written by Janet Leahy
directed by Jamie Babbit
transcript by Stacy
OPEN IN LORELAIS FRONT YARD
[Lorelai and Rory are staring at their garage]
LORELAI: Id say three years.
RORY: Id say more like four.
LORELAI: What? It has not been four years since weve stepped foot inside our own garage.
RORY: It was when we got the Jeep.
LORELAI: That wasnt. . .yes, it was.
RORY: And even then, I think we only got as far as opening the door before something flew out and scared you.
LORELAI: Yes, it scared me while you stood by calmly like Dr. Dolittle chatting with the bat.
RORY: It was a bat, wasnt it?
LORELAI: Wearing an OzzFest T-shit, I believe.
RORY: Will the man never be able to live that down?
LORELAI: Well, Joe Namath will forever be wearing pantyhose.
RORY: True, very true.
LORELAI: So, uh, what do we do about the bat cave?
RORY: Well, we did promise Lane that her band could rehearse here.
LORELAI: Yes, we did.
RORY: And theyll probably need to actually get in there to do so.
LORELAI: So I guess were going in.
RORY: I guess we are.
LORELAI: All right. On three one, two, three.
[They open the garage doors]
LORELAI: What, what is it?
RORY: Those are the boxes from our attic that you were supposed to give away two years ago.
RORY: I spent three days boxing all the stuff in the attic and you were going to call a charity and get someone to pick em up.
LORELAI: I made an appointment, the guy didnt show.
RORY: He didnt?
LORELAI: No, I dont think.
LORELAI: Look, I got bored after sitting there two hours, so I left a note saying the stuff was in the garage and he could leave a receipt, and I went to get some coffee.
RORY: These guys arent just allowed to go into someones garage.
LORELAI: Well, the note said it was okay.
RORY: Well, how did he know that the note was authentic?
LORELAI: I wrote it on Powerpuff Girls stationery. Whod he think was setting him up, Hello Kitty?
RORY: I cant believe how much junk we have.
LORELAI: Hey, these are these are souvenirs from our lifes journey, girly girl. This is not junk. Okay, this is junk, and that over there is junk. All right, basically everything Im looking at is, yeah, junk.
RORY: Were pack rats.
LORELAI: Were Sanford and Son. Yuck, bye bye. [throws a stuffed ball out of the garage]
RORY: Wait! [catches the ball]
RORY: Hug-a-World, its my Hug-a-World.
LORELAI: Wheres the world?
RORY: Its faded.
LORELAI: Oh, wait, I can see something.
LORELAI: Canada, nice. Okay.
RORY: What are you doing?
LORELAI: Im throwing it out.
RORY: You cant throw out Hug-a-World.
LORELAI: Im not throwing out Hug-a-World, Im throwing out Hug-a-Canada.
RORY: I learned my seven continents on Hug-a-World, dont you remember? We used to squeeze it as tight as we could and then wherever our pinkies would end up, thats where we were going to go together when I grew up.
LORELAI: Yes, many a trip to Uzbekistan was planned that way.
RORY: We can clean him up and keep him, cant we?
LORELAI: Throw him outside and Ill see what I can do.
RORY: Thank you.
LORELAI: If I clean up Hug-a-World, does that cancel out me not getting rid of the boxers?
RORY: Ill consider it a wash.
LORELAI: How about if I chase it and bring it back?
LORELAI: Hug-a-World would like to see the world.
RORY: Its moving.
LORELAI: Theres something living there besides Canadians.
RORY: I hugged it, I hugged it really tight.
LORELAI: Yes, you did.
RORY: I have to shower! [runs away]
LORELAI: Hey, hey, hey, what about the rest of the garage? Rory! Hey, how bout if Lanes band rehearses in the kitchen? We dont use that either.
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[There is construction going on outside. Luke tries to take an order over the noise]
LUKE: Can I take. . .Can I take. . .What can I get. . . Thats it. [goes outside]
TAYLOR: I specifically requested a carved arch above the door.
TOM: Its a blueprint, Taylor.
TAYLOR: Yes, Tom, I know its a blueprint.
TAYLOR: One second, Luke. I know its a blueprint, Tom, but if I dont see a carved archway here, then I dont expect to see a carved archway there, and if I dont see an archway there, then you wont see a paycheck here. Are we clear?
TOM: Get away from my saw, Taylor.
LUKE: What the hell is going on?
TAYLOR: Im renovating your building. You know that very well.
LUKE: I also know that the renovation is supposed to be going on over there inside the building.
TAYLOR: There is plenty of room to move around if you turn sideways.
LUKE: Im gonna punch you in the nose.
TAYLOR: I have every right to make the necessary renovations to the building that I am paying good money to lease.
LUKE: Taylor, if any other person in this town pulled a stunt like this in front of your market, youd have them arrested.
TAYLOR: I have acquired all the necessary permits to do exactly what Im doing, and all of this has been looked over and approved by the town magistrate.
LUKE: Youre the town magistrate!
TAYLOR: And as such, if you have any complaints about me, you may take them up with me.
TOM: Get him away from my saw.
LUKE: Get him away from my diner.
TAYLOR: By the way, Luke, I noticed you hadnt returned any of my lawyers calls about the lease agreement. Now we have to set up an appointment to see that those papers get signed.
LUKE: Forget it. Im not going through any lawyer. You want those papers signed, you pick them up and you walk them over to me. Then, Ill sign them.
TAYLOR: Luke, this is business. It needs to be done properly and legally.
LUKE: Its a standard lease form, Taylor. I bought it at Office Depot.
TAYLOR: All the more reason to have a professional take a little looksee, huh? I mean, theres a reason they say good lawyers make for good neighbors.
LUKE: Who the hell said that?
TAYLOR: Oh, everybody says that. Okay, now back to work. Tom, lets take another look at this archway, shall we?
TOM: Get away from my saw, Taylor.
CUT TO LORELAIS FRONT YARD
[Lane and the band are setting up in the garage]
LORELAI: I already talked to the neighbors. Just make sure you keep the doors closed, and the music must stop by eight.
LANE: Dont worry, I have to be home by six.
ZACH: Well be done by eight, dont you worry.
LORELAI: I wont.
