written by Amy Sherman-Palladino
directed by Arlene Sanford
transcript by Jeannette
OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the front porch. Lorelai is painting Rory's toenails. Rory squirts some whipped cream into her mouth.]
LORELAI: [sarcastically] That's nice.
RORY: Thank you.
LORELAI: Don't move, please.
RORY: So, why are you insisting on doing this?
LORELAI: Well, because you're starting private school tomorrow.
RORY: Yes, but I'm going to be wearing shoes. Nobody's gonna see my feet.
LORELAI: Okay, but everybody knows that private school girls are bad, and bad girls always wear red nail polish.
[There is a lull in the conversation.]
LORELAI: Are you nervous?
RORY: About what?
LORELAI: About starting Chilton.
RORY: Well, I wasn't until I heard about all those bad girls.
[Lane runs up waving a CD.]
LANE: Guys, guys! New CD - XTC, Apple Venus Volume 2.
LORELAI: Oh, woo, nails done!
[Lorelai and Lane run toward the front door.]
RORY: But you only finished half my toes!
LORELAI: Who cares? You're gonna be wearing shoes anyway!
[Rory follows them into the house]
CUT TO LORELAI'S BEDROOM
[Lorelai is asleep in bed. Rory, dressed in her Chilton uniform, opens the door to the room and sees that she's still sleeping.]
LORELAI: [wakes up startled] What? God! Hi.
RORY: What are you doing?
LORELAI: Having a heart attack.
RORY: I thought you were up. It's 7:10!
RORY: It's 7:10!
RORY: [grabs her pillow] It's 7:10!
LORELAI: [grabs the pillow back] Stop it! It's a quarter to six.
RORY: No, it's not!
LORELAI: Yes, it is! I set the clock for a quarter to six so it's. . .
[Rory grabs the clock and shows her the time.]
LORELAI: It's 7:10! Dammit.
[Lorelai climbs out of bed and looks around for her robe]
RORY: I can't be late on my first day of school. Do you know what happens to people when they're late on their first day?
LORELAI: It's shorter?
RORY: For the rest of the year, they're labeled 'The late girl'.
LORELAI: Oh, so dramatic. Where's the bathroom?
[Rory takes her by the shoulders and leads her down the hall.]
RORY: We have to go! What if there's traffic? Mom!
[Lorelai goes into the bathroom and shuts the door.]
LORELAI: Ugh, I had this all planned, you know. I was gonna get up early. I was gonna get coffee. I was gonna take a shower. I was gonna pick up my clothes from the dry cleaners.
[Lorelai opens the door.]
LORELAI: Oh my God. My clothes.
LORELAI: I don't have any clean clothes.
[Lorelai walks back to her bedroom. Rory follows.]
RORY: It's 7:15.
LORELAI: All my nice things were dirty.
RORY: It's 7:16.
LORELAI: Oh my God, I was gonna wear my blue suit with the flippy skirt. I look so great in the flippy skirt.
RORY: It's 7:17.
LORELAI: Okay, you know what, time lady? Why don't you go downstairs and warm up the car? That would be really super. Thank you.
RORY: Just hurry!
[Rory goes downstairs, Lorelai rummages through a drawer.]
LORELAI: This sucks! This sucks! This sucks!
RORY: [calls from downstairs] It's 7:18!
LORELAI: Oh, for the love of God! [she sits on the bed and puts on her socks. She glances at her fuzzy clock] This is the last time I buy anything just because it's furry.
CUT TO LORELAI'S LIVING ROOM
[Rory is waiting at the foot of the stairs. Lorelai runs down the steps in cowboy boots, really short frayed shorts, and a bright pink tie-dyed T-shirt.]
RORY: It's 7--
LORELAI: Don't even think of finishing that sentence! [sees Rory looking at her outfit] What?
RORY: Nothing. I just didn't know the rodeo was in town.
LORELAI: All right, that's it. [grabs a picture from the desk] I'm bringing the baby pictures.
RORY: No! I'm sorry! I love the rodeo, the rodeo rules!
CUT TO INSIDE THE JEEP
[Lorelai and Rory are driving through the town square]
LORELAI: I am so done with plans. I am never ever making one again. It never works. I spend the day obsessing over why it didn't work and what I could've done differently. I'm analyzing all my shortcomings when all I really need to be doing is vowing to never ever make a plan ever again, which I'm doing now. Having, once again, been the innocent victim of my own stupid plans. God, I need some coffee.
[cut to the Jeep driving down the highway toward Hartford]
Note - The speech in this scene was cut from the audio after the original airing and can still be seen but not heard.
CUT TO OUTSIDE OF CHILTON
[Lorelai and Rory sit in the Jeep staring at the school]
RORY: I remember it being smaller.
LORELAI: Yeah. And less. . .
RORY: Off with their heads.
LORELAI: Yeah. [tilts her head and peers up at the building]
RORY: What are you looking at?
LORELAI: I'm just trying to see if there's a hunchback up in that bell tower.
RORY: So, how do I look?
LORELAI: [smiles proudly] You look great.
LORELAI: Really. You are an amazing kid. You have earned this. You just go in there and show them what smart really is. I love you. Just call me if you need me.
RORY: You're kidding, right?
LORELAI: No. Call me if you need anything. I'm great at making up dirty cheers.
RORY: You have to go in with me.
LORELAI: Rory, come on.
RORY: You have to meet the headmaster.
LORELAI: Well, look at me, Rory. I can't meet anybody who does anything in there.
LORELAI: No, I look like that chick from the Dukes of Hazzard.
RORY: This is my first day. You are not getting out of going in there with me. Period.
[They get out of the Jeep. Two women walking by stop and stare at Lorelai's outfit]
LORELAI: Good morning.
[The women share a look, then walk away.]
LORELAI: [to Rory] Oh, well, we're gonna be best friends.
[Lorelai pulls on her coat as they walk toward the school]
LORELAI: So, where do we go?
[Rory checks a piece of paper]
RORY: Uh, the Ambroise building.
