written by Amy Sherman-Palladino
directed by Gail Mancuso
transcript by Stacy
OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Lorelai, Rory, and Emily are sitting at the dining room table]
EMILY: Richard, please, we are starving!
RICHARD: [calls from kitchen] I will be right there, Emily.
EMILY: This is ridiculous.
LORELAI: Mom, relax.
EMILY: He woke up this morning and suddenly just had to have this dish that his grandmother would make him.
LORELAI: Yeah, we all understand the cravings.
RICHARD: [calls] Its a family secret.
EMILY: Well, last time I checked, I was family.
RORY: Hes having fun, Grandma.
EMILY: I saw an open can of cream of mushroom soup. Nothing good can come of that.
[Richard walks in carrying a casserole dish]
RICHARD: Here we are, a treat for the masses.
RORY: Smells good.
RICHARD: Oh, this is my favorite thing to eat as a boy. My gran used to make this for me whenever I was feeling a little sad. You know, if my cricket team lost or a girl I fancied turned up her nose at me.
LORELAI: Well, then load me up because there was this really cute chick at the pharmacy today. I used my best material on her and nothing.
EMILY: Richard, at least let Pina serve it.
LORELAI: No comment on my lesbian hilarity. My, how far weve come.
RICHARD: Pina will serve tiny, proper servings. Johnny Machete needs to be presented in a heap.
RORY: Johnny Machete?
EMILY: Thats the name of this vile concoction.
RORY: Its delicious.
LORELAI: Its not bad.
EMILY: Its twelve different colors.
LORELAI: Come on, Mom, eat it.
EMILY: It looks like someone already did.
EMILY: Im sorry. Im happy youre happy, and to prove it, I will take exactly three bites of this before I throw it out.
RICHARD: Thank you.
EMILY: Youre welcome.
RICHARD: So, good food, good company. Now, lets move onto good conversation. Rory, what is new in your life?
RORY: Well, funny you should mention it. . .
RORY: Why not?
LORELAI: Okay. Mom, Dad, we have some really big news.
RORY: I got my college acceptance letters back.
LORELAI: Harvard, Princeton, and Yale.
RORY: And after giving it a lot of thought, I have decided. Im going to Yale.
LORELAI: Did you hear that Yale!
RORY: Im going to Yale!
LORELAI: Thats where you went, Dad.
RORY: You liked it, remember?
EMILY: Pass the Johnny Machete, please.
LORELAI: Pass the. . .
RORY: I dont understand. I thought you wanted me to go to Yale.
EMILY: No, we didnt.
RICHARD: Absolutely not.
EMILY: What gave you that idea?
LORELAI: Mom, Dad, look, I know weve had our differences over where Rory should go to school, but thats behind us now. Shes going to Yale, and thats good. Really good.
RORY: Nothing but smiles.
LORELAI: Were both very happy about it.
LORELAI: Her and me.
RORY: She and I.
LORELAI: Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the going to Yale.
RORY: Which means that everybody else in this room not named Lorelai can be equally over the moon about the going to Yale.
RICHARD: Im getting the champagne.
EMILY: Im calling the Talbotts.
RICHARD: Oh, make sure you gloat over that dimwitted son of theirs who couldnt even get into Brown.
EMILY: Shes going to Yale!
RICHARD: Shes going to Yale!
[they start to walk away, then both turn back to kiss Rory]
RICHARD: When I get back, Ill teach you the fight song.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN
[Lorelai is in the lobby talking with the construction worker]
TOM: It looks burned.
LORELAI: Thank you. How long to make it not looked burned?
TOM: Uh, geez, maybe two
LORELAI: Tom, let me help you out. The answer Im looking for is ten days because thats when I have to get guests back in here again.
TOM: Okay, ten days.
LORELAI: Are you lying to me?
TOM: Whats the answer youre looking for there?
LORELAI: Never mind, just go fast.
TOM: Go fast, huh? Never heard that one before.
[Sookie walks over]
SOOKIE: Well, everythings fine in the kitchen. We just have to get the gas line reconnected.
LORELAI: How longs that gonna take?
SOOKIE: I dont know. The plumbers in there now looking at everything.
[Michel walks over]
MICHEL: We forgot to call the Rappaports and they showed up.
LORELAI: Oh my God, what did you do?
MICHEL: Well, luckily they are not too bright so I convinced them they got their days mixed up and I sent them home.
LORELAI: You sent them home? You didnt even try to get them a room somewhere else?
MICHEL: Youre welcome.
LORELAI: [to worker] Hey Laura, try to track down the Rappaports and see if you can get them into the Bunnyhop Inn. Thanks. [to Michel and Sookie] Okay, grab a seat and lets get the meeting started.
[a man walks into the lobby]
TOBIN: Im here, I brought bagels.
LORELAI: Oh, Tobin, great. Im starving.
TOBIN: Normally I wouldnt think of it, because what bagel stands a chance next to Sookies magical muffins and scones?
SOOKIE: Oh, Tobin, stop!
TOBIN: Two full pants sizes, my friend, all because of you.
MICHEL: What is he doing here? He is the night manager its day.
LORELAI: Michel, this is an emergency staff meeting, I need him here.
MICHEL: I told you I cannot be in the same room with him.
LORELAI: Its an hour out of your life, deal with it.
TOBIN: Hold it. In case of soot. [spreads a handkerchief on the seat of Lorelais chair]
LORELAI: Youre very sweet.
TOBIN: Wait, wait. [wipes off the back of Lorelais chair] Lets let the dry cleaners drum up their own business, huh?
[Tobin starts to sit down]
MICHEL: My chair!
TOBIN: Oh, Im sorry. [sits in another chair]
[Michel sits down and scoots his chair close to Lorelai]
LORELAI: Okay, so, should we get a room or what?
MICHEL: Will you just start your meeting?
LORELAI: All right. Heres the situation.
TOBIN: Excuse me, Lorelai.
TOBIN: Michel, did you get a bagel?
MICHEL: I dont want a bagel.
TOBIN: Are you sure? Theyre Kosher.
MICHEL: I dont eat bagels. Bagels are like glue in your intestines and ensure that everything that enters your body will remain there until you die.
SOOKIE: Ew, shut up.
LORELAI: Okay, lets focus. As you know, the fire pretty much wiped out the dining room and five of the upstairs rooms.
LORELAI: Tobin, are you okay?
TOBIN: Im sorry, I just. . .I just love this place so much. Ive been the night manager here for five years and Ive spent so much time walking these halls, listening for friendly ghosts flying around, playing
MICHEL: Make a point, bagel boy.
TOBIN: It just hurts me to see it wounded, thats all.
LORELAI: Well, it wont be wounded forever. We will rebuild and well be back and better than ever. We just need to keep it going until then. So I need some ideas on what to do.
TOBIN: You know, I was thinking. . .Im sorry, may I?
LORELAI: Go ahead.
TOBIN: Well, if we could get a celebrity in here, that would generate a lot of publicity.