ZACH: Okay, okay, okay, Lorelai, okay.
LORELAI: Uh, so, um, Rory showed you the key. Uh, youre welcome to anything in the kitchen, which is nothing, but, uh, the waters yours for the taking. Just replace the bottle if its out.
ZACH: You ask, I will obey.
BRIAN: Im out!
LORELAI: Hes out! Ill get you some more!
LANE: Oh, no, no, dont worry about it. Ill get it.
LORELAI: Okay. Oh, excuse me. Do you need any help?
LORELAI: Do you need any help, please?
RORY: Im good, Pamela Des Barres.
LORELAI: When did you turn on Mommy?
RORY: What? Hes cute.
RORY: And you know, if you latch on now, youre totally entitled to half of everything when he dumps you after hes famous.
LORELAI: Okay, um, since you dont need any help, simply a new place to live, Im gonna just go.
ZACH: Listen. . .
LORELAI: Youre back, okay, hi.
ZACH: Were gonna be playing a gig next month, and I think youd really get into it.
LORELAI: Oh, well, Id love to get into it, Zach, but see, I have this medical condition where I cant listen to music.
ZACH: You cant?
LORELAI: No. My ears, the hollow tubey thing inside is very tiny and it will literally explode if I listen to anything loud and musical.
ZACH: That sucks.
LORELAI: I know. Thanks for the invite, Im sure its gonna be great. Uh, so, uh, you guys have a good rehearsal. Im gonna go on inside and write to Tipper. Great gal. See you guys later.
RORY: Bye Pam.
ZACH: She is some kind of fine.
BRIAN: Zach, some help would be great.
LANE: I still cant believe you guys are letting us rehearse here.
RORY: You can thank us in the liner notes.
LANE: Right under our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
RORY: Thats some good billing. So, are you guys actually playing a gig next month?
LANE: Abby Berlands birthday party. Her parents are letting her have a band.
RORY: Thatd be great.
LANE: Cross your fingers she doesnt wreck the car again and her mother doesnt cancel it before we get to play.
RORY: Ill hide the keys myself.
BRIAN: Okay, Im done.
DAVE: Me too.
ZACH: Lets do this.
DAVE: Listen, Lane, we need to talk a sec.
DAVE: Now that we finally have a real rehearsal space, we can get serious about the sound.
DAVE: Which means that Im gonna need you to really step it up a little.
DAVE: I mean, youve got the potential, but youre sloppy. I need a clean roll on the toms but powerful, like Moon.
DAVE: I know youre a girl, but I need you to play like a guy.
LANE: I understand.
DAVE: And if you cant, if thats too hard. . .
LANE: No, thats not too hard. Ill be better, I promise.
[Dave walks away. Rory walks up to Lane]
RORY: Okay, please take this the way its intended, but I am going to kick Dave in the shins repeatedly for the next hour and a half.
RORY: Why? Did you hear the way he was talking to you? "Play like a guy, Lane." Well, cry like a girl, Dave! What? Why are you smiling like that?
LANE: He fooled you.
LANE: We thought the other guys might be catching on about me and Dave so we came up with this plan.
RORY: That he become a jerk?
LANE: Yes. If the other guys see him talking down to me like that, they will totally be thrown off track.
RORY: Okay, but doesnt it bother you to hear him talk to you like that?
LANE: No way. Believe me, he knows I play better, harder, Moonier than any guy they could possibly find, plus I smell better.
RORY: Okay, as long as youre fine with it.
LANE: I am, Im fine with it.
DAVE: And also Lane, I need four strong downbeats, not two strong ones and two whatever ones. You set the tone, Lane. If you suck, we suck.
LANE: God, hes wonderful.
CUT TO COFFEE SHOP
[Lorelai is sitting at a table as Alex walks over with two little coffee cups]
ALEX: Okay, now this is the Sumatra blend. Its supposed to be a little sharper than the Colombian.
LORELAI: You know, this is pretty much what I thought heaven would look like. There might have been a unicorn in the corner, but basically yeah, this is it. Um, so Ive had fifteen of these tiny coffees.
ALEX: Yes, you have.
LORELAI: And youre telling me that all this tasting is completely free?
LORELAI: So Im a cheap date.
ALEX: Well, the tasting is free, but I have to promise to stock my coffee chain from this warehouse, so actually this date is costing me about eleven thousand dollars a month.
LORELAI: Geez, I hope Im worth it.
ALEX: So far, so good.
LORELAI: So you were telling me about Hillary and Jeff.
ALEX: Right. Well, they live with their mom, but I get them quite a bit. They both recently started soccer because apparently its the law.
LORELAI: I know. Rorys still got an outstanding warrant on that one. So, how old are they?
ALEX: Six and nine.
LORELAI: Good ages.
ALEX: Havent really hit a bad one yet.
LORELAI: Me either. Although, with Rory, I think its gonna be forty-three.
LORELAI: Not sure why, just have a feeling thats the year shes getting the mohawk. Mm, we like sharper. When you guys open your coffee place, this must be on the menu.
ALEX: Yeah? Mm, thats sharper.
LORELAI: So, lets see, weve covered work, kids. . .uh, shall we move onto hobbies?
ALEX: Not a hobby guy.
ALEX: Most of the time Im working, with the kids, or Im charming the chicks with the coffee. And then a few times a year, Ill go camping or fishing. I actually really love that stuff.
LORELAI: Oh yeah?
ALEX: Absolutely. How about you?
LORELAI: Ah, theres a reason they call it the great outdoors, right?
ALEX: I was actually thinking of doing a little fishing this Saturday.
LORELAI: Oh, that sounds like fun.
ALEX: This great place, beautiful, perfect fishing. You wanna come?
ALEX: Id love to take you.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, sure. That would be nice.
ALEX: Great, its a date.
LORELAI: Yes, it is a date. It is a fishing date.
ALEX: Ready to try another? I hear theres one from Peru that comes with a Surgeons General warning.
LORELAI: Hey, if that last one didnt kill me, nothing will.
ALEX: Be right back.
CUT TO BUS STOP
[Rory gets off the bus; Lane runs up to her]
LANE: Rory! Rory! The numbers are all adding up, the planets are aligning, and I am going to my senior prom!