LORELAI: Which is?
RORY: The big, scary one.
LORELAI: Oh, great. Thanks for the input.
[A man notices that they look confused]
LORELAI: Oh, yeah. Uh, we're looking for the headmaster's office, the Ambroise building.
IAN: Ah, okay. Well, this is it right here. You just go inside, down the stairs, make a left, and the headmaster's office is at the end of the hall.
LORELAI: Great. Thank you.
IAN: You're welcome.
[Rory grabs Lorelai's arm to go, but the man extends a hand.]
IAN: Um, I'm Ian Jack. My daughter Julia goes to school here.
[Lorelai shakes his hand]
LORELAI: Hi. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. Um, this is my daughter, Rory.
IAN: Your daughter? Really?
IAN: Wow, that's great. Uh, I mean, daughters are a great thing.
LORELAI: We're big fans.
IAN: Yeah. Uh, yeah. So, is your husband here? I'd love to meet him.
LORELAI: I'm not married.
LORELAI: I'd love to meet your wife, though.
IAN: I'm divorced.
RORY: Excuse me. I really gotta. . .
LORELAI: Right! We gotta go meet the big guy, and I gotta, uh, get back to work.
[Lorelai and Rory start to walk away]
IAN: Oh, where do you work?
LORELAI: [walks back to him] At an inn. The Independence Inn. I run it.
LORELAI: In a different outfit, of course.
IAN: [laughs] Well, it was nice to meet you, Lorelai. Good luck in school, Rory. I'll tell Julia to look out for you.
RORY: Great, thanks.
IAN: See you.
[He walks away. Lorelai stares after him, smiling to herself]
LORELAI: What a nice, nice man.
RORY: You're feeling pretty good about yourself right now, aren't you?
RORY: Do you want me to get you a mirror?
LORELAI: [her smile fades] I'm back. Let's go.
CUT TO INSIDE OF CHILTON
[Lorelai and Rory walk into the Ambroise building]
LORELAI: Oh, good, more big stuff.
[They walk down a staircase]
RORY: Turn left.
[As Rory and Lorelai walk off the screen, three girls on the staircase stare after them.]
[Lorelai and Rory walk down a hallway toward the headmaster's office. They reach the double doors and stand in front of them]
LORELAI: You ready?
LORELAI: You ready?
[They push open the doors and walk into the room. They walk up to the secretary working at a desk]
LORELAI: [clears throat] Um, excuse me.
[the secretary suddenly looks up, Lorelai jumps back slightly]
LORELAI: Oh! How. . .wow, hi. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. This is my daughter, Lorelai Gilmore. . .'cause I named her after me. I was in the hospital all whacked out on Demerol. Never mind. Um, but we call her Rory. It's short for Lorelai, but she'll answer to either one, or even 'Hey, you' depending on the. . . [Rory nudges her] Uh, is the headmaster here?
SECRETARY: [stands up] One moment. [Walks through a door behind them]
LORELAI: [whispers] See, that's what happens when you go to bed with your makeup on.
[A moment later, the door opens]
SECRETARY: Headmaster Charleston will see you now.
LORELAI: Great, great. Thanks.
[They walk into the headmaster's office]
HEADMASTER: Ms. Gilmore, I'm Headmaster Charleston.
LORELAI: Hi. Wow, it's really nice to meet. . .[looks around and sees her mother on the sofa] Mom. Um, excuse me. What are you doing here?
EMILY: [walks over] I came to wish my granddaughter luck on her first day of school.
LORELAI: But -
EMILY: Rory, you look wonderful in that uniform!
LORELAI: Uh, you didn't have to come all the way out here, Mom.
EMILY: Well, this gave me a chance to make sure that Hanlin here takes good care of Rory.
LORELAI: [to Headmaster] You're Hanlin.
HEADMASTER: Hanlin Charleston.
EMILY: Hanlin's wife and I are on the symphony fundraising committee together.
LORELAI: Wow, that's great.
HEADMASTER: Your father and I are golf rivals. We're still fighting it out to see which one is worse.
EMILY: Oh, yes. We're all old friends.
LORELAI: Well, there's nothing like friends. Especially if they're old. . .ones.
HEADMASTER: Well, would you like to take off your coat and have a seat?
LORELAI: Oh, no. No, I'm fine.
HEADMASTER: I'm afraid they were a little overzealous with the furnace this morning. It's quite warm in here.
LORELAI: I like it warm.
EMILY: Lorelai, take off your coat and sit down. You don't want Hanlin to think you're rude.
[Lorelai reluctantly takes off her coat. She gives an embarrassed smile about her outfit]
LORELAI: Laundry day.
EMILY: Hanlin, did you know that Rory has a 4.0 grade average?
LORELAI: I'm sure he does, Mom.
EMILY: This is a very special girl. You take good care of her.
HEADMASTER: We'll do our best, Emily.
LORELAI: Oh, God. Rory is not gonna be a problem. She's totally low maintenance, you know, like a Honda. You know, they're just easy, just. . . nice office.
EMILY: Well, I don't think we should take up anymore of your precious time. Hanlin, it was lovely to see you. Give Bitty our love.
HEADMASTER: Tell Richard I'll see him at the club Sunday.
EMILY: Have a wonderful day, Rory. I want to hear all about it. [to Lorelai] Do you need a ride or is your horse parked outside?
LORELAI: [to headmaster] It's so nice to meet you. [to Rory] Have a great day. [she kisses Rory's forehead, then starts to leave]
HEADMASTER: Oh, you don't want to forget your coat.
LORELAI: [turns back] Oh, no, 'cause that would be embarrassing.
[She retrieves the coat, then walks out of the office.]
CUT TO HALLWAY
[Lorelai and Emily are walking down the hall.]
EMILY: How do you leave the house looking like that?
LORELAI: It was not planned, believe me.
EMILY: And on Rory's first day of school. What kind of an impression did you think you were gonna make?
LORELAI: [sighs] What are you doing here, Mother?