LORELAI: Hm. But how could we get a celebrity in here?
TOBIN: I know Tony Randall and Renee Estevez. Id be happy to put in a call.
MICHEL: Okay. Look, I hate to bring this up, especially since I mean, how do you top Renee Estevez? But we have a small number of rooms, yes?
MICHEL: And the lobbys fine, and Sookie can make certain things at home muffins, baked goods, jams, et cetera.
MICHEL: So thats breakfast, and we have beds, and if we add some free wine and cheese around five in the afternoon. . .
LORELAI: Uh, no. Were not becoming a bed and breakfast. Whos next?
MICHEL: Youre being stubborn.
LORELAI: Bed and breakfasts are cutesy and annoying.
SOOKIE: It forces people to mingle.
LORELAI: I do not support the mingling.
MICHEL: Adding a little gimmick will be an incentive for people to keep their reservations.
TOBIN: You know what, I hate to say it, not being a B&B man myself, but Michel is making sense.
MICHEL: Get off my side immediately.
LORELAI: All right, Ill consider it.
MICHEL: Sure, if he says it, you will consider it.
[Tom walks over]
TOM: I gotta show you something.
LORELAI: Is it bad?
TOM: No, its great. Youre gonna be thrilled, really. Warm up, cartwheels are coming.
LORELAI: Keep talking. Be right back.
[Lorelai starts following Tom. Tobin walks up to her]
TOBIN: Excuse me, Lorelai? Listen, I know youre crazed right now, but I also remembered that your birthday is coming up on Friday, and well, I got you a little something.
LORELAI: Oh, you didnt have to do that.
TOBIN: Its very small.
LORELAI: Tobin, I love candles.
TOBIN: And its scented, cappuccino.
LORELAI: God, that smells great.
TOBIN: Im really glad you like it.
LORELAI: I do, thanks.
TOBIN: And listen, Im the night manager here and Im very proud to be the night manager, but with everything so wacky crazy around here right now, if you need some extra help during the day, please call me.
LORELAI: I may take you up on that offer, Tobin. Thanks.
[Lorelai walks away. Michel and Tobin share a look]
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Lorelai and Rory walk down the stairs into the living room]
LORELAI: Stairs squeak.
RORY: Stairs squeak.
LORELAI: Theres a chip on the banister.
RORY: Chip on the banister.
LORELAI: The paints chipped in the archway, and theres a board loose in the entryway. Ooh, and the chimney needs to be swept.
RORY: Luke cannot sweep our chimney.
LORELAI: Why not?
RORY: Because you need to be a chimney sweep to sweep a chimney.
LORELAI: Please. If Dick van Dyke can do it, so can Luke.
RORY: Luke is going to be very sorry he ever made this offer to you.
LORELAI: Hey, Luke has given me five free hours of handyman work for my birthday for the last five years.
RORY: And you have grossly exploited that gift every year for the past four years.
LORELAI: Well, I need to make up for that first year where I didnt milk it like I shouldve.
RORY: The spirit of giving is completely lost on you.
LORELAI: But the spirit of getting is alive and well and it wants its chimney swept. Ooh, put down laundry, too.
RORY: Fine, then can he also build me another bookshelf?
LORELAI: Ive never been prouder of you than I am right at this moment.
[the phone rings]
RORY: And tell him to paint little flowers on it.
LORELAI: Cause hes so good with the florals.
[Lorelai walks toward the kitchen as Rory answers the phone]
PARIS: I finished the paper on Dickinson, the Physics test was for a third grader, and I picked the history of the Egyptian political process as my International History project.
RORY: Youve been very busy.
PARIS: Ive been very bored.
RORY: When are you coming back to school?
PARIS: My parents return tomorrow. I think my moms bringing home a new face.
PARIS: Theres a doctor in France who injects some kind of gel into your head and then molds it to give you better cheekbones.
RORY: You are kidding me.
PARIS: She has to sleep on her back for a month, otherwise her face will flatten like a crepe.
RORY: Oh my God, its Brazil.
PARIS: Anyway, Ill probably have to go back to school when they get home, so. . .
RORY: It will be fine.
PARIS: Are people still talking about my meltdown speech?
RORY: Who cares what theyre saying, Paris?
PARIS: Just give me more homework, it will keep my mind off my life.
RORY: There is no more homework. In fact, I think youve almost finished your first year of college.
PARIS: Well, I just cant sit here thinking. Ill go crazy.
RORY: Why dont you go out and do something fun?
PARIS: Like what?
RORY: I dont know, but its your last day of freedom. Go be wild. Go crazy. Dont think, just do.
PARIS: Do what?
RORY: Youre thinking.
RORY: Still thinking.
PARIS: What if
RORY: Paris, dont think.
PARIS: Okay, I wont think.
RORY: Ill see you tomorrow.
[hangs up and walks to the kitchen]
LORELAI: Hey, do you think Luke can knock this wall out and build us a bigger kitchen in five hours?
RORY: Youll have to drop the laundry.
LORELAI: Never mind. Oh my God, Im exhausted.
RORY: Are you too exhausted to talk about birthday week?
LORELAI: Im never too tired to talk about birthday week.
RORY: Okay, so, Monday I thought wed start with facials at Sloopys after school.
LORELAI: Mudpack Monday, I love it.
RORY: Then well have double feature Tuesday, Sephora Wednesday, complimentary makeover Thursday, and then, big fat fabulous Friday.
LORELAI: Culminating in the fabulous blowout of a party youre planning.
RORY: Oh, Im sorry, you wanted a party? I told everyone you didnt wanna make a big deal out of your birthday this year.
LORELAI: Youre not funny.
RORY: Miss Patty and Babette wanted to hire these two hot guys to carry you around all day and feed you Bon-Bons, and Kirk wanted to hire the Red Hot Chili Peppers to play a concert in the square, but I said, Hey, please respect the ladys wishes. She deserves that at her age.
LORELAI: Why are you so cruel to Mama?
RORY: I have to go.
RORY: None of your business.
LORELAI: You are planning something for Friday night, arent you?
RORY: Ill bring back Chinese for dinner.
LORELAI: And you tell people no matter what they say, I just couldnt accept a new car. It would be beneath me and Id be completely humiliated. And a convertible would just make me fling myself off a building.
[the phone rings]
LORELAI: [answers phone] Hello?
KAREN: Lorelai Gilmore?
LORELAI: You got her.
KAREN: Im calling from Richard Gilmores office.
LORELAI: Never heard of him.
KAREN: Richard Gilmore, your father.
LORELAI: Oh, tall, bow tie?
LORELAI: Yes, Im with you now, go ahead.
KAREN: Okay. Well, hed like to set up an appointment to meet you for coffee. Would tomorrow work for you? Two oclock?
RICHARD: Make it three, Karen. I have that conference call at two.
LORELAI: Is that my father?
KAREN: Excuse me?
LORELAI: Put him on the phone, please.
LORELAI: Hand it over, honey.