LANE: Because I am brilliant. See, my mom was in a good mood today because she made a big sale a dining room table and eight chairs, none of which matched, that have been hanging around the shop since I was four.
RORY: Oh, Im gonna miss those.
LANE: Get over it. Anyway, I sat her down and I told her that I really wanted to go to the prom. And I know she doesnt approve of such things, but if she lets me go, we will do it her way.
RORY: But her way would be not to let you go.
LANE: Yes, she said that also. But then I went on to clarify that if she lets me go, she would get full dress approval, full chaperone approval, I promise not to actually dance at the prom, and whatever boy I go with will be required to attend at least four family dinners before she signs off on him being my escort.
RORY: Nice move on using the word escort instead of the word date.
LANE: The subliminal is half the battle, Rory.
RORY: Go on, go on.
LANE: So, she sat there, took it all in, and after a really long pause, she looks at me and says, "Maybe."
RORY: You got a maybe from Mrs. Kim.
LANE: I got a maybe from Mrs. Kim.
[they walk into the beauty supply store]
LANE: Okay, lets start with base.
RORY: Right. Now, we are talking Dave taking you to the prom, right?
LANE: Of course. My mom loves him. Last week she let him sit in our pew.
LANE: She made me move.
RORY: Youve been replaced.
LANE: Id be offended if I werent so busy doing a happy dance. Its all working out so perfectly. By the time she says yes, shell love him even more and then when I say I wanna go to the prom with him, itll be like she picked him out herself.
RORY: You are brilliant. Hey, Kirk, is this waterproof?
LANE: You know, she asked Dave to play at the wedding this weekend.
RORY: I thought I was the only non-Korean allowed at the Kim family weddings.
LANE: Dont be hurt. You have been to so many of these weddings, you are an honorary member of the clan now.
RORY: I appreciate that. So, tell me, your cousin getting married Saturday, whats his story?
LANE: James. Very quiet, kind of skulky, couldnt meet anyone here, so his family arranged to have a girl shipped over from the old country.
RORY: I hope they cut air holes in the box.
LANE: She doesnt speak a word of English and shes never met him.
RORY: Hm. Well, then shes gonna need some sparkles.
LANE: Okay, I think thats it.
RORY: Lets go. Can you imagine marrying someone you didnt know?
LANE: Are you kidding? Used clothes still skeeve me out a little.
KIRK: Will this be all?
RORY: Yes. I like your display Kirk.
KIRK: It is fun, isnt it? Okay, thats $40.42.
KIRK: Im also including a few samples, a facial scrub and a honey mask. Very soothing, very healing.
RORY: Thats very nice.
KIRK: Thank you for coming, and call me and tell me how you like that mask.
RORY: We will.
[they walk outside]
LANE: Okay, the weddings at four, so how about you come over at one and well get her ready?
LANE: You know, Rory, I feel good. I feel like everythings going my way this time.
RORY: I hope so.
LANE: No, it is, I can feel it. Lane Kim is going to her prom.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
[Sookie is frosting a cake, Lorelai is sitting next to her]
LORELAI: Dumb, dumb, dumb.
SOOKIE: Oh, come on.
LORELAI: Sure, I fish. I also bodysurf and walk on the moon without a space suit.
SOOKIE: You were trying to impress him.
SOOKIE: What ugh? You like him.
LORELAI: I like him, but Im not sixteen. I dont lie to guys to make them like me. I just got stuck when he said fishing and camping, and I was trying to be nice and not say, "Fishing? Great cold, wet, and smelly. My three favorite things after those witches from Macbeth."
SOOKIE: Honey, we all do it. When Jackson and I first started dating, we went to this pickling festival, and he wore a shirt with a giant frog on it. So Im trying to make conversation and I say, "Hey, cute frog." And he says, "You like frogs?" and I say, "I love frogs!" So, for our six-month anniversary, he gives me a frog figurine.
SOOKIE: And then when Christmas came, he gave me another frog figurine. And then he told his family what to get me, and all of a sudden. . .
LORELAI: Your frog collection!
SOOKIE: Im the frog girl.
LORELAI: You never told him you dont love frogs?
SOOKIE: No. He has the best time buying them for me, so I just let him buy them.
LORELAI: Thats sweet. Maybe I could go fishing. Maybe. Once.
SOOKIE: Tell me about Alex.
LORELAI: Well, he owns an iron company. They do gates and statues, big fancy stuff. Hes divorced, he has two kids hes crazy about. Hes nice, he drinks a lot of coffee. Its all good, it all works.
LORELAI: So. . .Im going fishing. Im the fish girl.
SOOKIE: Frog girl welcomes you to the club!
CUT TO CHILTON
[Students are gathering for the student council meeting]
LOUISE: I dont know what to do. Its time to break up, but he seems so happy.
MADELINE: You could date his brother.
LOUISE: I guess, but thats so been there, done that.
MADELINE: We could switch.
LOUISE: Isnt that how I got him?
MADELINE: Oh yeah. Wow, it really is time to go to college.
ADVISOR: Rory, where is Paris?
RORY: I dont know.
ADVISOR: Shes almost fifteen minutes late.
RORY: Is she?
ADVISOR: All right. Well, perhaps we should start without her. You can convene the meeting.
RORY: Okay. If everyone will take their seats, we can call this meeting to order. All right, since Paris isnt here
PARIS: Paris is here. Couldnt wait to jump in there and take over, could you?
RORY: Tell it to the Timex salesman.
PARIS: My gavel, please? I call this meeting to order.
RORY: I already did that.
PARIS: Sorry Im late, but I had some very important business to attend to. Business which I must now, unfortunately, share with all of you. At the beginning of this year, when we were sworn in as your government representatives, we placed our hand on a bible and we took an oath. An oath that stated that our behavior would be ethically and morally upstanding for as long as we were serving in public office. And that is why it saddens me greatly today to inform you that one of our own has forsaken that holy oath.
MADELINE: I hate anything that starts with a speech.
ADVISOR: What are you talking about, Paris?
PARIS: I hold in my hand evidence accusing one Rory Gilmore of committing high crimes and misdemeanors.
ADVISOR: Paris, whats going on here?
