written by Frank Lombardi
directed by Steve Gomer
transcript by Stacy
OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Lorelai and Rory have just arrived]
LORELAI: Thanks. Man, is it cold out there.
RORY: I know, Im freezing.
EMILY: Well, come on in and sit by the fire. Ill make you both a drink and then we can talk.
RORY: About what?
LORELAI: Antennas up.
RORY: Aye aye, captain.
[they walk to the living room]
EMILY: So Lorelai, how are you?
LORELAI: Um, Im fine Mom.
RORY: Im fine too, Grandma.
LORELAI: How are you Mom?
EMILY: Also fine.
LORELAI: Oh, look at that. All three of us fine, just like the Judds.
EMILY: So Lorelai, are you dating?
LORELAI: Uh, hm, no, Im not dating.
EMILY: Really? Theres no one at all?
LORELAI: No, totally single.
EMILY: Any chance youd get back with Max?
LORELAI: No Mom, theres no chance.
EMILY: What about the man at the diner, the one who refuses to shave?
LORELAI: Luke, hes just a friend Mom.
EMILY: Do you think youll be single your entire life?
LORELAI: Excuse me?
EMILY: I mean, in terms of your finding someone, what do you think the odds are?
LORELAI: Okay, what is going on?
EMILY: Well, I visited the family mausoleum today.
LORELAI: Never what you think its gonna be!
EMILY: I just wanted to check on things, make sure they were keeping it up, changing the flowers, you know.
LORELAI: Uh huh.
EMILY: So I went inside and looked around and it occurred to me that theres a very limited space there.
EMILY: Now of course theres a slot open for me and Richard and you and Rory, but after the two of you thats it. No more room for anyone else.
EMILY: Yes. So if you actually do meet someone someday, I dont know where to put him.
LORELAI: Well, maybe we could just dump him at the local pool hall.
EMILY: Dont be silly.
LORELAI: No, because this is definitely not a conversation for that.
EMILY: I looked into expanding into the crypt next door but the family that owns it wouldnt even discuss it with me.
RORY: Im getting a little creeped out here.
EMILY: So I talked to the head of the cemetery and he suggested that we buy an annex.
RORY: An annex?
LORELAI: You know, like an outlet store, it would specialize in the irregular family members.
EMILY: So if we do get the annex and you do eventually someday get married
LORELAI: Mom, just say it fat chance will you?
EMILY: I just meant that well have to decide who to move.
LORELAI: Oh, oh. Well, uh. . .ugh, why dont we move Aunt Cecile? She was always so annoying at parties. She loved the knock-knock jokes.
RORY: You cant just kick out Aunt Cecile.
LORELAI: Knock-knock. Whos there? Pineapple. Pineapple who? Thats where it ended. Never fully grasped the knock-knock concept.
EMILY: She was a complete idiot. Okay, its decided Cecile goes.
RORY: Look - put me in the annex.
LORELAI: Unh uh. No way. You are not leaving me alone in there with Cecile.
RORY: Well Im not gonna be held responsible for somebody being kicked out of their eternal resting place.
LORELAI: Ooh, I have an idea. Ill probably go first, right? So when Rory kicks, just throw her in with me.
RORY: Id like my own space if you dont mind.
LORELAI: Why? Itd totally be fun to be there together. Plus I plan to be buried with all the good CDs and my rock star belt.
[Richard comes down the steps]
RICHARD: Sorry Im late. What did I miss?
EMILY: We were just discussing who to move to the annex.
RICHARD: Oh. I vote for Cecile. Horrible woman, and those terrible jokes.
LORELAI: Whatd I tell you?
RORY: This is a cold, cold family.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Later that night, Lorelai, Rory, Richard, and Emily are at the table eating dinner.]
LORELAI: This is really good.
RORY: Yeah, what is it?
EMILY: Well, it -.
LORELAI: No, dont tell us.
RORY: Why not?
LORELAI: Because every time in my life that Ive tasted something great but I didnt know what it was, it turned out to be something really disgusting that had I known what I was eating I never wouldve tried it in the first place.
LORELAI: Eat in ignorance and enjoy it, my friend.
LORELAI: So Dad, hows the retired life treating you?
RICHARD: Well, fascinating actually. I find myself noticing things, everyday things that I mustve witnessed a hundred times before but just walked right past. Like yesterday, your mother moved a vase, the one in the hall, and she didnt do it in front of me.
LORELAI: Oh no, cause nice girls never move vases in front of men.
RICHARD: And she only moved it a little but as I passed it by I noticed it had been moved.
RICHARD: And every days a new discovery. Your mother changed her hair. Or she wore shoes that didnt match her purse.
RICHARD: Last Thursday.
EMILY: Oh, for heavens sake.
RICHARD: You know what else I noticed?
RICHARD: A first edition Flaubert, mint condition, shoved behind several of my Churchill biographies.
RORY: My life is good.
RICHARD: Follow me.
LORELAI: Ooh Dad, see if you can find a pair of the new Chanel patent leather pirate boots stuffed back behind your Churchills.
[Richard and Rory leave the room]
LORELAI: Whats up Mom?
EMILY: Nothings up.
LORELAI: You were twitching. I saw you.
EMILY: You did not see me twitching.
LORELAI: Mom, when Dad was talking about the vase, you were pulling a full-on Tabitha.
EMILY: I did not pull a Tabitha.
LORELAI: Something wrong?
EMILY: No, nothings wrong.
LORELAI: Hm, okay, nothings wrong.
EMILY: Its just that things are a little strange lately.
LORELAI: What is?
EMILY: Having him home.
EMILY: Weve never really been home at the same time. I mean, we got married, we went to Europe, we came back, he went to work, and its been that way ever since.
LORELAI: Well, so now its different.
EMILY: Its very different. Hes always here watching me and noticing when I move a vase and. . .I dont know. Its silly. So he noticed my hair was different. Women die for that sort of thing.
LORELAI: Aw Mom, its just an adjustment. Youve had your routine, hes had his routine. You guys just need to figure out a new routine.
EMILY: I guess so.
LORELAI: Yeah, itll just take some time. Then youll find your rhythm and hell go back to ignoring your hair, all will be well.
EMILY: Yes, youre probably right.
LORELAI: Mm, I am right. Okay, I give. What is this?
LORELAI: Sweetbreads. So thats uh. . .
CUT TO CHILTON
[At a meeting of the Franklin, Paris is going through a stack of stories that people have submitted.]
PARIS: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
PARIS: Im not done.
LOUISE: Glad she finished that one.
PARIS: Why am I the only one who cares?
RORY: Youre not the only one who cares.
PARIS: No. I know you care, but I need everyone in this stupid room to care because I cant be the only one to care. Besides you.