KAREN: I -
LORELAI: Come on, lets go, chop chop.
RICHARD: What are you doing?
KAREN: She wants to talk to you.
RICHARD: Just tell her Ill meet her tomorrow.
KAREN: I tried, it didnt work.
RICHARD: But I pay you to make my appointments.
RICHARD: Lorelai, hello.
LORELAI: Are you telling me that you were sitting right next to this woman while she called me?
RICHARD: She is my secretary, Lorelai.
LORELAI: You were sitting right there?
RICHARD: This is the way a proper business is conducted.
LORELAI: Two feet from the phone?
RICHARD: Im not going to argue with you. Are you available tomorrow or not?
LORELAI: What is this Dad?
RICHARD: I have something I need to discuss with you.
LORELAI: Well, discuss it now.
RICHARD: I dont have the time now.
LORELAI: Well, put Mrs. Huh-wiggins on the phone. Have her tell me.
RICHARD: Please, Lorelai, can you meet me tomorrow at three oclock or not?
LORELAI: Fine, where?
RICHARD: I will have Karen call you tomorrow to confirm it and tell you the place.
LORELAI: Why cant you just tell me now?
RICHARD: Leave me just a semblance of my structure, please.
LORELAI: Fine. Ill talk to the woman sitting right next to you tomorrow.
CUT TO WESTONS BAKERY
[Rory is at the counter placing an order]
FRAN: So, thats a four foot chocolate cake with individual vanilla cupcakes on top spelling out Happy 16th Birthday Lorelai?
RORY: Thats right.
FRAN: Would you like butter cream or whipped cream frosting on that?
RORY: Can you do both?
FRAN: Thats a lot of frosting.
RORY: I know, but its my moms favorite part. Once we tried to make a cake entirely out of frosting, which turned out to be better in theory than in actual execution.
FRAN: Well, both frostings it is then. What time do you want to pick it up?
RORY: Miss Patty will pick it up around five.
FRAN: All right, youre all set.
RORY: Thanks, Fran.
[Lane walks in]
LANE: We have a glitch.
LANE: Well, apparently, the worlds largest pizza was 122 feet, 8 inches.
LANE: It says it right there.
RORY: Well, obviously we cant do that.
RORY: So, then, well have to make it the largest pizza in Connecticut.
LANE: Actually, Litchfield made one last year that was 98 feet.
RORY: Pete said the biggest they could do was a twelve footer.
LANE: Maybe you could make her the worlds biggest something else.
RORY: Like what?
LANE: I dont know. Taco?
RORY: I think the worlds biggest taco would be a little difficult to serve, dont you?
LANE: Well, it would definitely be more of a commitment.
RORY: Well just have to tell her its the worlds biggest pizza.
LANE: Lie to her on her birthday?
RORY: Its for her own good. So, hows the music selection coming?
LANE: Good. Ive decided to choose one song from each year in Lorelais life. Im almost done, though Ive hit a snag in 1974.
RORY: Bad year?
LANE: Its making the year of the Macarena look inspired.
[Rory and Lane come out of the bakery and start walking down the street]
RORY: Hey, can you stash this at your house til the party? Its just favors and stuff. [hands Lane some shopping bags]
LANE: Ironic, isnt it? You having to hide things at my house for a change.
RORY: Life has come full circle. [they run into Jess walking out of the video store]
JESS: I got the video for tonight.
RORY: Whatd you get?
JESS: Almost Famous.
RORY: No, not again.
JESS: I cant help it, Im addicted.
RORY: Fine, but if Im going to spend two hours sitting there watching Kate Hudson commit suicide again, then we are ordering Indian food.
JESS: Oh, come on.
RORY: Hey, last night when we watched Ed Wood we got burgers like you wanted to.
JESS: Okay, fine tonight, Indian food, but tomorrow, Saturday Night Fever and Thai food.
LANE: Thats so cute. Youre like a really sweet old agoraphobic couple.
JESS: Thank you very much.
LANE: Okay, Ive gotta go. Bye.
[Lane leaves. Rory and Jess walk down the street]
JESS: So, its been a couple days since you made the big decision. You still going to Yale?
RORY: Yes, I am. Its got all the classes I want and some really great teachers, and plus, you know, as an added bonus, its really close to here.
JESS: 22.8 miles.
RORY: Howd you know that?
JESS: Do you Yahoo?
RORY: You looked it up?
RORY: You looked it up.
JESS: I just hit a couple buttons on the computer.
RORY: You looked it up.
JESS: I was bored. There was nothing on TV and I was fooling around, it was something to do, thats it.
RORY: You looked it up.
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[Taylor and Nicole are sitting at a table going over some paperwork]
TAYLOR: Id like the wording to be a little harsher.
NICOLE: Taylor, it already says that if Aunt Tillys Taffy delivers even two hours late, they forfeit all payment for that particular shipment and are liable for any loss of income that may result from that late delivery. Its pretty extreme.
TAYLOR: Well, it may seem extreme, but these candy people are shifty characters.
NICOLE: Why dont we leave the wording like it is for now and see how things go? We can always get tougher later if necessary.
LUKE: Yeah, you can send over a couple of Oompa Loompas to kick the crap out of Aunt Tilly.
TAYLOR: Are you still dating him?
NICOLE: Yes, I am.
NICOLE: Oh, Taylor.
TAYLOR: I mean, if youre lonely, I have a nephew I would love to introduce to you. He just got back from a three-year stint in a biosphere in Arizona. Can I give him your number?
TAYLOR: Im not talking to you.
LUKE: Its my lucky day. Is he done?
TAYLOR: All right, fine. Well leave it your way and see how it works out. [leaves]
LUKE: So, listen, after I dispose of Taylors body, are we hitting a movie tonight?
NICOLE: Yeah, we are.
NICOLE: Uh, Luke, could you sit for a second, please?
LUKE: I could.
NICOLE: Could you do it soon?
LUKE: Okay, listen, if I sit down, are we gonna have the conversation?
NICOLE: The conversation?
LUKE: Yeah, you know, the conversation.
NICOLE: Luke, please.
LUKE: Here comes the conversation.
NICOLE: My parents are coming into town and I am going to have lunch with them and I thought maybe youd like to join me.
LUKE: Join you?
NICOLE: What do you say?
LUKE: Its not that I dont wanna meet your parents, its just that I havent met any parents for a long time.
NICOLE: Well, you dont have to. Im just giving you the option.
JESS: Jeez, man, just meet her parents already.
LUKE: Do you mind?
JESS: So what if they hate you? Youve been there before.
NICOLE: You know what, Im sorry. I didnt mean to put you on the spot.
LUKE: Im not on the spot. Really, Im completely off the spot. Im spotless. Uh, what times the lunch?
NICOLE: Two oclock on Thursday.
LUKE: Two oclock on Thursday. Okay, two oclock on Thursday, Ill be there.
NICOLE: Thats great. So Ill see you tonight?
LUKE: Ill see you tonight.
