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Unaired Pilot
This transcript is from the collection found at http://opposites-are-polar.net/Transcripts/index.html.

1.01 - Pilot (script)
transcribed by Gaby
{email address = ephramssoulmate@yahoo.com}

NOTE FROM GABY: This was transcribed from the revised writer's draft of the pilot script written by Amy Sherman-Palladino on January 21, 2000. Everything's that's here was in the script I got at 13idol.com including the spelling errors. Quite often, though not all the time, they mention "Duke" instead of "Luke" and say "then" instead of "than". On one instance, Richard calls Lorelai "Rory" by accident (I think) and so the following line has Rory speak it though we know it really should be Lorelai given the context of the way it was presented. Only thing different is that line breaks on the script are not observed here all the time. The only exception is when the thought is complete (you'll see what I mean) and in that case, I observe it. Scene descriptions and lines remain the same. But another different thing is that between sentences, I only put one space. The script often has two spaces instead. To see what aired, go to the other transcript.

TEASER

EXT. LUKE'S - DAY

This is LUKE'S DINER, a small mom and pop place in the middle of a two hundred year old town in Connecticut. The building used to be a barn in the eighteen-hundreds and the pig-pens and troughs are still standing outside except that the pig troughs are now full of flowers instead of slop. It's early morning and the air is crisp. A woman in a long warm coat, hat and scarf, carrying the world's largest purse, goes into the diner.

INT. LUKE'S CUP - DAY

The woman enters. She rushes over to a table and dumps the purse on a chair and starts unraveling herself. We meet LORELAI GILMORE, a very attractive, vibrant, thirty three year old woman, though she could easily pass for twenties. She sits down and looks around her. sprints across the diner, she spots something. Her eyes widen. LUKE DANES, the owner, is taking a fresh pot off the coffee machine. Duke is a scruffy though handsome man in his thirties with the body of a fireman under that apron. Lorelai grabs her coffee cup and sprints across the diner to the counter.

LORELAI: (holding out her coffee cup) Please, Luke. Please, please, pleeeeeese?

LUKE: How many cups have you had this morning?

LORELAI: None.

LUKE: Plus...

LORELAI: Five. But yours is better.

LUKE: You have a problem.

LORELAI: (holding the cup out further)
Yes, I do.

Luke shakes his head and pours.

LUKE: Junkie.

LORELAI: Angel. You're a Goddamn angel.

Lorelai goes back to her table. She drinks her coffee happily for a beat before she realizes that there's a VERY ATTRACTIVE MAN in his twenties standing over her.

JOEY: You make that look really good.

LORELAI: It is really good. Best coffee in town.

JOEY: Yeah? I'll have to get a cup.

LORELAI: Good plan.

JOEY: I've never been here before. I'm just passing through on my way to Hartford.

LORELAI: You're a regular Jack Kerouac.

JOEY: (no idea what she's talking about)
Yeah. Hey, you mind if I sit down?

LORELAI: Actually, I'm meeting someone.

He sits down next to her.

JOEY: I'm Joey.

LORELAI: Okay.

JOEY: You don't have a name?

LORELAI: I have a name. But I really am waiting for someone so...

JOEY: So, I should get going.

LORELAI: So soon?

JOEY: What?

LORELAI: Just screwing with your mind.
(she smiles at him)
It's been nice meeting you Joey. Enjoy Hartford.

JOEY: Enjoy your coffee, mystery woman.

LORELAI: Oh, I like that.

Joey smiles at her and moves off. The door opens and another bundled up young woman comes in. She makes her way over to Lorelai's table. This is RORY. She looks a bit younger then Lorelai, but is also tall and pretty. Rory's more serious and shy then Lorelai, but just as sharp.

RORY: Freezing.

LORELAI: What do you need, hot tea? Coffee?

RORY: Lip gloss.

LORELAI: Here.

Lorelai rifles through her purse.

LORELAI (CONT'D): Cocoa, strawberry, vanilla, or toasted marshmallow?

RORY: You've got to go back on sugar.

Rory peers into Lorelai's bag.

RORY (CONT'D): Anything in there not resembling a breakfast cereal?

LORELAI: Boring, but yes.

She pulls out a jumbo size make-up bag.

RORY: God, RuPaul doesn't use that much make-up.

LORELAI: You're crabby.

RORY: Sorry. I lost my Macy Gray CD and I need caffeine.

LORELAI: Ah, well...
(she rifles through the bag again)
I have your CD...

RORY: Thief.

LORELAI: (hands over the CD)
...here. And I'll get you some coffee.

Lorelai grabs an empty cup and heads to the counter. Rory starts looking through Lorelai's make-up bag.

LORELAI (CONT'D): It's not for me. It's for Rory. I swear.

LUKE: You're shameless.

LORELAI: (pointing)
Hey, Officer Krupke, look. Over there at that table.

ANGLE ON Lorelai's table where we see that Joey has returned and is now chatting up Rory.

Lorelai shakes her head in disbelief.

LORELAI (CONT'D): (to herself)
He's got quite a pair, this guy.

Lorelai walks up behind Joey.

JOEY: (talking to Rory)
Yeah, I've never been through here before.

LORELAI: Oh, you have too.

Joey whirls around surprised.

JOEY: Oh, hi.

LORELAI: You really like my table, don't you?

JOEY: I'm just...

LORELAI: Getting to know my daughter.

JOEY: Your...

He looks at Rory. Rory smiles at him.

RORY: Are you my new daddy?

JOEY (to Lorelai): Wow, you do not look old enough to have a daughter. I mean it.
(to Rory)
And you do not look like a...daughter.

LORELAI: That's possibly very sweet of you. Thanks.

JOEY: So...daughter, huh?
(beat)
You know I'm traveling with a friend.

LORELAI: She's sixteen.

JOEY: Bye.

LORELAI: Drive safe.

Lorelai and Rory wave good-bye to the nice man, then look at each other and laugh.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF MAIN STREET, STARS HOLLOW, CONNECTICUT. This is a historical old town with white clapboard houses, huge trees, rolling hills, and no fences. Everywhere you look things are perfectly maintained. The residents obviously love this place where hayrides, pumpkin patches, town parades, and fourth of July picnics are the way of life.

EXT. INDEPENDENCE INN - MORNING

ESTABLISHING SHOT of a beautiful old inn with tall white columns and a wrap around that Mark Twain could've written on.

Lorelai is with a very harried looking older woman, MRS. LANGWORTHY, who is wearing an expensive fur coat and an even more expensive facelift. This is no longer the jeans wearing caffeine junkie we met earlier. Lorelai is now in a chic black suit looking calm and completely in control.

MRS. LANGWORTHY: Three hundred is the final count as of yesterday. Now, is the cake ready? Margie's frantic about the cake.

LORELAI: The cake is ready and gorgeous. It's going to be a beautiful wedding. You just have to relax.

MRS. LANGWORTHY: Relax. Yes. Oh God, just let her stay married to this one.

INT. INDEPENDENCE INN - MORNING

An oil painting of A VERY SCARY OLD GUY WEARING A POWDERED WIG AND KNICKERS fills the screen. We pull out to reveal the foyer of the Independence Inn. Behind a beautifully carved wood front desk stands JUDY TOLAN. Judy's the young, brand new and very unsure desk clerk. She has a handful of keys and is putting them in the corresponding slot on the wall. Next to her is MICHEL GERARD, the concierge. Michel is a very attractive, extremely intolerant black man in his late thirties. Michel has a beautiful French accent which helps with his pursuit of the ladies. Michel is on the phone.