LOUISE: Its just a contest Paris. Its not like you get a car or a lifetime supply of Rice a Roni.
MADELINE: God, I love that stuff.
PARIS: The Oppenheimer Award for Excellence in school journalism is not a contest. Its a statement. It says youre the best. The best writers, the best reporters, the best editors. It says that you have crushed all others who have dared to take you on. It says that every other single school in the United States of America is feeling nothing but shame and defeat and pain because of the people who won the Oppenheimer plaque. I wanna be those people, I wanna cause that pain.
RORY: Our paper is good.
PARIS: Not good enough.
RORY: Last weeks issue - .
PARIS: Was a fine effort by a bunch of kids.
MADELINE: We are a bunch of kids.
PARIS: Not when were in this room, were not. Flescher Prep Gazette, Broadmouth Banner, Richmond Heights Chronicle - these publications are not our competition.
PARIS: The New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Washington Post - these publications are our competition.
MADELINE: Paris has gone bye-bye.
PARIS: We need to raise the bar. We need to be better, think harder, dig deeper. I dont wanna just submit a good issue. I wanna submit a great issue, the best issue.
RORY: Whens the deadline?
PARIS: One week from today.
RORY: Okay, so, then we better get brainstorming. Doe anyone have an idea for a theme?
PARIS: The one that wins.
RORY: Okay, good, big help. All right everyone, we should get working. Youre going to give yourself a stroke one of these days, you know that.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Emily walks through the hall into the living room.]
EMILY: Graciela, Im leaving the shopping list on the table here. And remember we need the low sudsing detergent. I have drawn a picture of what the box looks like, so for heavens sake pay attention this time.
[Richard walks in]
EMILY: How was your walk?
RICHARD: Carl Lambertson needs a new roof. Im going to drop him a note.
EMILY: Good idea.
RICHARD: Busy day?
EMILY: Mm, very.
RICHARD: Is that the same cup of coffee you had when I left?
RICHARD: When I left an hour ago, you were having a cup of coffee.
EMILY: Oh, no, this is a different cup of coffee.
RICHARD: So then thats your third cup of coffee this morning?
EMILY: I guess.
RICHARD: Interesting. I just realized you have three cups of coffee in the morning.
EMILY: I dont drink three cups of coffee every morning.
RICHARD: Every morning this week.
EMILY: Well, so what?
RICHARD: Nothing. Just an observation, thats all. Thats a lot of coffee to drink early in the morning.
EMILY: Any thoughts on what youd like for dinner tonight?
RICHARD: Oh no, anythings fine.
EMILY: All right. [writes something down in her day planner]
RICHARD: What are you writing down?
EMILY: Lamb chops.
RICHARD: Is that for tonight?
EMILY: Do you not want lamb chops tonight?
RICHARD: Oh, no no, lamb chops is just fine for tonight. I just thought a nice roast would also be nice for a change.
EMILY: Roast it is.
RICHARD: Of course, if you want lamb chops
EMILY: Were having roast, Richard.
RICHARD: Okay, if thats what you want.
EMILY: Im going by the dry cleaners, anything you want me to drop off?
RICHARD: Youre going to the dry cleaners?
RICHARD: Well Ill go with you.
EMILY: I can bring in whatever you have.
RICHARD: I know, but itd be nice to go together.
EMILY: That would be terribly romantic, but I wont have time to get back here before my DAR meeting so its probably better if I go alone. You can come to the cleaners with me next week.
RICHARD: Well yes, well I can go to the meeting with you.
EMILY: You want to go to my meeting of the Daughters of the American Revolution?
RICHARD: Well, well yes, I think itd be fascinating.
EMILY: But I go straight from there to the symphony luncheon.
RICHARD: Well, Ill tag along there too.
EMILY: Yes, but from there I get my hair done, and you certainly dont want to sit around while I have my hair done.
RICHARD: No, I dont.
EMILY: There you go.
RICHARD: Well, you can cancel that.
EMILY: I cant cancel that. I get my hair done every Wednesday at three.
RICHARD: Well, your hair looks fine.
EMILY: My hair looks fine because I have my hair done every Wednesday at three.
RICHARD: Well then what am I going to do?
EMILY: Why dont you go to the club?
EMILY: Yes, the club! You spend a fortune to belong there and you never got to go much before. Why dont you go there now?
RICHARD: Go to the club on a Wednesday afternoon?
EMILY: I think it would be perfect.
RICHARD: I dont even know what they do at the club on a Wednesday afternoon.
EMILY: No time like the present to find out.
RICHARD: All right, Ill go to the club.
EMILY: Wonderful. [starts walking him to the front door]
RICHARD: Go to the club on a Wednesday afternoon. Life certainly is an interesting game of cards, isnt it?
EMILY: It certainly is.
RICHARD: Well, um, Ill see you, uh, tonight.
EMILY: Have a good time. [closes door] Graciela, I need more coffee now!
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW VIDEO
[Rory and Lorelai walk around the video store trying to decide on a movie]
LORELAI: How about a triple feature? Three Days of the Condor, Shoah and The Jerk?
RORY: Uh, Shoahs like nine and a half hours.
LORELAI: But The Jerk is short.
RORY: Hmm, next.
LORELAI: The three faces of Costner Bull Durham, Dances with Wolves, The Postman. Tom Petty playing Tom Petty, that great big speech about Once upon a time there was a thing called mail. Itll make you laugh, itll make you cry, itll make you wanna mail something.
RORY: Ooh, we could do a Ruth Gordon film festival. Harold and Maude, Rosemarys Baby, and that really great episode of Taxi.
LORELAI: Got it. The worst film festival ever. Cool as Ice, Hudson Hawk, and Electric Bugaloo.
LORELAI: Ill get the Hawk.
RORY: Ill get the Bugaloo.
[Rory leans down to look through the shelf of videos. Two boys are sitting on the floor looking at a movie box.]
BOY 1: See, I told you.
BOY 2: Wow.
RORY: Hey guys, can I get in there?
BOY 1: Oh, yeah. [both boys walk away]
[Rory finds the movie and stands back up]
LORELAI: Got it, plus four boxes of Red Vines.
RORY: Lets go.
LORELAI: Hi Kirk.
KIRK: Evening Lorelai.
LORELAI: Um, I forgot my card at home but I think my numbers 6247.
KIRK: You forgot your card?
LORELAI: I mightve lost it.
KIRK: You lost your card?
LORELAI: I might have.
KIRK: Was it temporary or laminated?
KIRK: Thats a permanent card. You lost a permanent card.
LORELAI: You can just get me a new card Kirk.
KIRK: Fine, but I hope you understand the gravity of the situation here.