EMILY: I told you, I came to put in a good word for Rory.
LORELAI: Well, she didn't need a good word.
EMILY: I'm not allowed here, is that it?
LORELAI: I didn't say that.
EMILY: I'm allowed to pay for it, but I can't actually set foot on the premises. I just want to get the rules straight.
LORELAI: Oh boy.
EMILY: How about the street? Can I drive down the street?
LORELAI: Forget it.
EMILY: Maybe I should just avoid this neighborhood altogether. Though my doctor's just down the block. Maybe I can get special permission if I'm bleeding from the head.
LORELAI: I'm sorry. I was just surprised to see you here.
EMILY: I just thought it was important for this school to know they had a Gilmore amongst them.
LORELAI: A very good thought.
EMILY: And that some of the Gilmores actually own clothing.
LORELAI: And on that note, I have to get to work. I'll see you later.
EMILY: Dinner, Friday night. No spurs, please.
[Lorelai groans and thrusts out her arms in annoyance as she walks to the Jeep.]
CUT TO HEADMASTER'S OFFICE
[The headmaster and Rory are sitting in his office. He is looking through her transcript folder.]
HEADMASTER: You're obviously a bright girl, Miss. Gilmore.
RORY: Thank you.
HEADMASTER: Good grades, the teachers like you. Not a lot of social activities, though.
RORY: Oh, well, just living in Stars Hollow is kind of a social activity, actually.
HEADMASTER: Nothing in your school appealed to you?
RORY: I work at my mother's inn after school sometimes. And I was in the German Club for a while, but there were only three of us, and then two left for the French Club after seeing Schindler's List, so. . .
HEADMASTER: What are your aspirations?
RORY: I want to go to Harvard and study Journalism and Political Science.
HEADMASTER: On your way to being. . .
RORY: Christiane Amanpour.
HEADMASTER: Not Cokie Roberts?
HEADMASTER: Not Oprah, Rosie, or one of the women from The View?
HEADMASTER: Why do you wish to be Christiane Amanpour?
RORY: Well, I don't wish to be her, exactly. I just want to do what she does.
HEADMASTER: Which is?
RORY: Travel, uh, see the world up close, report on what's really going on, be apart of something big.
HEADMASTER: And to be part of something big you have to be on TV? Why not lead the police on a high-speed chase? That's a quicker way to achieve this goal.
RORY: Being on TV has nothing to do with it. Maybe I'll be a journalist and write books or articles about what I see. I just want to be sure that I see. . .something. [he glances down at her papers] You'll notice the debating team's also missing from my resume.
HEADMASTER: I've known your grandparents for quite some time.
RORY: I know.
HEADMASTER: In fact, I was at a party at their house just last week where I had the most delicious lobster puffs I've ever eaten. I'm very fond of them.
RORY: That's nice.
HEADMASTER: None of this, however, will be of any benefit to you. Chilton has one of the highest academic standards of any school in America. You may have been the smartest girl at Stars Hollow, but this is a different place. The pressures are greater, the rules are stricter, and the expectations are higher. If you make it through, you will have received one of the finest educations one can get, and there should be no reason why you should not achieve all your goals. However, since you are starting late and are not used to this highly competitive atmosphere, there is a good chance you will fail. That is fine. Failure is a part of life, but not a part of Chilton. Understand?
RORY: So, you liked the lobster puffs, huh?
HEADMASTER: Take this to Miss James in the administration office across the hall.
[He hands her a folder. She takes it and leaves the room]
CUT TO THE ADMINISTRATION OFFICE
[Rory walks up to a woman at the desk and sets down her folder]
RORY: Hi, I'm looking for Miss James.
MISS JAMES: Name?
RORY: Lorelai Gilmore. But I go by Rory.
MISS JAMES: Fill this out, please.
[Miss James gives Rory a piece of paper. She takes Rory's folder and walks it over to another desk. The student at the desk looks around, then takes the folder and passes it out the window to someone.]
CUT TO OUTSIDE THE WINDOW
[The three girls who were on the staircase earlier are sitting in the bushes. They go through Rory's folder.]
PARIS: Shut up.
MADELINE: Hurry, please. Spiders.
PARIS: Lorelai Gilmore.
LOUISE: Nice stripper name.
PARIS: Formerly of Stars Hollow High School.
LOUISE: Where's that?
PARIS: Drive west, make a left at the haystacks and follow the cows.
LOUISE: Ooh, a dixie chick.
PARIS: Perfect attendance, 4.0 grade point average.
MADELINE: Bugs, dirt, twigs.
PARIS: She's a Journalism major.
LOUISE: That means she's gonna go out for the school paper.
PARIS: Not necessarily. She's got like a thousand recommendations in here.
LOUISE: Popular with the adults and going out for the school paper.
PARIS: Would you stop? You don't know she's going out for the paper.
MADELINE: Ow, something's biting me!
PARIS: Quiet down.
MADELINE: I hate nature.
PARIS: She'll never catch up. She's a month behind already.
LOUISE: You can tutor her. Be like a big sister.
PARIS: You're funny.
MADELINE: Okay, lizard, goodbye.
PARIS: Why are they letting all these extra people in? They just take up space and screw up the curve. We don't need any new kids here.
LOUISE: Too late.
PARIS: Psst. [she hands the folder back through the window.]
CUT TO ADMINISTRATION OFFICE
[Miss James is handing some papers to Rory.]
MISS JAMES: Here's the dining room, the science hall, and the theater. Here's your locker number, here's your schedule, take this map. Here's the rules of the school and the Chilton Honor Code. Here are the words to the school song, which must be recited upon demand. This can happen any place, any time. If you do it in Latin you get extra credit. Do you have any questions?
RORY: Uh, not at the moment.
MISS JAMES: If you do, you can make an appointment to see your guidance counselor, Mr. Winters. He handles everything but bulimia and pregnancy. For that, you'll have to go to the nurse or Coach Rubens. Welcome to Chilton.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[Lorelai walks into Luke's Diner and sits down at the counter]
LORELAI: [sighs] I already had the longest day of my life and, oh, look, it's only ten. How nice.