MICHEL: (into phone)
No, I'm sorry we are completely booked this week. We have a wedding party here. No, there's really nothing I can do. Yes, I'm sure. Positive. I don't have to look ma'am I...Yes of course I'll look.
(he puts the phone down takes a deep breath and puts it back to his ear again)
No, I'm sorry, completely booked...Yes, life is full of disappointments...No, I don't know what the point of living is...Yes, well, at least you're taking it well.

Lorelai and Mrs. Langworthy walk into the lobby.

MRS. LANGWORTHY: Two of the flower girls are allergic to tuberoses so they can't be in their baskets or they'll die.

LORELAI: No tuberoses. I'll take care of it. Now, you need to go up to your room, relax, unpack, and I'll send a masseuse up to take care of you.

MRS. LANGWORTHY: You're a dear. See if someone tall and Antonio Banderas-like is available.

Mrs. Langworthy goes up the staircase. Lorelai heads over to the front desk.

Michel is still on the phone. He's desperately trying to keep from killing himself.

MICHEL: Madame, you have no idea how desperately I'd like to help but I'd have to build a room for you myself and I'm not a man who works with his hands so the best I can do is suggest that you please, please try for another weekend. Any weekend...The twenty first? Hold on I'll look.

He looks in the reservation book.

MICHEL (CONT'D): No, I'm sorry we're all booked.

Lorelai goes behind the desk.

LORELAI: Judy, get the florist on the phone.

JUDY: Okay.

Judy stands there looking confused.

LORELAI: Ask for Gee. Tell him tuberoses for the Langworthy wedding are out. Substitute the climbing roses he used for us in the dining room arrangement he did last week. Tell him to do one and send it over for approval by four O'clock and why aren't you moving?

JUDY: I don't know where I put his number.

LORELAI: 716-6872.

JUDY: 716...sorry. Numbers throw me.

Lorelai writes the number down for Judy.

LORELAI: There. Now, when the arrangement gets here, find me immediately. Has the plumber attended to room four yet?

JUDY: I don't know. I was doing the keys.

MICHEL: He was here, he did nothing, it's a hundred dollars.

Lorelai dials the phone. Rory enters. She's wearing jeans and a bulky sweater that goes down to her knees.

LORELAI: (into phone)
Yes, Marco. Lorelai. Talk to me about room four. What was wrong with it?

She covers the phone, reaches out, grabs Rory's sweater and pulls her toward her.

LORELAI (CONT'D): Kiss.

Rory kisses her. Lorelai goes back to the phone.

LORELAI (CONT'D): I thought you replaced that last time...Because you told me you did and I never forget anything. So, then this one's on you, right?...Pleasure doing business with you.

She hangs up. Rory comes behind the desk poking around. She's obviously very comfortable back there.

LORELAI: Judy, please go up and check on room four. Make sure it's working.

JUDY: Okay.

She looks around for someplace to dump the rest of the keys. Lorelai impatiently takes them from her.

LORELAI: Judy, listen to me. I've been working for your aunt and uncle a long time. And they've been good to me. So, when they asked me to give you a job, train you in the family business, I was happy to do it. Happy. See, the smile? Okay, but this is a really busy week, and I need you to be faster and more organized or please God in heaven find yourself a rich husband.

ANGLE ON Michel who crosses over to Judy and whispers to her.

MICHEL: Don't you listen to her. Find yourself any husband, he doesn't have to be rich.

Judy looks at him dejectedly and exits. Lorelai starts filing the keys back in their place at lightening speed.

Rory starts rooting around in the drawers. Michel notices.

MICHEL (CONT'D): (to Lorelai)
What is your offspring doing?

RORY: I need stamps.
(holding up stamps)
Can I have these?

MICHEL: No.

LORELAI: Take them.
(off Rory's sweater)
What's the deal with the muumuu?

RORY: Stop.

LORELAI: No, I'm just saying you couldn't find one made of metal in case anyone has x-ray eyes?

RORY: Who here heard me say stop?

DERECK an eighteen-year old absolutely adorable valet comes up to the desk.

DERECK: Man, there's a lot of people here today. I've got cars backed up all the way down the driveway.

RORY: Well, good thing you're in here.

DERECK: (to Lorelai)
Oh, well, I just wanted to tell you that I don't have to go to my Aunt's funeral tomorrow. She didn't die yet.

LORELAI: Well, maybe next week.

DERECK: Yeah, maybe.
(beat, to Lorelai)
That's a real nice outfit you're wearing.

LORELAI: Thank you, Dereck.

Dereck smiles at her. He's smitten. He takes off out the front door. Rory shakes her head.

RORY: God, he is so puppy faced around you.

LORELAI: Dereck's sweet. You should take a crack at him.

RORY: He's not into me, Mrs. Robinson.

LORELAI: Well, he could be if you weren't wearing an entire flock of sheep.

RORY: And how we say good-bye.

LORELAI: Wait - give Michel your French paper to look at before you go.

MICHEL: Excuse?

RORY: That would be great.

MICHEL: No.

RORY: Come on, Michel. I'll tell all the ladies what stud you are.

MICHEL: I believe they already know.

LORELAI: Please, Michel? Please?
(in Betty Boop-ish baby talk voice)
Pretty please with sucre with top? I'll stop talking like this.

MICHEL: Leave it. I'll look at it if I get a chance.

RORY: It's due tomorrow. And pay special attention to grammar.

Rory exits. Lorelai looks at Michel smiling. Michel tries to ignore her, pretending to be busy. She keeps staring and grinning.

MICHEL: I despise you.

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

The kitchen is huge and chaotic with fabulous things cooking and bubbling. On the floor under an avalanche of pots and pans is SOOKIE ST. JAMES, the chef and Lorelai's best friend. She's a brilliant cook with no hand-eye coordination whatsoever. Right now her forehead's bandaged, there's a splint on her left little finger and Band-Aids all over her arms. The sous-chef, SALVADOR, and a couple of the kitchen helpers are trying to untangle her.

SOOKIE: I'm okay.

LORELAI: What did you do now? Are you hurt? How did this happened.
(in Spanish)
Weren't you watching her?

SALVADOR
(in Spanish)
I turned around for one second.

LORELAI: Sookie, damn it, I told you to be careful.

SOOKIE: I know. I'm sorry. Hey, I fixed the peach sauce.

LORELAI: This is blood. You're bleeding. Why are you bleeding?

SOOKIE: Oh, I think my stitches opened. I used too much maple syrup. It strangled the fruit.

LORELAI: When did you get stitches?

SOOKIE: Friday night. Radish roses.

Lorelai grabs a couple of kitchen towels and starts wrapping them around Sookie's hand. Sookie tries to reach up to the counter to get a pan.

LORELAI: Stop moving.

SOOKIE: I want you to taste the sauce. You have to try it while it's warm.

She reaches up again. She manages to grab a spoon and pull it down.

LORELAI: Sookie, I mean it. You have to stay...

Sookie puts the spoon in her mouth.

LORELAI: Dear God almighty that's incredible.