LORELAI: Im trying to grasp it.
KIRK: I mean, these cards are agreements. Its an agreement between you and the Stars Hollow Video Store stating that you will take care of your card, that you will honor your card, that you will very, very nice to your card...
[Lorelais cell phone is ringing]
KIRK: Ill be right back.
LORELAI: Thanks. [answers phone] Hello? Hello? [to Rory] Reception sucks in here, Ill be right back.
LORELAI: Hello? [walks away]
KIRK: Itll be ready in a minute.
RORY: Hey Kirk, there are a couple of little kids over there and theyre, uh, looking at this tape cover thats kind of mature. You might wanna put that stuff on a higher shelf or something.
KIRK: Mature? How mature?
RORY: Uh, its a half-naked woman just standing there.
KIRK: Is she a blonde?
KIRK: Ill check it out right now. [walks away]
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Lorelai walks out of the video store to talk on the phone]
LORELAI: Hey Mom, I can hear you now. Whats up?
EMILY: You have to take your father.
EMILY: Tomorrow, for the whole day, just take him.
LORELAI: Take him where?
EMILY: I don't care -- the zoo, the mall, Rhode Island, just get him out of my house!
LORELAI: What happened?
EMILY: He's going to join my water aerobics class.
EMILY: He bought some new swim trunks today. He's out of control.
LORELAI: Okay, Mom, calm down.
EMILY: I can't calm down! I can't turn around without him being there, following me, staring at me.
LORELAI: Well, he likes you.
EMILY: Don't be cute, do not be cute. The man is driving me insane. I am going to go insane, and if you don't help me, I will take you with me.
LORELAI: Okay, Mom, I would like to help you but wh --.
EMILY: You owe me!
EMILY: I pay for Rory's school!
LORELAI: Are you serious?
EMILY: And I cosigned your loan! You still have a house because of me!
LORELAI: Are you hearing yourself?
EMILY: I'm sorry but I'm desperate. I just need one day of peace and I will do anything to get it, anything.
LORELAI: Okay Mom, fine, uh, Ill take him.
EMILY: I cant tell you how much I appreciate this.
RICHARD: [calls from another room] Emily! Where are you?
EMILY: I have to go. Tomorrow morning.
LORELAI: Tomorrow morning. Bye.
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Rory is in her bedroom getting ready for school as Lorelai walks in.]
LORELAI: Oh my God, the most horrible thing just happened. Headmaster Charlestons office called, hes been kidnapped! Two guys broke into his house and threw him in a hefty bag, used those twisty ties and carted him off. Classes have been canceled until further notice.
RORY: I am going to school Mom.
LORELAI: Rory, come on, its just one day. Ill write you a note. Dear Nazis, Rory had to miss school today on account of saving her mom from spending the entire day with her father who often looks at her like she has three heads.
RORY: Out of my way please.
LORELAI: Do you know the last time my father and I were alone together for any extended period of time?
RORY: Unh uh.
LORELAI: I was kicked out of summer class for refusing to call the camp counselor Peaches because I thought the entire concept of the counselors choosing summer fruit names was stupid. So they called my dad and he came to get me and it was just the two of us alone in the car all the way from Maine with nothing to talk about but my camp failure. Luckily I had also flashed the swim team or even that subject wouldve gotten stale.
RORY: Mom, I have the Franklin today. I cannot miss it.
LORELAI: Rory, please. I can't handle the entire day with him. I can't, I can't, I caaaaant.
RORY: Mom, I promise. Just make it till the afternoon, and then I promise I'll come right home and I'll take Grandpa off your hands.
LORELAI: All right.
RORY: It'll be fine.
LORELAI: It is not going to be fine. It's going to be horrible. It is going to be a bad, depressing Lifetime movie and Nancy McKeon will be playing me. I am Jo.
[the doorbell rings]
LORELAI: And that would be him.
RORY: Its not going to be that bad. Hey. Be nice.
LORELAI: Be nice.
RORY: Oh, very good.
[they answer the front door, Richard is standing there]
LORELAI: Hi Dad.
RORY: Hey Grandpa.
RICHARD: Good morning girls.
LORELAI: Did you have any trouble getting here?
RICHARD: Not at all, the directions were fine.
RORY: Well I have to be going, but Ill see you this afternoon.
RICHARD: I look forward to it.
RORY: Have fun. [leaves]
LORELAI: So good drive, huh?
RICHARD: Very good.
LORELAI: Oh, here. [takes Richards coat] Would you like some coffee?
RICHARD: Im fine. Do you want coffee?
LORELAI: Oh yes, God yes, thank you.
[They walk into the kitchen]
LORELAI: So you sure you dont, um. . .
RICHARD: Coffee? Uh, no, no, no, no.
LORELAI: Well, uh, can I offer you anything else? Some Pop Tarts or. . .well, thats pretty much it.
RICHARD: You dont have to entertain me Lorelai. I just came here to see you and your house and your town. You dont have to do anything special for me.
LORELAI: But youre my guest.
RICHARD: No, Im your father. Just do whatever it is you would normally do.
LORELAI: What I would normally do.
RICHARD: Yes. Like for instance, this morning if I wasnt here, you would wake up, obviously get some coffee and. . .then what?
LORELAI: Well, um, Id probably read the paper for a little while and then have some breakfast.
RICHARD: Lets read the paper then.
LORELAI: Okay, lets read the paper. [they sit down at the table] Um, what sections would you like?
RICHARD: Oh, you go first. Ill take whats left.
LORELAI: Oh, okay. Well, um, normally I read the Arts and Leisure and the Lifestyles.
RICHARD: Perfect. Well, that leaves Business, Sports, and World News.
LORELAI: Oh. That worked out well.
RICHARD: Yes it did, didnt it?
CUT TO LUKES DINER
[Lorelai and Richard walk in]
LORELAI: Well, this is it, Lukes.
RICHARD: You know, when I was in college, there was this horrible little diner across from my apartment building. It was run by this terrible little couple, they were very angry. They would fight, break plates, curse, and I went in there every morning for three years and I had the most dreadful breakfast, just awful. I really miss that place.
LORELAI: Hey. Um, Luke, you remember my father?
LUKE: Oh yeah, nice to see you again.
RICHARD: Nice to see you. This is quite a place youve got here.
LUKE: It pays the bills.
RICHARD: Always a plus in business.
LORELAI: Dad, do you know what you want?
RICHARD: Oh, I already ate.
LORELAI: You did? When?
RICHARD: Oh, I had breakfast at home. I get up at 5:30 every morning.
LORELAI: Wow. Why?
RICHARD: Well Ive gotten up at 5:30 for as long as I can remember.
