written by Joan Binder Weiss
directed by Alan Myerson
transcript by Stacy
OPEN AT MISS PATTY'S DANCE STUDIO
[Townspeople are gathered for a town meeting]
MISS PATTY: This town meeting will come to order.
TAYLOR: No one is listening to me.
MISS PATTY: Oh, Taylor, calm down.
TAYLOR: I can't calm down, I'm being persecuted.
MISS PATTY: I promise that we hear you.
ANDREW: We've been hearing you for 20 minutes.
TAYLOR: Well, excuse me, Andrew, but some of us have businesses to run that don't involve peddling drug paraphernalia to kids.
ANDREW: It was a lava lamp, Taylor.
TAYLOR: There is no use for a lava lamp unless you're on drugs.
ANDREW: Oh, for crying out loud.
MISS PATTY: Now we've already agreed to look into your accusations, let's just move on. . .
[Lorelai, carrying food and drinks, slides into her seat next to Rory.]
LORELAI: [whispers to Rory] What'd I miss?
RORY: [whispers] Taylor Doose wants the no-parking zone in front of his store removed. He says his customers are being unfairly ticketed.
LORELAI: [whispers] No, it's just because he wants to park there all day.
RORY: [whispers] Genius.
MAYOR: I have been mayor of this fine town for a long time. I tend to think of all of you as my children. Unfortunately, sometimes children have to be disciplined. Now I'm going to say something and I'm only gonna say it once. . .we have leash laws, people.
LORELAI: Daddy's getting angry.
MAYOR: Rover will not leash himself.
RORY: Hm, good point.
MAYOR: I would like to now move on to something of even greater importance. As you all know, this coming Friday is the anniversary of the legendary Battle of Stars Hollow. [applause]
LORELAI: [whispers] Where's Luke?
RORY: [whispers] Up there.
MAYOR: Penny will be circulating a sign up sheet for those of you who would like to participate in the reenactment of foresaid battle.
RORY: He's turning red.
LORELAI: Oh, oh.
MAYOR: All right. It was a frigid November night, some 224 years ago.
LORELAI: He's shifting in his seat
MAYOR: The brave Stars Hollow militia stood in wait for the Red Coats.
RORY: He's adjusting the cap.
MAYOR: Tired and hungry, twelve proud men took their positions in the town's square, braving the elements. . .
LORELAI: He's fighting the urge, he's fighting the urge.
MAYOR: . . .and imminent death in their valiant efforts. . .
LUKE: Oh, for God's Sake, do we have to go through this every damn year!
RORY: And the urge wins by a long shot!
LUKE: I thought we were here to discuss town issues.
TAYLOR: This is a town issue.
MAYOR: Excuse me, who's talking?
LUKE: It's me, Harry, Luke. You've known me since I was 5 years old.
MAYOR: Oh, Luke, yes. Sit down. Now as I was saying, twelve heroic men assembled with guns drawn ready to meet their maker.
LUKE: What are you talking about? Twelve guys stood in a row all night.
MAYOR: Waiting for the Red Coats.
LUKE: Who never showed!
MAYOR: Now just a minute!
LUKE: Twelve guys stood in a row all night waiting for an enemy that never showed. They got stood up. They should've been wearing prom dresses.
TAYLOR: I've had just about enough of this.
LUKE: Sit down, Taylor.
LUKE: Suck up.
LORELAI: Five bucks says somebody ends up in a headlock.
RORY: You're on!
LUKE: Have any of you ever considered the fact that you're glorifying a war we fought so we could keep land that we stole?
MAYOR: If you don't like it here in America, why don't you go stand in line for toilet paper in the USSR!
LUKE: There is no more USSR, Harry.
LORELAI: A sense of community is so important, isn't it?
RORY: It's what made our country great.
MAYOR: . . .that is a known fact, if you're so interested in facts!
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai wakes up in the middle of the night, walks downstairs to the living room, opens the window, and takes a deep breath. She walks over and pushes play on the answering machine, then brings the answering machine over to the couch as a message plays from Max.]
MAX: [on answering machine] Lorelai, it's Max. . .Medina. Maaaax Medina. And once again we miss each other. It's now 2 o'clock in the afternoon on Thursday and I'm in my office grading a paper titled "Emily Dickinson: Get a life." Anyhow, as I sit here losing my faith in mankind, I wonder if we're ever gonna actually go on that date we talked about many moons ago. I teach a night class in Stamford twice a week, and when I pass that Stars Hollow sign on the turnpike, I think, out there is a beautiful woman that I someday hope to spend time with. Anyhow, I'm just thinking about you, and I don't know, maybe next week we can find some time. Goodbye Lorelai. . .Gilmore. You knew that. Okay, bye. [Lorelai pushes play again] Lorelai, it's Max. . .Medina. Maaaax Medina.
[Rory comes out of her bedroom and walks toward the living room]
MAX: [on answering machine]. . .And once again we miss each other. . . [Lorelai stops the message]
RORY: What are you doing up?
LORELAI: I couldn't sleep.
RORY: Its freezing in here. [she walks over to shut the window]
LORELAI: Wait, close your eyes and breathe. [Rory does] I smell snow.
RORY: Ah, it's that time of year.
LORELAI: Can't you smell it?
RORY: You know, it's like dogs and high-pitched noises. I think it's something only you can smell.
[Rory sits down next to Lorelai and pulls a blanket over the both of them]
LORELAI: I love snow.
RORY: Really, I had no idea.
LORELAI: Everything's magical when it snows, everything looks pretty. The clothes are great. Coats, scarves, gloves, hats.