SOOKIE: I thought I'd put it on the waffles tomorrow for breakfast.

LORELAI: I swear, I want to bathe in this sauce. You know, someday, when we open our own inn? Diabetics will be lining up to eat this sauce.

SOOKIE: Oh, won't that be great?

LORELAI: But the key to achieving that dream is you staying alive long enough to actually open the inn with me, understand?

SOOKIE: Yes. I understand.

LORELAI: Okay, now, let's get you up and to the doctor. On three. One, two, three.

SOOKIE: Ow.

LORELAI: (panicked)
What?

SOOKIE: I stepped on my thumb. I'm fine. On three.

Lorelai shakes her head and they try again.

EXT. STREET - MORNING

Rory is walking with her best friend LANE KIM. A bright quiet Korean girl, Lane has the constant dilemma of having very traditional Korean parents while being an Americanized girl. Lane hands Rory her jacket and backpack. She opens the backpack, takes out a "Woodstock '99" tee shirt, and puts it on over her pink thermal tee. She takes back her stuff.

RORY: When are you going to let your parents know you listen to the evil rock music? You're an American teenager, for God's sake.

LANE: Rory, if my parents still get upset over the obscene portion size of American food, I seriously doubt I'm going to make any inroads with Kid Rock.
They reach the school. Kids mill around the front in a frenzy of pre-class activity. A large sign announcing the weekend hayride is draped across the front.

LANE (CONT'D): (re:sign)
I have to go to that.

RORY: The hayride? You're kidding.

LANE: My parents set me up with the son of a business associate. He's going to be a doctor.

RORY: How old is he?

LANE: Sixteen.

RORY: So, he's going to be a doctor in a hundred years?

LANE: My parents like to plan ahead.

RORY: God, and you have to go to the hay ride with him?

LANE: And his older brother.

RORY: Oh, now you're kidding.

LANE: Koreans never joke about future doctors. So, I guess you're not going, huh?

RORY: No. I'm still fuzzy on what's fun about sitting in the cold for two hours with a bundle of sticks up your ass.

LANE: Well, don't expect me to clear it up for you.

They turn up the walk and enter the school building.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY

MRS. TRAISTER, a tall, thin sharp-featured American literature teacher is pacing the front of a packed classroom.

MRS. TRAISTER
For those of you who have not finished the final chapters of Huckleberry Finn, you may use this time to do so. For those who have, you may start your essay now. Whichever task you choose, do it silently.

Mrs. Traister sits down and starts grading papers.

We PAN DOWN the row of students. WE reach the back of the room where Rory is seated in the second to last row. She writing feverishly, extremely concentrated on her task. She is surrounded by a gaggle of girls who are all deeply fascinated by a bottle of nail polish. One girl tries it on, looks at it, shows it to the others, and then passes it on to the next girl, who does the same. Rory doesn't even look up. One of the girls notices Rory. She motions to the others to look. What is she doing that is so important? The girls lean into each other to conference.

GIRL ONE
(whispers)
I bet it's a love letter.

GIRL TWO
Or her diary.

GIRL THREE
Could be a slam book.

Girl One motions the girl on Rory's right, GIRL FOUR, to take a peek. Girl four leans over and starts at Rory's paper. She frowns. She turns to the others with a puzzled look. They all lean in to each other again.

GIRL FOUR
(incredulous)
It's the assignment.

EXT. STREET - AFTERNOON

Rory and Lane walk toward a large house with a sign on front lawn that reads "ANTIQUES. THE BEST IN TOWN."

LANE: Was it a good color at least?

RORY: It had sparkles in it.

INT. ANTIQUE STORE - AFTERNOON

This is Lane's house. The Kims have devised a very interesting living arrangement for themselves. The family lives upstairs except for the kitchen. The downstairs is their antique store. It's crammed from top to bottom with antiques. Tables are piled on top of each other, chairs are piled on top of tables. Sofas are hung from the ceiling. There's not an inch of open space anywhere. Nor is there a clear path for people to walk through. The whole place is an elaborate, dusty maze.

Rory and Lane enter.

LANE: (calling off)
Mom? We're home.

The girls listen.

LANE (CONT'D): Did you hear something?

RORY: I'm not sure.

LANE: (calling again)
Mom?! Are you here?!

MRS. KIM (O.S.)
(very muffled)
Lane?

RORY: We have contact.

LANE: (calling toward the voice)
Mom? Where are you?

MRS. KIM (O.S.)
Lane? Where are you?

The girls head toward the voice.

LANE: Back here!

MRS. KIM (O.S.)
Over here.

The girls change direction.

RORY: I think she's that way.

LANE: (yells)
Are we closer?

MRS. KIM (O.S.)
I'm by the table.

Rory looks around at the sea of tables.

RORY: She's kidding, right?

LANE: (calling to mom)
Look, we'll meet you in the kitchen!

MRS. KIM (O.S.)
What?!

RORY: The kitchen!!

MRS. KIM (O.S.)
Who's that?

LANE: It's Rory, Mom.

MRS. KIM (O.S.)
Oh.

RORY: (to Lane)
Wow. I could hear the disappointment from here.

LANE: Come on.

The girls start to make their way to the back of the house.

RORY: You know, it sucks that after all these years your mom still hates me.

LANE: She doesn't hate you.

RORY: She hates my mother.

LANE: She doesn't trust unmarried women.

RORY: You're unmarried.

LANE: I'm hayriding with a future proctologist. I have potential.

The girls reach a small door in the back and go through it.

INT. KIM KITCHEN - AFTERNOON

The girls enter to find MRS. KIM busy at the stove. Mrs. Kim is tiny with a slight Korean accent. She wears sneakers at all times since she moves about a thousand miles a minute.

MRS. KIM
Tea is ready. I have muffins with no dairy, no sugar, and no wheat. You have to dip them in the tea to make them to soft but they're very healthy.

Lane and Rory sit at the table. Mrs. Kim puts tea cups in front of them.

MRS. KIM (CONT'D): How was school? None of the girls get pregnant and drop out?

LANE: Not that we know of.

RORY: Though come to think of it Joanna Posner was glowing a little.

MRS. KIM
What?

LANE: Nothing Mama. She's kidding.

MRS. KIM
(to Rory, stern)
Boys don't like funny girls.

RORY: Noted.

The tinkling of the front door is faintly heard.

CUSTOMER (O.S.)
Hello? Anybody here?

MRS. KIM
(yelling)
We're here! We're coming!
(to the girls)
Have more muffins. Only good for twenty-four hours.
Mrs. Kim exits. We hear "Is anybody here? "Over here." "Where?" "Follow my voice." As Mrs. Kim plays Marco Polo with the customer, Rory and Lane dunk a muffin in their tea, take a bite, and quickly spit the disgusting inedible things out into their napkins.

INT. HOTEL OFFICE - AFTERNOON

Lorelai is sitting at her desk opening a large stack of mail. Judy pokes her head in.

JUDY: Hi. Uh, a man just called and said the angels for the Langworthy wedding aren't in yet. Is this...bad?

LORELAI: Well, let's see. The wedding's on Saturday, the angels aren't in, now even with a total lack of deductive skills, doesn't this sound...bad?

JUDY: Yes. I'll call him back.

LORELAI: Tell him if they're not here by tomorrow I'll take to court and if he tries to give you any grief...