LORELAI: Yeah, but that was when you had to work. Now you can afford to get a little crazy, get up at quarter to six.
RICHARD: Go ahead and order Lorelai.
LORELAI: Okay. Ill have a banana, pancakes, side of bacon, and lots and lots of coffee.
LUKE: Coming right up. [walks away]
RICHARD: You didnt order any grapefruit.
LORELAI: Yeah, I dont really like grapefruit.
RICHARD: Oh, I always start my breakfast off with half a grapefruit.
LORELAI: Hm, do the Florida people know about you? Because Anita Bryant left this huge gap that has yet to be filled.
RICHARD: Its important to start the day off correctly, Lorelai. A grapefruit is brain food. It has vitamin C and folic acid and it helps with your digestion. It really is a terrific fruit.
LORELAI: I feel like youre about to break into song.
RICHARD: Im serious about this Lorelai.
LORELAI: I know you are but I still dont like grapefruit.
RICHARD: Well, there are many things in life that we dont like, but the benefits they bring us far outweigh the temporary discomforts we have to endure.
LORELAI: Okay. Hold on a sec.
[Lorelai walks up to Luke at the counter]
LORELAI: Hey, I need a grapefruit.
LORELAI: Yeah. Before my pancakes this morning I need half a grapefruit, uh, preferably one that tastes like a donut.
LUKE: I dont have grapefruit.
LORELAI: How can you not have grapefruit?
LUKE: Ive never had grapefruit.
LORELAI: I need a grapefr. . .Listen, I have my father with me all day, and so far theres been no major drama or yelling or ugliness but there will be if I dont somehow find a way to get half a grapefruit for breakfast this morning.
LUKE: I could go next door to Dooses and buy a grapefruit.
LORELAI: I would be eternally grateful.
LUKE: Ill be right back.
LORELAI: Thank you.
[Lorelai walks back to the table]
LORELAI: Okay, the grapefruit is coming.
RICHARD: Oh, you wont be sorry.
LORELAI: So listen, I was thinking, um, maybe after were done here, you might like to walk around town a little, see the sites. And then Rory usually gets home around four. The two of you can hang out at the house until I get off work and the three of us can hook up for dinner. How does that sound?
RICHARD: Very sensible.
LORELAI: Well yeah, I had to make up for my shoes.
RICHARD: Is that your second cup of coffee?
LORELAI: Uh, third. Why?
RICHARD: No reason. Thats a lot of coffee first thing in the morning.
CUT TO CHILTON
[Rory is at her locker. She slams it shut and finds Paris standing there.]
RORY: Okay, you have got to stop doing that.
PARIS: So Ive been doing some research on the Oppenheimer Award, and Ive noticed something. All of the winning schools had an extremely strong human interest story on page one.
PARIS: And I think thats what we need. I mean, weve got the teen issues down, weve got a decent op-ed and political page, but human interest thats what were missing.
RORY: Do tell.
PARIS: According to the papers, theres been a huge increase in the number of families fleeing the major cities in favor of small towns. Hundreds of thousands of city slicking yuppies carting the trophy wife and the asthmatic kids off to small towns in search of the simple life. Milk a cow, pet a pig, find yourself, all that kind of crap.
PARIS: Yeah, and I thought about it. Theres a romantic aspect to small towns. White picket fences, low crime rate, smaller classrooms, better tomatoes. It all seems perfect.
PARIS: But nothing is perfect, nothing is safe, nothing is ever what it seems. And then it hit me - our story. We are going to blow the lid off the seedy underbelly of small town life, starting with yours.
RORY: Stars Hollows?
RORY: You are going to uncover the seedy underbelly of Stars Hollow?
RORY: Paris, Stars Hollow doesnt have a seedy underbelly. We dont even have a meter maid.
PARIS: Look, you may be blind to it because you live there, but trust me, its there and its ugly and Im going to find it. Ill meet you out front after school.
RORY: I cant today.
PARIS: Why not? Are you hiding something?
RORY: No. I promised my mom that I would help her with something.
PARIS: Well, help her tomorrow. We have work to do.
PARIS: Hey, this could be our chance to nail this thing. Now I have a hunch that theres a story here and a good one, and Im going to find it. I was even going to share a byline with you on it, but if you wanna bail out, thats fine. Ill just do it myself.
RORY: But -.
PARIS: Am I meeting you or not?
RORY: I dont think youre gonna find anything.
PARIS: Well, then the worst that can happen is that I spend some time in your town and suddenly have an urge to enter a pie in the county fair. Ill meet you out front, dont be late.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN
[Michel is at the front desk on the phone as Lorelai walks over]
MICHEL: As soon as I can, I will send someone up. . . Yes, I will. . .I understand. . .I understand. . .I understand. . .I understand. . .I understand. . . Okay. . .I understand. Goodbye. [hangs up]
LORELAI: What do you understand?
MICHEL: I have no idea. I tuned him out at the first screech.
LORELAI: Have we heard from Manny yet?
MICHEL: No, and I have paged him twice.
LORELAI: We only have enough linen for one seating tonight. Hand me the phone.
MICHEL: Plus we are completely out of clean towels.
LORELAI: [oh phone] Hi, Sophie, its Lorelai. I need to talk to Manny. . . Well, when will he be back? . . . Okay, I need him to call me really, really soon, like five minutes ago. Okay, thanks. [hangs up] We need a backup plan.
MICHEL: Mm hmm.
LORELAI: Call Pattys and see if she has any party rental tablecloths we can use for tonight and then pull all the towels from the pool and call Gandolfis and order a case of champagne. Send a bottle to every room thats towel-less and just page him every two minutes and oh no! [sees Richard walk into the inn]
LORELAI: Hi Dad, what are you doing? Uh, I thought you were gonna tour the town.
RICHARD: Oh, I did, I did. I went into all the stores, the cat one twice. And then I walked around a little and then I was done.
LORELAI: But what about the park did you see the park?
RICHARD: Yes, I saw the park.
LORELAI: Uh, what about the giant slinky over on Klump? Were mighty proud of that.
RICHARD: I saw the slinky, yes. And the hundred-year-old oak tree and the life-size yarn person. I even stopped by your house and had Babette introduce me to all of her gnomes.
RICHARD: And then I realized the only thing I had not seen is my daughter at work.
LORELAI: Oh, well, watching me at work is not very interesting, trust me.
RICHARD: Oh, you underestimate yourself.
LORELAI: Okay, well, um, theres books on the shelves over there.
RICHARD: No no, I have my newspaper, Im fine.
LORELAI: All right, Im just gonna. . . whats the matter?
RICHARD: Is your jacket in the back?
LORELAI: My jacket?
RICHARD: Your work jacket?