RORY: Thermal underwear, wool socks, ear flaps.
LORELAI: Do you know that the best things in my life have happened when it snowed?
RORY: Why, yes, I do.
LORELAI: My best birthday.
RORY: Your first kiss.
LORELAI: Your first steps. They all happened when it snowed.
RORY: Feet. [pulls the blanket over their feet]
LORELAI: I feel good. Tingly.
RORY: That's called frostbite.
LORELAI: You are mocking your mother, the woman who birthed you.
RORY: I'm sorry.
LORELAI: During a snowstorm, might I add.
RORY: So, how soon is it supposed to hit?
LORELAI: Hm. Tomorrow. . .definitely tomorrow.
RORY: Okay, then, tomorrow it is.
RORY: You, me, donuts, coffee, standing out in a snowstorm.
LORELAI: At midnight?
RORY: At midnight.
LORELAI: You are my favorite daughter.
RORY: So, how many times are you gonna listen to that?
LORELAI: 'Til it stops being sexy.
RORY: Stop! That's my teacher you're talking about. I have to respect him.
LORELAI: Okay, well, if it makes you feel any better, while he's being sexy, he's also being grammatically correct.
RORY: Better. Thank you.
LORELAI: Sorry I woke you up.
RORY: That's okay. It's all fodder for the tell-all. Goodnight.
[Rory walks back to her bedroom. Lorelai pushes play on the answering machine and pulls the blanket over her head]
MAX: [on answering machine] Lorelai, it's Max. . .Medina. Maaaax Medina. . .
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN LOBBY
[Michel walks in from outside]
LORELAI: Hey, how is it out there?
MICHEL: It is cold and gray like a fat dead pigeon.
LORELAI: Ah, we'll need to pull out the sleds, people might want to sled. Ooh, and the parkas, we'll need the parkas.
MICHEL: For what?
LORELAI: In case anyone wants to hike.
MICHEL: You do know that not everyone finds the idea of being pelted with frozen water appealing.
LORELAI: I know, and how sad for them.
MICHEL: The thrilling sensation of getting lost in a blizzard, of freezing to death in the woods, and having to eat your friend's buttocks to stay alive, that is lost on many people.
LORELAI: I am telling you, five minutes in a snowball fight, we could knock that stick right out of your butt.
[Sookie comes out of the kitchen]
SOOKIE: Okay, how does this sound? Maple sugar snowflakes on all the pillows.
LORELAI: Oh, that's sounds wonderful!
MICHEL: Make them in the shape of a buttock, get people used to them.
SOOKIE: Okay, is that a real suggestion?
LORELAI: Sookie, please, who is speaking?
SOOKIE: Michel, right, okay. Snowflakes it is.
[Sookie goes back to the kitchen. Rory and Lane, dressed in her band uniform, enter the inn.]
LANE: I just can't believe it. I mean, I sat next to him at practice for months, and then one day I look over and it's Rich. Rich Bloomingfeld.
RORY: Where is my chemistry book? I had it at your house yesterday, didn't I?
LANE: Rory, focus, please.
RORY: I'm sorry. I just can't find my book.
LORELAI: Hey babe. Sergeant pepper.
RORY: Mom, do you know where my. . .
LORELAI: Big scary chemistry book is? Behind the desk.
RORY: Oh, thank God. [goes to get the book]
[Lorelai glances over Lane's band outfit]
[Rory returns with the book]
RORY: So, is Sookie in the kitchen?
LORELAI: And there she'll stay. [walks away]
RORY: Okay, so where were we?
LANE: I just met my soul mate.
RORY: Right, Rich Bloomingfeld. Does he still wear the Star Trek shirt?
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
[Sookie is talking to another chef at the stove]
SOOKIE: Now, remember, you do not take your eyes off this for a minute 'cause the second you do, it will boil and then it's ruined. So, just stand there and stare at it, okay?
[Rory and Lane enter]
RORY: Hey Sookie.
SOOKIE: Hey kitty cats. Cinnamon buns are over there.
RORY: Do you have any of those rocky road cookies that you made yesterday?
SOOKIE: I can scrounge some up. Lane, you need a bag?
LANE: No, thank you.
SOOKIE: [to chef] You staring?
CHEF: I'm staring.
SOOKIE: Thank you. [walks off]
LANE: So, anyhow, Rich has this amazing hair.
LANE: Oh my God, it's so perfect. It's thick but it's not too thick, and it's got really good natural wave, so he probably uses way less product than most guys.
RORY: Always a plus. Hey, what time is it?
LANE: I don't know
RORY: I have to get to the bus stop. Dean's meeting me there.
LANE: But I'm trying to talk to you about this.
RORY: I know, we'll talk on the way.
[Sookie walks over and hands Rory a bag of cookies]
SOOKIE: Here you go.
RORY: Thank you, Sookie.
LORELAI: Hey, sweets. I have a locksmith coming to the house today like five-ish, and I don't know how long it'll take, so will you tell Grandma and Grandpa that I'm gonna be late, and that I'm having Satan's baby. You pick the order.
RORY: I'll relay the time message but I'm leaving the rest up to you.
[Lorelai grabs the bag of cookies]
LORELAI: What is this? You hate rocky road cookies.
RORY: I do not. [takes the bag back.]
LORELAI: Oh, I'm sorry. That must be my other daughter, Schmory.
RORY: We're leaving now.
LORELAI: Wait a minute. I know who likes rocky road cookies.
LORELAI: Dean. They're for Dean.
SOOKIE: She's bringing baked goods to a boy. Wow, serious!
