you say 'No, you're not. You where just trying to teach your daughter to stand up for herself.'

JOEL: Does tell me exactly what I should say make you feel like less of a control freak?

JULIA: [Small chuckle.] All right fine, fine, this is who I am. I am going to accept it. I am a control freak. I don't do anything spontaneous, like hook up on a merry-go-round in Tilden Park.

JOEL: [Chuckles] That's still bothering you?


JOEL: Oh, come on!

JULIA: …It's not.

JOEL: Your very crazy, you do crazy stuff.

JULIA: Yeah I do?

JOEL: Yes, yes. We are very wild. We went on that river-rafting trip. Remember, there were the rapids?

JULIA: There were no rapids.

JOEL: There weren't rapids, but there was a current. You know, a very strong current.

JULIA: I'm going to go and check for a pulse.

JULIA: Come on! No, come. We went on that parasailing trip for our honeymoon. That was, well I went on it. But you were right on the shore, cheering me on.

[New Scene - Sarah returning home.]

SARAH: No, thanks, I got it. [Struggling with the grocery bags.]

AMBER: You know, if you're going to make me read this book incomprehensible, the least you could do would be to ask Luke Skywalker to turn the volume down!

SARAH: What are you doing here? I thought you were playing ball with Uncle Adam.

DREW: Yeah he cancelled. I don't know he had to take Max to get ice cream, or something. I do not know.

SARAH: Ice cream? What do you mean? You guys had a plan.

DREW: Yeah, I don't know.

[Sarah leaves the room as Drew sighs and 'Luke Skywalker' is killed in the computer game.]

[New Scene - Night-time, Katie and Crosby at his houseboat.]

CROSBY: Well, what about the environmental implications of dumping this much estrogen in to the bay?

KATIE: Don't worry, it's very low dosage. Ok, goodbye to all devices and barriers and hormones that I've been using all of these years to avoid getting pregnant. And hello to, cross my fingers I hope I'm not jinxing it, a little mini 'Katie-Crosby' being.

CROSBY: Ah listen before you throw this into the bay and sterilize all the fish. I gotta tell you something… I have a son.

KATIE: What?

CROSBY: I, I have a son. I had a fling 5 years and a half ago with his mother, and a month and a half ago she moved, back to Berkeley and introduced me him. His name is Jabbar.

KATIE: Um, wow.

CROSBY: I'm really sorry I didn't tell you about it you know I was just trying to get to know him and I didn't know when the right time…

KATIE: Was this the little boy you took to the studio?

CROSBY: Yes that was him.

KATIE: You didn't introduce him to me.

CROSBY: No, I, I did not. I didn't introduce him to you. You know, it was, it was confusing I don't know…

KATIE: Well, I'm sure it was confusing but, you've also been sneaking around hiding him and, and keeping him from me for over a month…

CROSBY: I'm sorry if I didn't tell you right off the bat but you've been a little bit psycho about this whole baby thing.

KATIE: Oh psych that's what you call wanting to have a baby because I thought that's something we both really wanted.

CROSBY: I didn't mean to say...

KATIE: No. You know, I can't keep pushing you. It's not fair to either of us. [She walks away.]

[New Scene - Night-time, Sarah and Adam.]

SARAH: You can't answer to the question. Why you blow Drew off?

ADAM: Well, not that simple, Sarah.

SARAH: It's not that hard, Adam. When you said you'd meet him at the baseball diamond. Did meet him at the baseball diamond?

ADAM: Look at some point in the distant past, I had promised Max that would take him to Yogurtland this afternoon. Now I forgotten about it, he didn't. And you can't just change plans on Max, because he falls apart.

SARAH: He's not the only kid who has been dealt a rough hand.

ADAM: I know.

SARAH: [Slowly getting more upset.] All Drew has done his whole life is sit around and wait for his father to show up. Waiting for him at school. Waiting for him after soccer. Waiting for him on whole weekends that where his weekends to take him and he would never show up and the last thing he needs is another half-ass father figure!

ADAM: Half-assed! [He steps away and takes a moment as he sits down.] I would have loved to have gone to the ballpark this afternoon. It's because of your son that I could go to the ballpark I the first place and these last few days have been great, play ball with those boys. It almost like… Max didn't have a 'situation' and that is what why it was so hard this afternoon. I'm sorry.

SARAH: [Joining him at the table, she sighs.] Last couple of days, it was almost like Drew had a father. Thanks to you.

[They playfully kick each other's legs.]

ADAM: He's a great baseball player.

SARAH: Really?

ADAM: Uh-hum.

[New Scene - Joes enters Julia's office.]

JOEL: Prepare to be whisked away.

JULIA: Hi, honey.

JOEL: Your mother is watching Sydney tonight.

JULIA: I have a brief due in the morning.

JOEL: Don't worry. I've got it all under control, so you don't have.

JULIA: Oh boy.

[New Scene - Night deserted outdoor swimming pool.]

JOEL: Come on.

JULIA: [Small laugh as she tries to open the gate.] They're closed.

JOEL: Yeah that's the point, Jules. That way we have the whole pool to our selves.

JULIA: But that's trespassing!

JOEL: Is it?

JULIA: No I mean it's a misdemeanour!

JOEL: Oh my God! Come on…

JULIA: No I mean they could charge us with breaking and entering and maybe some more.

JOEL: We could get into a lot of trouble, couldn't we? Here, come here. [Joel helps Julia over the fence.] Come on Braverman!

JULIA: Oh god.