LUKE: There's no coffee.
LORELAI: That's not funny.
LUKE: I can give you herbal tea.
LORELAI: This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
LUKE: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
LORELAI: This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV.
LUKE: I can give you tea and a Balance bar.
LORELAI: Please, please, please tell me you're kidding.
LUKE: I'm kidding. [goes to retrieve the coffee pot.]
LORELAI: You're sick.
LORELAI: You're a sadist, you're a fiend!
[he walks back over with the coffee pot]
LORELAI: You're pretty.
LUKE: For here or to go?
LORELAI: To go, please.
LUKE: You wanna know what this stuff does to your central nervous system?
LORELAI: Ooh, do you have a chart? 'Cause I love charts.
LUKE: Forget it, kill yourself. So what happened this morning that was so awful?
LORELAI: Rory started Chilton.
LORELAI: Yeah. [sees him looking at her strangely] What?
LUKE: That's how you dress to take Rory to Chilton?
LORELAI: No, but -
LUKE: I mean, that's a fancy school.
LORELAI: My clothes were at the cleaners, and I had the fuzzy clock and it didn't purr on time.
LUKE: It didn't purr?
LORELAI: It's fuzzy. It purrs. You know what, never mind. I gotta go. I had a plan, damn it.
LUKE: Me, too. Next time you're getting tea.
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Miss Patty is standing at the doorway of her dance studio. Inside, several little girls are twirling batons]
MISS PATTY: Visualize, ladies. It's a Thanksgiving Day parade. You're standing on Fifth Avenue. There's a hundred beautiful boys marching in place behind you. And there you are. You are out in front with your fabulous legs and your perfect tush. Your baton is on fire and the crowd goes nuts! Okay, cookie time. [sees Lorelai walking by] Lorelai, hi.
LORELAI: Hey, Patty.
MISS PATTY: Isn't today Rory's first day at Chilton?
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, she's there right now. I just got through dropping her off.
MISS PATTY: Is that what you wore?
LORELAI: Oh, look at the time. See ya, Patty.
MISS PATTY: Bye.
[Lorelai gets in her Jeep. Miss Patty walks back into the studio.]
MISS PATTY: Oh, ladies, what do I see? Naked girls. No, no, keep those leotards on. This is not Brazil.
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai pulls into the driveway. She gets out of the car and walks into the house juggling her coffee, her dry cleaning and her coat. The phone is ringing, she searches for the cordless. She finally finds it and falls onto the couch.]
EMILY: Lorelai, good. I'm going shopping this afternoon and I'd thought I'd pick up a few things for Rory.
LORELAI: Like what?
EMILY: Oh, you know, a couple of extra skirts and tops for school.
LORELAI: Mmkay, I already took care of all that, Mom. I got her two skirts and a bunch of tops.
EMILY: But there are five days in a school week.
LORELAI: Really? Are you sure? Because my days of the week underwear only go to Thursday.
EMILY: Is that a joke?
LORELAI: Mom, two skirts are fine.
EMILY: I never know with you.
LORELAI: Really, don't bother.
EMILY: Well, what if she gets one dirty?
LORELAI: Well, then, she'll wear the other one.
EMILY: What if she gets them both dirty?
LORELAI: Well, then we'll use this newfangled thing called a washing machine. The town just chipped in and bought one. My turn's Tuesday.
EMILY: Well, then, what about socks? Chilton has these special logo socks. Rory should have them.
LORELAI: Mom, please.
EMILY: And what about the school sweater? She might like that. And there's the sweater vest and the bookbag.
LORELAI: Are you getting a cut of the merchandising?
EMILY: Rory should have these things. She'll be the only one who doesn't.
LORELAI: She'll live.
EMILY: Well, I'm at least getting her the Chilton coat. Is she a size six?
LORELAI: Mom, please.
EMILY: This is a simple question, Lorelai.
LORELAI: She's a six, but I'd get an eight in case she grows.
EMILY: If she grows, I'll buy another.
LORELAI: Okay, well then, a six is great. I gotta go, Mom. Bye.
CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM
[A teacher is lecturing a class]
TEACHER: And while French culture was the dominant outside cultural influence, especially for Russia's monied class, English culture also had its impact. Tolstoy's favorite author, for instance, was. . .
PARIS: [raises her hand] Dickens.
TEACHER: Yes. And of course, last week we discovered Dostoevski's main authorial influences. . .
PARIS: [raises her hand] George Sand and Balzac.
TEACHER: Good. As Tolstoy commenced writing both War and Peace and Anna Karenina, Count Leo would turn to. . .
PARIS: David Copperfield.
TEACHER: Correct. He would turn to David Copperfield for inspiration.
[the door opens and a student walks in]
TEACHER: Ah, Mr. Dugray.
TRISTIN: Sir. [hands the teacher a note]
TEACHER: Nice to have you back. I hope your Grandfather's better.
TRISTIN: Much better, sir.
TEACHER: Good. Take your seat, please.
[TRISTIN walks over to his seat while staring at Rory. She shifts uncomfortably]
TEACHER: Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, Little Dorrit, all major influences on Leo Tolstoy. Tomorrow we will focus on. . .
TRISTIN: [whispers to kid in front of him] Who's that?
STUDENT: New girl.
TEACHER: . . .writing styles of these two literary masters, Tolstoy and Dickens. [bell rings] Class dismissed.
TRISTIN: [to his friend] Looks like we got ourselves a Mary.
TEACHER: Miss, um, Gilmore, could you come up here please? [Rory walks up to him] Here are last week's study materials. [he hands her a huge binder] There'll be a test on them tomorrow, but since you're new, you can take a makeup on Monday. Will that be sufficient time?
RORY: Monday? Sure, that's fine.
TEACHER: Good. That's just an overview. It would be very helpful to you to borrow one of the other student's personal notes. They tend to be more detailed.