LORELAI: [in high voice] Here Dean, these cookies are for you, 'cause you're keen.
SOOKIE: Rory's in love!
LORELAI: Love, love, love, Dean, Dean, Dean!
SOOKIE: [singing] Cookies for the love and the Dean and the cookies for the love and the Dean and the cookies for the love and the . . .
LORELAI: [singing] Dean and the love and the Dean and the love and the Dean and the love. . .
[Rory and Lane leave the kitchen]
LORELAI: Okay, we can stop, she's gone now.
SOOKIE: But it's fun.
LORELAI: Well, you're on your own.
SOOKIE: [singing] The cookies for the Dean and the Rory and the cookies for the love with the Dean. . .
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Rory and Lane walk toward the bus stop]
LANE: I just can't believe it. I mean, I've known him since the sixth grade, but suddenly he's different. He's not gangly anymore. You remember how gangly he was?
RORY: I'm sorry, what?
LANE: You're not listening to me.
RORY: I am, I'm sorry. I just couldn't find my bookmark. Okay, go ahead.
LANE: Okay, here are the problems facing the whole Bloomingfeld-Kim situation.
RORY: One, hyphenation would be a pain.
LANE: Two, he's my band partner. Romance would be completely awkward. Three, he's never even looked at me like I'm a girl or something resembling one. [Lane and Rory sit on a bench] Four, there's no way I could convince my parents he was Korean. But I can't help it, I'm obsessed. Did I tell you about his hair?
RORY: It's on his head, right?
[Dean, from behind the bench, leans in between the two of them]
DEAN: Nice hat. [Dean sits on the bench and hands Rory a book] Here.
RORY: Oh, how'd you like it?
DEAN: Well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
RORY: Aha! You liked it, you liked Jane Austen. I knew you would. Lane, Dean likes Jane Austen.
LANE: Wow, who would've thought.
RORY: I told him he would, but he was all, 'Forget Jane Austen, you have to read Hunter Thompson.'
DEAN: You do have to read Hunter Thompson.
RORY: Not as much as you needed to read Jane Austen.
DEAN: Yeah, yeah. Hey, what's that? [picks up the bag of cookies]
RORY: Just some cookies.
DEAN: Rocky road.
DEAN: Wow, she brings me cookies. How can I repay her?
RORY: How about a little Charlotte Bronte?
DEAN: How about something else? [kisses her]
RORY: That's good, too.
LANE: Okay, I gotta go. I am gonna be late for homeroom, and I have that perfect attendance certificate in my sights.
RORY: See you later.
LANE: Yeah, see ya.
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN LOBBY
[Lorelai walks in through the front door]
LORELAI: Ladies and gentlemen, we have flakes. Flakes have been sighted. Flakage, if you will, has begun. [walks to the front desk] Michel, it's the first snowfall of the season. It's very lucky. Make a wish.
MICHEL: Get away from me.
LORELAI: Oh, you're not supposed to say it out loud.
[Michel goes to answer the ringing phone]
MICHEL: Independence Inn, Michel speaking.
LORELAI: The world changes when it snows. It gets quiet. Everything softens.
MICHEL: [holds out phone] It's your mother.
LORELAI: And then the rain comes. [takes phone] Hi, Mom.
EMILY: Have you seen the news?
EMILY: A bad storm is heading your way. It's already hitting us here.
LORELAI: Well, don't panic. I'll get the ark, you get the animals.
EMILY: I just sent Lance to pick up Rory at school. The roads are terrible, black ice everywhere, it's just a mess out there. I hate this kind of weather. So, anyhow, what time will you get here?
LORELAI: Well, uh, gee, Mom, I don't know, let me see. Black ice, treacherous roads. . . I guess I'll just put on my red, white, and blue leotard, grab my golden lasso and fly the invisible plane on over.
EMILY: You're not coming?
LORELAI: Well, if it's as bad as you say it is, I don't see how I'd get there.
EMILY: Well, I guess it'll just be the three of us then.
LORELAI: I guess so.
EMILY: And you know, Rory should probably spend the night tonight also.
EMILY: And if it's still bad tomorrow. . .
LORELAI: Mom, why don't you wait and see what the weather does before you fill out a change of address card for her.
[Rory enters Emily's living room]
RORY: Hey, Grandma.
EMILY: Rory's here.
LORELAI: Put her on a sec.
EMILY: [hands phone to Rory] Rory, it's your mother.
RORY: [on phone] Hey.
LORELAI: Hi. Things bad out there, huh?
RORY: It's crazy. There's snow coming down everywhere, and let me just tell you, saddle shoes are not the best all-weather footwear.
LORELAI: Aw, you fell.
LORELAI: Yikes. I'm sorry.
RORY: So what's the deal? Are you coming over tonight?
LORELAI: No, I guess I'm pretty much stuck in the Hollow tonight.
RORY: Bummer. Well, we can take our snow walk tomorrow night?
LORELAI: Absolutely. All right, now, honey, tell Grandma that you arrived there not a member of the Junior League, I'd like you to leave there the same way.
RORY: Call if you get lonely.
LORELAI: I will. Bye.
CUT TO OUTSIDE THE DINER
[That night, the reenactors pass by Luke in front of the diner.]
LUKE: Harry, come on, stop this before somebody drives through town and thinks the local mental institution has bad padlocks.
HARRY: Luke, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Your father was a reenactor.
LUKE: Yes, and I thought he was crazy also.
TAYLOR: Who's stepping on my musket?
KIRK: That'd be me.
TAYLOR: Well, stop it.