LORELAI: I dont have a work jacket.
RICHARD: So thats your working outfit?
RICHARD: And your boss doesnt mind?
LORELAI: Oh, well considering my boss is me, no, she doesnt. I mean, she did at first but then I bought her a cup of coffee and I realized all the hostility she was expressing toward me was just jealousy and weve been best friends ever since. Just take a seat Dad. [walks to the front desk] Hey, will you get me an extra bottle of champagne and smack me over the head with it?
LORELAI: [answers] Independence Inn.
RORY: I need you to sit down, breathe, and remember that youre at work, so screaming and crying is not an option.
LORELAI: Why, what are you doing?
RORY: I cant meet you after school today.
LORELAI: What? You promised.
RORY: I know but I have to work on this story for the Franklin and I swear I tried to get out of it, but I couldnt.
LORELAI: Oh great.
RORY: Im sorry.
LORELAI: Oh no, school comes before Mommys mental health.
RORY: Just tell Grandpa to wander around for awhile.
LORELAI: He already wandered.
RORY: Did he see the slinky?
LORELAI: Yes, he saw the slinky.
LORELAI: Hes here now.
LORELAI: And he hates my shirt.
RORY: Give him a book and have Sookie make him lunch and I swear Ill be home by dinner and you wont have to say a word.
LORELAI: Okay, bye.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW BUS STOP
[Rory and Paris get off of the bus]
PARIS: I think I got rabies.
RORY: Its just a bus, Paris.
PARIS: It smelled.
RORY: It smelled like a bus.
PARIS: Im gonna have to burn my clothes when I get home.
RORY: You know Paris, you have a car. We couldve driven.
PARIS: We have to get the feel of the small town world. Youre not going to get the feel of a small town world in a BMW. Is there something crawling in my hair?
RORY: All right, so were here now, where do you wanna go?
PARIS: I dont know, wheres the bad part of town?
RORY: Uhh, over there.
RORY: Uh, people - theyre very upset with the color of that fence.
PARIS: Come on.
RORY: This is the town Paris, this is it. Its not seedy, its not rundown, its just Stars Hollow.
PARIS: Well, wheres the local bar?
RORY: In Woodbridge.
PARIS: Why arent you helping?
RORY: Im trying, youre just looking for something thats not here.
PARIS: Whats this?
RORY: Lukes Diner.
PARIS: Diner. Okay, good, good.
CUT TO INSIDE LUKES
[Paris and Rory walk in and sit at the counter. Paris starts looking at a menu.]
RORY: What are you doing?
PARIS: Trying just to blend in, fade away, observe.
LUKE: Hey Rory. Coffee?
RORY: Thanks Luke.
LUKE: Whos your friend?
RORY: Angela Landsbury.
PARIS: Youre the owner here?
LUKE: Yup. You want some coffee Angela?
PARIS: No thanks.
PARIS: So, you run the diner, huh?
RORY: Oh boy.
PARIS: You get a lot of truckers through here?
PARIS: Yeah. You know, guys on the road for weeks, lonely, looking for company, a little pick me up. Things like that.
LUKE: Whats she talking about?
RORY: Your guess is as good as mine.
PARIS: Its pretty common knowledge that diners are breeding grounds for prostitution and drug dealers.
PARIS: Have you ever seen anything like that going down here?
LUKE: Have I ever. . .
PARIS: What about that guy over there? Whats his story?
LUKE: Reverend Nichols?
PARIS: Reverend Nichols, huh? What is that, like Dr. Feelgood?
LUKE: Rory, how much do you like this person?
RORY: Do what you gotta do, Luke.
[Jess comes down the steps into the diner]
PARIS: Hey, whered he come from? Whats up there? Is that where you keep the girls? You got yourself a little cathouse up there?
JESS: Wow, I think she got you Uncle Luke. You better give up now.
LUKE: Do not add to this insanity.
JESS: An innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this.
JESS: I wanna be good, lifes just not letting me.
LUKE: Rory, get her out of here.
RORY: Okay, lets go. [pulls Paris towards the door]
PARIS: Why do you need me to leave? What have you got to hide?
RORY: Paris, lets go!
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN
[Lorelai and Michel are at the front desk, each talking on a phone]
MICHEL: Yes, were aware of it.
LORELAI: Yes, were working on it.
MICHEL: As soon as towels arrive, yours will be the first room we come up to.
LORELAI: I swear to you, no one gets a towel before you do.
MICHEL: Did you get the complimentary champagne we sent you?
LORELAI: Just open the champagne and drink and relax and enjoy and before you know it of course its free. Yes.
MICHEL: Yeah, well call you soon. [hangs up]
LORELAI: Well talk to you soon. [hangs up] Im killing Manny.
MICHEL: Im helping.
LORELAI: Im gonna strangle him with one of his own towels, I swear to God.
LORELAI: Yeah Dad?
RICHARD: Do you realize there are no tablecloths in the dining room?
LORELAI: Yes I do. Were having a problem with our linen delivery.
RICHARD: Well, it doesnt look very professional.
MICHEL: [in background] Ah, its Manny.
LORELAI: Okay, I have to take this dad.
[Michel hands her the phone]
LORELAI: Manny, my mysterious man, where have you been? . . . Oh, me Manny? Im just a desperate woman. Yes. Honey, I know youre up to your ears in problems but I have to have some towels or linens or Im gonna be lying on the street talking about the pretty inn I used to work at and you dont want that do you? . . . Well, just, anything you can do to get me through the night. . . Uh, Manny, I love you. You rock. I am devoted to you. Im never gonna look at another towel without thinking of you. . . Thank you. Bye Stud. [hangs up] Hell be here in twenty minutes.
LORELAI: Yes Dad?
RICHARD: May I speak to you for a moment please?
MICHEL: Someone is in trouble.
LORELAI: Uh, is something wrong Dad?
RICHARD: Was that a business call I just overheard there?
LORELAI: Oh, that was my linen delivery guy.
RICHARD: So it was a business call?
LORELAI: Yes, it was a business call.
RICHARD: And thats how you handle a business call?
LORELAI: Ive known Manny for ten years, Dad.
RICHARD: I dont care how long youve known him. You never talk to a business associate like that, especially not one that you employ.
LORELAI: Okay Dad.
RICHARD: These people have to respect you.
LORELAI: He does respect me.
RICHARD: You were flirting with him.
LORELAI: I said what I needed to say in order to get the linen before somebody else did. And I did, so I won.
RICHARD: This is not about winning, this is about proper procedure. You need to listen to me Lorelai. If there is one thing I know about, it is the correct way to conduct yourself in a position of authority. Do you understand what Im trying to tell you?
LORELAI: Mm hmm.