RORY: More detailed than this?
TEACHER: It seems daunting right now, I know.
RORY: No, no. It's okay. It'll be fine.
TEACHER: Remember to get those notes. They'll be a lifesaver.
CUT TO HALLWAY
[Rory walks out of the classroom and almost bumps into a girl]
PARIS: I'm Paris.
RORY: I didn't see you there. Where'd you come from?
PARIS: I know who you are, too. Lorelai Gilmore from Stars Hollow.
RORY: You can call me Rory.
PARIS: Are you going out for the Franklin?
RORY: The what?
PARIS: Nice innocent act. At least I know you're not going out for drama club.
RORY: I'm confused.
PARIS: The Franklin, the school paper, are you going out for it?
RORY: I don't know, I have to find my locker first.
PARIS: I'm gonna be editor next year.
RORY: Well, good for you.
PARIS: I'm also the top of the class, and I intend to be valedictorian when I graduate.
RORY: Okay, I'm going now.
PARIS: You'll never catch up. You'll never beat me. This school is my domain and the Franklin is my domain. And don't you ever forget that. [she walks off]
RORY: Guess you're not gonna let me borrow your notes, huh?
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
[Sookie is going through a crate of peaches while Jackson the produce man looks on]
SOOKIE: They're smaller than the last batch.
JACKSON: No, they're not.
SOOKIE: Smaller means watery. No good peach taste.
JACKSON: No, there's plenty of peach taste being as they're, you know, peaches.
SOOKIE: What about the ones on the bottom?
JACKSON: Oh, great. No, be sure to check 'em all. That's it. Give every last one of them a nice good squeeze. You wouldn't wanna actually leave me one that I could sell somebody else. Oh, wait a minute, you missed one. Now I'm not gonna tell you which one it is. I'm just gonna let your impeccably good radar. . .[she pulls out a peach] There it is! You got it!
[Lorelai walks into the kitchen]
LORELAI: Okay. . .I look great, right?
LORELAI: Yes, see. This is how I was supposed to look this morning. Good morning, Jackson.
SOOKIE: Oh my God, today was Rory's first day!
LORELAI: Yes, and I was supposed to look together and fabulous, and not like I'd been up all night playing quarters.
SOOKIE: Oh, nobody cares how you looked.
LORELAI: Everybody cared.
LORELAI: Uh, the other moms, the headmaster, my mom, Luke, Miss Patty, the new fire chief with the tiny little head.
SOOKIE: [holds out a peach] Taste this.
LORELAI: [bites peach] Hm, a little watery.
JACKSON: Oh, now, you planned this!
SOOKIE: Did you say something about your mother?
LORELAI: Oh, yeah. I walked into the headmaster's office and there she was.
SOOKIE: Really? Why?
LORELAI: Because she knew I'd wake up late and dress like a cowgirl and humiliate myself.
SOOKIE: Wow, she's good.
LORELAI: The best.
[Sookie rolls a peach along the floor.]
JACKSON: Oh, I would love to know what you're doing.
SOOKIE: They're rolling differently, too.
JACKSON: Oh, because of the extra water.
JACKSON: Makes perfect sense.
SOOKIE: Well, I would ignore those women because the only thing that matters is that Rory got into that great school.
LORELAI: I know. She looked so amazing in her uniform, and she was so excited. And I just admire her so much jumping into a new school. She's my hero.
SOOKIE: Mine, too.
JACKSON: Oh, yeah, sign me up. Sookie, the peaches, please.
[Michel walks in]
MICHEL: Excuse me. There's a phone call for you, and if I'm to fetch you like a dog, I'd like a cookie and a raise.
LORELAI: [to Jackson] Thanks for the peach. [hands the peach to him, then walks away]
[Cut to the lobby; a few older women are looking at a guide book as Lorelai and Michel walk by]
WOMAN: This will be absolutely wonderful. There are supposed to be darling shops all up and down this street. [to Michel] Oh, excuse me sir. Can you tell me where we can find the best antiques?
MICHEL: At your house, I'd guess. [walks off]
LORELAI: [on phone at the front desk] Mom, did I give you this number, 'cause I don't remember giving you this number. Yeah, well, I must be losing my mind. What can I, uh. . . I'm sorry Mom, can you hold on one second? [covers phone] Um, Drella, could you just, uh, take it down just a notch? Thanks. [on phone] Okay, I'm back.
EMILY: I wanted you to know that I just bought a parking space for Rory at Chilton.
LORELAI: You what?
EMILY: They are very hard to come by, but I pulled a few strings and it's all hers.
LORELAI: Mom, uh, Rory doesn't have a car.
EMILY: No, but she's got a birthday coming up soon.
[Drella is still playing loudly]
LORELAI: Okay, hold on a second. [to Drella] Um, Drella? Drella! Please, a little softer.
DRELLA: Hey, do I look like I got Panasonic stamped on my ass?
LORELAI: [on phone] Mom, you are not buying Rory a car.
EMILY: Why not? She's a smart girl, she's responsible.
LORELAI: Well, she doesn't need one.
EMILY: She needs to have a way to get around, to get to school.
LORELAI: She'll be taking the bus.
EMILY: I know. I hate that she takes the bus. Drug dealers take the bus.
LORELAI: You know what, Mom? I gotta go.
EMILY: Fine. We'll discuss this at a later date.
LORELAI: Okay. Bye. [hangs up]
[Drella plays much softer now that Lorelai is off the phone. They exchange a look.]
CUT TO CHILTON
[Rory is walking down a hallway, TRISTIN comes up behind her.]
TRISTIN: Hey, Mary. Hey, Mary.
TRISTIN: Yeah, you.
RORY: My name is Rory.
TRISTIN: I'm TRISTIN.
TRISTIN: So, you're new?
RORY: Yeah, first day.
TRISTIN: Well, Remmy's class is rough.
RORY: Yeah, it seemed very intense.
TRISTIN: You know, I could loan you my notes if that would help.