[The reenactors walk toward their standing area. Lorelai walks over to Luke]
LORELAI: There goes the fire chief, the police chief and the one paramedic with a valid license. I feel safe, don't you?
LUKE: Look at them, all relatively intelligent men, but there they are dressed up in costumes, standing out in a snowstorm, and for what?
LORELAI: Because it's tradition.
LUKE: Tradition is a trap, it allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything in the past was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It's a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then, too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing.
LORELAI: I think some traditions are nice. Birthdays. Holidays. Taking a walk in the first snow of the season.
LUKE: I didn't get the Hallmark card for that one.
LORELAI: When I was five, I had a really bad ear infection and I had been home in bed for a week and I was very sad. So I wished really hard that something wonderful would happen to me, and I woke up the next morning and it had snowed. And I was sure that some fairy godmother had done it just for me. It was my little present.
LUKE: Your parents never explained the concept of weather to you?
LORELAI: I am making a point, Mouthy McGee. Of course, many years later, I realized that logically, the snow was not there for me personally. But, still, when it snows, something inside me says, 'hey, that's your present.' I don't think it'll ever change.
[Luke glances at the reenactors]
LUKE: My father used to be one of those guys.
LUKE: Yeah, he even had his own musket.
LUKE: Never had to rent it.
LORELAI: Where is the musket now?
LUKE: He was buried with it.
LUKE: Yup. He loved that musket.
LORELAI: That's nice. . .in a disturbing sort of way.
LUKE: Come on in, I'll get you some coffee.
LORELAI: No, thanks. I'm gonna walk around. Enjoy my present a little.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW HIGH SCHOOL
[A group of band students are standing out in front of the school]
BAND TEACHER: People, people, please get into formation. Hats on and instruments in place. Do not - I repeat, do not - actually put instruments to your mouths until we are inside. Remember what happened to the flautist last year.
[A band student is kneeling on the ground getting out his instrument. Lane reaches down and runs her finger through his hair. He looks up and gives her a strange look.]
[Other kids around her start laughing. She grabs her stuff and runs away.]
CUT TO THE SIDEWALK
[Lorelai is walking in the snowfall. She stops when she sees Max Medina in front of the auto repair shop up ahead. They smile at each other.]
LORELAI: I smell snow.
[Lorelai walks over to Max]
MAX: Well, well, well.
LORELAI: What's up, Teach?
MAX: What are you doing here?
LORELAI: I live here. What are you doing here?
MAX: I was on my way back from Stamford, and my car decided to stop.
LORELAI: In my town?
LORELAI: Good car.
MAX: It's nice to see you.
LORELAI: You, too.
MAX: You know, a minute ago, I was really angry about something and now I just can't remember what it was.
LORELAI: Well, that's snow for you.
MAX: I guess so.
LORELAI: So, this is quite a predicament you're in. Stranded here in a strange town with no one you know. Oh, wait. . .
MAX: Where's Rory tonight?
LORELAI: She's in Hartford with her grandparents.
MAX: That must be nice.
LORELAI: Whatever you say.
MAX: So, Rory's in Hartford.
MAX: And I'm in Stars Hollow.
MAX: And you are. . .
LORELAI: Trying to figure out where I should take you.
MAX: No, no, no, no, where I should take you.
LORELAI: This is my town. You know nothing around here.
MAX: No, but I was the one who asked you out initially, so therefore I am still obligated to do the taking.
LORELAI: Yes, but I was the one who did the canceling after you did the asking, therefore you forfeit your taking rights to me, the canceler.
MAX: So we're actually gonna do this?
LORELAI: Yes, we are.
MAX: Let me just give this guy my keys and then we'll go.
MAX: Great's an understatement.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Emily is on the phone, Richard is reading the newspaper, and Rory is doing her homework at the table]
EMILY: [on phone] Well, I just don't understand why you waited so late to call. . . Are you sure? . . . Fine. . .All right, yes, goodbye. [hangs up phone] Well, I don't know what I'm gonna do now.
RICHARD: What's the problem, Emily?
EMILY: The problem is that apparently Florence cannot get here because of the storm.
EMILY: Our cook.
RICHARD: Ah. Well, we'll just have to go out then.
EMILY: Oh, please, Richard, pay attention. We can't go out. It's miserable out there.
RICHARD: Well, we'll figure something out then.
EMILY: What? What will we figure out?
RICHARD: Well, I don't know, but. . .
EMILY: I hate the damn snow.
RICHARD: Emily, calm down.
EMILY: This is a serious problem. These Friday dinners are the only proper food that child eats all week.
RICHARD: Rory, are you in any way malnourished or in need of some international relief organization to recruit a celebrity to raise money on your account?
RORY: I'm good.
RICHARD: She's good, Emily.
EMILY: Your sense of humor rears its ugly head at the oddest of times, Richard.
RICHARD: Emily, I am not the mastermind behind some great scheme to spoil your dinner plans and I don't care to be treated as such.
EMILY: So you're fine with having no dinner tonight, is that it?
RICHARD: I certainly am not.
RORY: Hey, how about I check the fridge? I'm sure there's something in there we could whip up.
EMILY: Whip up?
RORY: Yeah, come on. It'll be fun, I promise.
EMILY: Well, come on, Mr. We'll Figure it Out.
CUT TO EMILY'S KITCHEN
[Rory, Emily and Richard peer into the fridge]
RICHARD: Not a blessed thing.
RORY: Hey, there's frozen pizza.
EMILY: How in the world did that get there?
RORY: Maybe you bought it and forgot about it.