JESS: I have to go.
LUKE: Oh, school, okay. Well, have a good day. . .at school.
JESS: I will.
[Jess leaves. Luke walks outside and watches him. Jess walks toward the school, then jogs to his car and drives off]
CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM
[Students are talking as they wait for class to start]
MADELINE: Mills College.
LOUISE: Isnt that the one where all those girls with bad hair cried because they were gonna let boys in?
LOUISE: And why are you going there?
MADELINE: Its the one that took me.
LOUISE: But whyd you apply?
MADELINE: I needed a fallback option.
LOUISE: Well, fall back, baby, right into some big mamas loving arms.
MADELINE: Ooh, how depressing. Lets talk about you, did you decide?
LOUISE: Last night.
MADELINE: The Big Easy.
LOUISE: Enough said.
[Paris walks in with a bandage on her nose]
RORY: Oh, Paris, hi, youre back. I. . .oh my God. What happened to your nose?
MADELINE: You had it done.
PARIS: I did not have it done.
RORY: Did you fall?
PARIS: No, I didnt fall. I had it pierced.
MADELINE: You what?
LOUISE: Oh my God.
RORY: Why would you do that?
PARIS: Because you told me to go out and do something crazy.
RORY: Yes, but I meant have some ice cream, go see three movies, buy a new purse. I didnt mean go poke a third hold in your nose.
PARIS: Well, I didnt buy a new purse, I pierced my nose. And within an hour of having it done, my nose swelled up to four times its normal size, blocking all nasal passage, making it impossible to breathe. I went to the emergency room, where they pried the thing out of my nose and shot me up with antibiotics. I spent the night with an ice pack strapped to my face.
RORY: Oh, Paris.
PARIS: It seems that I was allergic to the crap metal hoop that I paid $19.95 to have jammed into my nose.
LOUISE: Did you take a picture?
PARIS: No, Louise, I did not take a picture. I was a little busy trying to get air to my brain cells, a burden youve not yet faced.
RORY: Paris, Im so sorry. I . . [cell phone rings]. . .I didnt. . . [answers phone] Hello?
PETE: Rorino, good, I caught ya. Okay, theres a bit of a design flaw in the pizza here.
RORY: What kind of design flaw?
PETE: Im a little concerned that the crust is not gonna be able to support all the toppings we talked about. We might need to put in a second crust.
RORY: A second crust?
PETE: About three-quarters of the way in, sort of like a retaining wall.
RORY: What about just making the crust thicker?
PETE: Okay, were brainstorming, I got it. A thicker crust, a thicker crust, that might do it. Uh, let me noodle around with that for awhile and get back to you.
RORY: Okay. Bye Pete. [hangs up]
PARIS: [to boy] I will not let you look at my nose for ten dollars, you sick job. Beat it, now! Come back when you have a twenty. [to Rory] What? Just making lemonade here.
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Theres a knock at the back door.]
LORELAI: Im coming!
[Lorelai walks to the kitchen, where she finds the table decorated with cookies spelling out Happy Birthday Lorelai.]
LORELAI: Aw! [theres another knock] Coming.
[She answers the door, Luke walks in with his toolbox]
LUKE: Your slave is here.
LORELAI: And wheres the French maid outfit I requested?
LUKE: Ive got it on under the plaid.
LORELAI: So what else is new?
LUKE: So, how does it feel to be a year older?
LORELAI: Uh, Im not a year older until Friday, Fifi.
[Lorelai eats a cookie from the table.]
LUKE: What the hell is this?
LORELAI: My birthday Mallomars.
LUKE: She says like I should just know this.
LORELAI: Heres your list. [hands him a notepad]
LUKE: Whats wrong with the garbage disposal?
LORELAI: Its not disposing.
[Luke reaches into the sink and pulls out a spoon]
LORELAI: Youre so good!
[Lorelai pulls a box of Mallomars out of the cupboard]
LUKE: Did you ever consider the possibility of just pulling the spoon out yourself?
LORELAI: I did consider it, yes. Do you wanna start upstairs or down? Cause theres actually more to do upstairs this time for some reason.
[Lorelai takes a Mallomar out of the box and puts it on the table]
LUKE: Whatd you just do?
LUKE: You put the cookie down.
LUKE: You ate the cookie, and then you took a cookie out of the box and put it where the cookie you just ate was.
LUKE: Well, thats nuts.
LORELAI: Rory made this for me, I dont wanna ruin it.
LUKE: Then whyd you eat the cookie?
LORELAI: Cause I wanted a Mallomar.
LUKE: But why didnt you just eat one out of the box?
LORELAI: Cause this one was right here. The box was all the way in the cupboard.
LUKE: But you had to go to the cupboard to get the box to replace the cookie you ate off the table.
LUKE: Looking at the list now. Okay, stairs, gutters, da-duh-da-duh-da, electrical outlet. Which one?
LORELAI: In the bathroom.
LUKE: By the sink or by the bathtub?
LUKE: Okay. So, I can do most of this list today, but, uh, I cant put up the towel rack until later. I didnt bring my drill.
LUKE: Dirty, yes, I know.
LORELAI: Um, thats okay, Ill be here tomorrow afternoon if you wanna come by then.
LUKE: I cant tomorrow, Im having lunch with Nicoles parents.
LUKE: Theyre coming into town.
LUKE: So Nicole thought I should meet them.
LORELAI: Makes sense.
LUKE: Yeah, well, you know, weve been seeing each other fairly regular now, so. . .makes sense.
LORELAI: Yeah, I think its great.
LUKE: Yeah, I do, too. I should get started upstairs. By the way. . .
LUKE: You were right about Jess.
LORELAI: What about Jess?
LUKE: Hes not going to school.
LORELAI: Are you sure?
LUKE: Yup. I watched him head right toward the school and when he thought no one was watching him, he got in his car and drove off. So I got in my truck and followed him.
LUKE: To Wal-Mart.
LUKE: Hes been lying to me this whole time.
LORELAI: What are you gonna do?
LUKE: Im gonna tell him that I know what hes been doing, remind him that we had an agreement, that hes supposed to go to school, that hes supposed to graduate from school, and then. . .Im gonna tell him I know what hes been doing.
LORELAI: Im sorry, Luke.
LUKE: Yeah, well. Im gonna be upstairs.
LORELAI: Okay. Call if you need anything.
CUT TO OUTSIDE THE MARKET
[Rory wheels a cart full of soda cases out of the market. Jackson walks up to her.]
RORY: Hey, Jackson. Listen, could you
JACKSON: What do you think youre doing?
RORY: Oh, well, Im trying to transport all the sodas for the party in one trip, which seemed a little silly when I first come up with the idea and its rapidly growing in its stupidity.
JACKSON: You know, I never took you for being thoughtless, but I guess I was wrong.
RORY: What are you talking about? I got the sugarless Red Bull just like you like.
JACKSON: You really hurt Sookie, you know that?
RORY: Why, what did I do?