A letter has caught her attention. She opens it and reads.

JUDY: What? If he gives me any grief, what? Please, I need the specifics.

LORELAI: (off the letter)
Oh my God! Oh my God!!

Lorelai runs out of the room. Judy looks after her.

JUDY: Are you coming back?

INT. KITCHEN - AFTERNOON

Sookie, with one arm in a sling, is moving quickly around the kitchen. Salvador and two other guys are following her closely, moving hanging pots she almost backs into, putting a rag in her hand before she touches something hot - it's a well orchestrated ballet. Lorelai bursts through the door.

LORELAI: Sookie! The Chilton school! She got in!

SOOKIE: Oh my God! Oh my God!!

LORELAI: (reading the letter)
"Dear Ms. Gilmore, we are happy to inform you that we have a vacancy at Chilton Preparatory starting up immediately. Due to your daughter's excellent grades and recommendations, and your enthusiastic pursuit of her enrollment..."
(to Sookie)
I offered to blow the principal to get her in.
(back to reading the letter)
"...we would happy to accept her as soon as the first semester's tuition has been received."
(smiling huge)
She did it. She's going to Chilton.

SOOKIE: I'm so happy for you.

She and Sookie hug.

LORELAI: Is something burning?

SOOKIE: My bangs. Earlier.

LORELAI: This is it, you know? From that school she'll be able to get into any college she wants. She's going to get the education I never had and do all the things I never did and I can resent her for it and we can finally have a normal mother daughter relationship. Okay, more hugs.

They hug again.

LORELAI (CONT'D): I love you. I really, really do!

Lorelai exits. Sookie, swept up in the moment, grabs a rag, waves it in the air doing her own little jig.

SOOKIE: Rory's going to Chilton, Rory's going to Chilton.

Sookie happily tosses away the rag and goes back to work. The rag lands on the stove and bursts into flames. Salvador calmly clamps a lid down on it and it's doused.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. LORELAI'S HOUSE - EVENING

A charming, tiny old clapboard house, with a huge porch and tons of potted plants and flowers all over the front yard, sits happily on a hill. All the lights are on and the sounds of Keely Smith sing out strong in the night.

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The room is small, but full of warmth and life. Old rugs, lived-in furniture and antique quilts everywhere. There's definitely not a set color scheme - just the organized chaos of two young women living under the same roof. There's a fireplace much smaller than the elegant ones at the inn, whose mantle is crammed with photos of Lorelai and Rory and their friends. A happy little fire is burning away. Lorelai goes around the room lighting candles. Rory enters.

RORY: Hey.

She sees the room.

RORY (CONT'D): Wow.
(looking at the fire)
Are those real logs?

LORELAI: Yep.

RORY: What, are we out of Duraflames?

LORELAI: Nope.

RORY: You're happy.

LORELAI: Yep.

RORY: Did you do something slutty?

LORELAI: I'm not that happy.

Lorelai pulls Rory into the dining room.

INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING

The beat-up round wooden dinner table is beautifully set with candles, flowers, and a gorgeous meatloaf all on a silver platter. And on top of Rory's plate is a beautifully wrapped package.

RORY: You made meatloaf?

LORELAI: And mac and cheese. And that salad you like with the sugared walnuts and the blue cheese, and, Sookie made this unbelievable cherry rum cake that you are way too young to eat but what the hell.

RORY: What is going on?

LORELAI: Open your present, please.

Rory rips the package open and pulls out a blue and white plaid skirt.

RORY: I'm going to be in a Britney Spears video.

LORELAI: You're going to Chilton.

RORY: (floored)
What?

LORELAI: I got the letter today.

RORY: This is not funny.

Lorelai pulls the letter out of her pocket.

LORELAI: You're in, baby.

Rory is stunned. She smiles. She laughs. She starts to cry.

LORELAI (CONT'D): On no. Don't you dare cry.

Lorelai goes over and hugs Rory who is full-on crying now.

RORY: I don't...how did this happen? You didn't really...with the principal, did you?

LORELAI: No, that was a joke. They got an opening. I'm sending the check tomorrow and you're starting on Monday.

RORY: Oh my God! I can't believe this!!

LORELAI: I know!!

They hug big time.

RORY: Can we do this? Do we have the money?

LORELAI: Hey, you let me worry about the money, huh? You just worry about getting into Harvard. Now, we have a lot of fattening food to eat, so I suggest we get started.

RORY: Okay.

Rory sits back down in her seat and brushes the tears out of her eyes. Lorelai starts cutting the meatloaf. After a beat Rory can't control herself anymore. She rushes at Lorelai and gives her a huge flying hug that send both of them and the chair crashing to the ground.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - MORNING

Rory and Lane are at their lockers.

RORY: And we get to wear uniforms. No more having people check you out to see what jeans you're wearing. Everyone dressed alike in boring clothes just there to learn.

LANE: Okay, there's academic minded and then there's eighty.

A guy comes down the hall. A very intense looking, dark eyed, weirdly amazing looking guy. His eyes lock on Rory. She doesn't notice. He stares at her as he goes down the hall. The girls close their lockers and head the other way.

INT. HOTEL FRONT DESK - MORNING

Michel is standing next to the phone which is ringing. He's letting it ring. Lorelai storms out of the office.

LORELAI: Michel. The phone.

MICHEL: It rings.

LORELAI: Can you answer it?

MICHEL: No. People are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to any more of them.

LORELAI: You know who's really nice to talk to? The people at the unemployment agency.

Michel picks up the phone.

MICHEL: Independence Inn, Michel speaking.

INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Lorelai is pacing, obviously very upset. Sounds of Musak are heard over the speaker phone. She's looking at the acceptance letter. A voice comes on the speaker phone.

VOICE (O.S.)
Chilton Prep.

LORELAI: (frantically dives for the phone)
Yes. Hi. I've been holding for Mrs. Bell. Okay, my daughter just got accepted and...no this semester. Right. Well, I was so excited when I read that she got in that I didn't read the whole letter and today I went to make out the enrollment check and, well, I read the whole letter and - that's a very high fee you got yourself there. I was wondering if you couldn't take, say, part now just to get her going... But she's supposed to start Monday and that doesn't give me much time to pull a bank job... I was kidding... A bank job is robbing a bank... You know what, never mind... No, no, no. Don't give her space away. I'll figure it out... Right. It's been a real treat talking to you. Bye.

Lorelai hangs up the phone frustrated.

EXT. LORELAI'S PORCH - NIGHT

LORELAI: (muttering)
What do I do, what do I do, what do I do...

SOOKIE: You can have anything I own. My car. Sell my car.

LORELAI: Oh, sweetie...no one wants your car.

SOOKIE: You know, you might want to consider asking...

LORELAI: No.

SOOKIE: But it seems like the only option.

LORELAI: Sookie, there are several chapters from a Stpehen King novel that I would re-enact before I'd resort to that option.

SOOKIE: But...

LORELAI: Sookie, please.

SOOKIE: Okay. It's dropped.

Rory comes out of the house wearing the plaid skirt.

RORY: (indicating the skirt)
So, what do you think?

SOOKIE: Wow. It makes you look smart.

RORY: Okay, no more wine for you. Mom?

LORELAI: You look like Laura Ingalls Wilder.

RORY: Fine. You can hem it. A little. Only a little.