EMILY: I have never bought frozen pizza. It must belong to Anna.
RICHARD: The maid.
RICHARD: Ah, got one.
[Rory pulls out the pizza]
EMILY: What are you doing?
RORY: I'm gonna make it.
EMILY: Oh, Rory, you're not serious.
RICHARD: That hardly looks like dinner.
EMILY: I agree. Rory, that's food you eat at a carnival, or in a Turkish prison.
RORY: I promise you're gonna love it.
EMILY: But. . .
RORY: Listen, just leave it up to me. You guys go back into the living room and I'll call you when it's ready. [they start to leave] Hey, Grandma?
RORY: What are the odds of you knowing where a cookie sheet would be?
RICHARD: I'd say very slim.
RORY: Never mind. I'll find it.
EMILY: Very slim? Thank you for that.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[Lorelai and Max are at a takeout window.]
LORELAI: Thank you. Hold that. [hands him two bags]
[They start walking down the sidewalk with their food]
LORELAI: God, it's a beautiful night, huh?
MAX: Yes, it is.
LORELAI: So, tell me something about yourself.
MAX: Like what?
LORELAI: Uh, have you ever been married?
LORELAI: Ever been close?
MAX: She's in Thailand now.
LORELAI: Sex trade?
MAX: Bank of America.
LORELAI: Well, it's usually either one or the other.
MAX: She went there on business, she did well, she never came back.
LORELAI: Oh, sad.
MAX: Well, it was at the time, but if it was meant to be. . .
LORELAI: Ah, he believes in fate.
MAX: Fate, poetry, love. . .they all go together, don't they?
LORELAI: Yes, they do.
MAX: How about you?
LORELAI: Oh, I've never been married.
MAX: Ever been close?
LORELAI: Uh, Rory's dad proposed.
MAX: What happened?
LORELAI: The bell rang? I was late for chem lab?
MAX: You ever sorry that you didn't?
LORELAI: Oh, no. We were so young, and my life would've been completely different. You know, I wouldn't live here, I wouldn't work here, I wouldn't be walking here with you.
MAX: Where are we going?
LORELAI: You'll see.
MAX: Are we gonna get there before we freeze?
LORELAI: Now, what kind of fun would it be if I told you the answer?
MAX: You're crazy.
LORELAI: Very possible
MAX: And I'm following you.
LORELAI: Yes, you are.
MAX: So possibly I'm crazier than you are.
LORELAI: Again, very possible.
MAX: A match made in heaven.
LORELAI: Or in Bellevue.
MAX: Must be fate.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Rory is staring out the window, bored. Emily is on the couch. Richard is on the phone]
RICHARD: [on phone] Oh, this is getting ridiculous Aaron. . . I will not continue to have these conversations with a child . . . Yes, he is a child. . .Well, when he's worked 30 years at the company, that's when he's not a child. Until then I don't care what his opinions are . . . Aaron, are you listening to me? Good, because I'm hanging up on you now, and I wanted to make sure that you heard it. [hangs up] What a moron.
[Rory goes upstairs and starts browsing around Lorelai's old bedroom. She finds a strip of old photos of her mom and dad, and she puts them in her pocket. Her pager goes off. She calls her house, where Lane answers the phone.]
LANE: Where are you?
RORY: I'm at my grandparents. What are you doing at my house?
LANE: Like you care.
RORY: What are you talking about?
LANE: You're never around when I need you.
RORY: Well, you know I have to go to my grandparents on Fridays.
LANE: I know. You go to your grandparents. You go to Chilton. You have to meet Dean. He needs his cookies. I can't find my books.
RORY: What are you talking about?
LANE: What good is it to have a best friend when she's never around and she never listens and she has no interest in the fact that you're in love or that you touched his hair?
RORY: You touched whose hair?
LANE: Rich. . .Bloomingfeld.
RORY: Why would you touch Rich Bloomingfeld's hair?
LANE: Why? That's a good question. I don't know why. Why would a sane person do a thing like that? Maybe I'm not sane. Maybe I'm going through some sort of phase. Maybe I really, really needed someone to talk to about this and you weren't there.
RORY: Lane, come on.
LANE: No, you come on. You're always at school or you're talking about school or you're with Dean. You have everything now and I have nothing except for 2000 Korean bibles and a potential 'F' in jazz band.
RORY: I'm sorry.
LANE: Don't be sorry, be here.
RORY: I . . .Lane? Are you there?
LANE: Rory? Rory?
[Emily walks into the bedroom]
EMILY: There you are.
RORY: I think the phones went dead.
EMILY: It's probably just this horrible storm. You must come downstairs immediately.
RORY: What's wrong?
EMILY: The stove is buzzing.
RORY: It's just the timer, Grandma.
EMILY: I know it's the timer, Rory. What I don't know is where it's located or how to turn it off.
RORY: But I really need to call Lane back.
EMILY: There's nothing you can do now. The phones will come back on eventually. Now, please come downstairs and help me stop the buzzing.
RORY: But. . .
RICHARD: [calls from downstairs] Oh, Emily, for heaven's sake, get down here!
RORY: Okay, let's go.
CUT TO BLACK AND WHITE AND READ BOOKSTORE
[The store doubles as a movie theater. Lorelai and Max are sitting on a couch watching the movie.]
LORELAI: So, the fiesta burger. . .
MAX: Very interesting.
LORELAI: Very spicy.
MAX: Oh yeah.
LORELAI: How's your tongue?
MAX: Much better, thank you.
LORELAI: Are you scared yet?
MAX: Not yet.