PARIS: Miss Gilmore has been conspiring with the various factions of this school to weaken the efficacy of this administration.
RORY: Youre really pathetic, you know that?
PARIS: Youll have your chance to address these charges when Im done.
RORY: What charges?
PARIS: First on the list, espionage.
PARIS: Gathering privileged information and divulging it to the enemy.
RORY: What privileged information? Prom colors are green and pink, pass it on?
PARIS: Next on our list, the most serious crime treason.
RORY: Im sorry I talked about Jamie.
PARIS: And having a big mouth. Thats going on the list also.
RORY: I cant believe youre taking all of this out on me. What about Francie?
PARIS: Francie was not my second in command. Francie was not privy to the innermost workings of my personal. That is, not until you made her privy.
RORY: Everyone in school saw you walking with Jamie, Paris.
PARIS: Im still talking.
RORY: She already knew!
ADVISOR: Enough! Weve heard enough.
PARIS: I move to put to a vote the impeachment of Rory Gilmore.
ADVISOR: Miss Gellar, Im sorry, but we do not impeach here at Chilton.
PARIS: Why not?
ADVISOR: Because this is a student government.
PARIS: Well, then, Id like to put to a vote a resolution to instate the ability to impeach.
PARIS: Then she should resign.
RORY: Im not going to resign. You have the problem, you resign.
PARIS: No, you resign!
RORY: No, you resign!
PARIS: No, you resign!
ADVISOR: No one is resigning.
LOUISE: Maybe Ill stay with him til Friday and see how it goes.
MADELINE: That sounds fair.
ADVISOR: You two can take this argument somewhere else. This is student council. Real school matters are the only things that matter here. Now, Paris, move on.
PARIS: The swimming pool needs re-plastering. Ideas for fundraising, please.
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[A woman with a briefcase walks in]
NICOLE: Excuse me? Hi, Im looking for a Mr. Lucas Danes.
JESS: Oh, Lucas.
NICOLE: Im not IRS. Im not IRS.
LUKE: Im Luke Danes.
NICOLE: Luke Danes, sorry. Well, hello Luke Danes, Im Nicole Leahy, Im Taylor Dooses attorney.
LUKE: Oh, geez.
NICOLE: He wanted me to bring
LUKE: Yeah, the lease agreements, yes, I know. I told him to walk them over here, but hey, whats the fun of being Taylor, right?
NICOLE: Im sorry if this is a bad time. It certainly wont take me very long.
LUKE: Nah, Im fine, whatever. Lets get this over with.
NICOLE: No problem.
LUKE: You want some coffee?
NICOLE: Yeah, sounds great. I really just need to witness your signature, is all. Its actually just a formality.
LUKE: In other words, completely ridiculous and unnecessary.
NICOLE: Uh huh.
NICOLE: Mr. Doose really likes things to be formal. And neat. And in triplicate. He just loves things in triplicate. Thats a really good cup of coffee.
LUKE: Thanks. So, tell me something, whats it like being Taylors lawyer?
NICOLE: Well, actually, Im not exactly Mr. Dooses lawyer. Or only lawyer. Hes one of our select clients, so all of our attorneys deal with him or a rotating basis, its my month.
LUKE: My condolences.
NICOLE: Yeah, my father always told me that which does not kill you makes you stronger.
LUKE: Youre gonna be really stronger.
NICOLE: Hes not that bad.
LUKE: Seriously, if you run into someone pinned underneath a truck, pick it up. Its gonna be a piece of cake. Okay, looks like thats the whole nine yards.
NICOLE: Great. You and Mr. Doose are officially in business together. Oh, Im so sorry, I meant that as a good thing.
LUKE: Its okay.
NICOLE: Uh, I will let you get back to work. Let me. . .
LUKE: No, no, on me.
NICOLE: Tell you what. Its business, lets let Mr. Doose pay for it.
LUKE: Even better.
JESS: Well, that was an interesting show.
LUKE: What are you yammering about?
JESS: Guess Gloria Allred wants to go slumming.
LUKE: Shut up.
JESS: She was totally coming onto you.
LUKE: She was not.
JESS: Couldnt you hear her panting when you were signing those things?
LUKE: Didnt see it.
JESS: She laughed at your jokes, and we both know theres gotta be some ulterior motive when people laugh at your jokes.
LUKE: Okay, whatever. Even if there was something, which Im not saying there was, shes a suit. Not my type.
JESS: Yeah, especially since shes not a monk.
LUKE: Oh, I dont go out that much, is that what thats supposed to mean?
JESS: Take a look at a calendar. When was the last time you went out on a date? A year, two years ago?
LUKE: Last month, wiseass. I went out with Joanna Cooper.
JESS: You gave her a ride home.
LUKE: A ride home is the end of a date.
JESS: Only if you go on a date first.
LUKE: Im not gonna discuss this with you.
JESS: Suit yourself. I have to go meet Rory anyhow. See, Im gonna go pick her up, spend a few hours actually being with her, then give her a ride home. Thats called the end of a date.
LUKE: Or I could stay open a few hours later which means youre here til ten. Thats also called the end of a date.
LUKE: Bye now.
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[Lorelai is sitting at a table looking bored when Luke walks over]
LORELAI: Hey, got any good stories?
LUKE: Nope, sorry.
LORELAI: Ah, nothing? No crazy, colorful uncle? Best friend with a funny name?
LUKE: Jeff Smith?
LORELAI: Skeletons in the family closet? War wounds? Funny shaped scars?
LUKE: It really throws you off when Rorys late, doesnt it?
LORELAI: Big time.
[Rory walks into the diner]
LORELAI: Oh, yay, thank God!
RORY: Sorry. Didnt Luke keep you company?
LORELAI: Oh, he tried, but really, hes got nothing.
LUKE: Thank you.
LORELAI: So whats with all the books?
RORY: We are going to fish.
LORELAI: With these?
LORELAI: So we throw them in and try to knock the fish out?
RORY: I went to the library and got of all their best informational books on fishing.
LORELAI: Ugh, youre serious.
RORY: You wanna learn to fish or not? Exciting, huh?
LORELAI: Oh, I can barely keep still. [opens book] "Chapter 1, technique. For deep water fishing, an angler " Whats an angler?