[New Scene - Whiskey Mike's, Sarah is behind the bar.]


MARK: Hey.

SARAH: Amber didn't drive you to drink, did she?

MARK: Oh, no, no, no, not exactly. But um I will have a beer.

SARAH: Yeah.

MARK: Something in an ale?

SARAH: Sure. I'm going to have to see your ID though, bar policy.

MARK: Oh, okay.

SARAH: [Looking at the picture.] Oh Really?

MARK: Please don't hole the eyebrow piercing against me. It was a drunken college dare.

SARAH: [Looking at the ID.] 1983.

MARK: Yep. [Clearing his throat.] So...

SARAH: [At the same time.] So... [She nods for him to continue.]

MARK: Amber told me about the paper.

SARAH: Oh she did? I'm really impressed, I couldn't tell you.

MARK: And her new paper wasn't half bad either.

SARAH: Doesn't seem like something that came off the Internet, does it?

MARK: No, no, no, it sounded just like Amber. There's not a lot of downloaded papers that use the word 'sucks' with such frequency.

SARAH: [Giggles.] Wow.

MARK: It's good.

SARAH: It's great. I'm proud of her.

MARK: Of course it wasn't nearly as captivating and insightful as that first paper.

[They share a moment before Sarah leans on the bar.]

SARAH: So, eyebrow piercing. Hum, begs the question, Tattoos?

[They share a laugh.]

MARK: No, no, no tattoos.

[New Scene - Crosby outside Jasmine's apartment. He had the toothbrush in a plastic bag.]

CROSBY: [He knocks and the door opens.] Hey.


CROSBY: Jabbar left this at my place last time, and I was gonna take it to my sisters DNA guy, but then I thought Jabbar's oral hygiene is a lot more important than that so. [Hands the toothbrush over.]

JASMINE: I get it, I get it, you know we don't really know each other very well and I just dropped this thing right on your lap. You have every right to want to know for sure.

CROSBY: Yeah, I know for sure.

JASMINE: I know. But lets just take the test anyway. Lets make your annoying sister happy.

CROSBY: That's impossible but.

JASMINE: We can try.

CROSBY: We can try.

[New Scene - Joel and Julia at the swimming pool, they are stripping off for a swim.]

JULIA: If they prosecute me for trespassing with criminal intent, that's considered a felony.

JOEL: Ah-huh.

JULIA: I could be disbarred

JOEL: Ah-huh.

JULIA: Don't even want to think about what kind of fine or jail time that entails.

JOEL: I wouldn't.

JULIA: You would have to go back to work.


JULIA: Which means there is no one to watch Sydney because I'm in jail. So and no, no, no, no, no, no!

[He pushes them into the water, in there underwear.]

JULIA: [She laughs and holds on to Joel.] Ok, you win.

[New Scene - Breakfast, Adam and Kristina are in the kitchen.]

ADAM: Chocolate chips pancakes?

KRISTINA: Um-Hmm. I'm just trying to cheer Haddie up after everything that happened with Steve yesterday.

HADDIE: [Responding to her phone.] Oh my God! Stop!

ADAM: Hmm, she seems to be taking it pretty well.

KRISTINA: Hey, Haddie.

ADAM: Morning.


KRISTINA: Who are you texting?

HADDIE: Steve.

ADAM: Hmm.


HADDIE: I know. Um he totally admitted he was wrong about 'Love Actually'.


ADAM: Really?

HADDIE: Mm-hmm, the movie really shut him down because he's been afraid to care about somebody, like the way that Mark cares about Keira Knightley, like until now. He was just masking his vulnerability with cynicism.

KRISTINA: That's cute, that's cute.

HADDIE: I know. He's really sensitive.

KRISTINA: Oh. That's nice.

HADDIE: [Gets another text message she smiles.]

KRISTINA: What did he say?

ADAM: What? What is it?

KRISTINA: [At the same time.] What did he say?

ADAM: What's he saying?

HADDIE: Nothing. [She walks off.]

ADAM: Oh, okay. [To Kristina.] Well, what are we gonna do about this?

KRISTINA: Nothing.

ADAM: Nothing?

KRISTINA: Nothing. It is what it is and there's nothing we can do about it.

ADAM: Well, can I still hate the guy?

[New Scene - Baseball field. "Foolin" by Devendra Banhart starts playing in the back ground.]

ADAM: Come on, Max!

KRISTINA: Max, please.

ADAM: [He stands up.] Get under it! Come on, Max

MAX: [To his team mates.] I got it.

[He catches the ball and the team gathers around Max, the crowed cheers.]

ADAM: Yeah! Beautiful intake Max! Nice plug!

[New Scene - Night-time, Adam pulls up in the driveway or the Braverman house. The song continues.]

ADAM: Drew.

[He is texting on his phone and ignores Adam.]

ADAM: Drew… Oh, come on.

[He finally gets up and goes to his Uncle.]

[New Scene - Same night, Adam, Max and Drew at the baseball field. Same song still playing.]

[Max is batting. Drew pitches a ball to him. He hits it and the guys chase Max as he runs the bases to a home run.]

Episode End
1.05 - The Situation
Original Airdate (NBC) March 30, 2010
Written by Becky Hartman-Edwards
Directed by Michael Engler

Transcribed by Craig Best
Original subtitles from www.addic7ed.com

Please Don't Use Without Permission!

This is a transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, some settings have been added where needed along with actions and/or camera movements where I felt they were necessary. "PARENTHOOD" and other related entities are owned, their respective companies and no copyright infringement is intended..
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