JACKSON: What did you do, what did you do? Hm, let me see, what did you do?
RORY: Uh, Jackson, if you could stop moving around, itd be a lot easier.
JACKSON: You know, I just heard youre making the worlds largest pizza for Lorelais birthday party, is that true?
JACKSON: And it doesnt occur to you to consult Sookie?
RORY: Oh. Oh no.
JACKSON: The woman is a gourmet chef and Lorelais best friend in the world, and you dont include her in this?
RORY: But Sookies an artist pizzas didnt really seem to be her thing.
JACKSON: Everythings her thing, young lady.
RORY: Jackson, I swear, I would never purposely hurt Sookie. Besides, its not the worlds largest pizza. Its not even the tri-county areas largest pizza.
JACKSON: I have a sobbing pregnant woman at home, which is not unusual, except this time I didnt cause it!
RORY: Im so, so sorry.
JACKSON: And by the way, there wouldnt happen to be vegetables on that pizza, would there?
RORY: Well. . .
JACKSON: Because I dont know if you got the memo or not, but I happen to be a produce man.
RORY: And a darn good one at that.
JACKSON: Yet, I dont remember a call asking me to handle the vegetables. Was there a call? Did I just miss it? Was I out?
RORY: Well, you see, the veggies were included in the price, so it just. . .
JACKSON: Hm. [storms off]
RORY: Jackson, Im sorry!
JACKSON: I hope you and your worlds largest pizza will be very happy together!
RORY: Its not the largest pizza in the world! We may beat Woodbridge, but thats it, I swear!
CUT TO RESTAURANT
[Lorelai is sitting at a table. Richard walks in and sits down with her]
RICHARD: Sorry, sorry, sorry.
LORELAI: Everything okay?
RICHARD: Oh, yes. I just had a few calls to make that took up a bit more time than I had anticipated. Have you been here long?
LORELAI: Twenty minutes and two pieces of pie.
RICHARD: Amazing. Well, then, lets get right down to it, shall we?
[a waitress walks over]
WAITRESS: Can I get you something to drink?
RICHARD: Uh, iced tea, please.
WAITRESS: Another cup of coffee, Lorelai?
LORELAI: Thanks, Sarie.
[the waitress leaves]
RICHARD: So, Lorelai.
LORELAI: So, Dad.
RICHARD: I appreciate you taking the time out to meet me like this.
LORELAI: And I appreciate you actually showing up and not sending your secretary.
RICHARD: I assume youre wondering why I asked you here.
LORELAI: Not at all.
RICHARD: Well, I have something for you. [places an envelope on the table]
LORELAI: Is it a hat?
LORELAI: Is it a purse?
LORELAI: George Foreman Grill?
RICHARD: When you were born, I decided to celebrate, so as soon as your mother went to sleep, I left the hospital, I called my business manager and I made a real estate investment.
LORELAI: You do know how to party, dont you?
RICHARD: I made this investment in your name.
LORELAI: Wow, most people just buy a stuffed bear. This is better.
RICHARD: I thought so. Anyhow, a little while ago, I got a letter from a lawyer who is representing the investment group informing me that the government is building a road right through the middle of your investment.
RICHARD: Which means that the complex has been sold and all the investors will be receiving a check.
RICHARD: Since you are one of the investors. . .
LORELAI: I get a check?
RICHARD: You get a check.
LORELAI: Wow! Thats. . .[opens the envelope] Seventy-five thousand dollars?
RICHARD: Yes, it is.
LORELAI: I get seventy-five thousand dollars for being born?
RICHARD: I thought it would be a pleasant surprise.
LORELAI: This is seventy-five thousand dollars. Seventy-five. . .do you have a pen?
RICHARD: Why, yes, I do.
LORELAI: Seventy-five thousand dollars. Seventy-five thousand dollars. Oh my God, thats like 150 pairs of Jimmy Choos.
RICHARD: What are Jimmy Choos?
RICHARD: 150 pairs, thats it?
LORELAI: Dad, theyre Jimmy Choos.
RICHARD: For seventy-five thousand dollars, you should be able to buy at least three or four hundred pairs of shoes.
LORELAI: Not Jimmy Choos.
RICHARD: But thats ridiculous. You are not going to spend seventy-five thousand dollars on Jimmy Choos when you could buy four hundred pairs of less prestigious but Im sure equally stylish shoes. You will shop around first. Is that clear?
LORELAI: Yes, sir.
RICHARD: All right, then. Its settled.
LORELAI: Listen, Dad, this money isnt, um. . .
RICHARD: Isnt what?
LORELAI: It isnt some kind of gift, is it?
LORELAI: Like a birthday gift. Because if it is, its too much and I cant
RICHARD: This isnt a gift. I made this investment in your name. You received a check, thats the way these things work. Legally, Im obligated to give you that. This isnt charity or generosity, it is the law.
LORELAI: Its the law that I get to keep seventy-five thousand dollars.
RICHARD: Enjoy the shoes.
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the floor by the coffee table]
LORELAI: We could buy a boat.
RORY: We could, but why?
LORELAI: Because rich people always have a boat.
RORY: We could park it in the front yard.
LORELAI: Yeah, like white trash rich people.
RORY: God, this is amazing. No more clipping coupons.
LORELAI: No more picking loose change up from the ground. No more driving around looking for cheap gas.
RORY: Which totally defeats the purpose since you wind up using more gas looking for the cheap gas.
LORELAI: Seventy-five thousand dollars. I feel so rich. And suddenly in complete agreement with everything Bush has to say.
[the phone rings]
LORELAI: Ill get it.
LORELAI: Ah, more secret birthday calls.
RORY: Not everything is about you. It could be Jess.
LORELAI: Its about me.
RORY: It could be Lane.
LORELAI: Its about me.
RORY: It could be Paris, it could be Madeline, it could be Louise, it could be a myriad of other people wanting only to talk to me about me.
LORELAI: Its about me.
[Rory takes the phone to her room]
PETE: Rory, we got a big problemo.
RORY: Whats the matter, Pete?
PETE: We did a trial run of the pizza. You know, just wanna make sure everything was right there for the big day, you know.
RORY: I appreciate that.
PETE: So we made a trial pizza, and Kirk built a pizza rack on top of his car, you with me?
RORY: Like a bad habit, Pete.
PETE: So as Kirks putting the pizza on the rack, the thing collapses, the pizza slips, long story short Kirk has got some severe cheese burns.
RORY: Oh my God, is he all right?
PETE: Who knows? The point is. . .
PETE: I think the pizza needs to be cheeseless.
PETE: And possibly sauceless.
PETE: The things a hazard, babe.
RORY: Pete, did it ever occur to you that the problem may not be the pizza, it may be Kirk?
PETE: Did not occur to me.
RORY: Well, it should have.
RORY: The pizza has to have cheese and sauce, otherwise, its not a pizza. Its bread.
PETE: Okay, look, if youre gonna insist on the cheese and the sauce, youre gonna have to provide the transportation yourself.