LORELAI: Thank you.

Lorelai and Sookie follow Rory into the house.

INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Sookie goes into the kitchen. Lorelai gets her sewing basket and starts pinning the skirt up.

RORY: I can't believe tomorrow is my last day at dormancy high school. I was so excited today, I dressed for gym.

LORELAI: You're kidding.

RORY: And I played volleyball.

LORELAI: With other people?

RORY: And I learned that all this time I was avoiding group sports?

LORELAI: Yeah?

RORY: Was very smart because I suck at them.

LORELAI: Yeah, you got that from me.

Sookie comes back out of the kitchen wearing an apron.

SOOKIE: Where's the pate'?

LORELAI: At Zsa Zsa Gabor's house.

Sookie goes back in the kitchen. Lorelai finishes pinning the skirt.

LORELAI (CONT'D): Okay. Go see what you think.

RORY: I love being a private school girl.

Rory runs off excitedly. Lorelai sits on the couch. She looks over at a photo on the table next to her.

ANGLE ON a picture of a six-year-old Lorelai standing in front of a brick house with an unusually ornate iron door.

ANGLE ON Lorelai as she picks up the picture.

ANGLE ON the picture which fills the screen. We DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. SAME BRICK HOUSE WITH THE ORNATE DOOR - DAY

ANGLE ON Lorelai across the street from this house. She's drinking from a coffee container and pacing back and forth. She drinks the final swig, and takes a deep breath. CUT TO:

BLACK SCREEN. A door opens to reveal Lorelai standing there.

LORELAI: Hi Mom.

We open out to find EMILY GILMORE holding the ornate door open. Emily is a distinguished looking woman in her early sixties. Her dress is impeccable, her hair is perfect and the pearls are real. She looks absolutely astonished to see her daughter.

EMILY: Lorelai. My goodness. This is a surprise. Is it Easter already?

LORELAI: I just got finished with my business class and I thought I'd stop by.

EMILY: To see me?

LORELAI: Yes.

EMILY: Well. Isn't that nice. Come in.

LORELAI: Thanks.

Lorelai enters and Emily closes the door.

INT. GILMORE HOUSE - DAY

A far cry from the chaotic but homey clapboard house of Lorelai's, this house is very elegant and upscale. Marble floors in the entry way, heavy drapes and crystal chandeliers make up a house that says "front page of Architectural Digest" and "don't touch anything" simultaneously. They walk down the hall.

LORELAI (CONT'D): The place looks great.

EMILY: It hasn't changed.

LORELAI: Well, there you go.

INT. GILMORE LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

The living room is even more imposing then the entry way. Portraits of Emily and Lorelai's father Richard hang on the walls. Another portrait of a mischievously smiling little Lorelai also hangs on the wall. The women sit down stiffly.

LORELAI: So, how are the girls at the bridge club?

EMILY: Old.

LORELAI: Well...good.

EMILY: You said you were taking a business class?

LORELAI: Yeah. I take a business class at the college twice a week. I'm sure I've told you.

EMILY: Well, if you're "sure" then you must have.

An awkward beat passes.

LORELAI: So...I'm executive manager at the Inn now.

EMILY: Really?

LORELAI: I run the whole place.

EMILY: You must be busy.

LORELAI: It's just a matter of time before I can buy my own inn.

EMILY: Well, won't that be something.

The two women lapse back into silence for a beat.

EMILY (CONT'D): Would you like some tea?

LORELAI: I'd love some coffee

We hear the front door open. A gruff voice calls out.

RICHARD (O.S.)
Emily? I'm home.

EMILY: We're in here.

RICHARD GILMORE enters. Richard is a tall, strong, opinionated man of few words. He doesn't need that many. He stops in his tracks when he sees Lorelai.

RICHARD: What is it, Christmas already?

LORELAI: Hey, Dad.

EMILY: Lorelai was taking a business class at the college today and decided to drop in to see us.

RICHARD: What business class?

EMILY: Well, she told us about it dear, remember?

RICHARD: No.

He crosses to his very Blake Carrington bar and pours himself a drink.

RICHARD (CONT'D): (to Emily)
Is she staying for dinner?

LORELAI: No, she's not. Look, I actually came here for a reason. Dad, could you maybe sit down for a minute?

Richard stands at the bar going through the mail.

RICHARD: (not looking up)
You need money.

LORELAI: I have a situation.

RICHARD: You need money.

LORELAI: Would you please just let me get this out? Please? Rory's been accepted to Chilton.

EMILY: Chilton? Oh, that's a wonderful school. It's only five minutes from here.

LORELAI: I know it is. I've been trying for two years to get her in there. And now there's an opening and we just found out about it. She can start as early as Monday. The problem is I have to put down an enrollment fee plus this semester's tuition and I have to do it immediately or she loses her spot.

RICHARD: (beat, then without looking up)
So, you need money.

LORELAI: (small)
Yes.

Richard puts the mail down. He and Emily look at each other.

LORELAI (CONT'D): It's not for me, okay? It's for Rory. This is a great opportunity for her, and it would simply be a loan, I fully intend to pay you back every cent. I just can't let miss out on something this important. I don't ask for favors, you know that.

EMILY: Oh, yes.
(pointedly)
We know.

Richard and Emily look at each other again.

RICHARD: I'll get the checkbook.

LORELAI: Thank you. I can't tell you...thank you.

EMILY: On one condition.

LORELAI: A condition?

EMILY: Yes. Since we are now financially involved in your life, I want to be actively involved in your life.

LORELAI: What does that mean, Mother?

EMILY: It means that I want more contact. Not just holidays and birthdays. Rory's going to be going to school five minutes from here, and you yourself are in town at least twice a week, as you told us.

LORELAI: (exasperated)
I did tell you.

EMILY: I want a weekly dinner.

LORELAI: What?

EMILY: Friday nights, you and Rory will have dinner here.

LORELAI: Mom...

EMILY: And you have to call us once a week to give us an update on her schooling and your life. That's it. That's the condition. If you agree, you can come to dinner tomorrow night and leave here with a check. Otherwise, I'm sorry we can't help you.

LORELAI: (a long beat)
I don't want her to know I borrowed money from you. I want this to be between us.

EMILY: Is seven good for dinner?

LORELAI: (beaten)
Perfect.

Richard goes back to the mail leaving mother and daughter looking at each other.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

Rory is cleaning out her locker. Lane is helping her.

LANE: So, I told my mom you're changing schools.

RORY: Was she thrilled?

LANE: The party's on Friday.

Rory puts the last book in her bag and closes her locker.

RORY: Well, that's it.
(regarding locker)
Twenty - five - thirteen. It's all yours. You're gonna like it. Great front door access.

LANE: Thanks. Oops, I have to go. I have to have a pre-hayride cup of tea with the future doctor. How do I look? Korean?

RORY: The spitting image.

LANE: Good. Bye.

Lane disappears around the corner. Rory bends down to pick up some trash that spilled out of her locker. When she gets back up the mystery boy is standing there.

RORY: (startled)
God!

DEAN
Sorry.

RORY: You're like Ruth Gorden in Rosemary's Baby. Just standing there with the tannis root. Make some noise.

DEAN
Are you cleaning out your locker?

Rory gets her first good look at the beautiful stranger. She's struck. This is a very new thing for her.