LORELAI: Are you scared yet?
MAX: I'm still good.
LORELAI: Are you scared yet?
MAX: You know, you're very annoying in a movie.
LORELAI: I know. I think it's very important that you know my faults as well as my many attributes.
MAX: Very thoughtful of you.
LORELAI: It is, isn't it?
MAX: Because as you know, you could get very carried away by your many attributes, suddenly find yourself thinking, my God, this woman is absolutely perfect.
LORELAI: We wouldn't want that now, would we?
MAX: No, we wouldn't. [they kiss]
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
[Emily, Richard, and Rory are at the table getting ready to eat the pizza]
RORY: You wanna eat it before it gets cold. [Rory watches Emily take a bite] How is it?
EMILY: Not cold!
RICHARD: Mm, it's quite tasty. Emily, we should have this more often.
RICHARD: Perhaps instead of that horrible salmon that keeps showing up.
EMILY: That salmon is a fine delicacy.
RICHARD: Mm, potato, po-tah-to.
RORY: Try it again, Grandma. It's probably cooler now.
EMILY: No, thank you, I'm fine.
RORY: You know what? It's really good if you add some extra Parmesan to it. [Rory grates Parmesan cheese on Emily's pizza] This is Mom's special trick. Frozen pizza is a staple at our house. Mom's become a major doctoring genius. She'll put anything on it. One time Sookie came and brought us some foie gras, and Mom stuck it on a pizza.
EMILY: How was it?
RORY: Pretty good once we took the foie gras off. Okay, that's good. Try it. Please. If you wanna get really crazy, you can pick it up.
EMILY: Well, all right. Here goes nothing. [takes a bite] Mmm! That's wonderful!
EMILY: Rory, pass me that cheese. [Emily walks over to Richard and starts grating cheese on his pizza] Trust me, it makes all the difference.
RORY: I'll be right back. [Rory goes upstairs and gets a photo album out of the bedroom. She brings it back to the table.] I found this in Mom's room.
EMILY: What's that?
EMILY: Oh, my goodness. I haven't seen that in years.
RICHARD: Oh, my gosh.
[They start looking through the album]
EMILY: Ah, look at this
RORY: That's one fluffy white dress.
EMILY: Yes. There were 12 petticoats underneath it. We got it in London, remember, Richard?
RORY: She looks like a little princess
EMILY: Yes, well, if memory serves, I believe about two minutes after that picture was taken, her highness dumped a glass of grape juice all over it.
RICHARD: Look, Emily, it's Hopie.
EMILY: My younger sister.
RORY: Has she ever been here when I was here? I don't remember her.
RICHARD: Oh, she lives in Paris. Our great expatriate.
EMILY: Oh, my, Hopie, look at you. I haven't seen her in such a long time.
RICHARD: Maybe we should take a trip this year.
EMILY: That would be nice.
RICHARD: Maybe Rory could go with us.
RORY: I'll start packing tomorrow. Oh, is that you guys?
RICHARD: Yes, it is.
EMILY: That is our wedding picture.
RORY: It's an amazing dress.
EMILY: It should've been. My mother had three seamstresses working around the clock making it.
RORY: Do you still have it?
EMILY: It's upstairs packed away somewhere. I'll save it for you if you like.
RICHARD: Oh, Emily, Rory's too young to be thinking about things like that.
EMILY: Oh, Richard, please. Every young girl thinks about her wedding. I know I did. I knew from the time I was twelve that I wanted lilies and orchids with a silver bow wrapped around them for my bouquet.
RICHARD: You also knew that you wanted to marry Erol Flynn.
RORY: Really? Grandma had a thing for the pirate guy?
EMILY: I did not have a thing for the pirate guy.
RICHARD: She was mad about him. She even tried to get me to grow one of those little mustaches.
RORY: You're kidding.
EMILY: Richard, stop.
RICHARD: She wanted me to swing from a chandelier.
EMILY: Oh, now you're just being silly.
RICHARD: Luckily I was on the fencing team in college or I would've married Lucinda Lester by now.
EMILY: Actually, Lucinda Lester looked a lot like Erol Flynn. I should've married her, it would've been very modern of me.
RORY: Wow. Mom looks really beautiful here.
EMILY: Yes, she does.
RORY: What was the occasion?
RICHARD: Who would like some coffee?
EMILY: That was her debutante gown for her coming out party.
RORY: Mom had a coming out party?
RICHARD: No, she didn't.
EMILY: Yes, well, things happen, don't they?
RICHARD: If you'll excuse me, I have some business calls to make.
EMILY: I'll go get that coffee.
[Emily and Richard both leave the room. Rory sits down and looks at the photo album.]
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[From his diner, Luke watches the reenactors standing out in the snow. He brings out a tray of coffee for them.]
HARRY: What is this?
LUKE: I brought you coffee.
HARRY: No, thank you.
LUKE: Harry, you're freezing. Take the damn coffee.
HARRY: When our forefathers stood out here many moons ago, they didn't have any coffee.
LUKE: How do you know? Do you have written documentation about what sort of beverages they did or did not have on that long historic night of standing?
HARRY: This is still a joke to you, young man. I don't choose to be a joke. We don't need your coffee.
LUKE: Harry, please, take the coffee. My father would've taken the coffee.
HARRY: Well, all right then, thank you.
ANDREW: Thank you, Luke.
KIRK: You got any herbal tea?
LUKE: Uh, not on me, but I can get some.
KIRK: With a squeeze of lemon?
GUY 1: I could really go for some cocoa.
GUY 2: Oh, that sounds good. Cocoa for me too.