RICHARD: Because Im only telling you this for your own good.
LORELAI: Mm hmm.
RICHARD: All right, go back to work. Ill be right here if you need me.
LORELAI: Okie dokie.
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Rory and Paris are walking down the sidewalk]
PARIS: Nothing, not even a cigarette butt on the ground, I cant believe it. This town would make Frank Capra wanna throw up.
RORY: Sorry, I tried to tell you.
PARIS: I know. I know, its just. . .I was just so sure.
RORY: Well think of something else to write about, I promise.
PARIS: Were going to lose.
RORY: Were not going to lose.
[As they walk past the video store, Taylor and Kirk walk out.]
TAYLOR: There she is, the girl of the moment.
TAYLOR: You, young lady, are my hero.
RORY: Why is that Taylor?
TAYLOR: Because in this day and age when the kids are willy nilly with their clothes and hair and morals, it is heartwarming to see a sensible girl like you still exists. A girl who has the gumption and the guts to stand up and say, why are we allowing this trash out where all our children can see it?
KIRK: And a few selected adults also.
RORY: What are you talking about?
TAYLOR: Well, come on in and see for yourself.
CUT TO INSIDE VIDEO STORE
RORY: What happened? Where is everything?
TAYLOR: Well, thanks to your brilliant suggestion, they are all safely stashed behind the Rory Curtain.
RORY: The what?
KIRK: We thought it was only fitting to name it after you.
RORY: No! I dont want a Rory Curtain, I never asked for a Rory Curtain!
TAYLOR: You told me to put that movie where the kids couldnt see it.
PARIS: You did?
RORY: Well, yeah, but I just meant to put it on a higher shelf, not to get fabric involved.
TAYLOR: Oh, this is much better than a higher shelf. Now all the movies that we deem objectionable will be safely hidden from the eyes of the children. Plus, itll make the adults think twice before they go back there.
RORY: No, I did not mean to do this! What are you doing?
PARIS: This is it.
RORY: This is what?
PARIS: Our story. Censorship in a small town, its perfect.
RORY: Paris, stop it. You know I dont believe in censorship.
PARIS: Even better, small town minds run amok. This is genius, its gold. Were going to win. Now Taylor?
PARIS: On the record, how long have you been working here?
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Lorelai walks through the front door followed by Richard.]
LORELAI: Rory, were home!
RICHARD: Next time, stop the car completely before you get out.
LORELAI: Rory, for the love of God, be home!
RORY: Im here, sorry! I was on the phone. How was your [Lorelai grabs Rory and hugs her tightly] Ooh, okay.
LORELAI: I dont think Ive ever loved you quite as much as I love you right now.
RORY: Ah, ribs cracking, organs crushing.
LORELAI: Yeah, well, love hurts. [walks past Rory towards the kitchen]
RORY: Hey Grandpa.
RICHARD: Oh, lovely to see you Rory.
RORY: How was your day?
RICHARD: It was very pleasant.
RORY: I heard you saw Mom in action.
LORELAI: Oh yes he did.
RORY: Shes great, isnt she?
RICHARD: Shes. . uh, spirited.
RORY: Spirited is nice. Hey, lets talk dinner. How about Chinese?
LORELAI: Very spirited food.
RORY: Grandpa, do you like Chinese food?
RICHARD: If prepared properly, yes, I like it very much.
LORELAI: Ill go call Als. [walks into kitchen]
RORY: Als Pancake World.
RICHARD: [follows Lorelai into the kitchen] I thought you said we were having Chinese food.
LORELAI: Als has the best egg fu yung in Stars Hollow.
RICHARD: Is that, um, saying anything?
LORELAI: Rory, come entertain your Grandpa while your spirited Mommy orders please!
RORY: Hey Grandpa, do you um. . .do you wanna see my room?
RICHARD: Yes, I would.
[Richard walks into Rorys room.]
LORELAI: Twenty bucks if you lock him in there.
RORY: Thirty if you chill.
CUT TO INSIDE RORYS BEDROOM
[Richard is looking at Rorys bookshelf as Rory walks in]
RORY: What are you doing?
RICHARD: Oh, there are some holes in your collection here and Im just making a list to fill them.
RORY: Oh, well these arent all of my books.
[Rory shows him several stacks of books under her bed]
RICHARD: Oh my goodness!
RORY: And. . . [opens two drawers filled with books]
RICHARD: Ah, well possibly I should concentrate on acquiring you a bookcase first.
RORY: Thats okay. I kind of like my system.
RICHARD: Ah, organized chaos?
RICHARD: Very well, carry on. Well, Im glad not to see any death rockers on your walls.
RORY: Grandpa, where did you learn the term death rockers?
RICHARD: Well, Im not entirely unfamiliar with the music world in which you live.
RORY: I dont exactly live in the death rock world, Grandpa.
RORY: But if I do move there, I will send you a card.
RICHARD: Oh, I appreciate that. Ah, Harvard.
RORY: Yeah. We started the obsession board a few years ago. And then when we took that trip to Harvard, the student store was having a two for one flag sale, so that kind of sent us into the final stage of the psychosis. Hospitals were called, medications were prescribed, there is no cure.
[Lorelai walks in with a notepad]
LORELAI: Okay, I made the menu for the evening.
RICHARD: My God.
RORY: Looks good.
RICHARD: Who could eat all that food?
LORELAI: I almost added the garlic chicken.
RORY: Add it.
RICHARD: There are only three of us.
LORELAI: Yes, but we like choices.
RORY: Lets call, Im starved.
[they walk into the kitchen]
RICHARD: Lorelai, you cannot order all of that food. Youre teaching your daughter wastefulness and gluttony.
LORELAI: Um Dad, we do this all the time. We order way too much and then we eat like a third of it and live off the leftovers for a week and a half. Its a finely honed system. Now please, just sit and read something or watch TV.
RICHARD: So I uh. . .I noticed all the Harvard paraphernalia in Rorys room.
LORELAI: Oh yeah.
RICHARD: You know, you might not want to get her settled on one specific college quite so soon.
LORELAI: Why not?
RICHARD: Well, shes young. She hasnt investigated her options.
LORELAI: Dad, she wants to go to Harvard.
RICHARD: Well yes, because she thinks you want her to go to Harvard.
LORELAI: I do.
RICHARD: Well, there are a lot of other good schools out there. You know I went to Yale.
LORELAI: Yes, I do know.
RICHARD: Yale is a very fine school, some might argue a better school than Harvard.
LORELAI: Some meaning you?
RICHARD: I just think Rory should explore it, and I can make some phone calls and set up an appointment.
RICHARD: Why not?
LORELAI: Because she wants to go to Harvard.