DEAN (CONT'D): It looks like you're going somewhere.

RORY: Oh, right. I am.

She stares at him a beat.

DEAN
Where?

RORY: New school.

DEAN
You're moving?

RORY: No, just my books are.

DEAN
My family just moved here. From Chicago.

RORY: Chicago. Windy, Oprah...

DEAN
Yeah. That's the place.

They stand there a beat. Rory stares at the ground.

DEAN (CONT'D): I'm Dean.

RORY: Hi.
(beat, then realizing)
Oh. Rory. Me. That's...me.

DEAN
Rory.

RORY: Well, Lorelai technically.

DEAN
Lorelai. I like that.

He smiles at her. She's melting.

RORY: It's my mother's name, too. She named me after herself. She was lying in the hospital thinking about how men name boys after themselves all the time, you know? So, why couldn't women? Her feminism just took over. Although personally I think a lot of Demerol also went into the decision.
(beat)
I never talk this much.

They stand there a beat.

DEAN
Well, I'd better go.

RORY: Oh sure. Bye.

DEAN
I have to go look for a job.

Dean takes a pen and a paper scrap out of his pocket and writes something down. He holds out the paper to her.

DEAN (CONT'D): If you hear of anyone hiring around here maybe you could give me a call.

RORY: Oh sure. If I hear.

They look at each other a beat. Dean starts to walk away.

RORY (CONT'D): You know you should check with Miss Patty. She teaches dance. She was actually on Broadway once.

DEAN
I don't really dance much.

RORY: No. She just kind of knows everything that's happening in town. She'll know if someone's looking.

DEAN
Oh. Great. Thanks.

Dean starts away again. Rory looks after him wishing he'd stop but not knowing how to make him. Dean stops.

DEAN (CONT'D): Hey, what're you doing now?

RORY: Nothing. Much.
(looks at the trash in her hand)
I should throw this way at some point.

DEAN
Maybe you could show me where this Miss Patty's place is?

RORY: (brightening up)
Yeah. I guess so. I don't really have anything important to...let's go.

Rory drops the trash on the ground and they start off. Dean grabs her backpack and swings it over his shoulder.

INT. LUKE'S CUP - NIGHT

Lorelai and Rory sit eating salads. Neither with a lot of gusto. They're both a little preoccupied.

LORELAI: You were late getting home tonight.

RORY: (lying)
Yeah. I went to the library.

They sit a beat.

LORELAI: Oh, I forgot to tell you, we're having dinner with the grandparents tomorrow night.

RORY: We are?

LORELAI: Yeah.

RORY: But it's September.

LORELAI: So?

RORY: What holiday is in September?

LORELAI: (exasperated)
Look it's not a holiday thing, okay? It's just dinner.

RORY: Fine. Sorry. God.

They sit there not eating a beat. Luke, brings over their burgers.

LUKE: (to Lorelai)
Rare meat can kill you. Enjoy.

Luke walks away. Lorelai and Rory just sit a beat.

LORELAI: I finished your skirt today.

Rory doesn't answer.

LORELAI (CONT'D): A grunt of acknowledgment might be nice.

RORY: I don't understand why we're going to dinner tomorrow night. What if I had plans? You didn't even ask me.

LORELAI: If you had plans I would've known.

RORY: How?

LORELAI: You would've told me.

RORY: I don't tell you everything. I have my own things.

LORELAI: Fine. You have things.

RORY: That's right. I have things.

LORELAI: Hey, I had dibs on being the bitch tonight.

RORY: Just tonight?

LORELAI: What the hell is up your butt?

Beat.

RORY: I'm not sure I want to go to Chilton.

LORELAI: (floored)
What?

RORY: The timing is just really bad.

LORELAI: The timing is bad?

RORY: And the bus ride to and from Hartford? It's forty minutes each way. That's time I could be studying, or helping you out at the inn.

LORELAI: I can't believe what I'm hearing.

RORY: Plus, I don't think we should be spending the money right now and I know Chilton's gotta be costing you a lot.

LORELAI: (rubbing her temples)
Oh, you have no idea.

RORY: All of your money should be going toward buying an inn with Sookie.

LORELAI: What about college? What about Harvard?

RORY: We don't know that I can't get into Harvard if I stay where I am.

LORELAI: Okay, end of the crazy talk. I appreciate your concern about the money, but I've got all that covered.

RORY: I still don't want to go.

LORELAI: Why?

RORY: Because I don't.

LORELAI: I have to get out of here.

Lorelai gets up and heads for the door.

RORY: We have to pay first.

Lorelai comes back, takes a twenty out of her purse, throws it on the table and heads out. Rory follows her.

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

The two women walk in silence. Lorelai is still in shock. We hear the clip-clop of horses hooves getting closer.

A horse drawn wagon comes into frame. The wagon is filled with bails of hay, and kids, including a miserable looking Lane flanked on both sides by two somber Korean boys. The hayride passes Lorelai and Rory.

They walk past the old converted town hall that sports a big sign: "MISS PATTY'S SCHOOL OF BALLET, GYMNASTICS, ICE SKATING, CHEERLEADING, BATON TWIRLING, AND MODELING." The front door is open and we see a room full of tiny girls in black leotards, pink tights, and green tutu's. Standing just outside the front door is MISS PATTY. A two hundred pound, heavily made-up woman of indeterminable age, Miss Patty was formerly a professional dancer who at some point decided having a sandwich was more important then working with Bob Fosse. Miss Patty is smoking a cigarette and pounding a cane to help the girls keep time.

MISS PATTY: One two three, one two three it's a waltz ladies. Susie you have to tinkle? Then uncross your legs, darling.

Patty sees Lorelai and Rory walking by.

MISS PATTY (CONT'D): Rory, good. I think I found a job for your male friend.

Rory looks up startled. Lorelai stops in her tracks.

LORELAI: What male friend?

MISS PATTY: They need a stock boy at the super market. I already talked to Taylor Doose about him. You tell him to go by tomorrow.

RORY: (weakly)
Okay. Thanks.

MISS PATTY: Cute boy. You have good taste.
(back to the little ballerinas)
Hands in the air, not in the nose!

Rory starts walking faster. She walks right past Lorelai not looking at her.

LORELAI: What male friend?

Rory picks up her pace.

LORELAI (CONT'D): Oh, you're going to have to walk a lot faster then that. You're going to have to turn into friggin' FloJo to get away from me.

Lorelai takes off after her.

INT. LORELAI'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Rory enters and slams the door. Lorelai enters right on her heels. The door gets slammed again.

LORELAI: This is about a boy. Of course. I can't believe I didn't see it. All this talk about money and bus rides...you've got a thing going with a guy and you don't want to leave school.

RORY: I'm going to bed.

LORELAI: God, I'm so dense. That should've been my first thought. After all, you're me.

RORY: (emphatically)
I'm not you.

LORELAI: Really? Someone willing to throw important life experiences out the window to be with a guy? Sounds like me to me.

RORY: Whatever.

LORELAI: So who is he?

RORY: There's no guy.

LORELAI: Dark hair? Romantic eyes? Looks a little dangerous?

RORY: This conversation is over.

LORELAI: Tattoos are good too.

RORY: I don't want to change schools because of all the reasons that I already told you a thousand times. If you don't want to believe me, that's fine. Good-night.