RORY: Fine, Pete, I will figure something out.
PETE: Roger wilco, senorita.
[They hang up. Lorelai opens Rorys bedroom door]
LORELAI: Who was it?
RORY: Astrid from school. Shes leaving for Europe for a week and she wants me to take notes and email her everything. Shes afraid shes gonna fall behind.
LORELAI: It was about me.
CUT TO LUKES APARTMENT
[Luke is sitting at the table when Jess walks in]
LUKE: Hey. Youre home late.
LUKE: Traffic, right, okay. So, you hungry?
JESS: Im meeting Rory.
LUKE: Want me to make you guys some sandwiches?
JESS: So we can brown bag it on our date? I dont think so.
LUKE: Just offering. How was work?
JESS: The cleaned-up version of The Eminem Show seems to be selling pretty well, so the world is basically coming to an end.
LUKE: So listen, I, um, wanna talk to you about something.
LUKE: Could you stop grooming for just a second please?
JESS: Im already late.
LUKE: Look, I was doing some thinking about your situation.
JESS: My situation?
LUKE: Yeah, you know, youre working here, youre working at Wal-Mart, youre dating Rory, going to school. It just seems like a lot. You ever worry that if a bird flies into your head it might never get out again?
JESS: Ive got everything under control.
LUKE: Yeah, Im sure you do. I just thought maybe I could make things a little easier.
LUKE: Well, I could, uh, give you a raise at the diner.
JESS: A raise?
LUKE: Yeah. And maybe help out with some of the, you know, bigger money burdens, like your car insurance.
JESS: Why would you wanna do that?
LUKE: So you can quit your job at Wal-Mart.
JESS: No way.
LUKE: But youd still be making money, and this way, youd get to spend more time on Rory and school.
JESS: Im fine.
LUKE: Jess, come on.
LUKE: Jess, just take the deal.
JESS: I have to change.
LUKE: I know youre not going to school.
LUKE: I saw you get in your car and drive off.
JESS: You spying on me?
LUKE: You lied to me!
JESS: Once in awhile I take an extra shift, its nothing.
LUKE: You have to go to school, Jess.
JESS: I go enough.
LUKE: What does that mean?
JESS: It means I go enough. Its public school. My history teacher is also the football coach, get the picture?
LUKE: Jess, we had a deal. You go to school, you graduate.
JESS: I know. Relax. I got it all under control. I have to change.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN
[Lorelai is on the phone at the front desk]
LORELAI: Thats right, breakfast is included. Then at five, we invite all the guests to the lobby for complimentary wine and cheese and mingling. . . Yes, it is kind of like a B&B. . . Okay, great. Well see you and Sweetie then. Bye.
[She hangs up, then walks over to a table where Tobin is standing with some staffers]
TOBIN: Any thoughts? So, as you know, we have to get this place up and running as quickly as possible for as little money as possible. So last night I pulled out the old Time Life series, and I have to admit, theres some pretty terrific ideas in here. For example, we can putty up the cracks in the drywall and then give the lower part of the wall a good coat of paint. Then we can take a strip of wallpaper, put it around the top, thus creating sort of a border, if you will. Also, I gathered up all the broken China from the dining room because I read here in Martha that chipped teacups make great votive holders, and we all know, when in doubt, its candles, candles, candles, right? So I cleaned them up, filled them with tealights, and I think they look terrific. Oh, the pieces that were too far gone to save, I just smashed them up and used the pieces to make this nice picture frame.
LORELAI: Ah, thats a great idea, Tobin, really.
MICHEL: Uh, Lorelai. I have a little something for you.
LORELAI: For me?
MICHEL: Yes. I wasnt sure it would get here in time since I ordered it from Madrid, but thank God it made it. Happy birthday. [hands her a gift bag]
LORELAI: You bought me a present?
LORELAI: Youve never bought me a present.
MICHEL: I have, too.
LORELAI: Not once in the five years Ive known you have you ever
MICHEL: Just open up the bag, please.
[Lorelai pulls a journal out of the bag]
LORELAI: Oh, Michel, its beautiful.
MICHEL: Yes, well, I wanted it to be special, you know. Not just some knick- knack you could pick up at the supermarket or the car wash.
LORELAI: Well, its great. I love it. I must say, I feel very spoiled. A beautiful day book, cappuccino candle.
TOBIN: Oh, that reminds me, I got you something else. [walks over to the front desk]
LORELAI: What? Tobin, you already gave me a gift.
TOBIN: No, that was a pre-gift.
MICHEL: A what?
TOBIN: Hold on. [to Michel] Why dont you scooch just a little bit for me?
[Tobin retrieves a bag from behind the desk, then hands it to Lorelai]
LORELAI: Tobin, this is too much.
TOBIN: Yes, it is, but I saw it and it just screamed Lorelai.
LORELAI: Okay, well. . .God, this is exciting. I love my birthday.
TOBIN: I hope it fits.
[Lorelai pulls a leather jacket out of the bag]
LORELAI: Tobin, its amazing.
TOBIN: That is the jacket that Joe Strummer wore during the 1979 Pearl Harbor tour.
MICHEL: Who is Joe Strummer?
LORELAI: Tell me youre kidding.
MICHEL: Who is Joe Strummer?
LORELAI: You did not get me this.
MICHEL: Is he a Hells Angel man?
TOBIN: Joe Strummer is from The Clash.
LORELAI: The Clash is a band.
TOBIN: And a band is a
MICHEL: I know what a band is.
LORELAI: He just died, and Rory and Lane have been in mourning for months, and now I have his jacket. And, oh my God, this is by far the coolest thing I have ever gotten. God. Oh, smell it, it smells like Joe.
MICHEL: Well, this is wonderful, to smell like a dead guy. Youll have to beat them off with a stick.
TOBIN: And theres a letter of authenticity in the bag, and a picture of Joe wearing the jacket, and also, they threw in a beret just for the heck of it.
LORELAI: Tobin, you are getting a hug!
TOBIN: Well, Id fight it, but whats the point, right?
MICHEL: I have to run an errand.
LORELAI: Why, where you going?
MICHEL: Just be here when I get back.
LORELAI: Oh, I just love this jacket.
CUT TO LEAHY RESIDENCE
[Luke and Nicole are sitting across from Nicoles parents in the living room]
MR. LEAHY: Nicole, youre being
NICOLE: I am not being stubborn.
MR. LEAHY: You didnt let me get the stubborn out.
MRS. LEAHY: Luke, would you like a blini?
LUKE: No, thank you.
MR. LEAHY: When you sign up to become a surrogate mother, you enter into a business agreement, and the rules of business should apply. You as a lawyer should understand that.
NICOLE: As a lawyer, I do understand that. As a human being, I also understand that when a womans alone
MR. LEAHY: Here we go.
NICOLE: And in need of money, can do things that shell later regret.
MRS. LEAHY: I could get you some cheese.
NICOLE: You cannot force a mother to give up her child.