RICHARD: But thats ridiculous. Whos going to help her get into Harvard?
LORELAI: Reese Witherspoon.
RICHARD: I am a Yale alumnus. I give a great deal of money to that school. Getting her in will be a breeze.
LORELAI: We dont like breezes, they mess up our hair.
RICHARD: Do not be petulant Lorelai.
LORELAI: Do not pick a fight with me Dad.
RICHARD: This is not about you, this is about Rory.
LORELAI: No, this is about Richard interfering.
RICHARD: Now please, just let me handle this. I know more about the Ivy League system than you do.
[a horn honks from outside]
LORELAI: This is not about the - .
RORY: Is that the food already?
LORELAI: No Sweets, I havent ordered yet.
[Rory looks out the window]
RORY: Oh my God!
LORELAI: Who is it?
RORY: Oh my God!
CUT TO OUT FRONT
[They walk out the front door. Dean is standing in front of a car]
LORELAI: Oh my God.
RORY: Whatcha doin?
DEAN: Just standing here.
RORY: Next to?
DEAN: A car. Your car.
DEAN: Finished it yesterday.
RORY: No you didnt!
DEAN: Do you want em? [holds up the keys]
RORY: Ah! [Rory runs off the porch and hugs him]
DEAN: Now if you dont like it, I bet I can sell it to someone else.
RORY: Dont you dare!
LORELAI: Dean, thats amazing!
RORY: Lets drive, can we drive, does it drive?
DEAN: Does it drive?
RORY: Well, no, I know it drives but. . .oh my God! I cant believe you finished it! You built me a car!
LORELAI: Dean, now that youre done with that, will you build me a plane? One that looks like Shamu?
RICHARD: He made that car?
LORELAI: Isnt that incredible?
RICHARD: Well, she cant accept it.
LORELAI: Oh Dad, its okay.
RICHARD: Its not okay, hes a child. Shes not driving a car a child put together.
DEAN: Excuse me sir, but, uh, my father worked on cars and my grandfather worked on cars. I know what Im doing.
RICHARD: A car is not a model airplane, young man.
DEAN: I know that.
RICHARD: It is a complex vehicle.
DEAN: I know that too.
RICHARD: And I will not have my granddaughter driving around in some contraption you put together in auto shop.
LORELAI: Okay, can I just say something here?
DEAN: I did not make this in auto shop. I am telling you this car is safe.
RICHARD: So, you are a certified mechanic?
RICHARD: But you had the assistance of a certified mechanic?
RICHARD: Well, then you drove it past a certified mechanic?
LORELAI: Dad, stop it. This is a nice thing Dean did here. Remember, nice things.
RICHARD: Im sorry, she cant accept it. Now, if you will excuse us, we were about to order dinner.
DEAN: Mr. Gilmore, I understand you want Rory to be safe, but so do I. I would not give this car to her if I did not know for a fact that it was a hundred percent safe. I checked it, my father checked it, and Gypsy at Hewes Brothers checked it. It has been checked.
RICHARD: And Im just supposed to take your word for it?
DEAN: Lets go.
RICHARD: Go where?
DEAN: To check it.
RICHARD: I dont think so.
DEAN: Ive been working on this car for months. Im giving it to Rory.
RICHARD: Youre a very stubborn boy.
DEAN: Do you wanna drive or should I?
RICHARD: Ill take my own car, thank you.
DEAN: Fine with me.
RICHARD: And drive behind me. I dont want that thing blowing up right in front of the Jag.
DEAN: No problem. Try to keep your electrical system working long enough to get there.
RICHARD: They worked the kinks out of this electrical system years ago, young man. Ill be right back.
DEAN: So will I.
[Dean and Richard get in their cars and drive off.]
LORELAI: Dont you feel like one of us shouldve been standing between them waving a flag or something?
CUT TO HEWES BROS.
[The mechanic looks under the hood of the car while Richard and Dean stand nearby.]
GYPSY: It looks fine to me.
RICHARD: Check it again.
GYPSY: I already checked it again. This was checking it again. I checked it earlier, that means this was checking it again.
DEAN: Go ahead Gypsy, check it again. Ive got all night.
GYPSY: I dont.
RICHARD: Check the transmission.
GYPSY: I did, its all good.
RICHARD: The carburetor.
GYPSY: All good.
RICHARD: Manifold pressure?
GYPSY: Best manifold pressure Ive ever seen.
RICHARD: Youve missed something. I insist that you go over this entire car again.
GYPSY: But Im telling you, theres nothing wrong with this car.
RICHARD: I am paying you for a service, I would like that service performed.
GYPSY: Okay, I look again.
DEAN: How many times are you gonna make her do that?
RICHARD: As many times as it takes.
DEAN: Look, I know you think Im not good enough for Rory, but do you have to take it out on my car?
RICHARD: Shes my only granddaughter. I have a responsibility to protect her. Shes young, shes naïve.
DEAN: Shes smart.
RICHARD: Yes, shes smart. . .about certain things.
DEAN: Look, Im not about to do battle with you here. You can hate me - whatever, I dont care.
RICHARD: I hardly hate you.
RICHARD: I dont even know you.
DEAN: Well, Im right here. What do you wanna know? Besides what college I wanna go to or what I wanna do for a living, because I still have no answers for you on that front.
RICHARD: Those are not ridiculous questions to ask.
DEAN: No, but you couldve waited until dessert to get to em.
RICHARD: Yes, well, perhaps the timing of the. . .
RICHARD: Perhaps the timing was a little off. [pause] So, your father what does he do?
DEAN: Stereo systems.
RICHARD: Installing them?
DEAN: Selling them. Hes got a shop a couple of blocks from here.
RICHARD: And your mother?
DEAN: She works part time transcribing medical records.
RICHARD: Interesting, interesting. So, you. . .you like my granddaughter quite a bit?
DEAN: No, I love your granddaughter quite a bit.
RICHARD: See Dean, I was beginning to feel a little better about this until you said that.
DEAN: Well, Im not trying to make you feel better, Im trying to be honest.
RICHARD: Yes, you are. Its an admirable quality.
DEAN: Thank you.
GYPSY: Okay, I found something wrong.
RICHARD: You did?
GYPSY: Windshield wipers came right off in my hand, very dangerous. Thank God I check it again.
DEAN: Gypsy, you broke those off yourself.
GYPSY: Yes I did.
DEAN: Put em back!
GYPSY: I cant look at this car anymore.
GYPSY: I miss my home.
DEAN: Put them back.
RICHARD: Now I suppose the car is safe.
DEAN: It is.
RICHARD: Im still not sure its an appropriate gift.
DEAN: I understand that.
RICHARD: How tall are you?