RORY: That would be you.
LORELAI: Oh, better remember that. Okay. "For deep water fishing, an angler" me, again "can choose a wire line using a downrigger or a vertical jig. Whatever your technique, the other successful clue to attracting fish is the appropriate lure." Ooh, what about the sequined top I wore to the Christmas party?
RORY: Yes, I think thats exactly what hes talking about.
LORELAI: "For bottom feeders, consider smaller, darker patterned lures" simple, yet elegant "while in areas where the forage fish are cicso, youre limited to the larger, more flashy baits." I am telling you right now, the larger flashy baits are just gonna make me look cheap.
RORY: Okay, lets review what do we know so far?
LORELAI: I need flashy baits if Im going to invest in cisco, unless I choose to cast a troll in my downrigger.
RORY: Hey, thats good.
LUKE: Doing a little studying?
RORY: My moms leaning how to fish.
LUKE: Youre what?
LORELAI: Im learning how to fish.
LUKE: Oh, sorry, wrong inflection youre what?
LORELAI: Go away.
LUKE: Why are you learning how to fish?
LORELAI: Um, its just something I wanted to do. Some friends of mine fish, and I thought if they can do it I can do it.
LORELAI: And what if I am a really great fisher? Yeah, I mean, what if thats my calling, the thing that I am meant to do? And all this time Ive been sitting here with the gift to fish and I am squandering it. Its like if Mozart walked right by the piano store and never played a note.
LUKE: So youre gonna fish to fulfill your destiny?
LORELAI: Thats right.
LUKE: And youre gonna learn to fish to fulfill your destiny from a book?
LUKE: And you sanctioned this?
LUKE: Okay, Thelma, Louise, possibly theres another way to learn to fish.
LORELAI: The Fishing Channel.
LUKE: I fish.
RORY: Oh yeah, weve seen those boots thingies outside drying off.
LUKE: Those would be called waders.
LORELAI: And Im sure Ill be reading about waders soon in one of these cliffhangers here.
LUKE: If you want, I can show you a few things, get you started, make sure you dont strangle yourself with your own line, the basics.
LORELAI: Are you sure you dont mind?
LUKE: I can come over tomorrow after work.
LORELAI: Great, thank you. Agh. Just for the record, I dont wanna learn that.
LUKE: Got it.
CUT TO CHILTON
[Rory walks into the secretarys office]
RORY: I got a note that I was supposed to come see Headmaster Charleston.
SECRETARY: Ill let him know youre both here.
SECRETARY: Take a seat, please.
RORY: Yes, maam. [sits down next to Paris] So what this time, trying to have me deported?
PARIS: Oh, yeah, like Im the one who called this meeting.
RORY: I certainly didnt call this meeting.
PARIS: Save the act for Sundance, you little snitch.
RORY: I didnt snitch.
PARIS: Said the weak-kneed turncoat.
RORY: Nixons bad seed.
PARIS: Daughter of Judas.
HEADMASTER: Ladies, come in please.
[they walk into the office]
HEADMASTER: Have a seat. Chilton student council president and vice president in my office. . . not what I wouldve expected, I must tell you. Theres been quite a stir about you two the past several days. The school is buzzing with the talk of your clashes in student council meetings, your face-offs in the cafeteria, a screaming match at the school newspapers office.
PARIS: Excuse me, Headmaster Charleston, in regards to the incident at the Franklin, Ms. Gilmore submitted a piece that was quite poorly researched.
RORY: It was not poorly researched.
PARIS: I had to re-edit it and Ms. Gilmore took it very badly.
RORY: There was nothing wrong with the piece.
PARIS: And in regards to the student council meeting
RORY: Oh, you mean the one where you tried to impeach me because you havent been properly diagnosed yet?
PARIS: If youll just allow me access to my briefs
RORY: You know what, you want me to quit? Fine, Ill quit. I never wanted this stupid job in the first place.
PARIS: Who forced you to take it then?
RORY: You did, because you didnt think youd get elected unless I ran with you.
PARIS: Thats not true!
RORY: Its completely true!
PARIS: Shut up!
RORY: No, you shut up!
HEADMASTER: Enough! This behavior will stop this instant. It is disgraceful, especially from the political leaders of this campus. Now, Id like to know what is actually driving this recent rash of infighting. Oh, goody, I get to guess. Well, lets see, perhaps youre arguing over the same boy?
PARIS: Sure, were girls, so we could only be arguing about a boy, right? Sexist, white-haired
HEADMASTER: Paris, are you muttering?
PARIS: No, sorry.
HEADMASTER: All right, if it isnt a boy, perhaps its a popularity thing. Someone didnt get invited to someone elses party? Or perhaps this is a power struggle of some sort. No? Well, then Ill stop guessing and start lecturing. Ms. Gilmore, you will not be quitting the student council, is that clear?
RORY: Yes, sir.
HEADMASTER: The student body has elected you and therefore you will fulfill your commitment. And in the future, I would advise you to think long and hard about accepting any responsibility if you intend to run away from it at the first sign of conflict. And Ms. Gellar, you worked very hard to get to the position you hold in this school, and yet now you are willing to throw all that away on petty vendettas and childish antics. Indeed, it makes me wonder. . .if you two cant resolve your issues in this sheltered some would say pampered environment, how on Earth will you ever survive in college? As student council officers, you represent Chilton to those inside and outside these hallowed halls. Right now, the world sees us as a group of sniveling, spiteful, vindictive individuals not really what Id hoped for, nor is that how I portrayed the two of you in my personal letter of recommendation to Harvard. I would hate to have to write a second letter to the university correcting my e
RORY: Yes, sir.
PARIS: Yes, sir.
HEADMASTER: Delightful. You may see yourselves out.
[Rory and Paris walk into the hallway]
RORY: Well, that was delightful, wasnt it? Im not sure which is more embarrassing having Charleston yell at us or knowing we actually had a "shut up/no, you shut up" fight in front of him. So, what do you think, Paris? Do you feel as completely rotten as I do?
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Luke is unloading his fishing gear out of his truck. He honks the horn and Lorelai walks out of the house]
LUKE: Lets go.
LORELAI: Hello, sailor, bait your hook for you?