LUKE: Okay, okay, hang on a minute. One herbal tea, uh, and two cocoas.
[Luke sees Lorelai walking with Max across the street. He watches them.]
MAX: Yeah, that part was a little slow.
MAX: But it picked up pretty soon after that, don't you think?
[Luke watches on sadly as Lorelai and Max kiss and then continue down the sidewalk holding hands.]
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai and Max walk up the porch steps]
LORELAI: So, this is it, my house.
MAX: It's nice
LORELAI: Thank you.
MAX: Good porch. Nice windows. Front door. Which opens, I assume.
MAX: Something wrong?
LORELAI: No, nothing's wrong.
MAX: Are you sure?
LORELAI: Uh, yeah. I, um. . .see, I was so excited about the snow and about seeing you. . .
MAX: Thank you.
LORELAI: You're welcome. That I didn't really think this thing out, and, uh, I usually think this kind of thing out, so I'm just thinking this thing out.
MAX: What thing?
LORELAI: Inviting a man over to my house.
LORELAI: See, I have really strict rules about dating. I keep my personal life totally separate from my life with Rory. You know, I never want her to feel unsettled or like her life could just shift at any moment.
MAX: I totally understand.
LORELAI: And she comes first, and this is her house too and. . .
MAX: I understand. This is something that you don't do often.
MAX: I see.
LORELAI: I mean, I've dated, and, uh, you know, dated, but, um, I've just never dated. . . here in our house.
MAX: What if I promised you that if you let me in, all I'm expecting is a cup of coffee, that's it. Nothing weird or funny. Unless, of course, you're into weird and funny. . .
MAX: 'Cause I can do weird and funny. Lorelai, I've been enjoying the hell out of myself tonight, and I think you are, too.
LORELAI: I am.
MAX: Well, so, it's, uh, snowing, cold, and your daughter is elsewhere.
LORELAI: I know. I know.
MAX: I mean, the whole night's been a weird kismet of events.
LORELAI: Oh, it's that fate guy again.
MAX: At some point in your life you're gonna have to decide that some guy is worth opening that front door for. I am just volunteering.
[Lorelai opens the front door and starts to walk inside. She turns back to him.]
LORELAI: Would you like some coffee?
[Max smiles and follows her inside]
CUT TO LORELAI'S KITCHEN
[Lorelai takes a bag of coffee out of the refrigerator.]
LORELAI: How strong do you like your coffee, because I've built up such a tolerance to it I usually make it too intense for most people.
MAX: Yeah, yeah. I've lived through the fiesta burger, don't hold back now.
MAX: Can I help?
LORELAI: Um, yeah, you can fill up the pot.
MAX: Oh, I'm very good at that. Six cups sounds good?
LORELAI: Fine, what are you gonna have?
MAX: You do know that was a leading question, right?
LORELAI: Really, how so? [they kiss] How badly do you want that coffee?
MAX: Not that badly.
LORELAI: Such a good answer.
[They kiss again and continue to kiss as they walk from the kitchen to the living room. Lane walks out of Rory's room and finds them kissing on the steps. Max sees Lane and pulls back from Lorelai.]
MAX: How many kids did you say you have?
LORELAI: One. Why? [turns around and gasps] Lane! Hi, hi. Wha. . .uh. . .we're just. . .what are. . .what are. . .what are you doing here?
LANE: I'm sorry, I was waiting for Rory. I'll just go back into her room and I won't come back out, I promise.
[Lane runs into Rory's room and puts on loud music.]
LORELAI: Oh, that's The Cure. I have to go back in there.
MAX: It's okay, I'll finish up the coffee.
LORELAI: I'll be back as fast as humanly possible.
CUT TO RORY'S BEDROOM
[Lane is lying on the bed in the dark. Lorelai opens the door, turns on the light, and turns off the music.]
LANE: Sorry I messed up your date.
LORELAI: Ah, you didn't mess up my date. What's going on?
LANE: I was waiting for Rory to get home.
LORELAI: Sweetie, Rory's stuck in Hartford tonight.
LANE: Oh, I didn't know. I'll just go.
LORELAI: Hey, do you wanna talk? I'm not Rory, but we do use the same blow dryer.
LANE: I did something really stupid today.
LORELAI: Okay, what'd you pierce?
LANE: Nothing. I touched a boy's hair.
LANE: A boy I really like.
LORELAI: So far, missing the stupid part.
LANE: I kind of did it without his permission.
LORELAI: Now we're getting somewhere.
LANE: I don't know what happened. I mean, I was just standing there and then he bends over and his hair falls forward and suddenly it's like my hand has a life of its own.
LORELAI: Sounds like your hand had a little help from your hormones.
LANE: God, I'm so humiliated. I can't ever go back to school. I'll have to be home schooled. My mother finally gets her way.
LORELAI: Look at it from a different perspective. You have so many years of screw-ups ahead of you. . .view this as a trial run for really grownup humiliation.
LANE: So not helping.
LORELAI: Maybe you should be a hairdresser.
LORELAI: Yes, it's perfect. Then you can run your hands though anybody's hair you want and they'll pay you for it.
LANE: What am I going to do? I mean, everyone at school's gonna be talking about me. I can't show my face.
LORELAI: Everybody does stupid things in high school, it's like a requirement.
LANE: Not like this.
LORELAI: No, some people get pregnant. Talk about something really juicy for the gossip mill.
LANE: I forgot about that.
LORELAI: Yeah. Everybody screws up, Lane. That's what happens. It's what you do with the screw-ups, it's how you handle the experience - that's what you should judge yourself by. I have a great life and an amazing kid. And I took a detour, I ended up some place good.