DEAN: Why, you wanna dance?
RICHARD: No, thank you. I appreciate the offer though.
CUT TO LORELAIS HOUSE
[Lorelai and Rory sit on the couch.]
RORY: How long are they going to be?
LORELAI: I dont know. Knowing my dad, he probably made Dean take the entire thing apart and put it back together again in front of him.
RORY: Poor Dean.
LORELAI: Poor Dean, he has to spend one evening with him. I share chromosomes with the guy.
[Richard walks through the front door]
RICHARD: Well, we had it thoroughly checked. We found a little problem with the windshield wipers. Dean is there now adjusting them. But once that is taken care of, I dont see any reason why, with proper insurance of course, why you cant have that car.
RORY: Really? Thanks!
LORELAI: Hey hon, why dont you run and pick up the food for us?
RORY: Oh sure.
RICHARD: Oh, Ive got this.
LORELAI: Here you go, hurry! Before the mu shu congeals.
RORY: Okay. [leaves]
RICHARD: Why didnt you let me pay?
LORELAI: I didnt think it would be, um, appropriate under the circumstances.
RICHARD: What circumstances are those?
LORELAI: The ones where Im about to get really, really mad at you.
RICHARD: Excuse me?
LORELAI: Dad, this is my house in my town, where I live my life.
RICHARD: Well, thank you for the geography lesson.
LORELAI: No, Im - in the thirty two years weve known each other, have I once come to your work and criticized the way you handled your clients?
RICHARD: I dont remember you coming to my work at all.
LORELAI: Well, have I passed judgment on your breakfast habits or your clothing choices?
RICHARD: I was offering opinions.
LORELAI: Well, dont. I dont want your opinions, especially not in front of my employees and not in front of my friends.
RICHARD: I guess you cant take constructive criticism.
LORELAI: Nothing that came out of your mouth today might, in any universe visited by Kirk or Spock, be construed as constructive.
RICHARD: I beg to differ.
LORELAI: And this is absolutely the last time you come into my house and overrule my word.
RICHARD: What are you talking about?
LORELAI: Im talking about Dean and the car.
RICHARD: I was being - .
LORELAI: You have no right being anything. Rorys my kid and I make the rules, so if she comes home one day and says, Hey, uh, Im gonna spend the weekend with Patricia Krenwinkle and I say, Okay, grab a sweater, you just have to deal.
RICHARD: Who is Patricia Krenwinkle?
LORELAI: And if I tell her that she can have the car that her boyfriend made for her, then she can.
RICHARD: I didnt think it looked safe.
LORELAI: You dont have to think it looks safe! I have to think it looks safe! God, why cant I make you hear what Im saying?
RICHARD: Oh, I hear exactly what youre saying.
LORELAI: You came here not as a guest but as the judgment police, you kept your uniform on the whole time, and you know what, it comes off now!
RICHARD: Lower your voice.
LORELAI: No! I am a grown woman and you will treat me the way you treat people who have invited you to their house or you will not be invited again.
RICHARD: Dont you think I know why you invited me here?
LORELAI: Because - .
RICHARD: Because your mother asked you too. She called you up and said I was driving her crazy, and would you please take me off her hands for one day so she can get some peace. Isnt that true?
RICHARD: You have never once invited me to your house Lorelai, never. And I can hardly point to an event that would prompt you to do so except my recent employment situation.
LORELAI: Okay Dad, Mom did call me but - .
RICHARD: You know, I never thought about retirement. I never thought about what I would do or what I would be once I wasnt working. I never once imagined that I would go from being a productive member of the human race to a decrepit old drone sitting at the club at three in the afternoon drinking brandy and playing cards.
LORELAI: Aw, Dad.
RICHARD: I am an annoyance to my wife and a burden to my daughter. Suddenly I realize what it feels like to be obsolete. I hope that you never have to learn what that feels like. Now, if you will excuse me, Im afraid Ill have to take a rain check on dinner. Im not very hungry.
CUT TO SIDEWALK
[Rory walks past the video store, which her picture is in the window. As she stares at it, Jess walks over to her.]
JESS: Nice picture.
RORY: Gee, thanks.
JESS: Youre very popular right now. I bet if you burn a few books, theyll probably make you mayor.
RORY: This is ridiculous.
JESS: I dont know, bet you have a lot of supporters on this. Pat Buchanon, Jerry Falwell, Kathie Lee Gifford.
JESS: Aw, come on, its a little funny.
RORY: No, being the poster girl for censorship is not a little funny. The only videos not behind that curtain are Bambi and Dumbo. I mean, they actually had a meeting earlier about whether or not Babe should be behind the curtain so as not to offend people who keep kosher.
JESS: Its a crazy world we live in.
RORY: And where did they even find that stupid picture?
JESS: Oh no, the pictures good. Its the people who are stupid.
RORY: Im never gonna be able to leave my house again.
JESS: Well, at least you wont starve.
RORY: I cant look at it anymore.
JESS: Relax. I dont think itll be around very long.
JESS: Just a guess.
JESS: Enjoy the food.
RORY: Come back here.
RORY: Ill give you an eggroll.
RORY: What did you do?
JESS: Nothing much. Just wanted to make sure whoever rented Dumbo or Bambi gets a little surprise.
RORY: What kind of surprise? What did you do?
JESS: You owe me an eggroll. [walks away]
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Richard walks in the front door.]
EMILY: Richard, there you are, sneaking in like that.
RICHARD: Hello Emily.
EMILY: Its nice to see you.
RICHARD: Well, you seem very happy.
EMILY: Well, I had a very nice day. Would you like a drink?
RICHARD: Uh, no thanks.
EMILY: I saw Cheeky Lennox today. Shes redoing her entire house and I have to say, its given me a few ideas about this place. I wont scare you with them tonight but Im very excited about it.
RICHARD: Well Im glad.
EMILY: Then I did a little shopping and I had my nails done.
RICHARD: Very nice.
EMILY: Sugar and spice, a little crazier than I usually wear but I dont know, I was just in that kind of a mood. So how was your day with the girls?
EMILY: Tell me about it.
RICHARD: Well, I saw the town, I saw Lorelais work.
EMILY: Did you eat? Because I can have Heloise whip up something for you.
RICHARD: No thank you, we had Chinese food.
EMILY: Oh, you love Chinese food!
RICHARD: Yes I do.
EMILY: Well Im thrilled that you had such a wonderful time. It was good for you to get out like that.
RICHARD: Yes it was. In fact, Im still a little energized from the day, so I think Im finally gonna organize all those stamps that Ive been talking about for ages.
RICHARD: Why not?
EMILY: Well, I think that would be wonderful. Have fun.
[Richard walks into his office and sits down]