MR. LEAHY: If she signed a paper saying, On April the 12th I am giving birth and whatever comes out, Im handing to you. . .
NICOLE: What a lovely way to put that.
MR. LEAHY: And you pay her money and her medical expenses. . .
MRS. LEAHY: They always do this. They pick a subject and they argue until dinner, then they call a truce and they pick it back up for dessert. I could get you some nuts.
NICOLE: Okay, enough. I dont wanna argue with you anymore.
MR. LEAHY: What can I do with her, Luke? I ask you.
LUKE: Oh, well, uh, probably not much.
MRS. LEAHY: So Luke, I feel like weve been ignoring you.
LUKE: Oh, thats okay.
MRS. LEAHY: Nicole told us youve never been married.
NICOLE: Or we could talk about how he owns his own diner. Thats a good opening topic.
MRS. LEAHY: Hush, sweetheart. You just sit there and pretend to be ashamed of us.
LUKE: Uh, no, I have never been married.
MRS. LEAHY: But someday, maybe, right? Marriage, children?
NICOLE: She means eventually and with the woman of your choice. They will not be involved in the picking.
MRS. LEAHY: Because there is nothing more wonderful than marriage.
NICOLE: You know, the others escaped out the bathroom window. Just a tip.
MRS. LEAHY: And then children. Well, theres nothing more rewarding than children. You just cant imagine until youve been there.
MR. LEAHY: Thats true. And this one here made everything in life worth it.
MRS. LEAHY: The whole experience is like the most fabulous roller coaster ride you can imagine. From the time theyre born to that first step. The first word. The first time they hug you. The first time they pick out their own outfits.
LUKE: The first time they tell you theyre going to school and then you follow them, and they get in their car and drive to Wal-Mart.
MR. LEAHY: Wal-Mart?
LUKE: And they think you dont know. They think youre just a moron and youre going, Hey, they must be telling me the truth, right? And they dont think that maybe you know that theyre lying to your face and that youre really mad because you guys had an agreement.
MRS. LEAHY: Oh dear.
LUKE: And that agreement was clear, very clear. And they know that breaking that agreement is a violation of everything you had talked about. Oh yeah, that is cute. Thats just darling. I cant wait to experience that again. [pause] Im sorry, did someone mention cheese?
CUT TO PIZZA SHOP
[Rory walks in. Kirk, Joe and Pete are at a table]
RORY: Hey guys.
PETE: Rory, good, just the lady were looking for. We have a plan.
RORY: Good, cause Ive got a check.
PETE: Weve solved the problem of transporting the big pizza thing.
KIRK: I was of little help since Im currently in excruciating pain.
PETE: Instead of this whole one huge pizza concept, were gonna do a hundred little pizzas all sitting next to each other.
JOE: Like a pizza doily.
RORY: I dont want a pizza doily.
PETE: Okay, less a doily, more of a collage.
RORY: I dont want a pizza collage either.
JOE: Hey guys, I got another idea. How about we put the pizzas together, and then put pepperonis over the open spots.
PETE: So it looks like one big pizza, tricky.
RORY: Okay, hold on.
JOE: Or we could put cheese over the holes.
KIRK: Please dont say the C- word.
PETE: Cheese might fall through the holes.
JOE: We can use slices.
PETE: Thatll work.
RORY: That will not work!
PETE: Hey, Rory.
RORY: No. Now you three listen to me. We agreed that this was going to be the worlds largest pizza. That was the concept. Now I realize it cant be the worlds largest pizza because that pizza was insane, but it is still going to be large. Very large. Crazy large.
PETE: But we
RORY: No buts! That was the concept get back to the concept! This is not Gangs of New York now with Cameron Diaz. This is Gangs of New York twenty years ago with Meryl Streep as Scorsese originally imagined it. Come back, refocus, remember the goal. Am I making myself clear?
JOE: Cameron Diaz is hot.
RORY: Not the point, Joe.
JOE: Okay, jeez.
RORY: Now tonight is my mothers birthday party and the whole town is going to be there and they are expecting music, favors, and a really large pizza and they will not be disappointed. I dont care how you do it, just do it!
KIRK: Somehow I cant picture Meryl Streep with Leonardo Dicaprio.
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[Luke is behind the counter on the phone]
LUKE: I really am sorry, Nicole. Your parents must think Im a lunatic.
NICOLE: No, I dont think lunatic was one of the words they used. But they have a very extensive vocabulary, so there may just not have been time.
LUKE: Its the first time I meet them and I just. . .Jess was driving me crazy and. . .
NICOLE: I know this. I told them this.
LUKE: I swear, when they come back into town, I will do better.
JESS: Im going to school. [leaves]
NICOLE: They may not be back in town for several months.
NICOLE: Whenever? So I can make another lunch date with my parents even though its several months away?
LUKE: Sure, make it.
NICOLE: Okay, Ill make it.
LUKE: Tell em Ive gotten some medication, Im much better now.
NICOLE: Ill do that.
[Jess walks back into the diner]
JESS: Get off the phone!
JESS: I need the phone, get off the phone!
LUKE: Whats the matter?
JESS: Someone stole my car.
LUKE: Nicole, Im gonna have to call you back. [hangs up] What do you mean somebody stole your car?
[Jess picks up the phone and starts dialing]
JESS: I parked it right around the corner and now its gone.
LUKE: Why would you park it around the corner?
JESS: Because thats where I parked it. How the hell can the police department have an answering machine? [hangs up the phone]
LUKE: Look, lets just calm down.
JESS: Who would steal that car? It hardly ran.
LUKE: Well, you know these chop shops, they can make a buck out of anything.
JESS: I am gonna kill whoever did this. Im gonna find them and kill them.
LUKE: Listen, just go on over to school, Ill take care of anything.
JESS: No, I gotta talk to the cops.
LUKE: Ill do that, go. You know, you dont wanna be late to your first class, right?
JESS: Well, yeah, but
LUKE: I mean, you were planning on going to school, right?
LUKE: Okay, well, then just walk on over to school and Ill take care of the rest.
LUKE: All right, have a good day. Study hard, dont worry. Just leave the car to me.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Emily, Richard, Rory and the maids sing Happy Birthday to Lorelai in the dining room]
ALL: [singing] Happy birthday dear Lorelai, happy birthday to you.
EMILY: You can take the cake into the kitchen now, Teresa.
[the maid takes the cake away]
LORELAI: Wait, arent I supposed to blow them out?
EMILY: Oh, Teresa can do that.
LORELAI: Mom, its tradition for the person whose name is on the cake to do the blowing.
EMILY: Oh, Im sorry, I thought only children liked to do that. Should we bring it back out and relight it?
RICHARD: Well, would you like to make a wish and blow out the tapers?
LORELAI: Why am I being mocked on my birthday?
RORY: Because thats the Gilmore way.
EMILY: Lets move into the living room for our dessert, shall we?
LORELAI: Lets shall.