RORY: Really? That'd be great.
TRISTIN: Yeah? How great?
RORY: I don't know. Mr. Remmy said that getting someone's notes would be. . .
TRISTIN: I could even help you study if you want.
RORY: Um, I kind of view studying as a solitary activity, but thanks.
TRISTIN: Bye, Mary. [walks off]
RORY: It's Rory.
CUT TO THE INDEPENDENCE INN LOBBY
[Lorelai is talking to the valet and a guest]
LORELAI: I completely understand.
MAN: Oh, do you? Because this is a brand-new car.
DEREK: But I swear -
MAN: He brings the car up and it's scratched!
DEREK: I just backed the car up and then -
MAN: I'd know if my car was scratched before I parked it or not.
LORELAI: Okay, okay, let's - let's calm down. Sir, why don't I have your car looked at tomorrow, and I'm sure we can find a way to resolve this.
MAN: I. . .no, I. . .
LORELAI: In the meantime, I would love for you to have lunch here, on me. Dessert is a must. Anything with our homemade ice cream is absolutely delicious. I promise you life as you know it will never be the same. What do you say?
MAN: Well, all right, I think I will. Thank you.
LORELAI: Thank you. [the man walks off]
DEREK: Lorelai, I swear, I didn't scratch his car.
LORELAI: Derek. . .
DEREK: I mean, if you thought I was unreliable or a bad driver, I just. . .
LORELAI: It's okay.
DEREK: 'Cause I can drive.
LORELAI: Oh, sweetie, I am sure you can. Listen, we'll just take it over to Musky's tomorrow and have the guys look at it. I'm sure they can buff it out for nothing, okay?
DEREK: Okay. That's a real nice outfit you're wearing today.
LORELAI: Thank you, Derek.
[Derek walks off, Michel walks over]
MICHEL: Once again, your faithful pooch is here to say, please come back to the desk, someone needs to talk with you.
LORELAI: It's not my mother, is it?
MICHEL: It's possible.
[Lorelai looks over at the front desk, where Ian Jack, the man from Chilton, is waiting]
LORELAI: It's possible?
MICHEL: There's a resemblance.
[Lorelai walks to the front desk]
IAN: Hi. Is this a bad time?
LORELAI: No, not at all. What are you doing here?
IAN: Well, I had to meet an associate for lunch and he was coming up from New York, so I thought, why not meet him at a beautiful inn?
LORELAI: Well, good. Enjoy your lunch.
IAN: Thanks, I will.
IAN: And I was also wondering if maybe I could take you out to dinner sometime.
LORELAI: We're a little food-obsessed, aren't we?
IAN: Well, it's the company more than the food that interests me.
LORELAI: I'm flattered.
IAN: Is that a yes?
LORELAI: That's a. . .you're a dad.
IAN: And you're a mom. Although I'm still finding that really hard to believe.
LORELAI: No, I mean, you're a Chilton dad.
IAN: Ooh, that sounds bad.
LORELAI: Not bad, just tricky. You know, Rory just started there, and I think I should let her fall in with the bad crowd before I start hooking up with the P.T.A.
IAN: Well, I'm not on the P.T.A.
LORELAI: Oh, see, there you go, I can't date anybody not on the P.T.A.
IAN: Look, it's just a casual dinner.
LORELAI: Sorry. [she walks around to the other side of the desk]
IAN: Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm going to China for a week on business, and when I get back, I'm gonna try again
LORELAI: China, wow.
LORELAI: No. Rome, I'd be impressed. China, I'm just "China, wow".
IAN: [laughs. he picks up a business card from the desk] Okay, Lorelai Gilmore, General Manager, I'll talk to you soon.
LORELAI: Have a safe trip.
IAN: I will. [walks off]
LORELAI: [watching him walk off] He does that so well.
MICHEL: You are making me sick.
LORELAI: Aw, now, honey, you try it. I'll watch you walk away, too.
MICHEL: Stop it.
LORELAI: Go on now, walk. It can't be that bad.
MICHEL: Leave me alone. [he walks away, she follows him]
LORELAI: Hm, no. You have to do it with a little more attitude. Make me think you mean it!
[Several people are listening to Drella play the harp. She suddenly stops]
DRELLA: That's lunch. [she walks away, people look around surprised]
CUT TO CHILTON HALLWAY
[Rory finds her locker and tries to open it, but it's stuck]
RORY: I'm sorry, but you're going to open.
[She pulls hard on the handle and the locker opens. She stumbles backwards right into Paris, who was carrying a large class project of an intricately sculpted castle. The project falls and breaks]
RORY: Oh no! I am so sorry. Paris, please, I'm so sorry. It was an accident. My locker, it just slipped. I pulled too hard. I didn't mean to. . .is there water in that moat?
PARIS: Get away from me. [she stalks off into a classroom]
[Rory puts her book away in her locker]
RORY: [to boy walking by] Excuse me, I need Mrs. Ness, History?
BOY: It's behind you. [points to the classroom that Paris just walked into]
RORY: Of course it is. [she slams the locker shut and walks into the classroom]
PARIS: [sees Rory enter] Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
[the bell rings]
TEACHER: Seats now, please.
[Rory sits down in a seat, TRISTIN sits near her.]
TRISTIN: Hey, Mary.
TEACHER: Okay, we left our projects off on Friday with Mr. Gaynor, so today we will pick up with Miss Gellar.
PARIS: [stands up] I don't have my project.
TEACHER: Miss Gellar, did you have sufficient time to complete your project?
TEACHER: And yet you don't have it done?
TEACHER: All right, you will receive an incomplete for this project.
RORY: [stands up] It's my fault.
TEACHER: Who are you?
RORY: Rory Gilmore. I wrecked her project.
PARIS: Shut up.
TEACHER: I don't have a Rory Gilmore. I have a Lorelai Gilmore.
RORY: That's me.
TEACHER: You are Rory and Lorelai Gilmore?
RORY: Yes. And I wrecked her project. My locker got stuck.