LORELAI: Does he have a motorcycle? 'Cause if you're going to throw your life away, he'd better have a motorcycle!

Rory exits off to her bedroom.

INT. RORY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Rory is changing into her sweats. Lorelai enters.

RORY: Thanks for the knock.

LORELAI: Rory, please, just talk to me.

Rory gets into bed, grabs a book and proceeds to read.

LORELAI (CONT'D): Fine, I'll talk. Look, don't get me wrong. Guys are great. I'm a huge fan of guys. You don't get knocked up at sixteen being indifferent to guys. But babe, guys are always going to be there. This school isn't. It's more important. It has to be more important.

RORY: Please, let me go to sleep.

LORELAI: You've always been the sensible one in this house. I need you to remember that feeling now. You will kick your own ass later if you blow this.

RORY: Well, it's my ass.

LORELAI: Okay, you know what? We've always had a democracy here. Nothing happened unless we both agreed. But this time I'm gonna have to play the "Mom" card.

She stands up.

LORELAI (CONT'D): You're going to Chilton. I don't care whether you want to or not. Monday morning you will be there, end of story.

RORY: We'll see.

LORELAI: Yes, we will.

Lorelai exits the room. Rory turns on her CD player. Macy Gray's "I Try" plays as Rory lays there miserable.

INT. LORELAI'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Lorelai enters and slams the door. She turns on her CD player. The same Macy Gray song, "I Try", plays as she lies down on her bed miserable.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

FADE IN:

INT. INDEPENDENCE KITCHEN - DAY

A team of burly men are moving an enormous stove out of the kitchen. Black smoke pours from it. Lorelai is signing a clipboard full of papers. A very distraught Sookie stands next to her.

SOOKIE: I swear, I don't know what happened.

LORELAI: It's not important.

SOOKIE: I've made that dish a hundred times. It's never exploded.

LORELAI: It's fine.

SOOKIE: (tearing up)
Oh God, I killed a Viking.

Lorelai hands the delivery man back his clipboard. He exits.

SOOKIE (CONT'D): You should fire me. Or at least take the cost of the new stove out of my paycheck.

LORELAI: Whatever you want.

SOOKIE: I can't afford to pay for a new stove. Those things are expensive.

LORELAI: Sookie, please, I'm begging you, pull yourself together because I got no sleep last night and I think I put my pantyhose on backwards.

SOOKIE: Rory's still mad at you?

LORELAI: Hey, I'm not so crazy about her either.

SOOKIE: It was just a fight. Mothers and daughters fight.

LORELAI: No. We don't fight. We never fight.

Michel enters.

MICHEL: You told me to inform you when your daughter arrived. Well, she's here and she's sitting in my chair.

LORELAI: I'll be back in minute.

Lorelai rushes out of the kitchen. Michel looks at the empty hole where the stove once stood, and then at Sookie.

MICHEL: And you're the one left standing. Life's a funny, funny thing, no?

INT. FRONT DESK - DAY

Rory is sitting in a chair reading. Lorelai walks over.

LORELAI: Hey, no muumuu today. You know what's weird? I kind of miss it.

RORY: You left me a note to meet you here.

LORELAI: Yeah, I thought maybe you could help out for a couple of hours. We've got this wedding tomorrow, things are crazy. You could make a little extra cash.

RORY: (goes back to her reading)
Fine.

LORELAI: So, are you going to give me the "mommy dearest" treatment forever?

RORY: You wanted me here, I'm here. Should I do something, or what?

LORELAI: (fed up with her)
Yeah. Go home. Dinner's at seven. Be ready to go.

RORY: Fine.

Rory exits. Lorelai looks after her. Michel comes over.

MICHEL: (happily)
Ah, my chair.

He sits at his chair. Lorelai goes in the back office and slams the door.

EXT. ORNATE DOOR - NIGHT

The huge ornate door fills the screen. We pull back to find a now very dressed up Lorelai and Rory standing there. As usual Lorelai is holding a unusually large container of coffee. The weather's cold but Lorelai still won't ring the bell. They stand there a beat. Finally Rory speaks.

RORY: So...do we go in or stand here reenacting the "Little Match Box Girl"?

LORELAI: Okay, look, I know you hate me. I'm the most horrible woman in the world. Message received. But I need you to be civil me, just for dinner. And then on the way home you can pull a Menendez. Deal?

RORY: Fine.

LORELAI: (mumbling to herself) Fine. Everything's fine. That's her favorite word lately.

Lorelai rings the bell. The door opens.

Emily answers, looking even more regal then she did before.

EMILY: Well, you're right on time.

LORELAI: Yeah, no traffic at all.

Lorelai and Rory enter.

INT. ENTRY WAY - CONTINUOUS

Lorelai and Rory enter.

EMILY: I can't tell you what a treat this is to have you girls here.

LORELAI: Yeah. We're pretty excited, too.

Emily looks at Lorelai's coffee container.

EMILY: Is that a collector's cup or can I throw it away for you?

LORELAI: Oh, I can do it.

She starts to drop the cup into a small waste basket.

EMILY: In the kitchen, please.

LORELAI: Right. Sorry.

EMILY: Rory. Just let me look at you. You are just exquisite. Look at that skin. Oh, it's so good to see you.

Emily gives Rory a long hug.

RORY: It's good to see you too, Grandma.

Lorelai and Rory take their coats off and hang them up.

EMILY: (grabbing Rory's hands and leading her into the living room)
So, I want to hear all about Chilton.

RORY: Well, I haven't actually started yet.

They exit into the living room. Lorelai drops her cup into the forbidden trash can and follows them in.

INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Richard is sitting reading a paper. Emily and Rory enter with Lorelai right behind them.

EMILY: Richard, look who's here.

He glances up.

RICHARD: Rory. You're tall.

RORY: I guess.

RICHARD: What's your height?

RORY: Five eight.

RICHARD: That's tall. She's tall.

He goes back to his paper.

LORELAI: Hi, Dad.

RICHARD: Rory. Your daughter's tall.

RORY: Yeah. It's freakish. We're going to have her studied at M.I.T.

Emily goes to the bar and starts pouring champagne.

EMILY: Champagne anyone?

LORELAI: Champagne. Wow. Fancy.

EMILY: Well, it's not every day that I have my girls here for dinner on a day the banks are open...A toast.

She hands a glass to Lorelai and a glass to Rory.

EMILY (CONT'D): To Rory entering Chilton. And an exciting new phase in her life.

RICHARD: (still reading the paper)
Here, here.

They all toast and take a sip of champagne.

EMILY: This is so exciting. An education is the most important thing in the world, after family.

LORELAI: And pie.

Emily and Richard look at her.

LORELAI (CONT'D): Joke.

EMILY: Ah.

The room sinks into silence with Lorelai and Emily avoiding each others eyes. Without looking up Richard hands Rory part of the paper.

INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

The dining room is formal and a bit Citizen Kane-ish. Several large silver platters with domed lids have been set on the table.

EMILY: Rory, how do you like the lamb?

RORY: It's good.

EMILY: Too dry?

RORY: No.

EMILY: Tina always leaves it in too long. I'll have her make something else.

RORY: Please don't. It's fine.

EMILY: Well, alright then.

Beat.

LORELAI: The potatoes are a little salty though.

EMILY: Excuse me?