[they all start walking to the living room]
LORELAI: [quietly to Rory] Howre we doing on time?
RORY: Weve got time for cake.
LORELAI: Are you sure? Cause I dont wanna miss the fancy party youre throwing me.
RORY: Dont worry, its not that fancy.
EMILY: What are the two of you whispering about?
LORELAI: Trying to get me drunk so I forget that you wouldnt let me blow out my own candles?
EMILY: Oh, dear, is this going to be another one of those stories that you tell people for the rest of your life like the bunny story?
LORELAI: His name was Murray, Mom.
RICHARD: Oh, Emily, you had to bring that up.
LORELAI: How could you think I wouldnt notice you gave away my rabbit?
EMILY: Because you were four and terrified of the thing.
LORELAI: I was not terrified, I simply respected his space.
RICHARD: You slept in the maids room for a week.
LORELAI: I wonder where Murray is now.
RICHARD: In a shoebox somewhere, I assume.
LORELAI: Very nice, and on my birthday.
RICHARD: Once again, a toast to Lorelai on her 36th birthday.
LORELAI: Youre doing the math?
RICHARD: Right, sorry. To Lorelai on her 35th birthday.
RORY: Hear, hear.
LORELAI: Thank you for the toast, thank you for the dinner, and, uh, in the spirit of the evening Mom, I have something for you.
EMILY: For me? Its not my birthday.
LORELAI: I know, but here. [hands Emily an envelope]
EMILY: What is this?
LORELAI: Its from Murray. Its taken him this long to write it partially cause of the hurt and pain and partially cause he has paws.
EMILY: What is this?
LORELAI: That is what I owe you.
EMILY: What you owe me?
LORELAI: For Rorys school. I promised you Id pay you back and now I have, every cent. Thank you again for helping us out. Theres no way Rory would be going to Yale if it wasnt for this money, if it wasnt for you.
EMILY: Youre welcome.
LORELAI: Okay, so. . .
EMILY: You must be very relieved.
LORELAI: Excuse me?
EMILY: Your debt is paid, you owe us nothing.
LORELAI: Well, yeah.
EMILY: You dont need us anymore.
LORELAI: Um, I didnt say
EMILY: You dont have to deal with us. You dont have to come over for Friday night dinners. It all works out beautifully, doesnt it?
LORELAI: This isnt about that, Mom.
EMILY: Oh no?
LORELAI: No, I owed you money and I paid you back.
EMILY: I dont want it.
LORELAI: I cant believe youre mad that Im paying you back.
EMILY: Im not mad, I just think its extremely unkind of you to use this occasion to inform me you wont be coming over anymore.
LORELAI: I didnt say that.
EMILY: This says that!
LORELAI: Mom, let me ask you something wouldnt you rather we came over here because we wanted to, not because of some threat youre holding over our heads?
EMILY: Oh, and you would come here voluntarily?
LORELAI: I always said I would pay you back. This is not a surprise.
EMILY: No, it certainly isnt.
LORELAI: I was trying to do a good thing here. When Dad gave me the money, one of the first things that jumped into my head was to -
EMILY: When Dad gave you the money? When Dad gave her the money?
RICHARD: Now, Emily
EMILY: You gave her this?
RICHARD: It was her money.
LORELAI: It was from that investment, Mom.
RICHARD: Id appreciate it if youd stay out of this.
LORELAI: Why are you mad at me?
RICHARD: I told you not to tell your mother about that money.
LORELAI: When did you tell me that?
RICHARD: At lunch.
LORELAI: You did not.
RICHARD: I did, too.
LORELAI: Dad, I swear you didnt tell me not to tell Mom.
RICHARD: Why do you think I met you in the day at a restaurant, Lorelai? Think.
EMILY: You kept this from me, Richard?
RICHARD: I knew you would be upset.
EMILY: You lied to me.
RICHARD: I had to give it to her. I was legally obligated.
EMILY: Youre also legally obligated to your wife.
EMILY: Dont you talk to me!
RICHARD: Now, youre overreacting.
EMILY: Dont you talk to me either!
LORELAI: Dont be mad at Dad.
RICHARD: Stay out of this!
LORELAI: I just
RICHARD: Well, dont!
LORELAI: Mom, please. Just because I gave you this money doesnt mean were never gonna come over here again. We will come over. Maybe not every week, but there will be the occasional Friday night dinners.
EMILY: No, there wont.
EMILY: I dont need anybody doing me any favors. You are released from your obligation, Lorelai. Have a nice birthday, have a nice life, Im going to bed.
RICHARD: Not now!
[Emily and Richard leave the room]
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[Lorelai and Rory are walking through the town square]
LORELAI: Youre quiet. I know they were upset, hon, but trust me, theyll calm down.
RORY: Why did you do that?
LORELAI: Excuse me?
RORY: Just giving them that check like that.
LORELAI: Rory, I borrowed that money.
RORY: I know you did, but you had to have known that theyd get upset. You had to know that Grandma would take it personally.
LORELAI: Well, what would you have me do, not pay them back?
RORY: Well, they didnt want the money back.
LORELAI: Its not the point.
RORY: Well, its kind of the point.
LORELAI: No, Rory, its not the point at all.
RORY: They were throwing you a party, Mom.
LORELAI: Sorry, did I miss something? Did I dance around saying nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah when I gave her the check?
LORELAI: Did, did I not thank her genuinely thank her for everything?
LORELAI: Did I not credit your getting into Yale with them giving us that money?
RORY: Yes, but
LORELAI: Unh uh, no buts. Listen Rory, Im not sure if youre aware of how hard it has been for me these past three years to be indebted to my parents. I decided a long time ago that I was gonna live my life without their help, but I went to them and I took their money and Im not sorry I did, it was the right thing for you, but I dont need their help anymore.
RORY: Fine, but you dont have to just throw it in their faces like that.
LORELAI: I paid back a loan. Youre supposed to pay back a loan. I have Polonius and then entire banking system on my side.
RORY: I just think you couldve done it differently.
RORY: I dont know.
LORELAI: Take a shot.
RORY: I dont know.
LORELAI: Rory, my relationship with my parents is very different from your relationship with them. You only know the warm and fuzzy Richard and Emily, and I only want you to know the warm and fuzzy Richard and Emily because theyre your grandparents and they love you, but I have a different history with them and it was not all warm and it was definitely not all fuzzy. So do not judge me for repaying a loan that I always intended to repay, that I told them from the beginning I would repay, that I had to repay. I will not let them make me feel guilty for doing that and I will not let you make me feel guilty for doing that either.
RORY: Im sorry.
LORELAI: Its okay.
[They walk down the street some more. Lorelai sees a large group of people gathered for her birthday party at the dance studio. A crane is lowering the huge pizza onto a table]
LORELAI: Oh my God. What is that?
RORY: The worlds largest pizza. Almost.
LORELAI: That is amazing.
RORY: You like it?
LORELAI: I love it. Thank you honey. Hey, what happened to Kirk?