LORELAI: Tell me this - how did his hair feel? As good as it looked?
LORELAI: Oh, you're gonna be fine. I'm positive about that.
LANE: Thank you.
LORELAI: You're welcome.
LANE: So, who's the guy?
LORELAI: Rory's teacher.
LANE: Oh, he has nice hair.
CUT TO LORELAI'S LIVING ROOM
[Max is waiting on the couch. Lorelai walks over and sits next to him.]
MAX: Hey. Everything okay in there?
LORELAI: It will be.
MAX: So where did we leave off?
LORELAI: Oh, Lane is gonna stay here tonight. She had a really bad teen day and she needs to crash someplace sympathetic.
MAX: Okay, I understand.
LORELAI: I swear to God, if this wasn't a major Judy Blume moment, I would kick her cute little butt right out of here.
MAX: Can you recommend a hotel that's really, really close to here?
LORELAI: Why don't you just stay here tonight? Everybody else is.
MAX: Oh, I don't know.
LORELAI: Really, the couch is comfortable, and there's pillows and blankets, and the bathroom's through there. The kitchen has nothing in it but running water if you get thirsty and. . .it's an awful night.
MAX: Okay, if it's not a problem.
LORELAI: Not at all.
MAX: Could I at least give you a kiss goodnight?
LORELAI: Only if you intend to live 'til morning.
[Lorelai stands up, runs her fingers through Max's hair, then goes upstairs.]
CUT TO LORELAI'S BEDROOM
[The next morning, Lorelai is in bed when she's hears a car pull up outside. She looks out the window and sees Rory being dropped off. She puts on shoes and grabs a coat, then runs downstairs.]
CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT PORCH
[Lorelai pulls open the front door just as Rory is about to walk in]
RORY: Hi. What's up?
LORELAI: Nothing, what's up with you?
RORY: You have something to tell me.
LORELAI: Boy, you're so smart. Right, okay, here we go. . .I've got a boy in the house.
RORY: You what?
LORELAI: Nothing happened, I swear. He slept the whole night on the couch. And you know him.
RORY: I do?
LORELAI: And you like him. I don't know if that's relevant, I just thought that I would throw that in there.
CUT TO LORELAI'S LIVING ROOM
[Lorelai and Rory stand next to the couch where Max is sleeping]
RORY: It's Mr. Medina.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: My English teacher is on my couch.
LORELAI: It was the snow. You know how I get, it's like catnip. I was walking, he was there, his car was broken, we had fiesta burgers. It was the snow. Rory, say something.
[Rory walks to the kitchen. Lorelai follows her]
LORELAI: Rory, talk to me. How do you feel?
RORY: I don't know.
LORELAI: Take a guess. Angry, frustrated, nauseous?
RORY: Weird, I feel weird. Has he been here all night?
LORELAI: Pretty much.
RORY: Oh, my God. Did he go into the bathroom? I have stuff hanging in there!
LORELAI: Honey, you knew I was gonna date him, right? This isn't a total surprise.
RORY: Yes, I knew you were gonna date. I just didn't expect for him to be here . . at our house. . .in the morning.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: I don't remember ever there being a man in our house.
LORELAI: Yeah, well, I kind of broke the rules.
RORY: God, why is this so weird for me?
LORELAI: Because I should've told you first.
LORELAI: Because I should have talked to you before I did this.
LORELAI: Because you're afraid he smushed the couch pillows out of shape?
RORY: Do you love him?
LORELAI: I, uh. . .we had one date. It was a great date, World Series level. But it was just a date. Honey, I promised myself a long time ago that I was gonna keep all this stuff separate from you, and I want you to know that that still stands, okay? This was a one-time thing. I'm not gonna start just bringing guys home. This is not a trend.
RORY: You can, you know.
RORY: Bring guys home. I mean, if you like someone you should feel comfortable doing that.
LORELAI: I appreciate that.
RORY: I want you to be happy.
LORELAI: And I love you for that.
RORY: Plus, I know you're not a cat person, so you truly will be alone if you don't find someone.
LORELAI: Okay, look, someday I will bring somebody home, but when I do I just want to be sure it's the guy.
RORY: Mr. Medina's not the guy?
LORELAI: I don't know, he might be. But right now it's just you and me. [Rory's bedroom door opens] And sometimes Lane.
LORELAI: I'm gonna go wake the man up.
[Lorelai walks out of the kitchen]
LANE: Your mom let me spend the night here.
RORY: I tried calling you back all night but the phones didn't turn back on until this morning.
LANE: It's okay, I understand.
RORY: Lane, I'm so sorry. I've been the worst friend lately.
LANE: No, I just wigged out a little. I get jealous sometimes. I mean, you seem to have this really great life going and I don't really fit in there.
RORY: That's not true, you totally fit in.
RORY: I'm talking Legos.
LANE: I hope so.
RORY: I will be better from now on, I promise. Twenty-four hours a day at your disposal.
LANE: Dean'll love that.
RORY: Well, he'll have to, you came first.
LANE: That's right. I got dibs. [they hug] Okay, I have to go home.
RORY: Coffee at Luke's, 2 o'clock?
LANE: You're on.
RORY: And I wanna hear all about that hair touching incident.
LANE: Yeah, and I wanna hear the rest of the teacher on the couch incident.
[Lane leaves. Rory starts to walk into the living room but stops when she sees Lorelai and Max talking on the couch. She pulls the strip of photos of her parents out of her pocket and looks at it.]