RORY: (jumping in)
So, Grandpa, how's the insurance biz?

RICHARD: People die, we pay. People crash cars, we pay. People lose a foot, we pay.

LORELAI: Well, at least you've got your new slogan.

RICHARD: And how are things at the motel?

LORELAI: The inn. They're fine.

EMILY: Lorelai is the executive manager now. Isn't that wonderful?

RICHARD: Speaking of which, Christopher called yesterday.

LORELAI: (incredulous)
"Speaking of which"? How is that a "speaking of which"?

RICHARD: He's doing very well out in California. He's got his own practice now.
(to Rory)
He's a very talented man, your father.

LORELAI: She knows.

RICHARD: (to Rory)
Always was a smart one, that boy. You must take after him.

Rory shoots a look at her mother nervously. Lorelai's pissed.

LORELAI: Speaking of which, I'm going to get a Coke...or a knife.

Lorelai exits into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

The kitchen is huge, with state-of-the-art restaurant quality appliances. There are dirty pots pans everywhere. Tina, the maid, is piping whipped cream on the dessert. Lorelai enters, fuming. She paces around trying to figure out what to do next. She spots a sink full of dishes. She grabs a pair of rubber gloves and furiously starts to wash them. Lorelai looks over at the stunned maid.

LORELAI: (gruffly)
Hey, how're ya doing?

She continues to scrub like a mad woman.

INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Emily and Richard continue to eat. Rory stares at the kitchen door. She starts to get up.

RORY: I think I'm going to go talk to...

EMILY: No. I'll go. You stay and keep your Grandfather company.

Rory sits down reluctantly. Emily goes into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME

Emily enters to find Lorelai at the sink.

EMILY: Lorelai, come back to the table.

LORELAI: He's a piece of work, my father.

EMILY: He didn't mean anything by that.

LORELAI: Is this what it's going to be like every Friday night? I come over here and let the two of you attack me?

EMILY: You're being very dramatic.

LORELAI: Dramatic? Were you at that table just now?

EMILY: Yes, I was, and I think you took what your father said the wrong way.

LORELAI: How could you take that the wrong way? What was left open to interpretation?

INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Richard persues the paper as Rory stares at the kitchen door. You can clearly hear the conversation going on inside.

EMILY (O.S.)
Keep your voice down.

LORELAI (O.S.)
No. I can't take it anymore. Tonight has been like a nightmare.

EMILY (O.S.)
You're dripping all over the floor!

LORELAI (O.S.)
So, sue me. Hire Christopher to be your lawyer. That would be cozy!

Rory is starting to get uncomfortable.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

LORELAI (CONT'D): Why do you pounce on every single thing I say?

EMILY: That's absurd. You've barely uttered a word all night.

LORELAI: That's not true.

EMILY: You said "pie".

LORELAI: Oh, come on.

EMILY: You did. All I heard you say was "pie".

LORELAI: Why would he bring up Christopher? Was that necessary?

EMILY: He likes Christopher.

LORELAI: Well, isn't that interesting? Because as I remember, when Christopher got me pregnant, Dad didn't like him so much.

EMILY: Oh well, please. You were sixteen. What were we supposed to do, throw the two of you a party? We were disappointed. The two of you had such bright futures.

LORELAI: Yes. And by not getting married we got to keep those bright futures.

EMILY: When you get pregnant, you get married. A child needs a mother and a father.

LORELAI: Mom, do you think Christopher would be a lawyer right now if we had gotten married? Do you think he'd be anything at all?

EMILY: Yes, I do. Your father would have put him in the insurance business and you'd be living a lovely life right now!

EMILY: That's right. Far away from us.

LORELAI: Oh, here we go.

EMILY: You took that girl and completely shut us out of your life. You moved, you wouldn't accept our help, our money...

LORELAI: You wanted to control my life.

EMILY: You were still a child.

LORELAI: I stopped being a child the minute the strip turned pink, okay? I had to figure out how to build a life. I found a good job...

EMILY: As a maid. With all your brains and talents.

LORELAI: I worked my way up. I run the place now. I built a life on my own. With no help from anyone.

EMILY: And think of where you would've been if you had accepted a little help, hmm? And where would Rory have been?

INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

The voices are crystal clear.

EMILY (O.S.)
If it weren't for your ridiculous pride your life could've been better. But no. You were too proud to take anything from anyone. You were always too proud to accept anything from anyone.

LORELAI (O.S.)
I wasn't too proud to come here to you two, begging for money for my kid's school, was I?

Rory looks up, stunned. This is big news to her.

INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

EMILY: No, but you're too proud to let her know where you got it from, aren't you? Well, fine. You have your precious pride. And I have my weekly dinners. Isn't that nice? We both win.

Emily exits back in to the butler's pantry. Lorelai stands there exhausted.

INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Rory doesn't know what to do now. She turns toward her Grandfather.

ANGLE ON: Richard. His head dropped. He's fast asleep.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Lorelai drives silently. Rory looks at her mother a beat.

RORY: So...you want to get a cup of coffee?

LORELAI: Desperately.

INT. LUKE'S - NIGHT

Lorelai and Rory enter. They sit at their usual table.

RORY: So, nice dinner at the grandparents house.

LORELAI: Yep. Her dishes have never been cleaner.

RORY: You and Grandma seemed to have a nice talk.

LORELAI: How much did you hear?

RORY: Oh, not much. You know, snippets.

LORELAI: Snippets.

RORY: Little snippets.

LORELAI: So you heard everything.

RORY: Basically. Yes.

LORELAI: (sighs)
Well, the best laid plans.

RORY: I think it was very brave of you to ask them for money.

LORELAI: I so do not want to talk about it.

RORY: How many meals is it going to take till we're off the hook?

LORELAI: I think my funeral will be the last one.
(beat, then realizing)
Oh, wait, does this mean...

RORY: I can't let a perfectly good plaid skirt go to waste.

LORELAI: You won't be sorry.

Luke comes over. He's dressed in a clean button up shirt and a good pair of 501's. He cleans up good.

LORELAI: Wow. You look...nice. Really nice.

LUKE: Oh, I had a meeting earlier. At the bank. They like collars. You look nice too.

LORELAI: Yeah, well, I had a flagellation to go to.

LUKE: So, what'll you have?

LORELAI: Coffee. In a bowl.

RORY: I'll have Coffee also. And chili fries.

DUKE
That's quite a refined palate you got there.

Duke walks off. Lorelai watches him go a beat. She then turns back to Rory.

LORELAI: Behold the healing powers of a shower.
(turning back to Rory)
So.

RORY: What?

LORELAI: Tell me about the guy.

RORY: You know what's really special about our relationship? The total understanding about the need for one's privacy. I mean, you really understand boundaries.

LORELAI: (beat)
So, tell me about the guy.

RORY: Mom...

LORELAI: Is he dreamy?

RORY: Oh, that's so Nick at Nite.

LORELAI: I'm going to find out anyhow.

RORY: Really, how?

LORELAI: I'll spy

Duke brings over the coffee and the fries.

DUKE
Fries and coffee. I can't stand it. This is so unhealthy. Rory, please, put down that cup of coffee. You do not want to grow up to be like your mom.

RORY: Sorry. Too late.

Lorelai smiles at Rory, then sips her coffee happily as we:

FADE OUT:

END OF SHOW

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