LUKE: You look ridiculous.
LORELAI: I look adorable. No one ever told me that if you fish, you get to buy an outfit. Ill do just about anything if I can buy an outfit.
LUKE: Well, Ill just let that go by because we have a lot to do here.
LORELAI: Okay, wait. Ill just get my purse before we go.
LUKE: Go where?
LORELAI: To the lake.
LUKE: Youre not ready for the lake.
LORELAI: Then what am I ready for?
[Luke points to the small inflatable pool he has set up in the yard]
LORELAI: Uh! Youre putting me in the kiddie lake?
LUKE: Gotta crawl before you can walk.
LORELAI: Oh, this is not at all embarrassing. Theres not even fish in it.
[Luke dumps a bucket of fish into the pool]
LORELAI: Hey! Aw, theyre so cute! Hello, hi boys. And look, theyre all "ooh" like theyre singing in a little trout choir.
LUKE: I wouldnt get too attached.
LORELAI: Hi Gomer.
LUKE: There you go.
LORELAI: Oh, dont be scared Pinky.
LUKE: And now theres Pinky.
LORELAI: Pinky Dowdy from fourth grade. See her eyes darting back and forth, all panicked? She got that way from dodge ball. Its okay, Pinky, nobodys gonna hurt you. Hey Pete, stop crowding Pinky. Its okay, Pinky, just go over there behind Cheryl.
LUKE: Okay, now that everybody knows each other, take this.
LORELAI: Whats that?
LUKE: Thats your rod and reel.
LORELAI: Huh, rod and reel. I dont know if the guys are gonna like this.
LUKE: Well, we can skip the lesson and just take the trout out for some beers. Its up to you, really.
LORELAI: No, Im going to learn.
LUKE: Okay. I already went ahead and threaded your line through the guides here, and put a hook on it.
LORELAI: What kind of bait is that?
LUKE: Its a cork.
LORELAI: Remind me not to let you cater any of my parties.
LUKE: Its to cover the hook. Okay, now, this little metal thing is the bail. Its very important. It keeps your line on the spool here.
LORELAI: Line on the spool, got it.
LUKE: Okay, take the rod in your right hand, and you press your right index finger on the line, holding it against the pole. With your left hand, slide the bail over. Now dont let go of your index finger or all the line will spin off your spool. Now, pull the pole back over your shoulder to the ten oclock position.
LORELAI: Oh, great, now I gotta go buy a watch.
LUKE: You flip your wrist forward to two oclock, at the same time releasing your index finger, casting your line out into the lake in front of you. Now, you try.
[hands her the fishing pole]
LORELAI: Okay. Now, I do something with my right hand, my right index finger, and with the bail and a spool, and pull the thingy. . .
[she accidentally casts the line backwards]
LORELAI: Oh! Now, that wouldve been embarrassing if I werent dressed like this.
LUKE: Oh, you released at eleven, youre supposed to release at two oclock. Try again.
[Lorelai casts the line again]
LORELAI: Ah! Hey, I made it in the pool, I made it in the pool!
LUKE: I see that.
LORELAI: Why arent you excited?
LUKE: Im very excited.
LORELAI: Well, jump around or something.
LUKE: All right, you know, youre going in the pool.
LUKE: All right, what do you think? Ready to take the cork off and try your luck?
LORELAI: Uh, uh, Im ready, but theyre not.
LUKE: No problem.
LORELAI: Man, you need a lot of stuff for fishing.
LUKE: Well, normally, you dont bring your own lake.
LORELAI: Right, right.
LUKE: So, tell me why youre doing this.
LORELAI: Because you told me to.
LUKE: I mean, tell me why youre learning to fish.
LORELAI: Oh. I told you, some of my friends are going.
LUKE: What friends? Sookie?
LUKE: Is Sookie going fishing?
LUKE: Or Rory did Rory suddenly get the overwhelming urge to dig for worms and stand in the middle of a lake at five a.m.?
LORELAI: Yes? Okay, fine, I met this guy.
LORELAI: And, uh, hes kind of an outdoorsy guy.
LUKE: Oh, just your type.
LORELAI: No, not exactly, but hes nice and, uh, he was talking about fishing, and I think I said something like, Oh, hey, that sounds great, and so he invited me and here I am.
LUKE: I got it.
LORELAI: Sorry I didnt tell you.
LUKE: Why didnt you tell me?
LORELAI: I dont know. I just felt stupid getting rooked into the thing in the first place, and then. . .plus, you dont wanna hear about my personal life.
LUKE: So thisll be your first date or. . .
LUKE: Second date.
LORELAI: He took me to this coffee tasting place.
LUKE: Coffee tasting, just your type.
LORELAI: Uh huh.
LUKE: Well, I think thats great.
LORELAI: Thank you.
LUKE: Yeah. When are you going?
LORELAI: Sunday morning.
LUKE: Oh. Well, its hard to be a fisher woman without your own pole. You can borrow one of mine if you want.
LUKE: Yeah, I got an extra little tackle box, too. . . if you want.
LORELAI: That would be great.
LORELAI: Can you do me one more favor?
LORELAI: Put a cork on your hook.
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Rory is resting her head on the kitchen table]
LORELAI: [from other room] Could you please just make some coffee?
RORY: Im not doing anything for you ever.
LORELAI: Dont be mad.
RORY: You set my alarm for 5:15 a.m.
LORELAI: [walking into the kitchen] I know, and I did it for purely practical reasons.
RORY: Which are?
LORELAI: My alarm is just not as reliable as your scream.
RORY: You will pay.
LORELAI: Thats fine, honey. Now, coffee?
RORY: I am writing this in my ledger of all the crummy things youve done over the years, and when I leave this house, mark my words you will pay!
LORELAI: Oh great. Its 5:30 a.m., and I have no coffee in my system.
[Lorelai answers the door.]
ALEX: [holds up a bag] Coffee and donuts.
LORELAI: Ah, I like you. Come on in. Right in here. [they walk to the living room] This is Rory.
ALEX: Hi, Im Alex.
RORY: Nice to meet you. Wouldve been nicer in the daylight, but. . .
LORELAI: Okay, lets get going. Its not like the fish are gonna wait for us all day, right? Ill take that coffee now. Thank you. I got it, I got it.