PARIS: Just stay out of this.
TEACHER: Do you go by Rory or Lorelai?
RORY: Whatever. It's not her fault.
TEACHER: I need you to pick one.
RORY: One what?
TEACHER: One name.
TEACHER: Fine, thank you. Rory, you wrecked Paris' project when?
RORY: Just before class.
TEACHER: Very convenient.
RORY: No, I did. My locker got stuck and when I opened it. . .
PARIS: Stop it!
TEACHER: Miss Gilmore, since you say you wrecked Miss Gellar's project, then you may help her fix it. You have until tomorrow.
RORY: Why not?
PARIS: I don't want your help!
RORY: But I don't mind doing it.
PARIS: Just stay out of this.
RORY: What is wrong with you? I'm trying to help you.
PARIS: Well, don't!
TEACHER: Ladies, enough. Miss Gellar, if you don't want Miss Gilmore's help, then you may have until tomorrow. If it's not done, you will receive an incomplete. Is that understood?
PARIS: Yes. [sits down]
TEACHER: As long as you're standing. . .class, we have a new student. Say hello to Rory Gilmore.
CLASS: Hi, Rory.
TRISTIN: Hello, Mary.
[Rory sits down]
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[Miss Patty is standing at the doorway of her dance studio. Inside, a class of girls walks around with books on their heads.]
MISS PATTY: Now, walk smooth. That's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be anymore books. [sees Lorelai walking by] Now that's how you should've dressed this morning, Missy.
[Lorelai ignores her and walks to Luke's. As she enters, Luke is walking past the door]
LUKE: What are you doing here?
LORELAI: See, now, that's why you were voted Mr. Personality of the New Millennium. Where's your crown?
LUKE: I just mean you don't usually come in at this time.
LORELAI: Well, I have to pick up Rory from school. [Luke pours her some coffee] Thank you.
LUKE: You're welcome.
LORELAI: No lectures?
LUKE: My blood sugar's low. I'll eat an apple and get back to you.
LORELAI: Hm. God, this has been one hectic, bizarro day for me.
LORELAI: Yeah. This morning with the being late, and my mother with her existing. Oh, and this father, this father from Chilton, he, uh, drove out to the inn all the way from Hartford just to ask me out.
LUKE: Really? You going?
LORELAI: No. He's got a kid in school with Rory, and the whole thing just seemed a little weird.
LUKE: Oh, good.
LUKE: Yeah, I think it's good that you turned him down.
LUKE: I mean, he's probably old, right?
LUKE: Yeah. I mean, he's got a kid in high school.
LORELAI: Well, so do I.
LUKE: Yeah, but you were young when you had Rory. Most people aren't that young. Most people are, uh. . .
LORELAI: Like this guy who asked me out.
LUKE: But you're not going.
LORELAI: No, I'm not going.
[Luke nods and looks down. Lorelai smiles to herself. Her cell phone rings]
LORELAI: Oh, that's me.
[Luke points to the 'No Cell Phones' sign]
LORELAI: Ugh. [answers phone] Hello? Hi Babette. What? Okay. No. No, I'll be right there. Thanks. [hangs up] Um, I have to go. [pulls out her wallet]
LUKE: Keep it. I gave you decaf.
[she frowns and walks out the door]
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Babette and Morey, Lorelai's next door neighbors, are sitting in their front yard. Lorelai pulls up and gets out of her Jeep.]
BABETTE: Oh, Lorelai, I'm so sorry I had to call you like this.
LORELAI: Oh, that's okay, Babette. I appreciate it.
BABETTE: All of a sudden, they pull up, get out of the truck, and start sniffing around. It's very strange.
LORELAI: All right, let me go talk to them.
MOREY: Tell her about the gnome, baby.
BABETTE: They kicked the gnome.
BABETTE: Right in the head.
MOREY: That's just not cool.
LORELAI: I'm very sorry. Is the gnome okay?
BABETTE: Oh, he's fine, sugar, thanks for asking. But I wouldn't trust these boys. Gnome kicking says a lot about a man's character.
LORELAI: Yes, well, I'm gonna go take care of this. Thanks.
[She walks over to her house where two men are walking around on the porch]
LORELAI: Hey. Um, what are you doing?
MICK: You live here?
LORELAI: Yes, I do.
MICK: I'm supposed to install a DSL for a Lorelai Gilmore. Is that you?
LORELAI: Yes, that's me.
MICK: I'm Mick.
LORELAI: Hi Mick, nice to meet you. Could you get off my porch?
MICK: I was told that you wouldn't be here, but to look for a ceramic frog with a key in it.
LORELAI: I don't understand.
MICK: We can't find the frog.
LORELAI: I didn't order a DSL.
MICK: [checks clipboard] Uh, the order was placed by an. . .Emily Gilmore.
LORELAI: Ugh, no!
MICK: We would've been done by now, but the frog search has put us way behind.
LORELAI: Well, look. . .
[the other man walks over]
MAN: Hey, Mick, I found it.
MICK: You found the frog?
MAN: It wasn't a frog, it was a turtle.
MICK: It says here it's a frog.
LORELAI: It's a turtle.
LORELAI: Trust me. Listen Mick, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cancel that DSL order.
MICK: You sure? It's already paid for.
LORELAI: Yeah, I know, but, uh, we don't need a DSL, so thanks for coming, and, uh, you guys can just go.
[Lorelai walks back over to her Jeep]
BABETTE: Is there a problem?
LORELAI: Oh, nothing Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play.
CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM
[Rory is sitting at her desk writing a note that says "Paris -- I am so sorry. Please let me help you." She passes the note to Paris, who crumples it up and throws it on the floor without reading it]
TEACHER: Let's try another passage. "The Romanists have, with great adroitness, drawn three walls round themselves, with which they have hitherto protected themselves, so that no one could reform them, whereby Christendom has fallen terribly." Who said this?
RORY: [sees Paris about to give the answer] Martin Luther.