[Lorelai walks toward the front door]
ALEX: Your moms never been fishing before, has she?
RORY: Oh, no, shes a well-seasoned fish killer.
ALEX: Uh huh. I made lunch reservations at the Shahaela Lodge and Spa afterward. Think shell like that?
RORY: Shell love that.
ALEX: Good. Go back to sleep.
CUT TO KIM RESIDENCE
[Guests are mingling before the wedding]
MRS. KIM: Min Jae, you lost weight. Look good, not so fat.
MIN JAE: Thank you.
[Mrs. Kim sees Lane carrying a tray of water glasses]
MRS. KIM: What is that?
LANE: The brides thirsty.
MRS. KIM: Regulate the water. Once the dress is on, thats it must remain standing.
[Lane walks over to Dave]
DAVE: Hi, and hi.
LANE: Uh, this will not be the mental image you carry around of me the rest of the week.
DAVE: No, it wont. Hold on, I just saw the back. Yes, it will.
MRS. KIM: Why arent you upstairs? Its not right to leave the bride alone on her wedding day.
LANE: Uh, Rorys up there, Mama, and Im going up there right now. Dave Rygalski was just wondering where to set up.
MRS. KIM: David, hello.
DAVE: Hello, Mrs. Kim. The place looks wonderful.
MRS. KIM: Thank you. Come, sit here. This is Ho Kyung, shell sing with you.
MRS. KIM: Watch the high notes, shes a runner.
CUT TO LANES BEDROOM
[Rory is fixing the brides hair when Lane walks in]
LANE: Hows it going?
RORY: I like it, but Im not the one getting married. [to bride] Um, your hair, do you like it?
[Lane asks her in Korean, and the lady responds in Korean]
LANE: Too much for me.
RORY: Oh, I found the Mrs. Kim-approved makeup in the drawer, but let me tell you, since the last wedding, it has developed a smell.
LANE: A what? Oh boy.
RORY: As I said, a smell.
[Lane retrieves some makeup from under her floorboard]
LANE: Well, Ive got the good stuff right here, right next to the Peggy Lee.
RORY: Seems appropriate.
LANE: I thought so. Shall we?
RORY: Unh unh, the foot stool.
LANE: Whoa. All set. So, Daves here.
RORY: He is, huh?
LANE: I still cant believe hes willing to do all this just to go out with me.
RORY: Well, hey, where else can he find a decent, pretty, smart girl who can recite the entire encyclopedia of rock in 5/8 time?
LANE: Nowhere, I guess.
RORY: Im really happy for you guys.
LANE: Thanks. Im really happy for you and Jess, too.
RORY: Thanks. You know its okay, right?
LANE: Not following.
RORY: Its okay not to like Jess.
LANE: I said I was happy for you.
RORY: I know.
LANE: God, Im such a jerk.
RORY: Youre not. Look, were not always going to like the same things. Like, you like Smashing Pumpkins and I dont.
LANE: But thats only cause youre close-minded and blind.
RORY: What can I say? Theyre not my angst.
LANE: Besides, its not like I dont want to like Jess. I cant help it. As your best friend, Im very protective of you.
RORY: You could try giving him a second chance.
LANE: I could. I should. I will. Um, hey, maybe we can all go out sometime together as a group, you know, you, me, Dave, Jess.
RORY: Absolutely, we should do that sometime.
LANE: Great. [the door starts to open] Incoming!
[Rory pushes the makeup off the vanity as Mrs. Kim walks into the room]
MRS. KIM: Whats going on in here?
LANE: Nothing, Mama.
RORY: I fell off my chair.
LANE: Oh, well, dont.
RORY: Yes, maam.
MRS. KIM: She looks very beautiful. Mustve gotten a good night sleep.
[Mrs. Kim leaves the room]
RORY: How many people do you think have gotten married here over the years?
LANE: I counted once off the guest book forty-six.
RORY: Wow. What happened to that one, Min Cha? She married a real mean guy.
LANE: Wan Nam. Didnt I tell you about them?
LANE: Well, Min Cha put up with seven years of Wan Nam telling her she was stupid and ordering her to cook all his meals. Then one day, he was in the kitchen looking for his lunch and she just snapped. Took a carrot peeler and turned on him.
RORY: A carrot peeler?
LANE: You can get those things pretty sharp. Anyway, she just came at him and started peeling. The neighbors called the police. They showed up and Wan Nam was just standing there all peeled.
RORY: What happened?
LANE: He didnt press charges, but now he makes all his own meals, sleeps in a locked separate room, and keeps the cutting board by his bed for protection. Still married, though.
LANE: Everybodys still married. Its like a factory system here. They all come to the weddings, find a spouse, get married and stay that way til they die.
RORY: They mate for life, like the loons.
LANE: You know, this may be the last wedding for a long time, though.
RORY: How come?
LANE: Well, all my cousins in their twenties and thirties are married. James was the last one.
RORY: Wow. It feels like weve had at least two of these every year since I can remember.
LANE: Elementary school, when we met.
RORY: Elementary school, when we met, yeah.
LANE: Well, we do have some distant relatives left. Maybe we can go to one of those weddings. You know, when we come home from college on break or something.
RORY: Well, then, we should definitely keep the makeup.
LANE: We definitely should.
RORY: And who knows, maybe the next Kim wedding we do makeup for will be yours.
LANE: Too scary, dont freak me out.
LANE: So, what do you think, eye shadow?
RORY: Why not? Lets do it. Peeled to death thats a bad way to go.
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[Luke looks out the window and sees Taylor talking to his lawyer. They wave to each other.]
LUKE: [to customer] Here you go. Well top that off for ya. [to Jess] Coffee over here.
JESS: Where you going?
[Luke walks out of the diner]
LUKE: Uh, Miss Leahy?
NICOLE: Yeah? Mr. Danes, how are you?
LUKE: Good, good, and its Luke.
NICOLE: Okay, Luke. What can I do for you?
LUKE: I wouldnt cross there.
NICOLE: Why not?
LUKE: Well, Taylors a stickler about jaywalking and hes town magistrate. Id hate for you to be disbarred.
NICOLE: Well, that would be a bad way to end a career, thank you.
LUKE: Sure. So, uh, did the lease forms all work out? I mean, was my signature okay? Cause sometimes Im in a kind of a hurry and my hand just takes off without me.
NICOLE: Your signature seemed very steady.
LUKE: Good, good, cause you never know.
LUKE: Listen, I was thinking about that cup of coffee you had at my place the other day. I felt bad making Taylor pay for it not that I ever feel bad sticking it to Taylor. I just thought it might get you in trouble with a client. Id hate to see you disbarred again.
NICOLE: To be honest, I actually paid for the coffee myself.
LUKE: Oh, oh, well, then at least let me pay you back for it.
NICOLE: You wanna give me seventy-five cents?
LUKE: No, no, no, uh, what I meant was ah, what the hell? Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?
NICOLE: Id love to have dinner with you.
LUKE: Great. Okay, uh, well, I have your card.
LUKE: Why dont I give you a call this week and well make that happen.
NICOLE: Sounds good.
LUKE: Yeah, sounds good. So, see ya. Watch those crosswalks.
NICOLE: Thanks, I will.
[Luke walks back into the diner]
LUKE: Shut up.
JESS: I said nothing.
LUKE: Well, dont.
CUT TO KIM RESIDENCE
[The wedding has started.]
PRIEST: [speaks Korean to bride]
BRIDE: [answers in Korean]
PRIEST: [to groom] And do you vow to uphold the principles of the seventh commandment as set out in Exodus 20:14?
JAMES: I do.
PRIEST: [speaks Korean] [pause] And so, in the Glory of God, I pronounce you husband and wife.
RORY: That was nice.
LANE: Yeah, it was really nice
MRS. KIM: Reception at Elks Lodge. Two hundred guests. Food goes fast. Lets move.
RORY: I cant believe thats the last time Ill hear your mom say that.
LANE: So, are you coming to the reception?
RORY: Oh, no, I was actually going to
LANE: Go meet Jess.
RORY: Yeah. Are you mad?
LANE: No. You know, he can come to the reception with you if. . . hes not really the reception kind of guy, is he?
RORY: Not really. Not yet, anyway.
LANE: Well work on that.
RORY: Yes, we will.
LANE: Okay, tell him hi for me.
RORY: I will. Tell Dave hi for me.
LANE: I will.
MRS. KIM: Lane!
LANE: Yes, Mama.
MRS. KIM: This is Young Chui.
YOUNG CHUI: Hi.
MRS. KIM: He will take you to the prom.
MRS. KIM: Young Chui works for his father who builds Adventist hospitals. Young Chui will go to college at Loma Linda University. Then he will return to work for his father building Adventist hospitals. Now, put your coat on. Young Chui and his parents will drive you to Elks Lodge. [walks away]
LANE: Mama! [to Young Chui] Im sure youre very nice.
[Lane follows Mrs. Kim to the kitchen]
MRS. KIM: [to wedding guests] Not a bus stop, doors that way.
LANE: I have to talk to you.
MRS. KIM: Get your coat, we have to go.
MRS. KIM: No?
LANE: I cant go to the prom with Young Chui.
MRS. KIM: Why not? I thought you wanted to go to the prom.
LANE: Yes, I do wanna go to the prom.
MRS. KIM: I thought you say I could approve the boy you go to the prom with.
LANE: I did say that, but -
MRS. KIM: Well, I found the boy, I approve the boy, now you go to the prom with the boy.
LANE: Mama, um, Im sure Im sure Young Chuis very nice and Im so grateful youre letting me go to the prom, but the thing is I like someone else.
MRS. KIM: Someone else?
MRS. KIM: Someone else who?
LANE: Someone else whos been a good friend to this family. Whos proven himself to be of high moral character, someone who you yourself feels is worthy. So worthy, in fact, you let him sit in our pew at church.
MRS. KIM: Who who did I let sit in our pew?
LANE: Dave Rygalski.
MRS. KIM: The guitar player?
LANE: I know, crazy, right? I can hardly believe it myself because, to be quite honest with you, when I first met him, when you hired him to play at Thanksgiving, well, I just didnt like him at all. He bugged me, actually. But the more you liked him and trusted him, the more I saw the good in him, the God in him, actually, and now Im convinced. . . hes the boy I want to take me to prom.
MRS. KIM: Hes not Korean.
[cut to front hallway]
DAVE: Lane? Hey, Lane? Is everything all right?
LANE: Youre not Korean.
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Rory walks through the front door]
RORY: Im home!
LORELAI: [from upstairs] Upstairs, bathroom!
CUT TO UPSTAIRS BATHROOM
[Lorelai is watching a fish swim in the bath tub; Rory walks in]
RORY: Hey. [sees the fish] Oh, no.
LORELAI: Isnt she cute?
RORY: What happened?
LORELAI: The cork fell off my hook and Jayne Mansfield over here bit.
RORY: Jayne Mansfield.
LORELAI: Not the brightest fish in the pond, but shes awfully pretty.
RORY: You caught a fish.
RORY: And you brought it home.
RORY: How are you gonna take a bath?
LORELAI: I dont know.
RORY: How long is it gonna live?
LORELAI: Hard to say.
RORY: What are you gonna feed it?
LORELAI: See, this is why I dont fish.
RORY: She is kinda cute.
LORELAI: And she has a great tail swish.
RORY: So, other than bringing home a pet, how was fishing?
LORELAI: Good. The lake was beautiful, snowy and sparkly, and right down the road from the Shahaela Lodge and Spa.
RORY: I knew that.
LORELAI: How could you already know that?
RORY: Alex told me when you guys left.
LORELAI: Two dates with this guy and youre already in cahoots with each other.
RORY: Ah, what can I say? Im wily.
LORELAI: Uh huh.
RORY: So, are you going out with him again?
LORELAI: Uh huh.
LORELAI: Unh unh.
RORY: Good. So do you think maybe we should try to rehabilitate her and send her back into the wild?
LORELAI: Unfortunately, I think shes already domesticated. Baths and scented candles.
RORY: Well just have to keep her.
LORELAI: Maybe we can train her to do tricks.
RORY: Tomorrow. Night Jayne.
LORELAI: Night Jayne.