TEACHER: Very good, Miss Gilmore. And what year did Martin Luther address the Christian nobility?
RORY: [again sees Paris lean forward to answer] 1520.
TEACHER: Very good, Miss Gilmore. [bell rings] Until next time, class.
[Paris walks up to Rory's desk]
PARIS: Stay out of my way. I will make this school a living hell for you. [leaves]
TRISTIN: See you tomorrow, Mary. [leaves]
RORY: The name is Rory.
CUT TO HAIR SALON
[Lorelai walks past the front desk]
RECEPTIONIST: Can I help you?
LORELAI: God, I wish.
[Lorelai walks over to the hairdryer chairs and knocks on her mother's hairdryer]
EMILY: What on earth. . . [lifts up the hairdryer]
LORELAI: You're not buying us a DSL.
EMILY: Lorelai, this is hardly the place.
LORELAI: I canceled the order, and it's not happening.
EMILY: But Rory needs the Internet for her school.
LORELAI: We have the Internet.
EMILY: Well, this is faster.
LORELAI: Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, do a little dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen The Shining, Mom?
EMILY: What on earth are you talking about?
LORELAI: Also, there will be no cars, no parking spaces, and all the uniforms will be supplied by me, the mother. That's final. There will be no discussion.
EMILY: You're being stubborn, as usual.
LORELAI: No, Mom, I'm not being stubborn as usual, I'm being me! The same person who always needed to work out her own problems and take care of herself because that's the way I was born. That's how I am!
EMILY: Florence, I'm dripping.
LORELAI: I appreciate what you have done for Rory in paying for her school, That will not be forgotten. You won't let it. But she is my daughter, and I decide how we live, not you. Now then, do they validate parking here?
EMILY: There's a stamp at the desk.
LORELAI: Thank you.
[Lorelai walks out. Emily looks around, embarrassed]
CUT TO FRONT OF CHILTON
[Lorelai is drinking coffee by the Jeep as she waits for Rory. Rory emerges from the school]
LORELAI: Mm. Hey, you.
[Rory walks over, drops her backpack and hugs Lorelai]
RORY: So, this whole plaid-skirt thing. . .my idea?
LORELAI: My day sucked, too.
LORELAI: Swear on my mother's life. [starts to pull back]
RORY: Not yet.
LORELAI: Ooh, still hugging, still hugging. [they pull apart] So, I brought us some coffee.
RORY: Why, I'm shocked.
LORELAI: Triple caps, easy foam.
LORELAI: And if that doesn't work, we'll stick our fingers in a light socket. Come here. [picks up Rory's backpack and staggers under the weight] Wow. What, do they expect you to get smart all in one day?
RORY: Oh, they expect a lot of things.
LORELAI: Well, so tell me.
[they get into the Jeep]
RORY: I don't know. It was just one big, long, scary, tweedy, bad eight hours.
LORELAI: Add some hair spray, and you've got my day.
RORY: One of the girls already hates me, the guys are weird.
LORELAI: Weirder than other guys?
RORY: Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
LORELAI: You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
RORY: Why? What does it mean?
LORELAI: Mary, like Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
RORY: You're kidding.
RORY: Well, what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
LORELAI: Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it.
RORY: Wow, biblical insults. This is an advanced school.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW
[It's nighttime. Lorelai, Rory, and Lane are walking down the sidewalk eating slices of pizza.]
LANE: It was so weird not having you in school today. I mean, I finally noticed some of the other kids, and let me just say, they are a sad lot.
RORY: Yeah, well, add a couple of plaid skirts, and you've got the Chilton freaks.
LANE: I totally miss you.
RORY: I miss you.
LORELAI: Hey guys, I have an idea. What about, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, you know, when I go into Hartford for my business class, what if Lane comes along, and you guys can shop and study and join a cult and shave your heads.
LORELAI: All except the shaving your heads part.
LANE: Oh, no. What time is it?
LANE: I'm late for dinner.
LORELAI: Again? Lane, your mother is gonna kill me if I keep sending you home fed and happy.
LANE: I'm sorry, but she found a web site that sells Tofu in bulk.
LORELAI: Oh, you're kidding, right?
LANE: Yesterday, she went out and bought a bigger fridge.
LORELAI: Boy, now, your life is scary.
LANE: [to Rory] Can I have your crust?
RORY: [hands her the pizza crust] It's the least I can do.
LANE: Thanks. Bye.
[Lane leaves. Lorelai and Rory continue walking down the sidewalk]
LORELAI: Pizza for your thoughts.
RORY: I wish I could figure out a way to get Paris off my back.
LORELAI: Yeah, angry chicks are the worst. When I was in high school I had a Paris.
LORELAI: Yeah, she was horrible.
RORY: How'd you get rid of her?
LORELAI: I got pregnant and dropped out.
RORY: What if I just learn to French braid her hair?
LORELAI: Even better. Sweetie, you can't let those kids get you down.
RORY: I know.
LORELAI: Do you want me to talk to anybody? A parent, a teacher, a big guy named Moose?
RORY: I'll just figure it out for myself.
[Rory laughs a little]
RORY: I was just thinking about the way Paris' face looked when I beat her to that Martin Luther question.
LORELAI: Good, huh?
RORY: Fourteen shades of purple.
RORY: Tomorrow I'm shooting for 15.
[they stop in front of Luke's Diner and see Luke inside]
LORELAI: Hey, what do you think of Luke?
RORY: What do you mean?
LORELAI: I mean, do you think he's cute?
RORY: Oh, no. No way.
LORELAI: No way what?
RORY: You cannot date Luke.
LORELAI: I said nothing about dating Luke.
RORY: If you date him, you'll break up, and we'll never be able to eat there again.
LORELAI: I repeat, I said nothing about dating Luke.
RORY: Date Al from Pancake World, his food stinks.
LORELAI: I cannot believe what I'm hearing. Al's food does not stink, Al stinks.
[Luke comes out of the diner and watches them walk away, then puts up the "Closed" sign and goes back inside.]